Soundwave's Twelve Pains of Christmas
First Day:
All it took was a simple advertisement on an online website, for Soundwave finding his new addiction.
"Christmas is almost here! Bring your kids to see Santa, while you still can, at the local 'Stop and Shop!' Located off Highway Q, next to Mega-mart."
Christmas? What the heck was Christmas.
A quick research on the website called 'Wikiapaedia,' gave him all the answers he could have wanted.
"Christmas(Old English:Crīstesmæsse, meaning "Christ'sMass") is an annual commemoration ofthe birthofJesus Christ[6][7]and a widely observedholiday, celebrated generally onDecember 25[3][4][5]by millions of peoplearound the world.[2][8]Afeastcentral to the Christianliturgical year, it closes theAdventseason and initiates thetwelve daysofChristmastide, which ends after thetwelfth night.[9]Christmas is acivil holidayinmany of the world's nations,[10][11][12]is celebrated by an increasing number of non-Christians,[1][13][14]and is an integral part of theChristmas and holiday season.
So it was an Earth holiday, huh? Fascinating. No wonder he had never heard of it. It only comes once a year! Soundwave re-read the first paragraph a few more times, saving every word into his core processor.
He had to know more! This was so intriguing, he needed- no he craved to understand it.
The more he read, the more astonished Soundwave got. Wars ended for the holiday! Was that even possible? And all because of a child's birth? That honestly didn't make any sense to the mech. But, at the same time it did. After all, Cybertronians celebrated the creation of Primus. It was in some cases similar to Christmas, only it didn't involve the birth of Primus' son. They were all his sparklings, and they honored that privilege.
At this point Soundwave researched everything that had anything to do with Christmas.
'A Christmas Carol' Soundwave enjoyed it, both the book and the films.
'It's a Wonderful Life,' his spark warmed up at almost every scene.
'A Christmas Story,' that was hilarious, but not as hilarious as 'Elf' Soundwave almost fell over at that.
There were so many movies, Soundwave stayed up most of the night watching, on low volume of course, but still, it was so interesting. He couldn't contain his joy!
Knockout at first ignored Soundwave's antics. It seemed almost predictable for the mech to get attached to something on the internet; but when he saw Soundwave walking in caring a colorful box. That defiantly spiked up some curiosity.
He tipped-toed to the rec-room, Soundwave was usually posted at, and peaked around the corner. He let out a short gasped then ducked away when the slender con, looked over his shoulder.
What in the name of Cybertron was Soundwave doing? What was with all the red and green streamers hanging off the wall? That didn't match the room's dark colors!
Knockout couldn't make figure it out. Just what was that con up to?
Risking another peak, the red mech was able to make out Soundwave placing a… tree? It was large, and each branch was spiked with thick, green needles. Why did it look so familiar?
Wait a nano-klick. Knockout could feel his optics widening. He could remember, a few days, trailing a yellow muscle car into one of Nevada's many forests. Normally, Knockout wasn't assigned these types of missions, but Megatron was low on men, and with Decepticons fall under their enemy's will power, they needed to act fast.
Turns out that muscle car was an Autobot scout, named Bumblebee, and with him was his human friend. Oh, what was that child's name? Was it Raf? Yes, Raf. That Earth child was telling his guardian about the trees and how every year, people would take a large pine tree and set it up in their homes to decorate with bright lights and strange knick-knacks of all sorts.
That's exactly what Soundwave was doing. Could it be that the Decepticon's best soldier was going rogue? He needed to report it!
Without a second thought Knockout charged down to Megatron's throne room.
Soundwave nodded his helm to the beat of 'Jiggle Bells.' It's soft beat made his spark hum with joy. He couldn't wait to share this new knowledge with his fellow cons.
Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Soundwave twisted around and was met with Megatron, more specifically, Megatron's fist.
Now Soundwave was seeing jingling bells.
Watching his subordinate fall, Megatron snarled "If you think you can just leave, Soundwave, you better be prepared to pay the price!"
Soundwave looked up meekly and was barely able to choke out, "Merry… Christmas…" He was out like a light.
Megatron raised an optic ridge before turning his attention to Knockout, who was shaking his helm.
"Knockout, what is this Christmas Soundwave just mentioned?"
The red mech did a quick search through his data pad, "Apparently, my liege, it's an Earth holiday to celebrate a child birth, and fruit cake."
Megatron hummed at this, and glared down at his fallen soldier, "Knockout, see to it, that Soundwave gets a full mental scan. I want to know just how much damage this 'Internet Addiction' has done."
"Of course, my liege, but first, maybe we should look at some of the colorful boxes, he could have hidden some weapons in it." Knockout flicked a thumb over his shoulder, pointing to a pile of presents, placed neatly under the tree.
Okay, maybe he should celebrate Christmas later…
Second Day:
So the wrapping gifts wasn't such a good idea. Soundwave spent most of his day hiding from Knockout out, who wanted to give him a processor scan.
Being the silent, deadly mech, Soundwave was, it was very easy to avoid him. After making sure Knockout had gone to another part of the Nemesis. Soundwave decided on a new plan.
He had read last night that Christmas had many traditions, like eating together as a family. Opening presents after the strange obese man wearing red came to deliver his goods. Soundwave was still trying to decide if Santa Clause was breaking and entering. Did that even count?
Oh well. There was one tradition that caught Soundwave's attention. It involved a strange hemi-parasite plant that humans use. He still had no idea why they use it. But it was a tradition to hang it above two people in order to express intimacy to one another. But if it works with humans, it might work for Megatron and Starscream.
He had to be quick; they were going to return soon. Soundwave was shaking with anticipation. He's slender claws carefully, settled the red and green plant in the door way, so it hung above any bots that came through, but was low enough to be seen.
The voices were becoming louder, and Soundwave cursed the plant for refusing to stay still. Finally it stuck in place, and not a klick too soon.
Soundwave ducked behind a large table, trying to stifle his snickers. The doors opened to reveal Megatron and his Second in Command, Starscream.
"Master, what exactly do you plan to do with- wait what is that thing!" Starscream thrust a claw up, pointing at the strange green parasite.
Soundwave tried not to laugh as music started to play. He reprogrammed this room to play music when the doors recognized both Starscream and Megatron's energy signatures.
Megatron growled, "Where is that music coming from!"
"I don't know my liege. I think that disgusting plant might have something to do with it." At this Megatron roared and powered up his fusion cannon, and blasted the plant into atoms.
The music was still there! Where was it coming from!
"My lord,"
"What!" Megatron was beyond annoyed; this day had gone from bad to worse in three klicks.
"I believe we have ourselves a little spy."
Soundwave inwardly gulped, staring at Starscream's grinning face. Oh he knew that look all too well.
Megatron followed Starscream's gaze. He snarled and grabbed Soundwave by his neck, slamming his face plat against the metal wall. The moment he was down and out, Megatron pressed a digit to his audio receptors.
"Knockout, I have found Soundwave. I command you report here as soon as possible, the mech tried to kill me and Starscream with a parasite and romantic music!"
Day Three:
Soundwave was in a bad mood. No matter what he did, no one seemed to be in the Christmas spirit. For the last couple of days, everyone had been questioning Soundwave's sanity, especially Megatron, who once again doubted his Third in Command's ability to work.
There had to be a way.
Soundwave typed in the code for the next relic, and released a growl when it flashed red, signaling the codes were incorrect. Slag.
"Oh, the weather outside is frightful."
"But the fire was so delightful."
Soundwave stopped his digits in mid stroke over the screen, the music was the only thing that seemed to calm him down. Slowly, he allowed it to sinking into his core processor, and finally a plan began to form…
"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."
Megatron was having another one of those days. Damn those Autobots! They had three relics, which they of course stole from Megatron's soldiers!
The silver tyrant punched an impressive dent into the wall, making the other cons jump and dodge out of their leader's way, before he decided to use them as a punching bag.
Megatron snarled in irritation, taking a moment to stop and contemplate his future plans.
His guard shot up when a tiny white speck, fell into his line of vision. It floated lazily to the floor, before molding into the ground as a tiny dot of water.
Another dot suddenly joined it, and another. Megatron tilted his helm up and rose an optic ridge at the vents, which kept the Nemesis at an even temperature during the hot summer, coughed out a mist of white specks. Something was wrong.
With another angry snarl, the warlord, charged down the hall. His pedes slipped on a shiny patch that formed in a few parts of the halls. His helm colliding to the cold ground, now dusted with those strange powdery substance, did nothing to calm his growing rage. It actually seemed to strengthen it. Hopping to his feet, Megatron made another big charge to the control room, being mindful of those shiny spot, of course.
If he didn't wear his mask, everyone would have seen Soundwave's giant grin! He could see from the camera's that everyone was curiously inspecting the growing snow piles, with soft poking and prodding, before they began to play like sparklings. Clearly they were enjoying it.
An angry roar, that echoed from the speakers, had Soundwave tense as he cautiously too a peak at the other cameras. Megatron was trampling cons over making his way too… the control room…
Oh slag.
He had to get out of here and fast!
"Soundwave!" Too late…
Turning around, Soundwave gulped, at seeing Megatron standing in the door way, a crowd of Vehicons forming behind his leader; curiously peaking into the room.
There was no way around it.
Megatron began to stomp over, but was stopped when Soundwave lifted up a single digit.
Without warning Soundwave turned around and started pounding his helm against the wall, before he fell to ground, knocked out for the third time this week.
"Well…" Knockout chuckled, "I guess I'll be inspecting someone's processor again."
Megatron nodded with a grunt, "When Soundwave comes too, make sure he cleans this place up."
"Of course, lord Megatron."
Day Four:
After some more, unneeded, tests. Soundwave was back at work, this time with some supervision. Megatron thought it was best that Starscream looked after their Third in Command until his antics were straightened out. This wouldn't have been a problem if Starscream just stayed quiet.
"I swear to you, Soundwave! One day I shall become the rightful leader to the Decepticons!" Starscream broke out into a fit of evil laughter, already talking about how he was going to do it.
Soundwave rolled his optics. This was the norm for the seeker, he would talk about how "great" his plan was, and explain how he planned to do it. But when the time strike, the mech chickens out, and goes back to being Megatron's pet. It was like a constant loop for him.
"So, Soundwave, what exactly possessed you to finally go against Megatron," the other mech stopped in mid-key stroke. Soundwave going against Megatron? No, he would have never done that. Ever!
Soundwave was the most loyal Decepticon in the whole army. Sadly everyone was beginning to doubt that. They just didn't understand that he was only trying to spread joy.
"I bet Megatron has been a thorn in your side, just as much as he has been to me." Soundwave could already see the wheels turning in the seeker's processor, "You know, we could work together. And you and I can over throw Megatron!" Suddenly it seemed like Starscream was talking to an invisible person.
"Yes! We can over throw him and share the title as leader! It's brilliant!" Soundwave leaned away a little bit.
'And everyone calls me crazy…'
Starscream turned towards his fellow con, with that devious smirk of his, "We can work together. With your stealth, and my brains, we could have the entire Decepticon army at our finger tips!" Starscream leaned closer, resting a servo on Soundwave's shoulder, "All I need is your obedience, and you'll never have to be Megatron's punching bag again." He trailed his digit up, gripping Soundwave's jaw ever so slightly and leaned closer till their face plates were only a few short inches apart.
Breathlessly Starscream whispered, "Well… what do you say…?"
In a mere two nano-klicks Starscream was hogged tied, and launched into the ground bridge, right into the same area as that femme Arcee.
Soundwave closed the portal, going back to work on finding more relics.
"I'd say 'Merry Christmas, Arcee'."