"I can't believe he did this to you!" Mimi exclaimed for about the one millionth time that afternoon.
"Well, believe it, he did!" I replied through sobs.
"I just-" Mimi started.
"It's not anything new! Why does this time come as such a surprise to you?" I snapped.
"I just still can't get over it, that's all." she replied sheepishly, afraid that I might lash out at her again.
"I'm sorry Mimi." I apologized.
"I'm the one who should be sorry." she replied.
"No, he's the one who should be sorry!" I corrected.
"Yeah." she agreed.
"It's no skin of his back though. He simply beats me and then goes to work and then beats me again before bed. I wouldn't be surprised if a block of time in his day planner was reserved specifically for beating the crap out of me!" I half joked.
"What are you going to do?" Mimi asked, as she always did when we met like this.
"What else can I do?" I asked.
"Leave him?" she suggested.
"I can't! He wouldn't survive on his own!" I argued.
"And you won't survive with him!" she reasoned.
"But Mimi, I love him." I answered simply.
"I don't know how you can love a beast like that Sora. I just don't get it." she sighed.
Our conversations were always the same. I would call Mimi up, whaling! She would attempt to console me on the telephone, but it never worked. Instead, she would invite me over to her house for a soothing cup of tea and a heart to heart. I would tell her all of my problems in between fits of rage and tears and she would listen, just like a good friend should. Every time I would ask her what I should do, and every time she would answer the same way, begging me to leave him. And today, just like every other time, I told her no and made my way back home. It wasn't always like this. We used to be happy, but then it all changed in a matter of seconds.
We had a son and he was Tai's pride and joy. Just like his daddy, he was going to be a professional ball player. I have to admit, he was pretty good for a two year old. He and Tai would go to the park and play for hours. Tai had all the patience in the world when it came to our little boy. He loved that kid to death. I did too, but the problem was that that was exactly where we loved him too- death!
He had his soccer ball out on the front lawn, waiting for daddy to get home from work so that they could play. Tai would have been practicing all day, but he still would have played. I was watering the garden off of the porch and occasionally I would glance up at him to make sure that had not gone off somewhere by himself, but he was a good boy and I really wasn't too worried about it. As long as he had his ball, he would stay in one place. The hole in that theory though is that balls do not only stay in one place, they roll! When they roll, they roll right into the middle of the road. When they roll into the middle of the road, fearless children run after them and when fearless children run blindly after rolling balls, they are struck by speeding cars, while a mother cries out, seconds too late.
Tai was devastated and so was I. Our son, just two years old, had been taken from us by the icy hands of death. It was then that Tai's heart also turned ice cold and that was when he began hitting me. He blamed our son's death on my ignorance and honestly, I can't say that I blame him. I should have paid more attention, but now I must suffer at the hands of my torn husband.
"Hi Tai, dinner will be ready in a few minutes!" I called to him, trying to be as cheery as I could be when he came through the door.
"Alright Sora." he answered nicely enough. "What did you make tonight?"
"Steak with back potatoes." I called back.
"Oh." he replied glumly.
"Is anything wrong?" I asked, knowing full well what was coming.
"It's just that I thought we had decided on chicken this morning" he moped.
"We did, but I got busy and didn't have time to go to the store." I admitted. "We had this in the freezer and so I figured that it would do. We'll have chicken tomorrow night." I promised.
"Fair enough!" he shrugged before leaving the room to shower and change. I had prepared myself for the worst, but luckily, the worst hadn't come yet.
We sat down to dinner, but I wasn't able to enjoy it, as I was constantly on edge. Normally something would have happened by now. Dinner would have been scrapped and I would have locked myself in the bedroom, sobbing like a mad woman. Tai would have gone out to get a pizza, or to the bar or something. I was scared. This wasn't how things were suppose to be. I wanted him to hurt me. I needed to know that everything was okay, that he still loved me. It hurt to love him, but at least I knew that everything was normal.
"How was your day?" I asked cautiously.
"It was fine." Tai managed, I could see the half chewed food in his mouth as he spoke.
"How was yours?" he asked.
"Okay..." I lied.
"What did you do all day?" he prodded.
"I went to see Mimi." I whispered.
"You didn't have time to pick up chicken at the store, but you had time to see Mimi?"
"I had to talk to her. It was important." I insisted.
"What did you talk to her about Sora?" he asked. His voice was getting louder and the veins in his head started showing. I started to relax. I know that it sounds strange, but it was this mood that I was used to now. I no longer know how to deal with the pleasant Tai, and so I welcome this hostility. "Did you talk about me?"
"We uh..." I was at a loss for words.
"Did you tell her how bad I hurt you last time?" he asked. By this time he had risen out of his chair and was coming closer.
"I didn't mean to." I insisted.
"You didn't mean to? It just sort of slipped out?" he echoed and then added his own to it.
"Yes Tai." I quivered.
"Well here, this will teach you for having those slip ups." he said, with a backhand to the face. The force knocked me out of my chair.
"Please Tai, don't!" I begged.
"And this will give you something else to talk about in case you do slip up!" he shouted, slapping me again.
"Please Tai, it hurts. Please Tai, I love you. It hurts. I love you. It hurts. I love you." I chanted over and over again as he hit me harder and harder.
That was the last of it. I remember chanting until the familiar darkness set in. I was away from him when I was there and I was happy. When I awoke I was in the hospital and Mimi stood by my side, holding my hand. "It's going to be alright now." she whispered.
"Where is Tai?" I asked.
"They took him away Sora. He'll never hurt you again."
"But, I promised that we would have chicken for dinner." the tears started to form as I spoke.
"You won't have anything to do with him now Sora. You're free." she told me.
"I need him. I love him!" I cried.
"You don't need him!" Mimi insisted.
"But I do! It hurts to love him, but I do."
THE END
~Mo Mantai