Eren

I should've known I wouldn't be able to do this. It'd only been a few months since my life was flipped, fucked, and twisted. I just wanted Mikasa and Armin to think I was getting stronger. Maybe that's where I went wrong. Trying to be something I'm not. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't. I constantly fought against the tidal wave of the past, sometimes thinking it was futile. Right now, I was fighting by throwing myself back into reality. And as we made our way towards the mass of people gathering around the stage, I realized just how bad of an idea this was.

The band on stage was finishing up their last song and the next one coming up, Lying On Feet or something like that, was who my best friends had been waiting three months to see. From the excitement on their faces, I could tell there was no turning back now.

We weaved our way through all of the tightly packed bodies, holding hands so no one got separated. The stench of beer and cigarette smoke wafted around. Somewhere in the mix, I smelled marijuana. My nose scrunched up from the skunky scent. I didn't have time to focus on all the various smells; when we reached the center of the ocean of people, a circle was formed. I scrunched my eyebrows and turned to look at Mikasa.

She beamed at me with a shit eating grin and yelled over the powerful beat of drums, "As soon as Lying In Filth comes on, I'm jumping in the mosh pit." At least I was close to the actual band name. Her expression faded to concern in a split second. "Is that alright? I already know Armin won't get in. He's too much of a softy." Her grin returned but had a playful edge to it when Armin smacked her arm lightly and argued back.

"For your information, I'm planning on crowd surfing. I would get in the mosh pit, but I'd rather not consume dirt," he shouted to us and wrinkled his nose up at the thought. I chuckled trying to hide the nervous feeling in my gut. I didn't want to be left alone with a bunch of strangers. Anything could happen.

"Hey, why don't you crowd surf too, Eren? It really feels like you're flying. And they won't drop you," Mikasa tried to tempt me. I chewed on the lip ring adorning my face and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans with a shrug. The sun soaked through the black fibers of the shirt and jeans I was wearing, making me shift my weight to block out the sun as much as possible by using a guy's towering shadow. I gave a small huff as the guy shifted on his feet as well, letting the sun return to burning me alive.

"I might," was the simplest response I could come up with.

"Okay. Let me know if you wanna and we'll find someone to get you up," she poked my cheek and tucked in her tank top. The last band's set equipment was cleared off while new props and equipment for Lying In Filth was rolled out. My friends bounced on the balls of their feet while applying more sunscreen, and I impatiently stared up at the cloudless sky.

Please, please, please. Just let there be a few clouds soon.

As soon as Armin grabbed my arm, the band bounced out on stage. A guy with short, pale brown hair came out first, spinning a pair of drumsticks and beginning a fast-paced beat as soon as he was seated. Next, two girls sauntered out on either side of the stage; one had a bass guitar strapped over her shoulder and blonde locks that fell just above the guitar strap. The other girl carried an electric guitar and had red pigtails framing her face. As soon as the girls took their places, they joined in with the drummer, creating a euphonious (and almost entrancing) sound.

Mikasa and Armin were already head banging to the beat. I stood awkwardly on my tip toes trying to spot the vocalist. For a good minute, I thought maybe that was it and there wasn't one. Or maybe they were having technical difficulties. However, a second later, the fog machines were cranked up and a guy with black hair parted down the middle slowly walked out to the middle of the stage with a small smirk dancing across his features.

I had to cover my ears for a split second due to the screams of all the girls around me, but let out a laugh when I saw Armin and Mikasa do the same. Honestly, I was screaming on the inside too. My sexuality was no secret. Majority of the people that knew me, knew I wasn't straight in any way, shape, or form. This guy was easily the most attractive man I'd ever laid eyes on- as cliché as that may sound.

Despite being so close to the stage, all I could make out was his sharp jaw line, a pair of thin narrow eyes, spider bites, a small spiked choker, and the muscles in his arms, chest, and abdomen. A black Misfits shirt with the sleeves cut off hugged his body while a pair of black skinny jeans with holes cut in the knees rested on his hips a little low, but were being held up by a bullet belt and a silver studded belt.

Mikasa brought me back to reality by wiping a hand across my chin, yelling with a chuckle, "Stop drooling, lover boy." I rolled my eyes with a wave of my hand to shoo her away to the mosh pit. She disappeared within a second.

I turned my attention back to the stage after making sure Armin was still by my side. The beat of the drums slowed down to a steady rhythm before the singer raised his fist straight out in front of him, everyone following suit, and his deep voice formed lyrics.

Our names won't be remembered

If we die like trampled flowers

I refuse to be forgotten

Written off as less than worthless

The beat picked back up a tiny bit and I found myself smiling. Everyone around me sang along.

Scream and cry

But none will hear you

Plead and beg

But none will help you

My chest constricted in the slightest and I subconsciously winced, looking down. 'I'm all too aware of that." I glanced to my right when Armin took my hand in his for encouragement and gave him a small smile in return.

There are beings that live off of fears

And their words are like knives

As they play with our lives

They'll try to control you

As if they own you

Will you let them still your freedom?

Something inside me felt like it was twisting, ready to snap. 'No. They can't have my freedom. And I can't let them control me..." I took a deep breath and let go of my friend's hand. My head began to bounce with the tempo like everyone else's. Armin grinned up at me and pointed to himself then up towards the sky. I nodded and flipped him a peace sign as he was raised into the air and thrown into the crowd.

Throughout the next four songs, I just bobbed my head to the beat, waiting for Mikasa or Armin to return. Occasionally I'd catch myself staring at the vocalist, and at some times I thought maybe he was returning the stare. But there were thousands of people around me. It was impossible to tell. His voice was hypnotizing to the point where it felt as if he were only singing to me. For the first time in a while, I felt elated to be outside.

As the fourth song ended, the raven-haired man announced, "This next song isn't one we wrote, but a cover we'd love to play for you all. And just a heads up- it's a bit slower than our usual stuff." He nodded to his band members and immediately, I felt my heart sink when they began to play. I'd been avoiding that song for a million reasons. Now, as he sang it, I felt myself closing in, my eyes drifting to the ground.

I can see every tear you've cried

Like an ocean in your eyes.

All the pain and the scars have left you cold.

I glanced up and there was no mistake; the singer was looking down at me. I crossed my arms over my chest as if to protect myself and sang along.

I can see all the fears you face

Through a storm that never goes away.

Don't believe all the lies that you've been told.

The crowd started to sway and some of them lifted a hand in the air.

I'll be right here, now

To hold you when the sky falls down.

I will always

Be the one to take your place.

I closed my eyes and sang louder, feeling the man's gaze on me still.

When the rain falls

I won't let go.

I'll be right here.

At some point in the song, Armin returned to me. He leaned his hip against mine to give me comfort and did a funky dance that never failed to cheer me up. Although it helped, it didn't stop the flashbacks of forceful hands wrapping around my arms, dragging me backwards into a box. Or the flashbacks of the sun blistering my chest, ropes bounding me to the earth. My eyebrows furrowed and I dragged in a shaky breath. 'I'm not there anymore. They can't take away my freedom anymore.'

The song ended and everyone hooted and hollered. I kept my eyes closed as the next song started up, this one being just as fast paced as the first four they'd played. Somewhere near me I heard a deep voice ask, "This one wants to?" and a familiar voice gave an affirmative response.

I opened my eyes to see Jean, an annoying classmate with a horse-face, standing about a foot away. My eyes narrowed then widened to the size of Jupiter as two giant hands wrapped around my arms. By the time I was being lifted, I was already kicking and screaming. 'No no nono. It can't happen again. It can't!'

Everything around me became a blur. There was no crowd. There was no band. I was back in the empty field, stripped down to nothing but my boxers, tied to the ground. I called for help but my lips didn't make a sound. Breath wouldn't fill my lungs anymore. My throat felt like it was closing. But somehow, when I looked up at the sky, there was a ghost image of a pair of thin gray eyes staring back at me and a distant voice saying, "Will you let them steal your freedom?"