Author's Note:

As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.

PROLOGUE - May 2008

Luke walked up to her front door with a feeling somewhere between contentment and abject terror. It was like that moment at the summit of your favorite roller coaster. You knew you loved it, but for a split second before the drop, you always wondered if it would be worth it.

He stopped for a second, a slow smile spreading across his face.

She was always worth it.

It had been a week since the graduation party under the tents. A week since their kiss. A week since Rory got on a bus to follow that Senator around the country. A week since he had seen Lorelai.

He had wanted to jump right back in to things with her, but she had claimed she needed the time to recover from Rory leaving and to figure some things out. Deep down, he thought this was part of their problem, each of them needing to do everything on their own terms, neither one willing to risk depending on the other. He hoped they could change this time. He was willing to do anything to make this work.

Lorelai had seen him coming up the walk and opened the door before he could even knock. She stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind her.

"Hey" she whispered, looking at him.

There was something in her eyes that worried him, but then again, Rory had been gone a week and he was sure it had hit her hard.

He leaned in to her, anxious to kiss her. As he closed his eyes, he felt rather than saw her head shift a fraction of an inch, his kiss landing on the corner of her mouth.

He opened his eyes in time to see a single tear slip down her check, and in that moment, he knew.

"No" was the only word he choke out.

"Luke, I … I have to"

"No" he said louder, as though through his own force of will he could stop what he knew was coming.

"Just listen" she began "I can't do it again. And God I want to. I love you. I will always love you. I sang that stupid song for you… well for Rory cause at first you weren't even there, but then you were, and it's always you, it will always be you. But Farmer leaves in the end because he knows he isn't what she needs him to be, and I am not what you need Luke, I'm just not. I'm nothing but trouble for you and I can't do it again. I can't hurt you and I can't watch you shut me out. I can't go back to hurting for you all the time. I have to go and grow up"

He stood there looking at her, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. He knew he should say something but he didn't know what.

"Luke, please try to understand. I know this doesn't make sense to you, but I grew up with Rory and I think I only just realized how wrong that was. I have somehow stayed frozen at sixteen. I mean sure I raised a daughter on my own and she is pretty fantastic and she is going off into the world and I realized I never did that. She's left me behind like the old High School friend who stays in town while you go off to conquer the world. I don't know how to just be me. I have to learn how to be just Lorelai… not Emily and Richard's daughter, not Rory's mother, and not Luke's… whatever. Just Lorelai. I have never done that."

Ok, he thought to himself. Maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe she just needs to get a way for a little while and find herself… or whatever the hell it is the hippies all say. For the first time since she opened the door, he allowed himself to hope.

"So what is this, some kind of Eat Pray Love thing?" he asked, noticing even in her current mood her eyebrows arched and she couldn't help but smile. "What" he asked, "You told me all about it when you read it. Believe it or not, I do listen Lorelai."

"Kind of like that and I know you listen, even when you don't want to," she answered quietly

"So where are you going?" he asked, for the first time hopeful that this was not a permanent goodbye.

"I don't know," she answered, her eyes shifting down.

"Lorelai…."

"Okay, how about I'd rather not say"

"When will you be back?" he asked, the fear returning and lodging in his throat.

"I don't know. I really don't"

"Lorelai…" he whispered. He wasn't sure if it was a curse or a prayer, but it was her and she was both.

"Luke… I know… and I love you, and…" as she spoke, she had unconsciously reached for him, attempting to draw comfort from his strength, not even realizing it until he began to yell.

"NO" he yelled jumping away from her. "You do not get to tell me you love me. You do not get to stand there with the tears and the sad and the …NO. This is all you, baby. You are choosing this. So do NOT stand there and tell me you love me and look to me for comfort when you are the one who is running away…. AGAIN. Why am I even surprised at this point. I should know better."

"Luke, please…. I"

"Goodbye Lorelai"

"Wait…." She called to him as he stormed towards his truck. "Please it's important"

He turned to look at her, working to keep his composure, he slowly walked back until he was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm… well…. Here" she said, handing him a thin envelope.

"I don't want a Dear Luke letter"

"It's not... it's the money for the inn"

Luke dropped the envelope as if it was hot

"No"

"Luke it's your money. Take it, please. I am not selling the house. At least not now. Not until… well, anyway, I will have someone look in on it from time to time. I will get you the money you put into the house one day, but for now, this is all I have, the $30,000." She had slowly moved closer to him. Now in front of him, she bent, retrieved the envelope and held it out to him once again. "Luke…please"

He grabbed the envelope from her and shoved it in his pocket. He looked at her then and for all of his anger and his beloved righteous indignation, all he wanted to do was fold her into his arms and protect her.

"Lorelai. Please. Make me understand"

"I don't think I can," she answered, not looking at him.

"Try" he whispered, sitting on the porch step.

"I have to run away from home," she said, sitting next to him on the step.

"Didn't you do that at sixteen?" he asked, instantly regretting how it sounded, but knowing she would understand his meaning.

"I did. And in some ways, I grew up in a single night at Hartford Memorial Hospital. It's amazing how the world shifts when they hand you a baby and tell you it's yours. I learned to do what I had to do. I learned to work, to pay bills, to be a mother, to be a friend, to be in business. But I never learned to be an adult. Not really. I feel like my entire life has been some bizarre Freaky Friday thing, only I'm not really either, not the mom, not the daughter. I have spent 19 years playing dress-up and pretending to be an adult."

"Ok. I can get some of that. But I still don't get why you can't stay here… why we can't…"

"Luke. We both know I'm not what you need"

"Are you quoting song lyrics to me?" he asked quietly. God save him, he loved her so much.

"Cheesy song lyrics. But it doesn't make it less true"

"Are you coming back? I mean should I bother hoping or is this it? I mean if it's just some time you need, I can give you time." Luke asked, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.

"Luke. I don't know. But I need you to do something for me"

"What"

"Don't wait for me"

"What" he asked, sure he had heard her wrong.

"I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to be happy. I don't want to be the thing that you lug around with you that keeps you from living. I don't want you to wait"

"Right" he said the anger flooding his body again. He stood up quickly and began pacing at the foot of the steps. "Right. So this is all crap then. You're leaving, you made up your mind and you are walking away"

"I'm trying to do what's right," she yelled, tired and frustrated at not being able to make him understand.

"You know what Lorelai," he said, leaning down to where she was sitting and looking deep into her eyes, "you can go to hell"

Author's Note

I know this is not where everyone wants our favorite couple to be after their Bon Voyage kiss. Please stick with me…. I'm not saying when, I'm not saying how…. But I promise you, they will get there. It might take a little longer than you like – but good things are worth waiting for (I hope).

I welcome your feedback and reviews.