DISCLAIMER: HG characters do not belong to me.
A/N: One shot story, the setting takes place during the events of Catching Fire. I recently watched a clip of a Bella/Jacob scene from Twilight Eclipse and it inspired me to write this one shot. This chapter may be part of a possible future story, but that won't be for a while since I still have quite a bit to go on my other story-Finding Peace.
You will see parts of the Catching Fire book/movie in this story, and you will definitely see shades of the scene from Twilight. I was also inspired by scenes from Boardwalk Empire/the Americans. This is my first attempt at writing a story from Katniss's POV.
Secrets and Lies
He doesn't see me off to the train station, not surprising considering the fact that he said he wouldn't be there. I am going on the Victory Tour, trying to convince the world that I love Peeta. I don't know how convincing I will be, but I have to try my best. It's the only way he, Prim, and my Mother will survive. If I fail, Snow will kill them, this I know. I have to lie in order to save them.
Peeta asked me if we can be friends when the tour first began, I quickly agree. He is so pleasant, it is hard to say no to anything he asks. I begin to feel more comfortable around him, and even ask him to stay in my bed at night since my nightmares have prevented me from being able to sleep. I enjoy his friendship, and I don't think I would be able to get through this Victory tour without him, despite the fact that Gale lingers in the back of my mind.
My feelings for Gale come to the forefront the day Peeta proposed, in front of Caesar and everyone in the Capitol. The crowd erupting in cheers, Caesar holding back tears of joy. I wonder if Caesar is genuinely happy for us, or if he is putting on an act. It is hard to tell with him. I know Gale is watching, most likely while on break down in the mines. What is he thinking at this moment? Is he angry that I am now engaged? Accepting Peeta's proposal in front of everyone, it is for sure going to be all everyone in the Capitol talks about. I begin to hope that maybe, just maybe, he will understand, understand that I am doing this for him. And for my family.
I see just how much my actions hurt him the day we come home. The minute Peeta and I get off the train, hand in hand, I see his hard cold stare while he stands next to Prim and my Mother. Both of them waving, he gives Peeta and I a look that could kill. I see the fire in his eyes, the anger, and the hurt. I feel Peeta tug on my hand slightly and I turn and lean in for a quick kiss. All part of the act. The crowd cheers and as I turn back to face the crowd, I see him storm off, leaving Prim and my Mother behind.
I am so busy the day we come home, I don't get a chance to try and go see him. I head to Hazelle's house the next morning, but of course he is already gone. Off to the mines to work a 12 hour shift. Hazelle says she will pass along my message to him, that if he has time tomorrow, to meet me at 6 pm. I don't tell Hazelle where, for he knows where to meet me.
I wait the next day in our usual meeting spot in the woods, easily slipping through the fence out of sight from the Capitol's eyes. Or did I? Are they watching me now? Will they see where I plan to take him?
He shows up at 6 pm on the dot. I can tell that he must have taken a bath before he left, for he smells like soap and has no trace of his day in the mines on his skin. It is Saturday, and tomorrow is his only day off. The only day of the week that I can see him.
"Follow me" I say softly in case someone is watching. We quickly grab our stuff from our usual hiding spot and head off, deep into the woods. I am taking him to the lake, the place my Father took me to when I was younger. The only place I think may be safe from the Capitol's eyes at this point.
I explain to him the significance of this place when we arrive. He nods his head in understanding then says, "So you are going to marry him huh?" His face void of emotion.
"I don't have a choice. I have to convince Snow that it isn't an act."
"And if you can't convince him?"
"Then you die, along with Prim and my Mother."
"I can handle myself."
"I have a plan" I blurt out, desperate for him to not do anything foolish.
I see he is intrigued, "What's that?" he asks.
"We run away."
"What?"
"We run away together, deep into the woods just like we talked about."
"You mean it?" he says, his demeanor changing drastically. I see the hope in his eyes.
"Yes."
I hear him laugh and feel myself being lifted off the ground and spun around. My head spinning, I laugh into his shoulder as I feel him put me back down on the ground.
"Does this mean you will go with me?" I ask timidly.
"What do you think?"
"You don't think I'm mad?"
"I do think you are mad and I'll still go with you."
"Really?"
"Yes" he says as he bends his head down and places it against mine. "I love you" he says softly.
I sigh deeply and pull away, not able to say the words back. "I know" I find myself saying instead.
I see the look of hurt in his eyes and he abruptly turns away, I grab his hand in an attempt to pull him back but he jerks away from me. His eyes seething, he raises his voice as he says, "Don't touch me" and begins walking away from the lake.
"Gale!" I shout in a desperate attempt to get him to stay. I take a few steps towards him, and see him turn back around slowly.
"I'm done, I'm so done" he says, suddenly looking and sounding fatigued, the long day finally catching up to him.
I don't know why, but I feel a sudden urge to make things right. "What can I do?" I find myself saying without thinking.
He looks at me incredulously but doesn't say a word. He turns back around and just as before, starts walking away.
Knowing that it is now or never, I shout, "Gale stop!" He stops, but he does not turn around, his back still turned from me.
"Kiss me" I shout, not knowing what has come over me.
In a flash, he turns around, his eyes wide in disbelief. "What did you say?"
"Kiss me" more confidence in my voice.
Before I know it his lips are on mine, kissing me deeply. I reach my arms up to pull him closer to me, feeling my body pressed up against his. We continue kissing each other and eventually pull away from each other. His hands cupping my face before giving me one last kiss.
I look up at him, knowing that my face is flushed I whisper, "Let's head inside so we can talk" and I turn towards the cabin.
He takes my hand in his and we head inside. Beginning to get dark outside, we discuss my crazy plan of running away. He talks about his plan to keep Prim, Rory, Vick and Posy safe from predators when we are in the woods, by setting up a very complex but efficient trap line.
"Nothing will get past the perimeter of the camp" he says.
"Hopefully Peeta can help us hunt" thinking that we could use an additional person in case game is scarce.
"What?" he says taken a back.
"Peeta and Haymitch have to come with us."
"I didn't realize our party would be so large" he says irritated.
"Snow will go after them first, it's the only way they will be safe."
"No one is safe from Snow! Should we invite the whole District?"
"Gale" I say reaching for his hand.
He brushes me off and says, "You don't think it will be too crowded with you, me, and your fiancé."
"That's not fair." I am irritated, when will he stop being so insanely jealous? I just asked him to kiss me! I have never asked Peeta to kiss me the way he did.
"What's not fair is us leaving those who need help behind."
"I want out, and I want you with me. It's too dangerous to stay here, the Districts…they" and stop myself before I say any more.
But it is too late, his look changes and he says, "What do you mean?"
"On the Victory tour, I….I saw."
"Saw what?"
"District 11 defying the Capitol, an innocent man was executed."
He knows I am holding more back. He frowns and says, "What else did you see?"
"At the Mayor's house, I saw in District 8, the people were fighting back."
"It's really happening, people really are rebelling."
"It's why we need to leave! The Capitol will kill us, all of us."
"I'm not leaving with you Katniss. I can't. It is our duty to stay here and fight, fight for freedom. We need to start a rebellion here in 12."
"Gale-"
And he gets up and storms off, leaving me alone in the cabin. Nothing but silence overpowering the room.
The next day, I find Peeta to tell him of my plan. As expected, he agrees to come with me and then asks if Gale and his family are coming to.
"I don't know what his plans are" I say stiffly.
"Did something happen? You don't seem yourself." He looks at me with concern in his eyes, the same look on his face whenever I awake from a nightmare.
"We may be friends now, but you don't know me well enough to know when I am not myself." I see my words have stung. I don't know why I said what I did, but one thing I do know is that I don't need him treating me like a wounded puppy.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset-"
"No, I'm sorry" I say interrupting him. I already screwed things up with Gale, I can't risk alienating Peeta as well. "We need to leave first thing tomorrow morning, can you be ready?"
"I think we should talk to Haymitch."
Suddenly, we start to hear commotion coming from the town square, and I begin to hear the sound of a whip.
I am awakened by Peeta who tells me he will watch over Gale and that I should go upstairs to sleep. Letting go of Gale's hand, I see he is still sound asleep, the morphling still in his system. I see that it is early morning. As I turn to head upstairs I thank him.
He asks what the plan is now. I look out the window and see blizzard conditions, I'm relieved, for I now have an opportunity to come up with a new plan.
Not wanting to tell Peeta that I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, I say, "We will figure it out later" and quickly leave the room to avoid further questioning.
I change into my sleep clothes and get under the covers, it is cold in my room, and I try to warm myself up. I have trouble falling asleep, longing for Peeta's arms around me, holding me close, keeping me safe. I know it is irrational to want both of them, but I do. Sleep eventually overtaking me, I drift off thinking about Peeta's safe embrace with Gale's fierce kiss.
I hear someone calling my name, rousing me from sleep. I see Gale's face when I open my eyes, bolting up to make sure I am not dreaming.
"What are you doing up? You need to lay down and rest!" I say worriedly.
"I woke up and you were gone."
"Peeta offered to watch over you."
"I know."
I help him lay face down on my bed, he winces in pain as he moves. I close the door behind me as I race downstairs to find the morphling, hoping there is still some left.
I see that Peeta is gone, I wonder if it is because Gale woke up and came up to my room. I fill my Mother's syringe with morphling and hear her come down the stairs.
"Where's Gale?" my Mother says, confused at where he could have gone in this blizzard.
"He came up to my room. Can you give him another shot?" and I hand her the syringe.
"Sure."
We head back upstairs and when I open up the door to my room, see that he is passed out. My Mother gives him another injection and tells me that I need to keep his wounds covered. I thank her and before she leaves I find myself doing something I hardly ever do when it comes to our relationship, I apologize to her. I need to say I'm sorry for yelling at her yesterday.
"Gale will be alright, I have seen worse. I know it is-hard to see someone you love be in pain."
Her words send shock waves through me. She knows my feelings for Gale? If she knows, does that mean Peeta knows as well?
After his wounds are covered I climb back into bed. I am still tired and feel I could use a few more hours of sleep. I look over and see Gale sleeping heavily and reach out and gently touch his face before closing my eyes, relieved that he will be okay, and that he is beside me.
I am sitting on a chair in my living room, my heel propped up. I am still recovering from my injury, confined to either my bed or this chair. I have Peeta to keep me company from going crazy being cooped up inside, we have been entering information in my Mother's medicine book, Peeta drawing the pictures for me.
I enjoy his company, but I have realized over the last few weeks that my feelings concerning Peeta and Gale have now been solidified. While Peeta keeps me company during the day, his visit keeps my mind off of what I long for at night-Gale's arms and lips comforting me.
Even after he recovered from his injuries he stayed in my bed, visiting me each night after spending time with his family. With food scarce since the fences were turned back on, I have Prim take over to Hazelle's left over food each day since I am unable. Once he eats dinner and spends the evening with them, he packs a bag and sneaks up to my room. I leave the window open for him each night. I don't know if the Capitol is watching me, I can only hope since it is total darkness when he comes up to my room, that whatever camera is watching my house does not see his movements.
It is our secret. I am not sure if Hazelle knows, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has figured it out. Each morning he leaves before anyone is awake, heading off to the mines. On Sunday's, he leaves at his usual time to head back to his house, and returns to my room Sunday night.
We try to be as quiet as we can. In the beginning, it was just his arms around me while I slept, it brought me comfort. Then his lips, then his body. We try to be careful, for I don't want to have a child. Not now, not ever. But we are not always careful and I soon began getting up once our love making was finished to hobble into the bathroom attached to my room and inject a substance into my body to ensure that a child never grows inside me. He usually sleeps when I do this, unaware of my actions. I am keeping secrets not only from everyone around me, but from him as well.
Two days ago, I was not careful enough, and left the evidence of what I did on the sink. When he went into my bathroom to shower before work, he sees what I have been keeping from him. He is furious.
"So each time we have sex you inject this…..poison into your body? Night after night?" he screams at me while we stand in my bathroom. I hope that my Mother and Prim are still asleep for it is four in the morning. I pray that they are not hearing this conversation. My good foot begins to ache from all of my weight on it.
"I don't want a child, you know this."
"What do you want Katniss?"
I am unable to answer, for I don't know the answer. I know that I want him, need him, but I still long for old my life, my life before the games. Even now when my life is so much easier. I realize I am tired of living a lie.
"I know I don't want to lose you" I manage to say. His glare softens and he embraces me, lifting me up and carrying me back to the bed.
He kisses me and holds me close, hugging me so tight I almost pass out. Sensing my discomfort his kisses become less frantic and eventually, his lips pull away from mine and he rests his head on my shoulder as he whispers, "I have to go."
I nod my head and bite my lip as I look up at him. He kisses me one last time before getting up and stripping off his clothes and heads into the shower. Less than ten minutes later, he emerges from the bathroom. His bag on his shoulder, he tells me he loves me before heading to the window, sneaking out into the darkness. I do not tell him I love him back. I know I should, but I can't. I think surely he knows how I feel about him by now right?
I think of how there are now no more secrets between us as I watch Peeta draw in my Mom's book. Relieved that I no longer have to hide the evidence of what I have been doing, I contemplate telling my Mother my secret, to see if there is anything else I could use to prevent pregnancy. Is my current method safe? I don't know, and I know Gale is worried that what I am doing could kill me.
Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted when Peeta says, "What are you thinking about? You look deep in thought" his blue eyes looking intently into mine.
"That I think we should have dinner with Haymitch tonight, just the three of us."
He smiles at me and says, "Sounds good to me" and focuses his attention back to his work.
I want to have dinner with him and Haymitch, for I enjoy getting out of the house as much as I can. I feel sick inside for telling him yet another lie as I watch him draw.
Once I am fully healed and the snow begins to melt, my prep team along with Cinna come to the house to visit me. They are here for an official wedding shoot. They have me try on a bunch of different dresses and take my picture. While grabbing a quick lunch with Peeta in between shoots, he senses that my mind is elsewhere.
"I just, I hate this. The Capitol making such a big deal about us, putting this wedding on display for all of Panem to see."
"We have to do this, you know we don't have a choice."
"I know, but I still hate it."
"Because of Gale?"
"What do you mean?" I begin to panic not knowing why Peeta has asked about Gale.
"You know it hurts him to see us on display in front of the Capitol."
"I don't think he is hurt-"
"Don't lie to me Katniss. I know you have been hiding your relationship with him."
I stare at him in shock. "How?" I manage to whisper, not wanting my prep team to overhear us.
"Last Saturday night, I was having a hard time sleeping and I decided to go outside to get some fresh air. The sun was beginning to rise, and I saw Gale sneak out of your window. I saw him lean up and kiss you in the window before climbing down."
I look down in shame. I am not ashamed that he knows I am with Gale, but ashamed that he knows I have been lying to him.
"Snow can't know, no one can know. I didn't want to lie to you."
"Well, I'm sorry that you can't be with the one you love and instead, you're stuck marrying me!" his voice rising in anger.
"Peeta-"
And before I can say another word he gets up and leaves me at the table, walking out.
"Oh good Peeta is gone, ready to try on your next dress?" Octavia says to me when she comes into the room a few minutes later.
I force a smile and say, "Yes" and get up from the table and head upstairs to continue the shoot.
"Prim says there is a mandatory viewing tomorrow night" I say as I curl up next to Gale in bed. His hand stroking my hair, I lay my arm across his bare chest as it moves up and down. I feel my heartbeat begin to return to normal, already longing for him to be inside me again. I can't get enough. I am beginning to think I am addicted, addicted to him.
"Let me guess, she thinks they are going to show footage of your wedding shoot." I hear the disdain in his voice.
"Yes."
"You don't think that's what the viewing is about?"
"I don't know. I think it could be something else."
"Maybe the Quell?"
"That's what I am afraid of."
He assures me that it will be fine before drifting off to sleep. I want to talk with him about it more, but I know I need to let him sleep. He gets little sleep as is, and with his nights spent with me in my bed he sometimes hardly gets any sleep at all when my nightmares wake me up multiple times throughout the night.
I look up at the ceiling and wonder how much longer I can keep this relationship a secret. Peeta knows, most likely our families know, will it only be a matter of time before Snow knows if he doesn't already?
I tell myself it will be fine and close my eyes. Trying to fall asleep, I realize I am lying to myself to ease my fears.
No one is safe from the Capitol, least of all me.
A/N: Reviews are appreciated!