Summery: Buffy is getting lost in her mind and it isn't getting any better. S6

Disclaimer:This character does not belong to me in any way. They all belong to Joss Whedon, I'm just using them for my imagination.

Out Of Mind

I realize that I shouldn't be writing this or even thinking about it, but there are things to be said. Things that needs to become unraveled and for my mind to be heard and not silenced. I need to think fast or it'll happen again. I know they can hear me, feel me. There's no solitude in this place.

I keep having glitches, I don't know if they're past memories, if they're something I'm making up. They seem real and they sure feel real. I see myself in a house with friends and family, are they here? I remember a couch. I don't have one here.

I'm starting to feel that feeling again.

It happened again last night. I could feel the seconds slipping away again and twisting... Twisting like the night before when my mind danced and bounced off the walls and sang to me for hours. At least the walls feel like a warm bed that you haven't left since the morning before. I miss morning at home and I miss the way a undisturbed sleep feels like. It's hard to remember the last time I felt like I was safe. Like I was really alone and not being watched.

They're watching me... Every minute, every second, there's always someone here.

I can't sleep without feeling disturbed by some presence and without feeling violated. They violate every single one of us, you know. In some way or another, we all fall under the same silent judging. Remember Mr. Gordo? I know he tries to be here for me, but it's getting so hard to touch reality.

All I taste is the taste of nothing.

They're trying to find out how I work, what I know, what I feel. I can't feel my muscles anymore, they've disappeared. It's like the test I had to go through before I turned 18, remember? I was weak, I couldn't act out without hurting my limbs or pride. They want to know why... Why I work, I'm just an experiment.

My body can't resist anymore and it's getting harder and harder to stay awake. I know that if I fall asleep again, they'll push inside of me and I won't be able to fight back. I'm so tired... Mr. Gordo can't protect me anymore. He's fading away as so am I. If you read this, if this ever gets to you.

Help me.