Be aware that English is not my first language. There'll most likely still be a lot of grammatical errors…
This is set right after Truth or Consequences.
…when the people all around them stopped clapping their hands and Abby relieved Ziva from her hug Director Vance made his way down the stairs.
"Well done everyone. How about you all take the next few days off, especially you Officer David."
Ducky shot a questioning look at Ziva. She was totally overwhelmed by their support and didn't even know whom to look at. So she looked at her feet, waiting for someone to break the silence.
Gibbs did. "I think we should have her checked by Ducky before DiNozzo drives her over to the lodge – to see if she's really doing alright."
Ziva jerked slightly, still unable to say anything but Ducky had already thought about her coming back and read her file. He knew what she had to feel, being ordered stay with so many people for much longer.
"Jethro, I read her file from the ME at the Airport. She should be fine for today but she really needs to get some rest."
She visibly relaxed to his words, still not facing the people around her when Tony got up from his chair. He was about to grab his stuff and go back to the elevator to bring her to the navy lodge when Ducky spoke up again.
"Anthony, I think I should drive her there." Everyone tried to read Ducky's eyes but he had already turned to look at Ziva "Are you ok with that, my dear?" He asked, without touching her or trying to force her to look at him and she nodded thankfully not looking up at him.
When she finally spoke up her voice was very small, one could almost hear her trembling. "Thank you, everyone here…" But Gibbs shut her up "Not now Ziva. There will be plenty of time to thank us when you're fully recovered and awake." She looked at him, confused. With that Ducky started his way to the elevator taking her with him, knowing that she couldn't have slept long on the plane. She stepped inside without looking back and when the doors shut Abby couldn't hold back anymore. "Who was that and what did you do to Ziva! I've never seen her that… shattered? She looked like a deer in the headlights, not that I could see her eyes but…" that time it was Tony shutting Abby up "Abs it's been a rough few months for her. I guess she just still can't believe that we rescued her from that hell…" Abby's eyes went big "Right. How about you guys, you alright! I've got so much to tell you!" She came running around the corner to check up on Tony and McGee and to ask them about Somalia.
Vance motioned Gibbs to follow him to his office and the bullpen went quiet again.
Down in the parking lot Ducky and Ziva got in the MEs car when she suddenly said "Thanks for driving me. I had not realized that I do not have a car anymore." But Ducky shot her a knowing look "Even if you had one, Ziva, you're in no condition to drive. Don't think I don't want to know about your injuries, I just didn't want the audience." She nodded somewhat defeated, "Thank you, Ducky."
"I also don't think you should stay at your new place alone. Why don't you just stay with me for the night?" At first Ziva wanted to refuse but she really didn't like thinking about staying at her new home she nodded and looked out the window.
Ducky, content with what he had achieved, started the engine. "You know this reminds me of my time in London with Jethro and Jenny. Jenny had been shot and…"
Later that night when they arrived at Ducky's he immediately showed her the guest room and gave her an old night gown from his mother so she could get some sleep. When he went back to his kitchen his phone rang.
"Good evening, Director. What makes you call me?" he wondered, more to himself than anyone else.
"Hello, Doctor Mallard. We just wanted to know if Officer David is ok for tonight?" he demanded.
"She should be sleeping now, I took her to my house in case she needs someone to talk but that has not happened yet." He sighed.
"Do you think she will be ok?" he asked again.
"I can hardly say anything, I never even looked at her properly but you should know that she can stand far more than anyone of us. Do you think I could take the day off tomorrow? I would rather not leave her here alone." Ducky said.
"Well, we don't happen to have any cases that require an autopsy so I think that is alright."
"Good. See you on Monday?" He asked.
"Yes, Monday." Said Vance and Gibbs added "Take care, Ducky.".
"I will. Good night, Jethro, Director" he hung up the phone when he noticed Ziva standing at the door in her night grown.
"You don't have to take your day off for me." She hardly visible smiled.
"Oh Ziva, my dear, I would love spending some time with you. I know you will enjoy it. But now, why aren't you asleep?"
"I cannot… I think..." She managed to say before she broke down in tears. Now that was really not what the medical examiner had expected…
… Ducky softly guided Ziva over to his couch where the sobs started to take full control of her body. He knew better than to try to talk to her. Instead, he went back to the kitchen to finish their tea. When he came back about ten minutes later, she had stopped crying and regained the control over her body, now feeling ashamed about her emotional breakdown.
"You still like your tea with honey, my dear?" He asked, trying to look her in the eyes.
"Yes, thank you Ducky."
"Do you feel better? You could take a bath, that might help you relax."
"Actually I think I would really like that." She nodded, still avoiding direct eye contact.
"Ok. I suggest you finish your tea, take a bath and if you feel like it you can come back and we talk."
She just sat there staring down at her cup of tea and then she started again "Thank you Ducky. I know I have said that several times to you today but I really mean it." She met his eyes and he nodded, trying to make her feel comfortable. "You're family Ziva. Whether you have forgotten or not, we will be here for you." He paused and looked at her. She wasn't looking very comfortable so he asked "Are you in too much pain to sleep?"
She barely visible nodded and squeezed her eyes shut.
"Oh dear, why didn't you just say that? I have painkillers in the master bathroom, I'm just going to get them…"
"No, Ducky." She said and shook her head "I have been trained to go through any amount of pain, I have been without medical attention for months, I am not going to give in now."
Ducky let out a small sigh "Ziva, you have to stop trying to be strong. You can accept help, it's not a sign of weakness."
"I can stand it. It is not a problem, Ducky." She looked at him persuasively.
"Ziva, you need to relax and give your body the opportunity to heal!"
"Please do not start that. I know what is good for me. I can take care of myself."
"No, Ziva. At the moment I'm afraid you can't. You try to shut us out but we want to help to keep you safe. It's for your own good." He touched her arm which caused her to look him in the eyes.
"Fine." She finally said. "Can I take that bath now, please?"
"Of course. You'll find everything you might need in the bathroom."
Without having touched her tea she stood up and left.
She shot a look into guest bedroom, went to the bathroom and turned on the water for the big bathtub. She turned away from the mirror and avoided looking down at her body when she started to remove her clothing and got into the hot water, letting the pain distract her thoughts.
Downstairs, Ducky started cleaning up and preparing dinner, not expecting Ziva to eat much when his bell rang.
What he saw outside didn't surprise him. "Jethro. Come in, please."
"She asleep?" he asked, scanning the room for her.
"Most likely not. She came back down when we finished our conversation and broke down. She doesn't drink, can't sleep because she's in pain and won't take painkillers… I wish she wasn't so stubborn."
"Well I'm at least as stubborn as she is. Maybe I should talk to her?" He asked, unsure as to how she would react.
"If you think so. Do you want something for dinner? I was about to eat bread because I highly doubt she will eat anything."
"Bread is fine. You got beans?" The two men stepped in the kitchen and sat down at the table. "You think she can't live on her own right now?"
"Why do you think I took her here?" Ducky sarcastically asked. "If we just leave her now she will leave us, wherever she thinks she could go, we need to keep her here. Did you see that look in her eyes? She has lost her will to survive." He sighed.
"I'm gonna talk to her, Duck."
"But I highly doubt that she'll listen to you. She thinks she has to endure the pain she suffers, that she has to be strong." The old man sighed in exasperation.
"What's she doing now?" Gibbs asked to change the subject.
"I sent her upstairs to take a bath. You can stay and read the paper while you wait, there have been some interesting news while you were in Africa."
"Thanks, Duck. I'll be in the living room."
Upstairs inside the bathroom, Ziva had slipped out of the bath tub drying herself off as soft as possible so she wouldn't open the wounds and fresh scars all over her body. She never turned around to look in the mirror until her body was fully covered in her night grown again. When she saw her face, now clean and almost as normal as a few months ago she almost couldn't keep the tears at bay but she had to be strong. She couldn't let them think that she was weak. And so she forced herself to smile. At least her body didn't betray her.
She ready to go downstairs again when she heard Gibbs voice from the living room. "How's your mother doing, Duck?"
Panic overwhelmed her, she didn't feel ready to face her boss. He couldn't see her like this. She did her best to stop her hands from shaking, out her mask in place and slowly descended the stairs to Ducky's living room where Ducky was about to tell Gibbs a story about something his mother had done to drive her nurses crazy. When Ziva saw the annoyed look in Gibbs face she couldn't help but smile. Something she hadn't done in a long time.
"Ah! Ziva, my dear. I was just about to tell Jethro about… What was I about to say?"
"I believe you wanted to tell him how your mother always eats the nurses nuts, yes?" Ziva said, her mask perfectly in place.
"She drives them nuts, Ziva. She doesn't eat them." Gibbs corrected her with a smile but he noticed that she was just acting.
"How can you drive someones nuts?" She asked and Gibbs started to laugh.
"I think we should let that go, my dear. Do you feel like eating something?" Ducky asked.
"Uhh… Maybe something light?" She said, struggling to keep her act up and trying not to think about food which caused her to feel like vomiting.
Ducky noticed the look at her face. "It's ok if you don't want to eat, the paramedics gave you infusions so you're good for today."
"No!" She cried.
She wanted nothing more than just say yes and stop pretending she was fine. She didn't want them to see her weakness and that would only work if she'd behave normal. Her head felt heavy as she slowly moved towards the couch. The last thing she could remember was that her vision went black and she heard Gibbs shout her name.
Gibbs saw her face go white and jumped up to stop her from falling on the ground. He carried her to the couch and lay her down there. Ducky, who had been like frozen, quickly took a pillow and a blanket from his armchair and gave it to him.
"Don't worry, Jethro. She's probably just tired." Ducky said after quickly checking her vitals. "Who knows when was the last time she has eaten." He tried to assure his friend who was now sitting on the coffee table besides Ziva. "We should leave her so she can sleep a little. She is exhausted. And you are, too. Come on, I'll show you your bed."
Gibbs couldn't believe that the small looking woman with her face as white as a ghost on Ducky's couch was his Mossad assassin! She looked so vulnerable, so helpless. He followed Ducky to spare bedroom and took the pillow and blanket his friend had gotten from the dresser. "She will be ok, Jethro. She just needs to sleep." Ducky said and walked to the door. "Good night, Duck." He answered, already half asleep on his bed. …
When Ziva woke up she couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, everything hurt and suddenly she was conscious again. She was still at Saleem's camp in the middle of the Somalian desert, alone, lost, ready to die. She gasped for air and when it finally filled her lungs she had to cough which caused a sharp pain flashing through her body, two of her ribs were most likely broken. She sat on a chair, her hands cuffed behind her back but she couldn't fight anyways. A man was with her in the room. He sat right in front of her. His eyes screamed death. And then she realized that he was dead there were two bullet holes in his chest. 'Saleem must have shot him' she managed to think. And then it hit her.
It was Tony. Her eyes opened in shock and all of the sudden she sat on a comfortable couch in a warm room next to a fire-place. Had it just been a dream? "Tony!" she breathed out.
"He is alright, Ziva. It was just a dream." Ducky's calm voice came from behind. He had seen her wake up from the kitchen and now he moved to his armchair. "It was just your mind playing games with you."
"Ducky! What happened? I cannot remember going to bed?"
"Well you didn't. You passed out in Jethro's arms so to say."
"What?" She asked when it suddenly hit her, she hadn't slept properly in over three days.
After watching her remember the events of the night he said "He's sleeping in one of my spare bedrooms, but he's going to want an explanation, Ziva. He's really worried about you and so am I."
That caused Ziva to go into auto pilot again "I am fine, Ducky."
For a second, the older man lost his temper "Ziva, you didn't fall from your bike, you survived three months under torture and terrific circumstances. You can't keep pushing us away, we're trying to help you!" After shouting that at her he instantly regretted it. That was not a way to convince her that they meant good.
Ziva still sat on the couch. She bowed her head and looked as if she was about to cry but instead, she felt stronger than before. This was exactly how she had felt when she was little and her father was angry because of her. She had never given in and cried and she wasn't about to start that now.
She didn't see Ducky's hand that was gingerly approaching her shoulder to comfort her. When he touched her she jumped, escaping his touch and suddenly she felt like a lioness. She faced him and yelled.
"You have no idea what I have been through in my life, you do not know how to help me. I am not some charity case and I do not need your help!" She turned around to run to the stairs and almost crashed into Gibbs who had heard them from his room.
Her eyes told him that she was hurting. He just wanted to hug her, make her pain go away and protect her from whatever was haunting her but he knew better than even trying to touch her. Instead, he stood in front of the stairs, intimidating Ziva solely because he was so much taller than she was.
She didn't know where to look or go anymore and suddenly, the lioness turned into a mouse, she just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear.
Gibbs saw the change of expression at her face and slowly stepped closer. When she didn't shy back he gently put his hands on her shoulders and she gave in, letting him hug her. He made her feel safe and she passed out in his arms, again.
After situating her on Ducky's couch again, Gibbs went back to the kitchen where Ducky was about to pure him some Bourbon and some Scotch for himself.
"What was that, Duck?" He frowned.
"She woke up after a nightmare and told me she was fine. I could see the fear in her eyes, Jethro. She isn't fine! I think I lost my temper for a second." Ducky sighed.
"I think this time I'll stay here. Go get some sleep, Duck." He said, taking both the glasses from Duckys hands and placing them in the kitchen table.
"I suppose you're right." He said, leaning back against the countertop. Then he went through the living room to his bedroom, glancing at Ziva one more time.
"She's not gonna disappear into thin air." Jethro remarked from the kitchen.
"You never know with she just said." Ducky slowly shook his head, climbing up the stairs.
Jethro made his way to the huge armchair next to the fireplace "We care about you, Ziva." He said quietly, not wanting to wake her up .
At the sight of her lying curled up and almost completely covered by the blanket his thoughts went to Shannon and Kelly and he wondered if Ziva and Kelly would have gotten along if they would have ever met. The imagination left a soft smile on his lips when he drifted off to sleep.
When Ziva woke up from another nightmare about two hours later she somehow managed not to wake him up and to calm herself down.
She looked around in the dark room and found Gibbs in the shine of the fire, sleeping in the armchair. She got up and sat down beside him on the floor, hugging her knees to let the fire warm her and watched him as he began to stir.
He looked around to find Ziva on the floor, looking up to him. "How long have you been awake?"
"A few minutes?" She said.
"Could have woken me up. C'mon, you need to eat."
"I am not hungry, Gibbs." But she just got a glare in return and so she stood up and followed him back to the kitchen.
She didn't have the strength to stand anymore and her back and feet hurt so she sat down on the kitchen table. He made her Tea with milk and Honey, poured it into a mug and placed it in front of her.
"Drink." He ordered.
She picked it up and was surprised by the sudden appetite she felt. After a few small sips she asked, "What are you going to do with me?"
He looked up, confused by her question "What d'ya mean 'do'?"
"Well, you can't keep me here forever. I don't even have permission to be in this country anymore."
"Don't worry about that. We're gonna figure that out later." He replied, hoping she would just drop it but of course she didn't.
"No, Gibbs." She said. Desperation in her eyes. "I don't want to be here illegally."
"All you need to do to fix that is send an application, Ziva." He said calmly.
"And they are going to accept that, why?" She snorted.
"Calm down, Ziva. You'll just lose consciousness again." Ducky said from behind. "You need to rest and we'll handle things until you're okay again."
"What if I don't want to become an American citizen? What if I want to go back to Israel and…" At that point she was interrupted by Gibbs.
"And do what, Ziva? Go on another suicide mission? If that's what you want, go do it! But I don't think we can get you out of something like that a second time!" He shouted.
Ziva suddenly felt like she had failed him. She whispered a barely audible "Sorry…" and then lowered her head into her hands and silently started to cry.
Ducky shot a look at Gibbs who pointed at the stairs indicating him that he should go back to sleep to get the two of them some alone time.
Gibbs stood up and gently touched Zivas back to comfort her. She didn't shy back so he told her to get to the living room. She stood up but she couldn't take a single step on her own. Gibbs softly supported her and helped her to settle down on the couch. He waited until the sobs evened out and then hugged her tightly.
Ziva was completely out of it. She hadn't wanted to cry but it had been too much. Now that he hugged her she felt so good. Her father had never had that effect on her and she was grateful to have Gibbs, even if it would be hard, she'd try everything for him because he meant much more to her than she'd ever admit.
A few minutes later she softly spoke up. "What if they don't want me?" She asked in concern.
Gibbs just laughed. "Well, you could always marry DiNozzo." He joked and felt Ziva relax in his arms.
"Thank you, Gibbs. For rescuing me, for holding on to me, for helping me." She said, looking up into his blue eyes.
"You're more than welcome. You're family, Ziver. Remember. 'Do what you have to do for family'" he said.
Ziva smiled and then slowly drifted off to sleep. …
A few hours later, at 1130 Gibbs woke up from a loud noise from the kitchen. Ducky had wanted to cook something and obviously dropped the cooking pot. He glanced down at Ziva and noticed that she was still asleep. He entangled himself from her and got up to help Ducky.
"Jethro! I thought you were still asleep." The older man said after being surprised by his friend.
"If you hadn't dropped that thing I would still be sleeping. Ziva didn't wake up anyway. How long do those sleeping pills work?" He simply replied.
"Ah, yes. I'm sorry, I thought the water had boiled and when I turned around it fell on the floor. Unfortunately, one of the eggs broke. That reminds me of that famous magician in LA, he made an elephant stand on nothing but eggshells! I couldn't believe it when I first saw it but then there was that guy who explained…"
"Ducky! The pills?" Gibbs interrupted him.
"Ah, err… They should last until noon…" He said.
"She will not be very pleased that we drugged her." Gibbs replied.
"Yes but it's better than not getting any sleep and being haunted by nightmares all night." Ducky stated
"What's for breakfast?" Gibbs asked.
"Honestly? I don't know. I didn't think I'd have guests last time I went grocery shopping."
"No problem, I'm not hungry and Ziva's asleep." He shrugged. "How are we going to handle this situation?" He asked. "I could take her to my house if you want me to."
"No, no. She can stay here. And so can you, that will spare you several car rides because somehow I'm having a hard time believing you'll let her alone."
"I promised her not to, so…"
"That's fine, Jethro. She needs you." Ducky reassured him. "Would you mind watching her for a little while? I need to get something to eat."
"I am not a dog, you know." Ziva said, approaching them from behind. She had heard them having a conversation but she still felt a little out of her mind so she could only understand the last sentence.
The two men jumped slightly when they heard her voice. "Did you put something in my drink last night?" She asked, touching her forehead. "I feel like I've slept forever…"
"Well, yes, Ziva. We thought that was better for you than not sleeping at all." Ducky said.
Gibbs looked her, shrugging "Guess I will go shopping, you stay here and examine her, I get the feeling you need something for your injuries." He said, looking at Ziva who could barely stand.
"The painkillers should have stopped to work by now, do you feel dizzy, my dear?"
"Only slightly…" She said, grabbing the door frame for support.
"Ok, I think you should get back on the couch." Gibbs said, his voice indicating just how concerned he was.
"Yes…" She said and made her way back to sit down and wait for Ducky.
Gibbs got ready to leave for his house and then to go shopping. "Be back in a few." He called and stepped outside.
Ziva suddenly felt really nervous. She hadn't had the courage nor the opportunity to look at herself for months. She had no idea how she looked but judging by the soreness she felt all over her body it had to be bad. Ducky came back to the living room, his black medical bag in his left hand.
"So, where do we start…" he asked himself more than anyone else. "I suppose your injuries are all over your body, how about we start with your arms." He suggested.
Ziva nodded tightly, not even looking at Ducky. "Would you please roll up your sleeves?"
His eyes went wide when he saw her exposed arms.
At the same time at Gibbs house, he stuffed his clothes in a bag, enough to stay at Ducky's until Monday and then went down to his basement. It was empty without a boat in it but he didn't complain. His new project would be something a lot smaller. He grabbed his metric measure, a note pad and a pen and left for the hardware store. He was in desperate need to do something useful.