The Way We Were (revised)

Summary: Grissom and Sara's tempers flare, but the truth may hurt more than they thought.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Nope despite a rewrite, I still don't own them

Pairing: Grissom and Sara

Spoilers: Up to and including Nesting Dolls is fair game

A/N: So this is a rewrite, I wasn't happy with how the other one turned out, that's the main reason for the lack of update for 3 months (sorry!). So hopefully, this is a little better and can go in a different direction now. Enjoy! And thankyou for your patience! Hopefully the next few chapters will be a little quicker. D

Chapter 1

She pushed him, forcefully.

"Don't you dare say that!" The force of her push staggered him backward, almost tripping over his own feet as her barrage of words caught him off guard.

"Don't you dare come in here and presume by telling me that you love me, that everything is all of a sudden going to be okay. It's never okay, nothing is ever okay, and the sooner you stop trying to fix me the better okay Grissom? You can stop wasting your time. You can't fix me, I'm not one of you're fucking experiments."

He was stunned, he could feel her breath on his face, the sheer rage and hurt in her eyes struck at his soul, and he grabbed her hands in his

"But-"

"But what Grissom? What you think you know me now" she squirmed out of his grip, pushing him hard against the chest, bunching up his shirt and yelling into his face "You think you know what makes me tick now? Think you have the right to make presumptions about me, because for one second I momentarily let you into my life? Come on, Grissom. Tell me then. You know everything about everything. You sit back and observe everyone so you can spout facts 24/7. I've got news for you Griss, analysing life isn't fucking living it. Tell me then. Come on, fucking tell me then. Why can't I sleep at night still? You think because I told you about my family that gives you a one way ticket into my life? Don't count on it Grissom. You made the decision you didn't want anything to do with my life a long time ago."

"Sara, I want to deal with this" his words fuelled her anger further, her eyes sparked.

"You want to deal with this?" she asked incredulously. "We or more specifically you, already dealt with this. Several times. There's nothing left to deal with. You had 5 years Grissom, 5 God damn years. And you said nothing. Even you can't be that clueless" she joked. "It was your decision and you made it. So don't come back to me trying to undo it claiming obliviousness, you seen and know everything that has happened as much as me, so don't try and go back on it" she glared into his eyes, trying to hurt him as much as she was hurting right now A hurt that demanded your attention, made you sick to the stomach, until you begged it to stop. "I waited, for so long, that I….forgot what I was waiting for. And then, you would look at me, in a way, which I can't even explain. I loved the way you would look at me. And the way, you would talk about me, to other people, the way that you would say my name." She looked down at the floor, the intricate patterns of her tiles, fitting together so easily, so perfectly.

"Why Grissom, why couldn't you talk to me about us? Did I ask too much? God Grissom, you gave me nothing, and now, that's all that I have left." Her shoulders slumped, defeated.

"Grissom, just go okay? We've both said some things we're going to regret…so I'm sorry. Um you're probably uncomfortable, so…" she moved swiftly toward the door, unwilling to let him respond in any way but to leave. He looked at her form, so resigned to their fate, wiped sweat off his brow that had formed and shuffled toward her door, placing his arm caringly on her arm.

"God Grissom don't please" she pulled her arm away, as if she had been struck

"Is this the way it's going to be now?" he asked softly. She sighed, glancing outside into the morning sun, people going about their lives,

"When was it any different Gil?"

"Look at me Sara" he demanded

"No"

"Why?"

"Because if I do, I don't trust myself to let you walk out the door while I have to watch you leave here again. I don't trust myself not to ask you to stay" He lingered, her words striking. He wanted to say something, but in her presence, the words remained elusive and unspoken.

She slammed the door shut on him, out of her apartment, out of her life. She peeked out the peephole at his retreating figure, sighing softly, 'Stay with me Grissom, stay with me forever and a day'.

He had the answers to her questions, which he had originally gone there to answer. But in her presence, no matter what he did, the words would not come. All he could result to was wishing to hold her, to let at least feel what he couldn't bring himself to say. 'You have a quote for every occasion Gil, but when she pours her heart out to you, you can't even mumble a yes or no.'

She slid her hand down the door, releasing the cool metal from her hand. She could feel the tears behind her eyes. She turned her back to the door, to him, crumbling slowly against its sturdy frame, her body raking with sobs. Only it didn't pick her up, its arms didn't envelope around her and it didn't help her when she fell down. "I don't know how to do this anymore!" she shouted to no one in particular.