Without You

Admiral Chedwiggen was sitting in his office on the phone

"She did exceptionally well on her latest test, one of the top in the country"

"I don't care colonel she is one of our best lawyers"

"We need marines like her for this, get her to the Thomas Jefferson on Saturday and we will deploy her from there"

"I can't do that she is working on a case"

"Do I have to go over your head Admiral?"

"No, I'll do it but not willingly"

"Thank you Admiral"

"Goodbye" AJ sighed and hung up the phone "Tiner"

"Yes sir?"

"Get the colonel in here"

"Yes sir" a few minutes later Mac walked into the office

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes colonel, sit down, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but Marine Corps just called and, they want you to go TAD"

"A case sir? Why is that so bad?"

"No not for a case, to fight in the war against Terror"

"In Iraq?"

"Yes Mac, I'm sorry"

"How long?"

"A year maybe more"

"Wasn't there anything you could do?"

"Sorry Mac, he threatened to go over my head, I tried"

"What about my treatment?

"I'm so sorry Mac, they wouldn't budge"

"Thank you anyway sir"

"Here are your details, they had sent them to me before but I still waited for the call" he handed her a folder with all her flight information

"Thanks again"

"Good Luck Mac"

"Thank you sir"

"Go and talk to that husband of yours" Mac smiled and walked out and into Harm's office

"Did the clinic call?" Harm asked hopefully

"Not yet"

"Want something to drink?"

"That would be great" she smiled and followed him into the break room, Harm made himself a coffee and handed Mac a bottle of water, she leant against one of the benches as she watched Harm intently as he made his coffee

"What's wrong?"

"Who said anything was wrong?"

"I just know you too well" he left the coffee maker and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, Mac took a deep breath

"The Marine corps want me deployed to Iraq, there was nothing the Admiral could do" Harm pulled away and looked at her speechless, after a long pause he said

"What about the treatment?"

"I guess we 're gonna have to wait a little longer for baby Rabb" she said with a sigh Harm held her tightly

"I'm so sorry Sarah" he said softly, he knew having a child meant so much to Mac and with the endometriosis it was almost impossible "When do you leave?" he said changing to topic

"Saturday"

"That's two days!"

"I know, but we have tomorrow off"

"At least I can spend it with you" he said kissing her forehead

"I'll miss you," she said hugging him tightly

"Me too" they left the room, Harm's coffee forgotten and Mac carrying her bottle of water, they finished up for the day and went home.

The next day they spent the morning packing before going to a nice secluded park near the water and having lunch, after that they continued the packing and Harm took her out to a romantic dinner before taking her home and making love to her.

Mac woke up the next morning tangled in the sheets and wrapped tightly in Harm's arms, she tried to get out but he did not let go, she rolled over and whispered in his ear.

"Come on baby, I've gotta get up" she knew he was awake but she kissed him anyway he began to kiss her back and rolled them over so he was lying on top of her

"I won't let you" he said, she smiled and began to wiggle underneath him

"Oh Mac, you know what that does to me" she smiled wickedly and didn't stop. He began to kiss her neck and she moaned.

"Oh" she gasped "Harm" she moaned; just as they were getting more intimate the phone rang. Mac cleared her throat and answered the phone

"Hello?"

"Sarah Rabb?"

"Yes"

"Your flight leaves at 1130 hours today"

"Thank you" the person on the other end hung up and Mac sat there confused while hanging up the phone

"Who was that?"

"Dunno. All they said was my flight was leaving at 1130 hours but I already knew that"

"Right" he paused and then said "You can't just leave it there" and they resumed their previous activity.

At 1030 they got out of bed, showered and Mac put on her uniform, Harm his civvies and after breakfast Mac grabbed her bag and they headed off to the airport.

Everyone was waiting to farewell Mac when they got there, Jen, Harriet, Bud, Little AJ and AJ Chegwidden along with other JAG personnel. After farewelling everyone she turned to Harm and they embraced tightly.

"I'm gonna miss you Marine"

"Me too flyboy" They pulled apart and saw the unshed tears in each other's eyes, Mac turned to get on the COD when she heard

"MAC!" she turned around and ran to the girl

"Chloe! I missed you" they embraced "You've grown so much"

"I haven't seen you in ages

"Excuse me ma'am," a lady said tapping Mac on the shoulder "Your aircraft is due to leave, you must board now"

"Thank you, sorry Clo," Mac kissed the top of her head and let go but Chloe held on tighter

"Please don't go"

"I have to honey, I don't have a choice" Chloe held on tighter still "Why don't you go home with Harm?" Harm came over and put an arm on Chloe's shoulder, she looked up and nodded

"OK" Chloe let go and Mac picked up her carry-on and after one last soft kiss with Harm she left to the COD. As it took off she looked down at the airport as it grew smaller and disappeared into nothing.

When she arrived on the ship it was late, she took her bags and set up in her designated room. The two petty officers in the room were staring at her

"As you were" she said, they continued to stare at her and she looked down at herself and saw why, she was in her uniform and they were both in fatigues, she set down her stuff on her bed and fished her fatigues our of her bag and went to change. She came out and looked at herself in the mirror, it all seemed very strange to her, there were more fatigues on the edge of her bed and she sighed before sitting down on the edge of her bed and putting everything into her footlocker.

"Excuse me ma'am," said one of the women

"Yes Petty Officer"

"If you don't mind, where are you stationed, I haven't seen you before?"

"JAG corps. Virginia"

"You're a lawyer?"

"Yes, do you have a problem with that Petty Officer?"

"No ma'am"

"Don't worry, I don't know why I'm here either" she held her hand out to shake the other woman's "Lt. Colonel Rabb, but you can call me Mac"

"Petty Officer Harris" she said

"Petty Officer Mathews" said the other girl; Mac shook both their hands

"Nice to meet you both" Mac climbed onto her bed and continued to organise herself to keep her mind off Harm.

Harm sat at home with Chloe, although he was making lunch and listening to Chloe, he couldn't keep his mind off Mac, she's a lawyer not a fighter, she wouldn't hurt a fly and what about they baby they were working on? He was furious.

By Monday Chloe had sent an e-mail to Mac and left for home and Harm was happy to be back at work and distracted, he stopped on the way in and looked through the glass into Mac's office. He heard his phone ringing and ran to his office but didn't get to it in time

"Damn, I should have got that answering machine like Mac said" he sat down and began his work.

Mac's Office

The phone began to ring and her answering machine picked it up

"Hi this is Colonel Mackenzie JAG corps, please leave a message"

"Hi this is Rebecca from Dr. Caldwell's office, Sorry it took so long to get back to you but this is the only answering machine I got, Congratulations, your test results were positive but be careful, because of your endometriosis you have a high risk of miscarriage, In response to the call you gave us, do not go on that trip, I hope this is not too late"

The training time on the ship was going on for two weeks, during the second week it was Mac's birthday. That morning the Skipper told Mac that instead of a briefing, she could go and start her training early. Mac decided to go to one of the practice rooms. By the time others began to arrive Mac had had enough and went back to her room, she found a mailbox on her bed and she looked at it in confusion

"What's this?"

"Mail apparently"

"You can get mail on carriers?"

"You can now" Mac went over to her bed and sat down in front of the box, picking up the first package, a present and a card on it, looking into the box there were a lot of similar packages

"Ma'am?"

"Oh, my, I don't know, it's my birthday"

"Happy Birthday"

"Thank you," she opened the first card, it was from Admiral Chegwidden and he had sent her a photo album with memories from JAG. Mac showed the Petty Officers the photos on the first few pages, most of the book was blank for her to add whatever she wanted. The next present was from, Harriet, Bud and little A.J. who had drawn her a picture that had 'I miss you Aunt Mac' written by him in the center, no doubt helped by his mother. They had sent her a packet of Tim-Tams that she knew had been specially ordered from Australia.

"What are they?" asked PO Harris

"They are biscuits from Australia, they must have got them sent over"

"Australia?" asked PO Matthew's

"Yes, I was born and raised in Australia"

"Wow, cool" Mac went onto the next few presets, when she had finished she had received presents from Sturgis, Sergei, Jen Coates, Tiner and even Singer which she knew was influenced by the Admiral at the very bottom she found a note, all it said was

Your love is my fuel for life

Your Flyboy

"You marry a guy and this is all he send you for your birthday?"

"Maybe it means something, you know a good lawyer challenge?" Harris suggested

"Clues" said Matthews

"Ah ha, that's my Flyboy, cheeky" Mac thought about it for awhile before getting up and rushing out the door

"I thought she would never get it" sighed Harris

"I know, she's supposed to be a lawyer and in the instructions it said she should catch on"

Mac ran to the engine room and surely enough there was a note, folded in half, taped to the door with Ninjagirl written on it in Harm's handwriting inside it said:

Save me a piece of cake

"Typical Flyboy" she muttered walking to the kitchen door and surely enough another note

I like your singing!

Mac thought about this, 'singing? I don't sing, except, shower!' She went back to her room, dumping her clues into the box with all her presents and cards in it and walked into the bathroom, seeing yet another note on the shower door all this one said was

I'll make this brief

That was all, no more, except for the Ninjagirl on the front like all the others, there was nothing else, 'brief? Brief what? Ooh, brief! As in briefing' she walked back to the briefing room where everyone was waiting, she walked in and they all yelled surprise, the skipper came up to her and said

"Thank your husband, he organized all of this" he said shaking her hand, she opened the present on the table next to the cake, a circle with the JAG insignia on the top and found a DVD that Harm had made for her and a Polaroid photo of a locket with a caption saying:

You can have it when you get home, it is not safe to have precious jewelry on a ship!

Mac laughed and put her presents down and was handed a piece of cake, just as everything was getting a little subdued, the skipper call their attention again and announced there was just one more surprise for her and one of the men brought out a videophone of Harm out to Mac.

"Hey Mac"

"Harm," she said "Thank you for all this"

"Happy birthday Marine" Mac smiled

"I miss you"

"Me too honey"

"Hey lawyer girl!" said one of the men, Mac looked at him angrily, he was always giving her a hard time for being a lawyer "Why don't you go home to him" he said sookily Mac grizzled and ignored it, the skipper dismissed everyone else and gave Mac a seat

"They been giving you that much of a bad time?"

"Yeah, I'm dealing"

"You don't have to"

"I don't have much else of a choice"

"Yeah, well, I gotta go but some other people wanna say hi ok?"

"Ok, I love you Harm"

"Me too Sarah" he left and Mac smiled, he rarely called her Sarah but she knew the love he felt when he used her given name, she then proceeded to speak to almost every other member of JAG and finished up with A.J. Chegwidden before hanging up the videophone and going back to her room with the photo and the DVD. She slipped the DVD into the computer and began to watch it.

"Happy Birthday baby, I'm sorry we couldn't spend it together but this is a close as we can get for now, I miss you, I hope you can get home soon…" the DVD continued with inspirational words and some of his very patented 'jokes' it ended with his special flyboy smile reserved specially for her.

Mac got into bed that night, noticing that the Petty Officers weren't there yet, it would be lights out soon. Just as she was falling asleep, she was sure she heard his voice and felt his arms wrap around her as he lay down next to her. She began to feel his heat but knew she had dreamt that before and when she turned around he wasn't really there.

"Mac?" He said, she decided to turn over anyway and was face to face with him

"Harm, is it really you?"

"Yes baby, I'm really here" She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply

"I missed you"

"You have told me that already today"

"But now I get to hold you" she said burying her head in his shirt, letting a few tears escape her eyes

"Is my tough little marine crying?" he asked cheekily

"I just missed you so much, that's all"

"I know baby, I know" he held her close until she stopped crying, he then lay on his back and she lay her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, she fell asleep there and when she woke up, she saw a note on her pillow

I'm sorry I had to leave, work tomorrow

I love you, never forget that, I will see you when you get home

Be safe

Your Harm

Mac smiled at the note, she got up and changed before heading to breakfast and the usual morning briefing.

A week later the Marines were boarding a Helio to be transferred to Iraq, Mac boarded and took her seat with a resigned sigh and Petty Officers Harris and Matthews took their seats next to her

"I've never asked," said Petty Officer Harris curiously "Why do they call you Mac?"

"My maiden name was Mackenzie and most of my friends at JAG just started to call me Mac and it just stuck"

"Oh, Ok" Eventually the Helio took off and they made their way to Iraq

Harm sat at his desk, working was useless, he knew Mac had to go thorough this when he did his quals and they occasional flight but this was different

How, how is this different? He asked himself. He looked at the clock on his desk, she would be on the Helio now, he sighed and his eyes moved to the photo of them on their wedding day, she was so beautiful. Then his mind began to wander through their life since, their honeymoon and their trials and troubles. An ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage, there were some days when he just wanted to take her pain away. Although she was a marine and you could really tell when she tried to hide it but he still noticed that she was in pain.

Flashback

"Harm?" called Mac from their bedroom, she had just woken up from a nap, Harm rushed towards the room and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand against her abdomen and pain in her eyes

"What is it honey?" He asked

"I don't think it is supposed to hurt this much so early" she said trying to hide her pain, Harm slipped an arm around her waist and slowly helped her to stand. After only a few steps, Mac stopped and bent over in pain moaning, Harm swept her up into his arms and rushed to the car. The doctor said she was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and she had to remove the fallopian tube. The doctor left and went to get everything ready and Harm sat on the edge of the bed

"I'm so sorry" he said, "There will always be another chance" she began to cry

"It's all my fault"

"No it's not baby it happens to lots of women" he wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back gently, she pulled away and wiped away the tears. The doctors came in and took her to the OR.

End Flashback

A Beep on his computer brought him out of his reverie, he looked at the screen that had a notice saying he had a new e-mail, he opened it and began to read

My Dearest Flyboy,

We are leaving very soon and I want you to know whatever happens I love you very much and I want you to know whatever happens that will never change but if anything should happen please don't live in my memory, you deserve someone to love you as much as I do. I'll see you when I get home. I love you baby

Your Ninja girl

Harm stared at the screen and sighed, he wished for the millionth time that JAG personnel didn't have to fight.

Mac sat on the Helio, staring out the window, dreaming of Harm, some of the others were singing silly songs and some yelled that one of the other officers could sing well and they all cheered for her to sing. Mac stayed silent not wanting anyone to make her sing

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all

But even if I could it would all be grey but your picture on my wall

It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all

Mac smiled, she liked this song and ignored her logical voice inside saying don't sing and joined in and thought about her days on the carrier and the photo she left on the wall of Harm's and her wedding

I drank too much last night got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain

I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm Late for work again

And even if I'm there they'll all imply that I might not last the day

And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all

Mac's mind wandered over the memories of the carrier, many of the marines thought she was not good enough because she was a lawyer, especially the men. One specific day the men were jeering because she was pinned to the ground in a training session by a man about 3 times bigger that she was and they all were saying she was a petty lawyer, she broke his nose. That night Harm called her and lifted her spirits.

Just then the pilot announced that they were inside Iraq airspace and would be landing soon, the singing stopped and everything went quiet and solemn.

As they were landing the Helio shook, some of the back had been blasted off and it was out of control, they last few meters were chaotic as they crashed and the Helio was almost completely destroyed.

A/N: I know this is unrealistic, but I have a beta reader who is giving me advice and I have changed it a little to fit in and be slightly more realistic, the second chapter will be up soon, Thanks Tina my wonderful beta