We Wouldn't Do That

by Victoria Turner

John doesn't realise how much he's done, not really. He doesn't realise how much he's stopped happening. Now that John's gone, what going to stop him. Set post season 3. Suicidal thoughts. Trigger warning. Could be seen as slight John-lock but only if you squint.

"We wouldn't do that, not to John"

Words said so quickly. John thinks that it was just something he said so stop his friend but he doesn't know about… He doesn't know about how some of the experiments were more than that. Doesn't know how many times shooting at the wall was just an attempt to take my mind of turning the gun… He doesn't know how many of the poisons I thought of just …and then maybe…

But each time, he was somehow there, just in time –as if he knew what could happen. He never says anything though.

And now when it's just me. Now he's just. Now he's just not – here, I wonder if I can stay true to those quick spoken words. Now that there's no one to burst in at inopportune moments. Now that there is no one's footsteps on the stairs to warn me. No one to stop me from turning the gun, to flick the knife, to stop the hand holding the powder…

Now, will I stay true to my word?