"I think I should say thank you for doing this", Lucia said as she got out of a cab with her son, both carrying groceries.
"Not that I don't like seeing you, but it's the third time this month" Rafael replied, looking straight ahead while his mother opened the door of her building.
Lucia sighed. "I guess it's too much to ask for you to forget about the luxury of Manhattan from time to time".
"That's not what I'm saying. Stop using that argument. And, for the record, I have no problem lending you money…" he said as they started to climb up the stairs. "…If by the end of the week you realize you have no cash for groceries or transportation, just tell me, okay?"
"I don't need your money, thank you very much…" she said, emphasizing the last part ironically. "…Things have just been tougher lately. The budget for the school is smaller now, so I ended up working more to get paid less. Also…" - Lucia stopped in the stairs and touched Rafael's arm to get him to do the same. When he stopped and turned around to focus his gaze on her, she continued. "…I've been spending more with medication for my mother".
Barba sighed and offered her a concerned look. "All the more reason you should let me help you… And abuelita". Before his mother could roll her eyes and call him a gringo-wanna-be, he finished his thought. "This is serious. Let your ego aside and realize that you cannot maintain two people, one of whom is an eighty-five year old woman, with a job that barely covers your grocery spending" he argued.
Lucia looked anywhere but at her son and pursed her lips, in a gesture that Rafael hoped was acceptance. After a few seconds, she gathered her thoughts and nodded. "For now. For her" was all she could say, and they continued to move silently to her apartment door.
They entered the apartment and put down the bags.
"Okay, I need to get going. See if I can get another cab soon" Barba started to head out but Lucia stopped him.
"What's the hurry? It seems like you're always late for something" she called out from the kitchen. "And there's no way I'm gonna let you wait out there in the cold in that dangerous street".
Rafael suppressed a smile. "I'm not seven anymore, mom. But I suppose I could stay for a while". Barba sat down on her couch and waited for her to join him. "What do you wanna talk about?"
"Tell me about your life. We barely talk and, when we do, you're always mentioning those abhorrent crimes you take to trial" Lucia said and settled in on the couch with her son.
"Well… you know that that's what I dedicate most of time to do. DAs don't have much of a busy social life"
"That's just sad, Rafi". Rafael started to protest but was cut off. "Lo se, you love your job, but take this from someone who spent most of their waking moments working: always try to take time to relax, turn off your phone"
"This is New York, mami"
"Well, then get out of New York for a while. A vacation! Do you even remember what that is?" Lucia eyed him.
"I have always wanted to visit la América Central. Maybe even Cuba one day, but I'd settle for the other islands" Barba started to daydream. It was no secret that he loved to explore new cities and countries, but a certain thought brought him back to reality. "But, for that to happen, SVU needs to stop bringing me those 'abhorrent cases' I take to trial", he sighed.
"I know you explained me SVU has more bureaucracy than most units, but I hardly think every case needs to be taken to trial. At least not by you..." Rafael's mother ran her right hand through his hair. "They should do fine with another abogado for a couple of weeks".
"Hm, I could talk to the DA's office and Sgt. Benson" he said, though he knew he wouldn't do that for the time being.
"Of course! You're required by law to take vacations, aren't you?" Lucia asked and Rafael nodded in response. "Wait. 'Benson', where have I heard that name before?"
"She's in charge of the squad. I've told you about her before, when she was abducted…" Rafael started to dart his gaze around the living room, and didn't see the understanding look on his mother's face.
"I remember… I remember telling you it wasn't your fault, mi hijo"
"Not that it makes it any easier. It's been almost two years and we never really talked about it"
"Maybe she just wants to forget that and get on with her life. Last I remember, she was a detective. Now, she's a sergeant… That's progress" Lucia tried to sound comforting.
"I suppose…" he half-heartedly replied. "Well, Olivia got the custody of an orphan recently and she's thinking about going for adoption". Barba had to acknowledge Sgt. Benson had made progress since Lewis, but it bothered him how unresolved the subject was between them.
"See? She's doing fine… And you're still good colleagues" she patted his back.
"Actually, for some time now, I've been considering her my friend. I think we've bonded over those cases, her kidnap… Alex…" Barba looked down, as if lost in thought.
"I know how hard that was on you, Rafi, but it's really nice to know you have someone to count on and trust at times like these" his mother gave him a reassuring smile.
The subject moved on to their regular conversation and then a dinner prepared by both of them. Rafael left shortly after they ate, with promises of getting a week's vacation and maybe even bring Lucia and Catalina along in a small trip. He didn't thank her for her kind and comforting words, but Lucia didn't need him to voice his gratitude to know how much he needed someone to talk to. She only hoped the other person her son could rely on was Sergeant Olivia Benson.
About two months later.
Lucia was still healing emotionally from her mother's death, which had happened only four days prior. She was sure her son was hurting as well, but after he got the news and came to Catalina's old house to comfort her she had barely spoken to him. As he always tended to, Rafael tried to blame himself for the tragedy, and even though Lucia knew that was not true, at that emotional time she didn't have the mindset to tell him he was only trying to look out for his family and how much she appreciated that.
Now, however, feeling guilty over what she may have made her son believe all these days, she found herself entering the courthouse she knew Rafael usually was at week afternoons. They needed to have a serious conversation about family relationships and the funeral, both of which were subjects she wouldn't be able to ignore for long. Lucia looked around the building searching and asking about her son until she saw a familiar face. She had only met the woman for a few seconds all those months ago and had only heard her voice once, but she approached her anyway.
"You're detective Benson, aren't you?"
Olivia looked up from her phone. She was standing right outside the courtroom.
"Yes, and you are Barba's mother, if I remember correctly" Benson offered her a small smile, which Lucia returned.
"Exactly. Do you know where Rafael is?" she resumed to look at all directions for her son.
"As a matter of fact, he's right inside…" she pointed to the courtroom door. "… But he's prepping a witness for a trial. She's a big witness, so he wants to go through all the details of her testimony… It should take a while".
Lucia sighed and looked at the tiled floor. She knew how seriously her son took his job, but she also got the sense that he was avoiding her too.
"Well… I don't wanna interrupt him, so tell him I stopped by".
As she was turning to leave, it was Olivia's turn to sigh, as if she was contemplating her next move.
"Wait! Mrs. Barba!" she called out. When the older woman turned around, she began to speak in a quieter tone. "Is this about his grandmother?"
"Did he tell you about that?" Lucia's voice was also lower, filled with sadness over the subject.
"I had to practically interrogate him about why he showed up so late and looked so 'out of it' four days ago, but he told me, yes"
Rafael's mother almost smiled. "He went to work that day? Why does that not surprise me?"
"You have a very stubborn son, Mrs. Barba, but it's pretty clear how much he cares about the people in his life. And, honestly, that doesn't surprise me"
Lucia felt the sting of Olivia's words. "So he told you more…" she said and looked up to meet Sgt. Benson's eyes.
"Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel your pain. I've lost my mother and, even though we didn't have the best relationship, it still hurt. Just…" she sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "… Just make sure you don't pull away or alienate people who obviously care about you".
"I understand. In fact, I came here to try to fix what I did… Actually, what I didn't do" Lucia looked at the floor again and raised her eyebrows to try to hold back tears.
"That's good. It's really good" Benson spoke softly again and smiled sincerely. "I would offer to call him out here, but that's a conversation you two should have privately and calmly. I bet he's anxious to make amends with you again"
"I know I am" Lucia replied and left without saying another word.
Much like the conversation she had had with Rafael a few months prior Catalina's death, there was comforting and understanding with her and Benson, even during a small talk in a courthouse corridor. On her ride home, the woman thought about her son beginning to open up about his problems with a person who could actually understand and support him, not just be one of his lawyer colleagues, with whom Rafael went to trips and yachts with, but never really seemed to share a personal conversation. Lucia Barba didn't know exactly how deep her son's feeling ran for the Sergeant she had just spoken to, but she hoped that Olivia would keep on being in his corner and supporting him for a long time.