Title: Pancakes
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: T
Pairing: N/S friendship, team friendship in general
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't have to wait until September for next season…
Spoilers: "Grave Danger" (5x24 and 5x25)

A/N: I was a little (okay, let's be honest: a lot) unsatisfied by the ending of the finale. This is my attempt at trying to understand it, as well as give us all the friendship stuff that we didn't get after Nick was rescued. I tend to focus more on the Sara/Nick dynamic, but then again, most of my fics tend to focus on them. Greg and Warrick are present too, with mention of Brass, Grissom, and Catherine. It's told in Nick's POV. Enjoy!

I had given up trying to explain it to my friends; it was hard trying to make them understand something I didn't quite get myself; I just knew that I had to meet this girl, the daughter that Walter Gordon loved so much, that he was driven to put into motion such an elaborate plan to bury me underground.

Catherine, Grissom, and Brass, they all thought that it was too soon. My physical scars had barely begun to heal, there was no way I was strong enough to deal with the emotional ramifications of coming face to face with the daughter of the man who held me captive. What they didn't realize was that I couldn't see any way to even begin dealing with all of the crap until I met her. It was all I could think about: What had Walter Gordon seen inside of his daughter to make him snap like that? Had she known what he was planning to do? What was this girl like? What had her dreams been, before she was locked away? Grissom had mentioned something about plants, and how it helped them figure out where I was, but I needed to know more than that.

The questions invaded my mind constantly. I had nothing else to do, but wonder about the answers, or watch Sara or Warrick fitfully sleep in the recliner that Warrick and Greg had moved into my room. I had given up on sleep long before; the hours that it took to fall asleep, and then the short bursts of rest in between nightmares, weren't really worth the effort. Instead, I pretended to sleep until Warrick or Sara passed out from exhaustion. That gave me a lot more time to contemplate the answers to those questions, and a few days ago, I realized that instead of wondering, I could actively seek out the answers I so desperately wanted.

Sara was furious when I told her. She refused to look at me, turning away and angrily chopping vegetables over my kitchen sink. She told me that Kelly Gordon didn't deserve my forgiveness, and I heard the hitch in her voice right before she started to cry. Did I intend to forgive her? I wasn't sure, but Sara was convinced of it. She wouldn't look at me again until after dinner, so I decided then and there not to bring it up to her again. Her reaction baffled me, until I spoke to Brass the next day. He told me that Sara had helped him conduct the interrogation, and that Kelly Gordon had made a disturbing comment relating to the situation. That's how he referred to it: the situation. Afterwards, he practically had to hold Sara back, though he admitted he was tempted just to let Sara have a go at her; she was ready to jump over the table and scratch her eyes out.

Brass refused to tell me what Kelly Gordon had said, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I probably didn't want to know.

Warrick and Greg had taken the news a little bit better; I could tell that they weren't pleased, but they didn't say anything to deter me from it. Not that they could have; I had already called and made the arrangements, deciding that it was something that I needed to do. Warrick offered to drive me out to the corrections facility, and I gratefully accepted. I had been dreading the drive out there alone. One of the lingering effects was a real problem with any lengthy car rides, and I was happy that I would have someone there with me.

I was surprised when Warrick showed up the following afternoon, and I realized that he wasn't alone. Greg was saying something, causing Warrick to roll his eyes, and Sara was leaning against the Denali, arms crossed over her chest, her sunglasses hiding what I'm sure were red eyes. Still, I received a weak smile when she noticed me approaching.

"You ready for this man?" Warrick asked softly. I nodded; it was now or never. Greg patted my shoulder and made a move for the backseat, but I waved him off, and climbed in behind Sara.

The drive out there was pretty quiet; I was preoccupied with the visit looming before me, and I don't think anyone else really knew what to say. As Warrick took the exit for the women's corrections facility, Sara suddenly reached out and grasped my hand. She squeezed it once reassuringly, and then held on for the rest of the ride. My confidence had been faltering over the drive; the closer we got, the more I began to think I was making a mistake, but her gesture gave me the courage that I needed to get through.

Before I knew it, we had arrived. They all offered to go in with me, but this was something I knew I had to do myself. I told them to wait by the car; I didn't know how long I was going to be. I was walking towards the building, when suddenly I heard Greg call out my name. When I turned around, he had almost caught up to me, and before I knew what was happening, he had pulled me into an awkward hug. When he let go, Warrick was there, and he did the same. I noticed the situation had caused Sara, still standing a distance away, to tear up, the sight of three grown men barely holding back tears as they embraced. I walked back towards her, and pulled her into a hug of our own, before kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you for coming," I whispered.

"Nick… prison…it can harden people. Just…just don't be disappointed if she doesn't give you what you're looking for." Her eyes met mine, and I could see how afraid she was for me. I didn't know how to tell her that I couldn't be hurt anymore than I already was. Instead, I held her just a little bit tighter.

I nodded as she kissed my cheek and pulled away. As I walked towards the building, I knew that no matter what the outcome of this meeting was, that I still had my friends.

The visit was barely five minutes. I think it took more time getting through security. The woman on the other side of the glass was just a shell of a person; I couldn't bring myself to ask her any of the questions that had been running through my mind. I got the impression that she wouldn't have answered them anyways. Instead, I just gave her a piece of advice that I myself was trying desperately to live by: don't take it with you. Whether or not it meant anything to her, I guess we won't know for awhile. When they led her away, I sighed in relief, barely able to hold it together. That was that.

As I walked out of the building, I wondered if maybe they had been right; maybe it had been too soon.

They were waiting for me at the car, as promised. As soon as they saw me approaching the Denali, they jumped up from the curb.

"That was fast," Greg commented, earning him a glare and a shove from Warrick.

"How'd it go man?" Warrick asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and flipped my sunglasses on; it didn't fool any of them. "She didn't really want to talk."

I could feel Sara's gaze on me, looking me up and down. She was afraid again, I could feel it. She thought that Kelly Gordon had the ability to cause me more harm just by spending five minutes with me. I was touched by her protectiveness, though I didn't quite understand it.

"Do you feel any better?" she asked gently.

"Well, at least I don't have to wonder whether talking to her will help anymore." I was grateful that my friends knew me well enough that I didn't have to explain anymore. I laughed nervously, allowing Sara to wrap her arms around me.

"I'm sorry she couldn't help you," she whispered softly.

I had to blink back a few tears, but at least I was able to answer her honestly. "You know what? I don't need her help…I have you guys."

I looked over her shoulder, directing the statement to Warrick and Greg as well. Warrick nodded and turned away, I guess trying to hide his own tears. Greg didn't do as good of a job, and I could already feel Sara's tears soaking through my shirt. That's the point when I realized that we had all spent way too much time crying together lately.

"I think we should head back. We've got the rest of the day…I don't want to spend it in this parking lot." I squeezed Sara one more time before grabbing her hand and propelling her towards the car.

Warrick and Greg nodded, Greg wiping a hand across his face before running it through the side of his hair. "As long as your plan involves food, and fairly soon, I'm okay with that," Greg announced, effectively breaking the tension.

As we all climbed into the car, I realized that Kelly Gordon wasn't going to be the person to help me start healing; I'd really already started to heal, no matter how slow of a process it seemed to be. I was by no means anywhere close to the end, and I'd probably get turned around a few times, but I knew I wouldn't have to make the journey alone.

"Do you want to grab something on the way back?" Warrick asked, directing his attention towards me and Sara in the backseat. "We passed a couple of decent places on the drive here." Greg scowled when he realized that he wasn't going to be consulted. It was the first normal moment I had felt in awhile, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

I knew where I wanted to go. "Why don't we see what Gris and Catherine are up to? If Greg's stomach can wait, why don't we go to the diner?" It was a place where we had spent a lot of mornings, talking and consuming large quantities of coffee and pancakes, but somewhere along the road, we had stopped going. "I'm in the mood for pancakes…"

"Pancakes sound good," Sara agreed with a smile. Warrick grinned back at me from the rearview mirror and nodded.

"It's been awhile," he commented, trying to sound nonchalant and failing, before throwing his phone at Greg.

Greg was already on the phone with Catherine, who promised that she and Grissom would meet us there in an hour. The ride back to Vegas was quiet, but in a different way than the trip down. Greg and Warrick argued lightly about some video game Greg had just purchased, and Sara sat next to me, softly singing along with the radio. I felt the first genuine smile in weeks spread across my face as I stared out the window, content with the quiet chatter going on around me.

I was looking forward to those pancakes.

FIN.

A/N: The end of this story was inspired by a comment by Sobell, over at TWOP. I think a lot of us would like to see a finale where no one gets blown up or kidnapped, or at least a finale where they all get pancakes afterwards.