Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. They are the brilliant work of J.K. Rowling and I give her full credit.
A/N: This story has no potential plot. It is simply a story of complete nonsense that I decided to do when reading some of my older work. Enjoy. Hope it gives you laughs.
"BAM!" a loud crash could be heard just outside Hogwarts School of Witchcraft of Wizardry where students were trying to study. Immediately, the seventh year Gryffindors jumped out of their seats in their Transfiguration class and ran to the window.
"It's a bird!" shouted Neville Longbottom.
"It's a plane!" shouted Dean Thomas.
"It's Superman!" shouted Hermione Granger.
"What's a plane?" exclaimed Ron Weasley.
"And who's Superman?" asked Parvati Patil. The seventh year Gryffindors looked curiously at the large object sitting in the wide dent it had made in the ground.
"Oh! It's none of the above!" Harry Potter shouted in realization. "It's a UFO from planet Zargon!" The other seventh years looked at him for several moments.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh," they all said together when they realized exactly what he was saying. Ignoring Professor McGonagall's pleas to get back in their seats, the Gryffindors hurriedly made their way down the stairs and outside.
"Come back here! You can meet the UFO later!" she called but her seventh years would not listen and they fled down the stairs, tripping over each other's feet.
"Look, look, look," Neville said, pointing out in front of him as they burst through the castle doors.
"Wham!" he hit a tree branch and fell flat on his face, knocked out. The other Gryffindors stopped, pointed at him, and laughed.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" they cried. Then Harry started running around in circles screaming at the top of his lungs.
As soon as Harry began screaming Ron started doing the chicken dance and all the girls jumped into doing the Macarena.
"Heeeyyyyy Macarena! Aye!"
"Now you are all under my control. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Said a voice. The remaining boys turned and saw three little green men in white trench coats. It was one of them who had spoken.
"I see little green men in white trench coats!" Dean cried. "They're coming to take me away, ha ha. They're coming to take me away, ha ha! They're coming to take me away, ha ha!" Dean ran around in circles waving his arms in the air until he finally met the same branch that Neville had hit earlier and fell flat on his face.
Ron stopped doing the chicken dance and started clucking like one instead.
"You girl," said one of the little green men, pointing at Lavender Brown. "Go put dirt in your hair." Lavender beamed brightly and dug into the dirt, dumping loads of it on her head. You could see worms wiggling and sticking out. She then walked around in circles like she was some kind of princess and the little green man shot her with a red laser. She wiggled, laughed strangely and collapsed in a heap.
"Excuse me," said a sudden voice. They all turned to see Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz standing there. "But can you tell me how I can get back home to Kansas?"
"What's Kansas?" asked Ron, who had stopped clucking like a chicken. He cocked his head to the side.
"Hey you're Dorothy Gale from Kansas!" cried Hermione excitedly. "Can I have your autograph?" Dorothy looked at her strangely, turned and walked off. "Hey wait!" Hermione cried, running off after her. "I didn't get your autograph yet!" They all watched her chase the girl from Kansas away.
Neville finally came to and stood up. "Who are the little green men?" he asked and then noticed a flower. "Ooooooo, pretty flower," he said, gazing down at it with fascination.
"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout," sang Harry and Seamus together. "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout, tip me over and pour me out!" They tipped over towards each other, bumped heads, and fell to the ground.
"Hooray for Irving Berlin!" cried Dean, sitting up where he had fallen after colliding with the tree. He passed out again.
"What are you stupid Gryffindors doing now?" said a voice and they all turned to see the seventh year Slytherins standing in the castle doorway, Draco Malfoy at their head.
"Hooray for Irving Berlin!" cried Dean again, coming to once more and passing out yet again.
"Who's Irving Berlin?" asked Ron.
"Let's fly to Neverland!" Harry cried to the Slytherins, pointing to the sky. By this time, the little green men had gotten back into their ship and flown off.
"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo!" said Pansy Parkinson suddenly, clinging to Draco. He shoved her off.
"Back off ugliet!" he cried. "I got a better love." He walked across the grounds and wrapped his arms around a tree. "Oh Woodlina," he said, kissing the tree, "How I long for your love."
"Yea! Draco is in love with a tree!" Vincent Crabbe screamed, jumping up and down like a little kid on Christmas.
"Hooray for Irving Berlin!" came Dean again as he came to again. He passed out once more.
"Who's Irving Berlin?" Ron asked again.
"Someone an old actor never played," said Hermione in a satisfied voice. In her hands she clutched a piece of parchment and what looked suspiciously like one of the girl from Kansas' braids.
"What's an actor?" Ron retaliated.
"Believe me, you don't want to know," Harry said.
"Why is Malfoy making out with a tree?" Hermione asked.
"He's in love with it!" cried Crabbe again. "Oh Draco, can I make the wedding invitations? Huh? Can I? Please?" Draco shot a spell at him and Crabbe collapsed in a heap.
"Let's meet contestant number one!" cried Blaise Zabini looking at Gregory Goyle.
"Oh, a famous rapper's song!" Harry cried.
"What's a famous rapper?" asked Ron
"That wasn't a famous rapper's song, it was a heavy punk rock band's song!" cried Hermione in exasperation.
"What's a heavy punk rock band?" Ron asked. No one answered him.
"Look at this flower," Neville said, shoving the flower under Hermione's nose. "Isn't it pretty?" Hermione bit the flower petals off. "Hey! You killed it!" Neville dropped the stem and began running around crying. He hit the branch again.
"Take two and call me in the morning," Pansy said, dropping two pills on Neville's unconscious form and awkwardly patting his head.
"Call you what?" Ron said. Pansy looked at him.
"Call her the Goddess of York!" came Goyle's voice. "Oh great Goddess of York," he said, bowing to Pansy. "How may I serve you?"
"Drop and give me twenty soldier!" Pansy cried. Goyle dropped and began awkwardly doing pushups. "You're useless!" she cried again, walking away. Goyle burst into tears and ran off.
"Let's have a tea party!" cried Parvati who was sitting in the grass with a tea set and several dolls. "I brought my dollies to join us!"
Just then, Dumbledore came out of the forest and started break dancing.
"Dumbledore!" Harry cried.
"You're not dead!" Draco cried, forgetting the tree and running to hug Dumbledore instead but he got kicked in the face by Dumbledore's flailing limbs. He ran away crying, just like Goyle. Dumbledore stopped break dancing and walked off back into the forest, never to be seen again.
"He achieved his goal," Harry said proudly. "Kicking Malfoy in the face." He sighed happily. "That was a glorious moment."
Dean came to again and the first thing he saw was Ron's hair. "Ahhhhhhhh," he cried, getting up and running around in circles. "Fire!" Ron looked 'round.
"What? Where? Where?" he cried in a panicky voice.
"On you head, on your head!" Dean cried, running into the branch once more and passing out again.
"Ahhhhhhh!" Ron cried, running around with his hands to his head. He too ran into the branch and passed out.
"We are gathered here today to say good-bye to the great Irving Berlin," Hermione said, standing over Ron's unconscious form.
"He was a great man," Seamus said, whipping his wizarding cap off his head and placing it over his heart.
"Poor Irving," Lavender bawled. No one paid her any mind. They hadn't even noticed that she had revived from the attack of the little green men.
"Oh well," said Hermione. She skipped off happily, tripped over a stone and fell flat on her face.
"Looky looky, I got hooky!" cried Blaise, his arm around what looked like Captain Hook.
"Where is Peter Pan?" Captain Hook growled.
"Who's Peter Pan?" asked Ron coming too.
"Yea," cried Lavender. "Irving Berlin lives!"
"Who's Irving Berlin?" Ron asked for the hundredth time.
"Oh, cookie!" cried Crabbe, dancing over to a large stone and trying to bite into it.
"Cookie mine!" said a voice and they all looked to see Cookie Monster pick Crabbe up and toss him aside. "Cookie stale!" he said when he had attempted to bite into the stone. He cried and ran off.
"Yea, I get cookie now!" cried Crabbe, trying to bite into the stone again and breaking his teeth. "Wahhhhh, cookie hurt!" He too ran off crying.
"What a baby," said Draco, stepping out of the forest. No one knew how he had gotten there; he had run off in the other direction.
"I am not going to ask again, where is Peter Pan?!" Captain Hook said again.
"We don't have your stinky old Peter Pan!" Hermione cried out to him.
"Draw your sword girl!" Captain Hook cried, drawing his own and pointing it at Hermione.
"Now I shall make you a codfish!" Hermione said, drawing her wand and pointing it at Captain Hook. Captain Hook screamed like a little girl and ran off into the forest.
"I don't got Hooky," Blaise said sadly, shaking his head.
"You don't get hooky, but you sure play hooky," Hermione said. "Enough of this nonsense, everyone back to class now!"
"Ahhhhhhhhh!" they all screamed and ran back into the castle. Hermione smirked, picked up the stone cookie and bit into it. When she nearly broke her own teeth, she glared at it.
"Boy, this cookie really is stale," she said, chucking it onto the ground and marching off back into the castle.
And that brings our story to a close, ending the stangest day of the seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Hey, Hermione left the cookie! Mine now! Hehehehehehe.
A/N: Well, there you have it. What did you all think? I'm not really all that great at humor which is why when I try, I have to write something that's nothing but nonsense to really achieve it if I achieve it at all. Anyway, please review, I would like to know what you all thought of this very random story. Thanks for reading! Be sure to check out my more serious work too.