A/N: This story might seem somewhat rushed. I wrote it a while back on a whim and really just wanted to finish it for the sake of finishing it. I thought it was a cute little story that people might enjoy, so I decided to post it on here. You can critique the writing if you like but it's really not my very best. I mostly wrote it for fun. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC.
Unconditional
"You got to be kidding me." The case was difficult this time. A young boy was raped with a currently unidentified object. He was angry; angrier than any victim Olivia had ever run across. DNA didn't lie. She knew it didn't. Still, she lied to herself. "It must be a mistake."
The look on Warner's face confirmed that they all knew she was beating around the bush, saying anything to make it untrue. "Liv, I wish it wasn't. But he's definitely yours."
No, it couldn't be. But even as Olivia looked through the two-way mirror at the boy sitting there, trying his very best not to cry, she knew that it had to be the truth. Dark hair, likes his fathers. Dark eyes, like his mothers. A strong spirit and sound mind, even in the face of so much pain. There was no denying a Benson when you saw one. "I have to pull myself off the case, then." She whispered.
Her colleagues watched her. They knew as well as she did that she didn't want to excuse herself now. She wanted to march in there and find out who had hurt this boy, her son. "Not completely." The voice that said these words surprised everyone. They turned to face their captain with matching expressions of shock. "Olivia, you don't know. Just pretend that you have no idea and go talk to him."
She glanced back into the room. He was running his fingers through those thick black locks now, and she shuddered at the eerily familiar sight of someone she used to love so much reflected in someone she knew she loved even more. "I think I can do that." She heard herself say in a voice so strained and foreign.
"Whoa, you sure Liv?" Elliot placed a soft hand on her shoulder as he asked the question, trying not to crowd her too much.
She faced him and nodded firmly. "I owe it to him."
Without another word she entered the room with renewed vigor, Elliot trailing close behind. The boy didn't look up when they entered but his face flushed with embarrassment. Clearly he'd been dreading this since they'd brought him in. Olivia sat in the chair across from him while Elliot stood in the background, watching silently. "Parker, can you talk to me?" The boy sniffled and shrugged ever so slightly. She knew she would need precise tact to keep from screwing this whole thing up and losing him for good. "I understand if you don't want to talk, honey. But I really need you to. Before we can move on with this investigation, we need your account of what happened."
"Nothing happened." His voice was low and sounded dangerously close to a whimper.
She drew back and re-analyzed her approach. If she was going to get him to open up she needed his trust. "Okay. I believe you." She stated simply. She watched him and waited anxiously. After a moment those dark eyes so much like her own chanced a look up at her.
But as soon as he made eye contact he tore his gaze from her and swallowed hard. "Wh-why? Why do you all of a sudden just believe me? Everyone else is saying I was, that I, um...you know. So why believe me when I only say once that nothing happened?"
"Maybe I just don't think you're a liar." She said this carefully. If her tone went one way or the other, he could take it the wrong way.
That prompted him to look up again, those brown eyes full of curiosity. "You'd be the first." He said this bluntly, but she noticed that his own tone sounded distant and caught him studying her. Maybe he'd seen some similarities. Was he making the connection already? "So if nothing happened, can I go?" He suddenly asked.
She frowned and leaned back. "I don't see why not. If nothing happened, then nothing happened. There's no need for us."
He stood and she followed suit. As he passed her she grabbed his arm softly. "Wait." He seemed surprised by the unexpected contact, but didn't recoil. "If you ever need any help, call me. Okay?" She handed him her card and he accepted it cautiously, muttering a thanks before darting out the door.
It was the hardest thing ever to watch him leave. She wondered what he was headed back to and if he would be alright. But some part of her knew he'd be back soon. She sensed that he wanted to tell someone what had happened but was frightened of the consequences. Elliot glanced at her questioningly and she couldn't help but smile. "He'll be back. Just wait and see."
The cold air washed over him like an icy wave as he rushed from the precinct, fearing wracking his body. The detective had seemed nice enough, and he almost believed her when she said she doubted he was a liar. But he figured it was probably just a tactic to get him to trust her and spill his guts. He wasn't stupid enough to fall for something like that.
Even so, something about her intrigued him. She seemed somewhat familiar to him, like they might have met once a long time ago. He chuckled to himself as he cut through a back alley. He was only thirteen years old. How in the world could he know her? He was only familiar with people from the streets, social workers and foster parents. She certainly didn't fit the criteria for any of those.
He turned into the next alley and stopped when something ahead caught his eye. He instantly recognized some people from the local street gang and frowned. He didn't waste a second. As soon as just one of them moved he turned and darted back through the alley, grabbing anything that might slow his pursuers and tossing it behind him.
He emerged onto the New York street and cast aside all fear of incoming traffic. He ran across the street as fast as his legs could carry him and practically threw himself back through the front doors of the precinct. He'd be safe here, at least for the moment. He looked outside and saw the same men standing across the way watching him.
He turned his back to them and hurried to the stairwell, too nervous to take the elevator. After climbing a few flights of stairs he re-emerged into the SVU squad room and cast his eyes about frantically for any sign of this woman... He pulled the card out of his back pocket and looked at it. Olivia Benson.
As he looked back up he spotted her at one of the desks located in the center of the room. He hesitated. It was either stay here and tell her the truth, or go out there and most likely get killed. He resolved that at least here he'd probably be safe for some time, and he might even throw a couple of the idiots into jail before they offed him. So, his mind made up, he approached the desk.
Olivia's mind was swimming. She could barely concentrate on the mounds of paperwork she had stacked before her and knew she'd suffer miserably for it later. However, it couldn't be helped. How could she just go on acting as though it hadn't happened? As though her own flesh and blood hadn't walked through the doors of her precinct just twenty minutes before and sent her mind reeling back to thirteen years ago, when she'd said her final goodbye to a crying baby that she knew deep in her heart would always be hers?
She held her head in her hands, trying to figure out how to calm down and reassure herself that he would definitely be back. She'd been so sure before. But now doubt nipped at her heart with an icy bite, leaving her most vital organ feeling frigid with dread and panic. She rubbed her forehead and sighed in an attempt to calm her nerves. It was a failed effort as a soft voice said from behind her, "Err, Detective Benson?"
She nearly shot out of her chair like lava from a volcano, turning frantically to see who was in need of her help now. And her eyes once again locked with those ones so like her own. Fear was apparent in them now, much more so than before. It made her want to reach out and pull him into a tight embrace, promising him that she would never allow anything to hurt him again. "Parker!" She said in a more surprised tone than she meant to. She cleared her throat and sighed again, never once looking away from him. "You came back."
"Yes ma'am. I, well, I wanna talk to you."
She stood and glanced over at the interview rooms. Most seemed occupied, but she spotted a vacant one and quickly grabbed his arm, tugging him along behind her. "Alright. Come on then, let's go talk."
Once they were in the room and the door was closed, he noticeably relaxed. "Okay. Um, can I sit?"
She nodded her approval before doing the same thing herself, still trying to recover from her mini heart attack moments ago. He took a seat on a chair sat against the wall. A sofa was next to it, and that's where Olivia went. As soon as they both were settled he bit his lip, seemingly unsure of what to say next. After a couple of silent minutes she spoke up in a soft voice, "So what would you like to talk about Parker?"
He shifted uncomfortably and frowned. "Well...it's a long story really. I mean, I've got like a lot I need to tell you. I guess I'll start with, err, I...I was attacked last night."
She was surprised by his honesty but didn't dare show it. "I see. Do you know who it was that attacked you?"
He was obviously very embarrassed. And yet still he sat up straighter and nodded. "I, well I'm caught up in a lot of bad stuff ma'am. I live on the streets, mostly, and I've made friends with a lot of bad people. He's one of the people I do some work for. Last night I was heading home after helping him out and he jumped out of the shadows and tackled me down. He...he grabbed my pants and tore them off. And then he grabbed a pipe from the trash nearby and, well, he...he um..." It seemed that he simply couldn't say the last part.
"He hurt you with it?" She chanced saying, watching his face anxiously for a change in expression.
He grimaced, but nodded. "When he was done he told me he'd kill me if I ever told anyone. I don't even know who told you guys it happened. I didn't say anything to anyone."
"We don't know ourselves. It was an anonymous caller. What is this man's name, Parker? Can you tell me that?"
He swallowed hard and glanced at her. "Lars Masterson."
Detective Benson had been watching him closely the entire time, and though he felt a little nervous at being scrutinized in such a way he also found it oddly comforting. She was trying to figure him out, read him. No one had ever cared enough to try and do that before."Very good Parker. You've done very good." She said in a reassuring tone, smiling at him somewhat. She extended a hand cautiously and placed it on his shoulder. By her expression she clearly expected the contact to unease him, perhaps even make him pull away. But for some unknown reason he felt comfortable in her presence. Enough so that when she rubbed his arm a little in a further attempt to soothe him, he smiled softly at her. "I do have one last question for you, if you don't mind."
She peaked his curiosity and he frowned. "I don't mind. What is it?"
"You stated that you 'mostly' live on the streets. What exactly do you mean by that?"
He grinned sheepishly. "Well, I'm supposed to be living in a foster home right now. But the family that lives there, they already have six other kids who are way younger than me. They can't go out and fend for themselves like I can. So I left, hoping that the money they received to take care of me would go to care for the other kids instead. I don't need to stay in a cramped place like that when I can do so well on the streets for myself."
A sorrowful look crossed her face and her jaw noticeably tightened. "I see. Well that is very admirable of you, Parker. I'm sure those other children are very grateful."
He frowned and looked at her eyes. An indescribable pain was so very imminent in them; and it unnerved him. "Why does it bother you so much? I'm doing alright." For some reason it was getting to him that she was so upset. He just wanted to reassure her and make her feel better.
She looked at him and an unexpected wall rose up behind her eyes, blocking him from seeing any more emotions. "Oh I know, honey. You're a strong young man; I can tell. I'm sorry."
He was now officially confused. "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything."
She looked at him for a split second with a look of pure guilt before abruptly standing. "Stay here. I'll be right back."
As he watched her go out and shut the door he frowned to himself and rubbed the back of his neck. "What the hell was that all about?"
He must have seen the remorse plastered all over her face. She would be puzzled too, if she were him. He could have no way of knowing that she was his birth mother and that it was because of her own foolish decision to give him up that he was stuck in this predicament in the first place.
She walked aimlessly to her desk, pretending that she needed to get something from it. Her mind was searching for any sort of explanation she might be able to present to him to excuse her abrupt guilt-ridden expression at hearing about his home life. She wasn't supposed to know yet. If the courts had even an inkling that she knew they would toss the case out without a second thought. And then he would never get justice.
Eventually she ended her fruitless search and turned towards the room, slowly walking back to it. She opened the door with precision, trying her damndest not to break down and lose it right there. He looked up with a face still indicative of confusion. However, he asked her no questions. Instead he watched as she returned to her seat on the sofa and she hoped he couldn't tell how emotionally distressed she was. "My apologies Parker. Sometimes, when I hear about someone so young having to go through so much, it gets to me. I didn't want to seem unprofessional." It was a lame excuse at best and she doubted that he bought it at all.
Then he surprised her yet again that night as he reached his hand over and took her own in it. "It's alright Detective Benson. I'm really okay. Don't worry about me."
Tears were pushing at the back of her eyes, making them burn. She tried to keep from releasing any of the shaky, shallow breaths that she was holding inside as she squeezed his hand in initial response. Never in a million years would she have thought she'd be here, being comforted by her own child. "Oh Parker, sweetie, it's okay. I'm fine." She kept her voice steady with increasing difficulty and found it impossible to look at him just yet. She steeled herself and then turned, giving him a soft smile. "Thank you though."
He smiled and shrugged but didn't remove his hand from hers. "Hey, you got to ask a question. So can I ask you one?" She wasn't sure if she really wanted to but somehow found herself nodding yes. "Um, have we ever met before? Like is there any possibility? You just seem so familiar."
The question caught her off guard and she found herself very unconvincingly saying, "No, I really don't think so."
He was quiet and his grip tightened on her hand. "But you don't sound so sure ma'am."
She wouldn't have let go of his hand for a million dollars at that moment, but her mind was urgently telling her to get out of there before she told him everything and ruined it all. So, with a cautious and low voice, she looked at him and said, "Listen, if I tell you what I know right now it will ruin everything. You want to see Masterson go to prison for what he did to you, right?" He nodded without hesitation but clearly seemed intrigued by this secret she was keeping. "Then do me a small favor, please. After he's convicted I will tell you everything. But until then please, please drop this. Otherwise he could go free."
His expression indicated that he didn't fully understand how that might be possible, but he simply nodded and said, "I promise I won't say anything to anyone."
She squeezed his hand again and smiled. "Good boy. Thank you Parker."
It was killing him. He wanted to know what she was hiding. A million possibilities passed through his mind daily and he considered each one seriously. Perhaps the most terrifying but equally elating thought was that she could be his birth mother. When he'd first considered it he'd scoffed at the very notion, but now it seemed more and more likely every time he thought about it. But he knew he wasn't allowed to say a thing, and so he didn't.
He'd been forced to tell her partner Detective Stabler his story even though he'd already told her first. And though she was supporting him from the sidelines, she'd pulled herself off of his case. That was what had made him think that they could very possibly be related. However, until he was absolutely sure, he wouldn't react. If even one person caught wind of the mere possibility the case would be tossed and Lars would be a free man. At least that was how Detective Stabler had phrased it.
Finally the day arrived. He waited nervously in the courtroom. Detective Benson, or Olivia as he had recently become comfortable with calling her, was nearby but not directly beside him. He caught her eye but otherwise ignored her.
The jurors entered. Had they reached a verdict? He certainly hoped so. He wasn't sure he could testify again with Lars so close by, glaring at him with such disdain. Finally, "What is your verdict?"
"We find the defendant, Lars Hank Masterson, guilty of sodomy and rape in the first degree."
The judge seemed satisfied as she banged her gavel. "Very well. Mr. Masterson, you will return here for sentencing. Court is adjourned."
Elliot led him out. He spotted Olivia in front of them but continued to pretend not to notice her presence. They nonchalantly left the building, ignoring the waves of reporters hounding them upon their exit. Elliot led him to a car and he climbed into the backseat.
The ride back to the precinct was the longest of his life. Now that it was all over he'd get the answer to the questions that had been tormenting him for the last few months relentlessly. Who was Olivia Benson to him? Would the truth make his life better? Or was he about to experience the worst pain he'd ever feel in his lifetime? In just ten minutes, he'd find out.
They would be arriving soon and she would have to tell him. He'd been happy with her these last few months, and though he'd tried to a couple of times to get her to give him hints she'd remained unrelenting. But now fear engulfed her heart. Would he hate her when he found out? It was her screw up that had caused such a difficult life for him. Had she just kept him like a good mother he never would have been raped in the first place. But would he see it that way? The 'what ifs' were killing her slowly. The sooner he arrived, the better.
After what seemed like ages she heard his voice coming from the elevator. They had arrived. He entered the squad room with clear excitement and anxiety plastered on his young face. She wanted this to be private. They both deserved that. So she motioned for him to follow her to one of the interview rooms. Once he was in she shut the door and closed the blinds. She turned and found the hopeful look on his face lifted her spirits just a bit. Maybe he had already hoped she was his mother, or sister, or aunt. Or even just a family friend. Perhaps this news would be great news for him. She was about to find out. "Okay, we're alone. So what's this secret that you couldn't tell me?"
She sighed uneasily and glanced over at the sofa. He understood and walked over, sitting down. She sat beside him but not too close. She was unsure if he'd want her anywhere near him at all after hearing this. "Alright. Parker, I'm going to tell you a story, and I want you to listen without interrupting. Can you do that?" He nodded with bright eyes and she couldn't help but smile. "Good. Thank you."
She folded her hands and took a deep breath. "About thirteen years ago I went out to a party with a friend. While there, I met a handsome young man and found myself instantly in love. We dated for a few months before the relationship got very serious. Soon after I discovered that I was pregnant." He was hanging on every word, absorbing each one and waiting with bated breath for the next. She took a deep breath before continuing, "We were both young and foolish. We couldn't raise a child together. He wanted me to abort the child, but I refused.
I waited for nine long months, slowly bonding with the baby, my baby, as the time passed. And then the time came for me to give birth. He was a healthy boy. Seven pounds, eight ounces. As much as I loved that little boy, as much as I wanted to keep him in my arms forever, I gave him up for adoption with high hopes that a family would adopt him and raise him to be happy, healthy and prosperous. Parker, that little boy was you."
His joy at hearing those words was indescribable. Without even thinking twice he practically dived on top of her, embracing her tightly. "I knew it! You're my mom!" He cried out, tears streaming down his face.
After a few hesitant seconds he felt her arms wrap around him and she hugged him tightly. He'd always hoped that there was someone out there who loved him. Someone who might finally care about him and what he needed, rather than themselves. He had finally found her. "You're not angry?"
The question really threw him for a loop. He pulled away and stared at her. "No way! Are you kidding me? I've been hoping my entire life that I would find my parents! It's the greatest feeling ever to know that you're alive, and real, and that you love me!"
Tears entered her eyes at this last statement and she tugged him forward into her embrace once more, whispering to him, "I do love you, so very much. More than anything. I promise Parker that I will never leave you alone ever again." And he believed her with all his heart. He had finally found unconditional love.