I watched the "Doctor in the Photo" only once… and I've stayed away from discussions surrounding it. I've also avoided other fanfic today. This story hit me on my way to work this morning, and I wanted to get it out there with as little outside influence as possible.
Don't let the title fool you… the reporter has very little to do with this story. :-) This is my semi- angsty, semi-fluffy vision of what could happen in the coming months.
As always, please read and review!
The Regret in the Reporter
"I don't want to have any regrets," she said through tear-rimmed eyes.
'Oh God, Bones,' he thought.
He felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest.
'Not now. Please. Not now.'
"Bones," he said, stumbling over his words and the vice-like pain in his heart. "I'm with someone. Hannah, she's not a consolation prize. I love her."
He looked at her, knowing he'd never forget the look that was etched on her beautiful face; pain, regret, fear… but above all, love.
He had thought the pain in his heart couldn't get any tighter, and then she sobbed out loud.
"I missed my moment."
It was that look on her face that haunted him now.
He wondered if he would ever sleep again.
He rolled over and looked at the beautiful woman lying in his bed… trying to ignore the beautiful woman who was crying in his head.
She's not a consolation prize…
His words echoed in his head.
She wasn't. She isn't. He loves her.
But he can't deny he loves Bones, too.
"Baby?" she mumbled, turning toward him. "Why are you awake?"
"Just restless," he said, pulling her to him. "Sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep."
He held Hannah close and kissed her forehead as she wrapped her arms around him. She felt so right in his arms. With her close, he was able to put Bones out of his mind and finally fall asleep.
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In the days and weeks to come, Booth was able to push aside his feelings for his partner and focus on the other woman in his life. He didn't miss the fact that even in his thoughts Hannah was "the other woman," but he had made his choice. Bones had made it for him the night that they both decided it was best that he move on.
In some ways it was killing him knowing that Bones really did love him, but in others he was happy watching her blossom as she came to terms with the openness of her heart.
She seemed happier, there was a light in her eyes that he'd never noticed before… and the atmosphere at the lab seemed lighter. He even found himself spending more time there, like he had in the old days. Lunches at the diner, Thai dinners in her office… things had finally begun to feel normal again, and Booth felt a weight slowly easing off his chest.
What he hadn't realized was that with everything in life, there is a balance… a yin and yang. What he hadn't realized, at least not consciously, was that the more time he was spending at the lab, the more time Hannah was spending in the field.
It was only a few days before Christmas, and the partners were sitting together in Brennan's office, sharing take-out and finishing the paperwork from their latest case. Booth's BlackBerry buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to read a text message from his girlfriend.
Brennan watched as he read the message. The smile that had graced his handsome face only moments before was gone. In fact, he looked as if he'd seen a ghost. She felt something unfamiliar deep in the pit of her stomach as he slipped the phone back in his pocket and looked up at her. He stood up and reached for his coat from the back of the sofa.
"I've got to go," he said.
"Was that a case?" she asked, almost hopefully.
"No," he answered. "It was Hannah. I'm sorry Bones, but I've really got to go. We can finish this up tomorrow, can't we?"
"Go," she said. "I can finish the paperwork. It's not a big deal."
"Thanks," he said, but she could see that his focus was no longer in the room.
"Booth?" she asked.
"Yeah, Bones?"
"Is everything all right?"
"I don't know," he answered honestly, not turning back before walking out of the office.
He walked from the lab to the parking garage on autopilot. He didn't remember walking out into the museum or past the guards who made sure Brennan was safe working there at night. He didn't remember walking out of the warmth of the building and into the frigid cold of the night. As he climbed in to the SUV, he pulled out his phone and looked at the text again.
Going to Afghanistan tonight. My flight leaves in four hours.
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He ran up the back stairway, taking the steps two-at-a-time. When he reached the apartment at the end of the hallway, he stopped. He laid his palm flat against the door, trying to regain his composure. When he felt his breathing regulate, he reached into his pocket and took out the keys.
He felt the breath that he'd just regained leave his lungs when he opened the door.
Her bags were piled up on the floor next to the side table.
All of them.
This wasn't just a quick trip to follow a lead.
"Hannah?" he called out, unsure his voice wouldn't betray him.
"Back here," she replied.
He followed her voice to the bedroom where she was folding the laundry he'd gone down to wash the night before. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned over her shoulder and kissed her along her jaw bone.
"What's going on?" he asked, his breath warm against her throat.
"Story," she answered breathlessly, succumbing to his ministrations.
She turned in his arms to complete their embrace. She reached up to kiss his lips, and he responded hungrily.
"How long?" he asked, panting as their lips parted.
"I don't know," she answered breathlessly, tearing at his suit jacket.
She shoved him backwards and he fell onto the bed, with her climbing on top of him.
"No more talking," she said. "We don't have much time."
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He watched as she climbed out of their bed. Why did it feel like it was for the last time?
"You're coming back, aren't you?" he asked, leaning against the headboard.
"I don't know," she answered honestly, pulling on her jeans.
She let out a long sigh and then turned back to face him. She sat down next to him on his side of the bed, pausing as he reached out to take her hand.
"Seeley," she said, "I love you. I do. But I've lived my life this far with no regrets. I followed you back here because it was the right thing to do, I would have regretted it if you'd gone and we never had a chance in the real world. I came here and I made a life, and I don't regret it. I have to admit that following around the President isn't as exciting as you might think," she said with a smile. "This story is big, Seeley… maybe even Pulitzer big. I can't let it pass me by. I wouldn't be able to live with that regret."
"But you're coming back," he said again.
She leaned in and kissed his lips softly. She stood and walked out of the room, stopping briefly at the doorway. She turned back and looked at him.
"Goodbye, Seeley."
BnBnBnBnBnBnB
Everyone gathered at the Hodgins' place for Christmas, and the entire "gang" was there.
Cam brought Michelle and her boyfriend who was back from Maine for the holidays. Clark and Wendell both came with their girlfriends, and Arastoo introduced everyone to his fiancée. Vincent and Fisher came stag, and Sweets and Daisy arrived together. Brennan had come alone, though Max had arrived a little later.
For once Booth had Parker with him for the holiday, but someone was missing and he wasn't quite in the holiday mood.
"Parker said to tell you you're missing everything and he's creaming Dr. Sweets," Brennan said, sitting down next to her partner. She had picked up on his melancholy mood.
Booth had slipped off into the solitude of the kitchen when the others went to the media room for what Hodgins was calling their first annual Wii tournament. He looked up when Brennan sat down on the stool next to him.
"Have you talked to Hannah since she left?" she asked quietly.
He nodded.
"She called last night," he said, "or this morning. She says she's really on to something and that this might be the story of her career." He didn't look at her as he took a long pull from a bottle of beer.
"So, no indication on when she'll be coming back," Brennan stated more than asked.
"No," he answered. "But she said to wish everyone a Merry Christmas."
Merry Christmas, he thought. Yeah, right. This is not the way he expected to spend this Christmas. Last year, he was with Hannah and missing Parker like crazy. This year, he was with Parker and Hannah was gone. He had hoped to spend a real family Christmas, just the three of them- but instead he was surrounded by squints.
"I'm sorry, Booth," she said, resting her hand on his arm. "I know how important Christmas is to you. You must be missing her terribly."
He nodded, but again didn't look at her. She was amazing. How could she sit there and comfort him over missing Hannah when it wasn't a month ago that she was crying over their lost opportunity? She really had grown, and she was becoming much better at reading him. He knew that it had to be hurting her to see him missing Hannah so much, but there she was-ignoring her own pain, and being there for him… once again proving what an incredible woman she really was.
"Come join the party, Booth," she said, encouraging him to stand and follow her.
He took her advice and followed her into the room where their friends had gathered.
"There's more than one kind of family," she whispered into his ear as they stood in the doorway to Hodgins' media room.
He smiled, hearing her repeat his words back to him. She was right, this was his family… and although one member was missing, he was happy to be here with the rest of them.
"Hey Sweets," he called out. "I hear my kid is kicking your butt. Maybe you need me to show you how it's done."
The rest of the evening went by quickly, the friends all sharing laughter and a few tears over games, gifts and a gourmet feast.
Booth realized that even though Hannah wasn't with him, he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
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The next week went by quickly, and Booth had only received a couple of one line emails from his girlfriend. She had been gone for two weeks, and he was still missing her like crazy. It helped that he'd been able to spend a lot of time over the holidays with Parker, and the squints had all been supportive friends.
Parker was back with Rebecca and Booth was on his way to join the squint squad for a New Years Eve party at his partner's apartment. He'd stopped to pick up a bottle of champagne and a six pack of the imported beer that she liked. She'd told him not to bring anything, but he couldn't show up empty handed. Pops would have his head.
He climbed out of the SUV and walked up the steps to Brennan's front door. He tucked his bag under his arm and took off his gloves as he waited for the elevator to reach her floor. He felt a small flutter of anticipation as the elevator doors opened again. He stepped out into the hallway and realized that it had been a very long time since he'd been to his partner's home. Visions of long nights spent watching movies on the TV he nagged her until she bought, late night take out at her kitchen island, early mornings when he'd show up with coffee and pastries all began to scroll through his mind. Once again he realized just how much he'd neglected his partner and their friendship over the past year.
He thought about what a good friend she'd been to him since Hannah left, and felt like a total jerk. He determined right then and there to make it up to her.
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The party had gone well. Drunk squints and Sweets' karaoke machine made for hilarious entertainment. When the clock struck midnight, there were couples in clinches all around the room. Awkwardly, Booth took Brennan's hand and pulled her to him. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.
"Happy New Year, Bones," he said.
"Happy New Year, Booth."
One by one and two by two, soon the merry-makers took their leave. Angela offered to stay and help clean up, but Booth insisted that she and Hodgins go home. It was late and she was resting for two. He promised that he would make sure everything was taken care of before he left.
They worked in companionable silence until the apartment was put right again.
Once everything was cleaned up, Booth went to retrieve his coat just as Brennan went to pour two glasses of red wine.
"Stay," she said.
"Bones," he replied, hesitating. "I'm still with Hannah…"
"I know," she answered. "I just want to talk. Please."
He could never deny her.
"Okay," he said, putting his coat back down on a dining room chair.
He walked over to her and took the glass she was offering. He followed her into the living room where they sat on opposite ends of the sofa.
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.
"There are some things," she said, pausing as if she was searching for the right words. "Some things that I don't understand," she said. "I've been trying to work through them on my own, but I… I think I need you to explain them to me."
"Okay," he said, unsure of where she might be going with this.
She let out a long sigh and tucked her feet up under her, turning to face him.
"You spent years telling me about love and marriage," she said. "And making love, and soulmates… as if I was to believe those things actually existed…"
"They do, Bones," he said.
"I know," she said, barely above a whisper.
"You do?" he asked, his tone matching hers as he swallowed the lump in his throat.
She nodded, and he saw that same pained look in her eyes that she had that night they were caught in the rainstorm.
"But you said you knew," she said. "You said you were that guy."
He didn't say anything, he sat and waited for her to continue.
"You said that you knew from the very beginning, that we were meant to be together… that you were going to love me for thirty or forty or fifty years…"
He watched as she paused, he could tell she was struggling with not only understanding his words, but her feelings as well.
"…but if that was true," she went on. "Then how could you be in love with Hannah just a few months later? How could you fall out of love with me so easily?"
He looked up to see her beautiful blue eyes once again brimming with tears. He set down his wine glass and reached for hers. After he put it on the table, he took both of her hands in his. He looked her directly in those endless blue eyes.
"Bones," he said. "I never stopped loving you. I couldn't."
"But…"
"A love like that doesn't go away," he said. "But that night, that night when you pushed me away and you agreed when I said I needed to move on… you broke my heart, Bones… or crushed it, or whatever… I did what you do, I compartmentalized. I took my love for you and tried to shove it in a box at the back of my heart. It hurt like hell, and I wasn't sure I could ever feel anything else again. Then I met Hannah," he said, tears now rimming his own dark eyes. "Bones, she made me feel again, and I fell in love with her. I love you, but I love her, too."
"I understand," she said, gently pulling her hands from his.
"Do you?" he asked. "Really?"
"Yes, Booth," she said. "I understand. You should probably be going. Didn't you say Hannah was going to call you before her lunch meeting? It will be noon in Kabul soon."
He had to look away as she wiped the lone tear that fell from her eye.
"Are you going to be all right?" he asked softly.
"Yes Booth," she answered. "I'll be fine."
He stood and went over to pick up his jacket.
"I always am," she said quietly, as if she didn't mean for him to hear.
BnBnBnBnBnBnB
Over the next month, Booth and Brennan spent even more time together. Booth reveled in her newfound openness. He found that he was enjoying her company in a way that he never had before… even before Hannah.
Hannah, that was another story. Her communications were fewer and further between… she changed the subject when he'd ask when she was coming back… and she'd stopped closing her calls and emails with 'I love you.' The handwriting was on the wall, and Booth was putting off admitting that it was over.
He'd begun avoiding Brennan and the squints. He was difficult and surly when he was around, and he'd even cancelled a weekend with Parker.
After two weeks of this behavior, Brennan couldn't take it anymore. He had kept to himself all weekend and now that they were back to work, he'd avoided her all day.
She showed up on her doorstep with Thai take-out and a determined expression.
"What is it, Bones?" he asked, opening the door.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Booth?" she asked, pushing past him.
"Nothing is wrong with me," he said.
"Really?" she retorted. "Then why is it dark in here at six o'clock? Why have you avoided me for the past week, and why did you bail on Parker last weekend?"
Before he could answer she went on, rambling as she set the food out on his kitchen table.
"You're wallowing," she said. "You don't wallow. What is going on?" she asked again. "You can talk to me, you know."
He handed her that day's copy of the Washington Post. Spread across the front page was a huge breaking story on a military scandal coming out of Afghanistan. The whole front page was under Hannah's byline.
"She's not coming back," he said, slumping into a chair at the table. "This is her Pulitizer." He pointed to the smaller blurb next to her story- the one that announced her new post as CNN's Chief Correspondent in the Middle East.
"Oh, Booth," she said. "I'm sorry."
And she genuinely meant it. She hated to see him in pain.
"Thanks Bones," he said. "And I guess I should just take the timing as being ironic…"
"Ironic?" she asked, sticking her chopsticks into one of the containers.
"The date, Bones," he said. "Do you even know what today is?"
"It's February 14th," she said.
"Right," he replied. "Valentine's Day."
"Oh."
He smiled.
Maybe that was the irony. He felt like shit… worse than he had in recent memory… and he was smiling. Only Bones could make him feel better at a moment like this. It felt good to be with his best friend again.
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Winter had given way to spring, and the cherry blossoms were in bloom. It was a beautiful time to be in the nation's capitol.
It seemed that maybe the cherry blossoms weren't the only thing in bloom.
"Seriously?" Angela Montenegro-Hodgins rolled her eyes, after glancing between her best friend and her partner. "We are so not going through this again."
"What are you talking about, Angela?" Brennan asked.
"You two!" Angela replied. "Making eyes at each other. After six years of eye sex, longing gazes and will-they-or-won't-they followed by another year of absolute misery while Booth tried to convince himself that he was in love with someone else…"
"Angela…"
"No, I mean it, Booth. I'm as big as a house and I'm a hormonal mess, and I just can't take this anymore! Hannah's been gone for more than four months, it's been six weeks since you officially broke up. I am not going to sit back and watch you two fall back into your old pattern. You two are crazy about each other and we all know it. It's time you stopped driving the rest of us crazy and do something about it!"
Booth just smiled and shook his head. He turned back to his partner as he headed down off the platform.
"See you later, Bones?" he asked.
She nodded, but didn't answer as both women watched him walk away. When he was gone, Angela turned back to her friend.
"I am right, you know," she said. "You've waited long enough."
"Maybe," Brennan replied.
"No, not maybe," Angela scolded. "I am right."
"He's taking me to the Cherry Blossom Festival tonight," Brennan offered.
"As in, on a date?" Angela queried.
Brennan nodded.
"Yes," she said. "At least, I think so."
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They walked hand-in-hand under the twinkling lights. So much had happened, so many things had changed… and yet fundamentally they were the same two people. They were two people who had loved each other for years and were finally ready to take their chance.
"What do you say, Bones?" he asked. "Are you ready to take a gamble with me?"
"No," she answered, smiling as he stopped in his tracks.
"No?" he asked, dumfounded. He was sure she would say 'yes' this time.
"I'm not willing to gamble, Booth," she said. "Especially not with you. You're a degenerate gambler."
"No," he answered. "I'm not. I'm a reformed gambler, and I only bet on a sure thing. And Bones, we are a sure thing. Come on, Bones," he said. "Let's give this thing a try. Whatd'ya say?"
She smiled and nodded.
"Yes."