This is written for the Music History classroom, option two: Write about someone who experiences something for the first time.
A huge thank you to Alice, who betaed this for me!
I never felt like this before. The weird feeling in my stomach, the butterflies, the way I would heat up if he just looked my way, it was something new for me. I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was scaring and frustrating at the same. Me, not knowing something? Had my cousin found out, he would have never let me live this down.
I knew him all my life, listening on one side my father complain about him all the time and on the other mum telling me not to listen to dad, that he had changed, that he was a good man and their friend. Well, mum's friend. She always had been more forgiving than my father.
Then I befriended his son, on my first Hogwarts day, despite dad telling me not to befriend him. It's not that I was trying not to listen to him, but it just happened. Mum had taught me not to be prejudiced and see behind the appearances, so when he came to my compartment asking for a place to sit I had agreed. And we talked and talked and… we became friends. Best friends. So I started seeing him and his wife on a daily basic in the summers and on Christmas holiday.
I don't know when things changed, but they did. Suddenly I wasn't enthusiastic about visiting my best friend, I was happy that I would see his father. That he would talk with me…
I found myself missing his voice, his laugh, I saw him everywhere, wherever I looked I would see and hear him, in the grey clouds, on the blue sky, in his son. I was no longer talking with my best friend, but with a copy of his father, yearning to see the original…
It wasn't a nice thing to think about your best friend, especially when he was nothing like his father, except the looks, but I… I was changing, and my guess that the butterflies I had had everything to do with it.
It was so strange, the way I felt around him, even when I was just thinking about him.
And I was in sync with him. I was feeling what he was feeling. When he was happy, I was happy too and when he was sad I wanted nothing more than just to comfort him, to hug him, being sad myself.
I knew that what I was feeling was wrong, but I couldn't help it. Not thinking about him was something that I just couldn't do.
But I still didn't knew what was happening to me. It's a wonder that it didn't drove me insane, all these feelings, bubbling up inside me. I wish I could have told somebody, anybody. But I couldn't. And I didn't.
That was something new too. Usually I told mum everything, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her this. Even if she was more understanding than dad, how could I tell her that I wanted to , (I didn't even know what)… all the time my best friend's father? So I didn't dare to say anything.
I hated myself for my feelings, for… for this attraction, I had. He was married for Merlin's sake!
And I knew he loved his wife very much. So much that for the first time in my life I felt jealousy. And I had no right to feel so! I hated myself. But I couldn't help it no matter how hard I tried. And trust me, I tried to keep away, to stop seeing him, but it hurt too much to stay away. In the end I've just given up.
When that horrible accident happened, I was afraid that I changed so much that I would actually be h…, but I didn't. Whatever was that changed me it was still me. I cried so much that day, more than him, I cried for the woman who felt like a second mother to me in my school days, I cried for the my best friend, I cried for the loss of his wife, I cried because she had died knowing my traitors feelings, having figured out just days before. And when she had confronted me she hadn't been disgusted or angry, she hadn't judged me, she just… looked at me with understanding eyes, like..like she knew something that I didn't and smiled a sad smile. It almost broke me, that expression on her face so understanding and… I couldn't believe how kind she still was to me, even after…
I was there for him, more than I was for my friend, and we cried together holding each other tightly. I think that was the moment when mum had understood what was happening with me, that I had this unthinkable attraction and these feelings and why I had them , even if I didn't understand myself, though I had a hunch, but I was too afraid to even think about it. It was too unthinkable that I could, that I would…
"And do you understand it now? Or it's still too unthinkable to think about?" my husband's laughing voice came from behind me, waking me up from my reverie.
"You startled me!" I said turning around to face him. "What are you doing here? Prying?"I accused pointing my finger in his direction.
"You're writing a book about our life, I believe I am entitled to see what are you actually writing, am I not? But you still hadn't answered my question. Do you know now?"
"Yes, I do." And with that I pulled him towards me, putting my arms around him and while looking into his grey eyes I whispered,
"It was love".