Sadly I do not own the rights to the song or FMA -sighs-
And thanks to FlOofymikO for beta reading this!!
oOo
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
Ed stared at his dad, hating him for what he did. It was his fault mom had died...his fault Al and him were like this. Then his dad had the nerve to tell them they were wasting their time! But there was a fact Ed would take to his grave. It hurt knowing his did didn't approve of all that he did. Ed sighed angrily. "Well, excuse me for raising myself! You were never around and you expect me to be perfect! Well, guess what: It doesn't work that way, dad. Did you ever think of what your leaving did to Al, to me, to mom? You are no dad. You may be my father, but you are not my dad."
"Edward…"
"Don't talk to me. Just leave. That seems to be the only thing you're good at!"
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm all right
And you can't change me
His dad didn't know anything about the choices he had to make. How hard he and Al had to fight just to live. On a good day they only had about eight people after them. On a bad day...you didn't want to know. Nothing Ed did, or could ever do would earn his dad's approval. Ed decided he wouldn't pretend to be ok with it, and he wouldn't change.
"Edward, what were you and your brother thinking!"
"Easy. We wanted our only parent we had left. To me you were nothing but some faded memories and to Al just a picture of a man who was never there."
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
Ed thought back to a time when his dad was reliable, when he was home. Ed used to...dare he say it...look up to that man. They would spend time together, but that was a long time ago. Now, neither of them really cared anymore.
"Edward, would you like to show…."
"Cut the crap, old man. You and I both know you don't mean that. So just leave. I don't care, and the longer you stay the more you will hurt Al when you leave again. So just leave."
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's all right
Ed couldn't believe that man! He refused to think of him as his dad. Mustang was more of a dad to him and Al than that man was! That man had been gone for over ten years, then that man just showed up and expected to be welcomed with open arms! Well, Ed wasn't going to do it. Everything that man did caused a fight; Ed was sick of it, and it upset Al. He wasn't going to fight anymore. That man wasn't worth it.
"Brother?"
"Yes Al."
"Why are you so disrespectful to dad? Couldn't you at least try and get along with him?"
"Al, I hate him and he hates me. I can never redeem myself in his eyes, but I don't care, because he can never redeem himself in mine either."
"But brother, just because you hate him doesn't mean I have to."
"I know Al, but I don't want him to hurt you like he hurt mom. The sooner he leaves the better for everyone."
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand
How could that man say those things! Pinako told him what happened; that man had just casually asked if it was really mom they brought back! No emotion, like he was asking about the weather! Ed remembered hearing those words like it was yesterday. They thought he was asleep, and frankly he was glad. It meant he didn't have to see that man off, because after he said those terrible things, he had left, turning his back on his family yet again. Leaving Ed, watching the retreating form of his father. As he had watched, Ed couldn't help but wonder…if his father had hung around, would his and Al's life be better?
…But he had to say those things! Now Ed didn't want anything to do with him. Ed couldn't believe how hard it was to talk to him! That man just had a way of pushing his buttons! He told Ed he understood, but you know what? He would never understand.
"Pinako, You disposed the results of their failed human transmutation right?"
"Yeah."
"Was it realy Trisha they made?"
"Didn't I tell you? It wasn't exactly human like. Trisha and that aren't totally…"
"No, not that. For example the color of the eyes, the voice, the color of the hair…"
"What are you talking about? That it wasn't Trisha? Are you saying that those kids were working on something totally unrelated to them and their current bodies were just their mistake?! Those are such terrible words!!"
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
oOo
The bold print was taken from Chapter 42: The Father Before the Grave