I could feel the heat of sunshine luminating through the window. I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. Now I could hear noises from kitchen. That was probably Lukas making coffee. But it's pretty late… He usually gets up early, before the sun wakes up. Maybe he had day out today? Probably. I got up and made my way to the window, opening it. The singing birds' sounds hit my ears. The cold wind hit me as well, so I slamed the window as soon as possible, hugging myself. It's spring already, but it doesn't seem like this at all. I went down the stairs, making my way to the kitchen. I saw Lukas, drinking coffee by the table.

"G'mornin'." he said, placing the coffee mug on the table and looking in my direction.

I didn't answer him, just opened the counter and grabed my own mug.

"It's rude not saying 'hello' at least." he commented after a while.

"Well, 'hello'. Are you happy now?" I asked with annoyed voice.

"Yes." he answered simply.

I prepared my own coffee and sat opposite Lukas. I started to drink it, when my brother decided to speak again.

"You know, I'm going to Mathias today because of work. Wanna go with me? I'm not gonna go to this idiot's by myslef." his voice was kinda angry when he told me about the Dane. I could easly tell that he doesn't like him very much. Well, he doesn't hate him though. They're just the opposites of themselves. That was what's my brother's and Mathias' relationship like. But for me, it's rather diffrent. The Dane doesn't notice me, I'm hiden in Lukas' shadow… I-It's not like I care! I don't care if people notice me or not! And I don't care about Mathias! It's just that… It would be nice if someone would remember about me, not comparing me to my brother… Not seeing me in his shadow… I'm just kinda jealous, okay? It's really nothing…

"Erikur?" I was still deep in my thought when Lukas' voice rang in my ears.

"What?" I asked, when I got back to consciousness.

"I repeat. Do you want to go to Mathias as well?" he stood up and put his, already empty, mug in the sink. I didn't say anything for a while, but after a minute I answered simply.

"Yeah."

I could feel Lukas' sight on my back.

"I didn't think you'd agree." he let out a sigh."You're not like you. Usually, you would just decline it and spend the rest of the day on listening to angsty music and blogging about how no one loves you, like other teens your age." he finished with an irony.

"Excuse me..?" I asked even more annoyed than before."Don't mock me, idiot. Do you have to be the first person in the morning to make me mad..?"

"This is my duty as your older brother." Lukas smirked a little as he said it. "Anyway, be ready in 30 minutes."

I just nodded and finished my coffee, putting the mug in the sink and heading back to my bedroom. I took some clothes and went to the bathroom. I had shower and put clothes on. It was something ordinar, just a T-shirt and jeans. I got back to my room and sat on the bed. I was very nervous all of sudden! Wait… Why was I that nervous?! Was that because I'm going to meet Mathias..? Obviously not! That would be stupid! I don't even like him! Why did I agree to go to his place then..? Ugh! That's so complicated! Why does my stomach twist like this, just thinking about him? Why does my face feel so hot, when I think about meeting him today? Maybe I'm sick? I shouldn't go to the Dane then. But… I want to… I need help! I can't do anything about it! I need to stop it before somone sees me like this, my face red and palms white. I heard Lukas calling me from downstairs. What should I do? Maybe he won't notice. I made my way to the entrance door, where my brother was waiting for me.

"Are you alright?" he asked."Your face's all red. Do you have a fever?"

"What? Your seeing things! I'm feeling just fine and my face isn't red!" my bad acting wasn't enough to him to believe me, but he just let it go and we both went into the car. We didn't say a word and got to Mathias' place in about 40 minutes. We stood before the door, then Lukas knocked. The door went wide open as the Dane stood before us and welcomed us, letting us in. What's that? The feeling in my stomach was now stronger and my heart started to beat so fast… I can't believe it was even possible for it to beat that quickly! We sat in the living room as they started to talk about work. I was just sitting on Lukas' side on the couch and was looking… no… gaping at Mathias' face. It was so bright! His smile was wide, even if my bro was insulting how careless he was treating the work. Even his blue eyes were sparkling with happiness. How can he be that bright and… handsome..? Wait… Why did I think that he's handsome?! He's not! He's just an annoying acquaintance of my brother! … with pretty face… I was looking on my knees when I heard a voice.

"Hey, are you okay?" someone asked me. But who was that? I looked up and saw those beautiful blue eyes looking on me with worry.

"W-What?"

"Are you alright? Your face's all red." his voice was so warm…

"I'm okay…" I looked around myself."Where's Lukas?"

"He's in kitchen, making coffee. Seriously, he drinks too much of it, he's gonna die young." he answered with a little smirk. I didn't say anything, just looked back on my knees.

"… Do you… like Lukas..?" I asked quietly.

"What? What's with that sudden question?" He cotinued when I didn't say a word."Of course I do." he laughed. I was quiet for a while.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting next to me. I shivered, feeling weird."Are you jealous?" he asked jokingly. But I didn't even open my mouth. After a second, he became quiet as well."No way."

He sat closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder, sending me even more shivers.

"Listen. You shouldn't feel jealous about your shouldn't feel bad about being younger and less experienced than him." he sighed."And most of all you shouldn't feel and call yourself worse than him" he finished, I could feel his eyes on me even if I wasn't looking at him. "W-why would you think I ever feel like this..? I didn't say anything." I asked, trying to look up at him, but failing, still looking on my knees.

"You always act weird when you're with Lukas. You hide behind him, don't want anyone to notice you. At first I thought that you're just shy, but after about 2 years I realised that's not a reason. You just want to avoid comparing you two, don't you?" his voice was rather quiet so Lukas couldn't hear him. I didn't answer, but I think he could guess I'd say 'yes', because he embranced me.

"W-W-What are you doing?!" I nearly shouted, but it was quiet enough so my brother fortunately didn't hear me.

"I feel bad for you. You should have more self confidence." he whispered into my ear, I was afraid if he hear my heartbeat. He just can't! "And to be honest… I like you more than Lukas." he smiled and hugged me. I froze. What did he say just now? Does he like me more than he likes brother? Is it even possible that someone prefers me..?

"You're lying." I said blankly.

"Why would I lie about it?"

"It's impossible." I stated."No one has ever prefered me. Lukas is the great one. He's amazing and wonderful. How could anyone choose me? I'm a grey, unsocial teenager. No one would ever-"

"But I did. Isn't that the greatest proof, that you're not worse than him?" he tightened the embrance. And I didn't answer, I wanted to feel his warm as long as possible.

"Thank you." I whispered. My face was on fire and my heart was about to burst out of my chest, but that was okay, because I was happy. So happy. Suddenly I heard Lukas' footsteps, so I lightly pushed Mathias. He sat on his previous place and pretended that he's doing his work. We looked in the door's direction to see my brother walking in with a mug of coffee. He sat next to me and they cotinued talking about work. But I didn't care. I was just staring at Mathias' face, even trying not to wink. I wanted to look at him, remember every detail of him. But why? Why do I feel like this? Why was I so happy when he was embrancing me? That's crazy. Maybe because… No! We're both men anyway so it doesn't make sense! And I like girls, right? But… To be honest I have never had a crush on any girl… What should I do then? It's not like it's something normal to have a crush on someone who is the same sex as you… Well, when I think there's nothing wrong with this that I love him as long as we're not together or something. Wait… Did I just admit that I love Mathias?! Oh my, when I think about it that's absolutely wrong! What should I do?! Lukas, help me!

"Erikur!" I heard a voice.

I looked up and saw my brother's face. "Oh, you're back."

"What?" I asked.

"We're done with work. We're goin' back home. Get ready, I'll be waiting in the car." as he said, he get out of the Dane's house. I stood up and walked past Mathias. I put on my jacked and my boots, I didn't notice the Dane standing right behind me. I went to the door and opened them, but instead of going to Lukas, I stood still.

"Hey." that was Mathias and his voice behid my back kinda shocked me. I looked at him and turned to him so I could see his face, that was not that far my own. "You wanted to escape not even saying 'goodbye'? Wow, that's rude." he said jokingly, smiling. But I wasn't there when he said it. I sank into his blue eyes. I could see his face so clearly, it was so close… His white teeth, that I could see when he was smiling. His golden hair. His blue eyes. His lips… Suddenly, I have no idea why I did, but I did. I pressed my own lips to his. I could feel his warm and it was a pure pleasure. So this what a kiss feels like, huh? But why did I do this..? Oh no, he's gonna hate me now! I took two steps back and hide my lips with my palm. The look on his face… He was so shocked… No! Why did I do this! He hates me, I know it! I ran away to the Lukas' car before he could say anything.

"You're red again, brother." he said as he started to drive us home. I didn't care. He shouldn't know what just happened. No one should. It shouldn't even happen. I'm not gonna look into his face… I'm not gonna meet him again! I don't want him to hate me. Maybe he'll forget about it if he won't see me for a while. Yeah, it should work. But it's not that easy… I want to see him. I want to feel his warm again. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. What is this?! I talk like some teenage girl on period! Is it because of… Love?

When we got home, I went stright to my room and I haven't gotten out for the rest of the day. I didn't sleep well that night. I want to see him.