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Chapter 1 Em ste streek au (She walks)

Lexa walked away. Not with a conscious purpose, but merely because her legs were carrying her away. Her steps were purposeful, her head held high as the warriors silently moved with her. No one dared speak at this moment.

They were leaving with each and everyone of their people that had been trapped inside the mountain, yet there was a heaviness in the air. A weariness in their limbs as they trudged away, the conflict in their hearts growing with each step.

Lexa's mind was numb as they continued on. It was as if her mind went on autopilot the moment she turned her back on Clarke. She had been forced once again to make a decision with her head, and to walk away from her heart. Several times she was certain that she would turn around, go back to Clarke and carry through their mission. Several times she was certain that her body would lead her back to the blond who possessed her so thoroughly.

But her feet would not comply, and so she trudged on, away from blond hair and fierce blue eyes.

She felt like she was walking blindly, following behind the steps of the army before her with no real sense of direction or purpose. Pulling every ounce of her being to maintain herself, to stay strong in front of her warriors, despite the fact that each step felt like a tiny crack forming in her heart. A very real and sudden realization hit her that if she stepped too hard, the cracks might finally shatter whatever remained of her resolve into a million pieces.

As she kept walking, she closed her eyes, remembering a moment in her childhood when she had broken one of her mother's cups, a rare keepsake her father had found on his journeys outside of their village. Out of fear Lexa had hidden under a table. Her mother had picked up the pieces, cooing softly to her that it was OK for her to come out. She watched as her mother put the pieces on the table and waited for her to crawl out from her hiding spot. She scooped young Lexa up in her arms and sat her on her lap.

"I can fix it nomon,"(mother) young Lexa whispered sheepishly, reaching her hand out and turning to her mother, ready to reshape the glass pieces. He mother leaned back into the chair and nodded at Lexa, whose little fingers began trying to shove the pieces back into place. Lexa picked up piece after piece and shoved them together, growing more and more frustrated as the shards slipped around and refused to stay in place. She tried to force the pieces into a round shape, but couldn't make them obey. She let out a small growl of frustration and slammed her hand down on the glass, causing a sharp piece to jab into her palm.

Lifting up her hand, she held her breath while she inspected it. She looked at her mother, who sat up to inspect the young girl's hand. She held back tears at the pain starting to emanate. "Hush now," her mother whispered softly to her as blood began to trickle down. "No tears." She held on to her wrist and gently tugged the glass out of her palm in one swift motion.

Lexa shrieked in pain.

Her mother quickly wrapped a small cloth around her hand and pressed gently into the wound to stop the bleeding. Lexa inhaled a shuddered breath at the action, gritting her teeth as she tried to stop the flood of tears streaming down her face. "Lexa." Her mother calmly spoke, holding her daughter close. "You know better, don't?" she asked softly, wiping her face gently with her finger. "Showing pain..."

"Is showing weakness." Lexa sniffed out through gritted teeth.

After a moment's pause, Lexa's mother asked, "What did you learn?"

Lexa's green eyes squinted back as she thought through her actions. "You mean other than I wasn't smart enough to fix it?" she asked innocently. Her mother nodded, a small smile playing on the corner of her lips. Lexa shook her head as she gazed at the shards again. The one bloody piece that had lodged itself into her palm angrily looked back at her. "Nothing?" she finally responded.

Her mother peered into her eyes. "This cup, like your heart, is very fragile." She grabbed two large pieces and tried putting them together. "Once broken, it is nearly impossible to put it back together. Even if you could, it would always have the marks of the break, forever remembering its shattered past."

Lexa's finger trailed softly along the crack, "I couldn't fix it," Lexa confirmed to her mother. "I tried to force it, but it wouldn't obey me. The glass attacked me," Lexa sniffled.

Her mother smiled, placed the two pieces down and picked up the bloodied one, showing it to Lexa. "You cannot force what is broken to mend, Lexa. It will not bend to your will, no matter how hard you try."

Lexa pouted at her mother as she processed the words. She stared meaningfully at the shattered cup on the table, absentmindedly running her thumb against the cloth on her hand. "Once it's broken, it can never go back?" she looked at her mother who nodded her response. Suddenly something clicked and panic seized her again. She gripped her heart and looked at its place on her chest and then at her mother's heart. She placed her hand gently on her mother, finding solace in her heartbeat. "What if one day you break like this cup? How do I fix it?"

"Do you remember when nontu broke her arm?" (Father) she asked patiently. Lexa nodded.

"He couldn't move it for weeks", Lexa confirmed.

"Eventually, it healed, and he was able to fight again, right?" she asked. "But he's not quite the same, he still complains about pain radiating from it, doesn't he?" Lexa nodded again. "This cup," her mother dropped the piece onto the table, "can never be fixed," she confirmed, "but a heart is not quite the same as a cup, Lexa. A broken heart might never be the same again, but with time it can mend, reshape itself into something new. Different than what it was, if you are open to it." She wrapped Lexa up in a large hug before she continued, "sometimes, new love can even make it stronger. You just have to give it time, and believe."

Lexa opened her eyes, shaking herself out of her memory, and took in the forest surrounding her for the first time since she had walked away. She inhaled the crisp air, breathing new life into her lungs. She did what she had to do to put her people first, fulfilling her duty as the Commander of the 12 clans. This was not the first time she had to leave her heart on the battlefield, but it felt like this time she might never be able to live with it. Would she ever be able to make peace with herself again, with Clarke?

"Give it time," she whispered to herself, expelling the air from her lungs in one quick puff, "and believe."