Inspired by the tumblr text post: "do you ever have those people that you'd go anywhere with unconditionally,like they could say let's go check out that dumpster and you'd be like I'm in."
So I've been doing those Brittana & Text Posts things and I couldn't get the visual of Brittany and Santana in their cute little cheer informs climbing into a dumpster together. So this had to happen. Also, tell me if you catch the Bob's Burger's reference.
X
"Let's go check out that dumpster."
Over the years Santana has heard a great number of random silly nonsensical things come out of Brittany's mouth, and because she's fluent in Brittany-speak she's understood the logic and basic reasoning behind a majority of them.
But this one?
Nope.
The minute those words left Brittany's mouth, Santana's reaction had been to make some airy laugh through her nose because no. Santana Lopez did not dumpster dive.
They had just finished eating at Breadstix and were making their way - take out bag in hand - to Santana's car. Her parents were out of town and the plan was to go back to her house where she was really hopeful that nakedness (and possibly some kind of lap dance) would ensue but when they were halfway across the parking lot Brittany grabbed her upper arm and gently tugged at her, halting her progress and making them both stand statue still. Santana raised an eyebrow at her but the blonde didn't immediately offer an explanation, she just simply stared off into a nearby alleyway as if puzzled.
Between the Breadstix building and some Chinese buffet place was a small pathway where a few dumpsters were located and illuminated thanks to a few flickering overhead lights. It was pretty grimey and grody and Santana was completely lost as to why Brittany was all of a sudden so interested in exploring the alley, or more specifically the filthy disgusting dumpsters housed inside of it.
"Uh, say again?" Santana asked after a moment.
"I said let's go check out that dumpster," Brittany repeated herself, throwing a head nod into the general direction and pulling at Santana to follow. "I think I heard something over there."
"Whoa-ho-ho-ho," Santana machine gun laughed as she wiggled out of Brittany's grasp. "Why the hell do you want us to check out a dumpster?"
"I don't know, I just do. Like I said I heard something."
"Yeah, what you probably heard was a giant rat. He probably feasts on the junk Breadstix throws out into their nasty ass dumpster every night, Britt. No."
"No but yes! I'm serious though," Brittany bounced on her heels. "There's something telling me I need to go check out that dumpster, San. I have a feeling."
"Yeah, well I have a feeling right now to. It's called horny and I mean," Santana raised a shoulder and couldn't help but turn slightly bashful, "I thought we were going to go back to my place. It's why we didn't get dessert because you said you didn't want cheesecake and would rather be face down in me inst-"
"I know and I do," Brittany said and gave her a shoulder bump. "And we still will, but I think we owe it to ourselves to explore this."
"Explore what?" Santana made a wave with her hand, indicating the completely dead parking lot. There were at least a dozen cars still parking around but not a single soul in sight.
"Explore that dumpster. Santana, what if it isn't a giant rat, what if it's something else."
"Like what?"
"I don't know," Brittany laughed, her face breaking out with mirth. "But something is telling me I need to go check out that dumpster. It's just...I heard a noise, a weird noise down that alley behind that dumpster and it could be something, it could be nothing. In this vast great universe that we exist in, it could literally be anything. I don't just see an alley and a dumpster...I see an adventure. This could be our origin story and inside that dumpster could be the weird alien asteroid that gives us our superpowers. It could be a portal to a parallel universe opening up. It could be that magic phone booth from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. It could be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
"I'm pretty sure it's not the Ninja Turtles."
"You're pretty sure, but are you certain?" Brittany countered, trying to make her case for exploration. "You won't know until you and I go check out that dumpster! Do you really want to go the rest of your life never knowing if here and now you and I could have marched into that alley and met the Ninja Turtles? I don't know about you Santana but I don't want to have that regret on my death bed."
Santana could only blink at that outburst.
"It could be all of those, it could be none of those," Brittany admitted, "but whatever it is it's an adventure. Will you please-please go on it with me?"
Sometimes Brittany's smile kind of did things to Santana's heart that she couldn't explain or control. And yeah, sometimes those feelings were fucking scary, but the fact that they were fucking scary made her absolutely certain that they were real.
Because there was no one on the face of this earth that Santana Lopez would ever follow into a freaking dumpster with or for. No one that is but Brittany S. Pierce.
"Fine," Santana exhaled heavily, groaning up into the sky with exaggeration, "I'm in, let's go check out this dumpster."
"Yesssss. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Brittany did a little dance motion in place before leaping to wrap her arms around her neck, after a few moments she pulled back to wiggle her brows playfully. "You know, just for this I'm going to do a little something special in bed tonight."
"The thing with the handcuffs?"
"The other thing."
"The thing with the whip cream?"
"The other thing?"
"The thing with the blindfold?"
"No, silly, the thing with the balloon."
"What thing with the balloon?" Santana squeaked, at a complete loss. "Why would we have a balloon in bed during sex?"
"It's a thing I read in Cosmo, trust me, you'll love it."
"Whatever," Santana shook her head and allowed a chuckle to roll out of her, "we're about to dive into garbage here, I'm gonna need a silkwood shower after this. Like five of them. There's going to be a long process before I'm ready to have sex again."
"Even if I hopped into the shower with you and helped you get all the hard to reach places?"
Santana bite down on her lip. Knowing that was on the other side of their little dumpster trip made the idea a little less ew in her eyes. "Okay, fine, we can have shower sex after dumpster diving."
"Awesome, now come on."
She took Santana's free hand and started leading them both towards the alley. And while she appeared to be certain in her every step and alert to her surroundings as they made their way, Santana was sure to walk extra slow, taking a bit of caution in her footing.
It's not like she was scared or anything. She didn't do scared. She did fearless. She did badass. But scared? She did not do fucking scared. Especially not in front of Brittany.
But, the alley was poorly lit, and wet from god knows what, and the closer they got the more grimey it looked. It could have doubled for some slasher movie set. And what were they? Two pretty hot smoking cheerleaders. And what were they doing? Walking into a dark icky space like total fools about to get murdered or eaten or robbed or turned into zombies.
Santana whimpered.
If she was about to get murdered though, she's just glad Breadstix was her last meal. And also that her hair was on point. She was too young and hot to die, but if she had to at least she'd make a gorgeous corpse.
She stopped her brain from running wild with ideas when they both came to stop at the threshold, right there at the entrance of the alley. Less than ten feet in was a dumpster, one lid flap up, one lid flap down.
"Ready?"
"Hell no."
Still they inched their way in and Santana clutched her Breadstix take out bag to her her chest,in terror hugging it like a teddy bear. And then - a noise. There was something rolling around in the dumpster, making gross, icky sounds as it pawed or scratched at the bits of garbage and food inside. There was definitely something in that dumpster. Something alive. Something moving. Something that judging from the sounds was way bigger than a rat.
"Hello?" Brittany said as she continued to walk closer, lifting her head and attempting to see what was behind the noises and movement. "If you're a rat trying to have it's dinner, we're sorry for interrupting your evening. We were just curious. Or if you're an alien who just crash landed and you need a human guide through our world and this is some kind of Lilo & Stitch situation, we gladly come in peace and will lend our services."
"Or if you're a vampire lurking around in the hopes of feasting on us, we should warn you we both just ate a shit ton of garlic bread, so."
They reached the steel container and suddenly the creepy noises from within it stopped completely, and when Brittany took a gulp of air and decided to lower her head to peer in she came back out and offered Santana a shrug.
"I can't see anything."
"I think that's a sign that maybe this little adventure of ours is over." Santana tried to tug at Brittany so they could walk back and away from this madness.
"Wait," Brittany said and was already moving to lift open the other portion of the lid, throwing it open so that there was absolutely nothing covering the opening and they had a clear view.
She again stared down into the soppy gross garbage...and saw nothing. This, Santana knew, was where any normal logical person would walk away. Walk away and let whatever curiosity they had go and get on with their night and lives.
But she also knew, Brittany wasn't normal. Brittany was different. Where other people backed down or walked away, Brittany was brave, Brittany was relentless. Brittany wouldn't rest unless she had her answers, even if she had to crawl into a freaking dumpster to find it. Brittany, afterall, believed in adventure.
Santana just really hoped this adventure didn't end in her best friend getting rabies.
And so with a horrified look on her face Santana watched the blonde hop up, swing a leg over and hop down into the smelly dumpster.
"Let's go check out that dumpster you said, it'll be fun you said," Santana sighed to herself.
"I don't see anything and the noises stopped."
"Brittany, look, I am all for you figuring this out, but can you please do it from outside the dumpster."
"It's too dark in here, hand me your phone."
Santana fished her cell out of her pocket and tossed it to her friend who, unfortunately failed to catch it. Santana's new iPhone fell down somewhere deep into the dumpster, making a thudding wet sound as it hit something.
"Sorry," Brittany said, making a funny wincey face in apology.
"Ughhh," Santana groaned, "my dad is going to flip his crap. He just laid into me this morning about taking care of things better - this is my third broken phone this month."
"I'll find it, don't worry."
Brittany started to gently walk inside of the dumpster, attempting to feel for Santana's phone when one of her feet apparently made contact with something else. Something else that made a loud, wailing whiny screeching cry that made both Brittany and Santana scream out loud.
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die," Brittany quietly chanted to herself with her eyes closed. She opened them when she felt something large match contact with her body, knocking her down.
It turned out that in panic and fear for Brittany, Santana got a shot of adrenaline and climbed into the dumpster. She had leaped onto Brittany, thus taking both of them down. Their butts in garbage as they clutched at each other.
Brittany's cool and curiosity were now suddenly replaced with fear. Her bottom lip trembled ever so slightly. "I can't believe I got us here, in a dumpster. We're gonna die in a dumpster!"
"No, hey, listen to me," Santana shouted. She realized that somehow, inexplicably the roles had reserved and that she needed to be the calm one. "This is not how we die. You're not going to die. I won't let it happen. I would never let anything happen to you. So if some fucking dumpster monster comes at us, it's gonna have to go through me first," Santana vowed.
And sure enough in the darkness of the dumpster the loud rustling began once again as the creature started moving about. The movement and the noises getting closer and closer to them. Simultaneously they closed their eyes, waiting for whatever came next. Whether it be an epic battle, or even death, they would go it together or not at all.
And then.
"Meow."
"The fuck?"
Santana opened a single eye. And there covered in trash and food with dirty little splotches all over it's dark fur, sat a kitten. A young but plump obviously stray kitten.
"Brittany?"
"Are we dead yet?" Brittany whispered, eyes still clamped shut.
"No, but I think I found your Stitch."
"What?"
"Open your eyes."
Brittany did as told and Santana watched as the girl's terrified expression bloomed into a giant grin as she caught sight of the tiny filthy kitten who did an adorable hop towards her.
"You're the dumpster monster?" Brittany asked the little guy.
Santana looked up at the opening of the container. "He must have jumped in here for some grub and then realized he was stuck and couldn't get out. He was probably crying and rolling around and that's what you heard." She exhaled in relief.
"Oh my god, look at him, he's so cute!"
"Brittany put him down!"
"But he's shaking, see!"
"Brittany do not put him near my face!"
"I'm going to call him Little King Trashmouth."
"You're not calling him anything, because we are not taking him" Santana picked herself up and reached down to offer a hand to Brittany." Come on, you solved the mystery Shaggy and it was terrifying and fun but it's time to go home."
"Santana," Brittany took the offered hand and pulled herself up, still clutching Little King Trashmouth to her chest. "We can't just leave him. He needs us."
"He's an alley cat. He'll survive. That's what alley cats do," Santana reasoned as she caught sight of her phone and picked it out of the garbage and wiggled it about to dislodge any bits of food and garbage.
"But he's not an alley cat, he's a baby. He got himself stuck in a dumpster, obviously he is not meant for life on the cold hard streets of Lima."
Santana shook her head at that and proceeded to pull herself out of the dumpster. With a grunt she landed on her feet back on the pavement of the alleyway and turned to wait for Brittany to do the same. Only Brittany wasn't budging. Like the kitten she was also now covered in dirt and stains. Somehow the garbage made Brittany look even more adorable than usual.
"Fine, we'll take him, but he's yours," Santana gave in. "I don't need any Lilo & Stitch situation going on in my house."
"Hear that Little King Trashmouth, you're going home with me!"
Brittany climbed out of the dumpster to stand with Santana who had to smile at the sight. Brittany was pretty effing cute holding a cat. It couldn't be denied.
"Come on." Santana gently bumped Brittany's side. "Let's get the both of you home."
X
Home as it turned out was Santana's house.
They had went up into her bathroom and she had helped Brittany fill the sink with warm water and they eventually gave Little King Trashmouth a nice bath, washing the grit and dried food out of his fur.
At this point in the evening the kitten was clean, but both Santana and Brittany were both covered in stains and general garbage grime, but Santana really didn't mind all that much. She didn't even mind giving the kitten one of her meatballs from her Breadstix to-go box. He was clean and content and happily chowing down and now that she was really looking, for an alley cat he had the very beginning of a belly on him.
They sat on her bedroom floor, leaning up against the side of her mattress and watched him eat his dinner. Or rather, Brittany watched him and Santana watched Brittany.
"I'm thinking maybe Little King Trashmouth is all wrong for him now," said Brittany as she ran her hand over the animal's fluffy head. "I mean, it should still be cool and regal, but it should be, I dunno, more sophisticated. He's not an alley cat anymore, he has a home."
"Prince Fatty Furball?"
"Good, but no."
"Emperor Chub Butt?"
"Mmm, no."
"Lord Tubbington?"
Brittany smiled at her. "Lord Tubbington."
Santana grabbed a breadstick from nearby and made to knight him with it. "I hear rename you, Little King Trashmouth, as Lord Tubbington. Reign wisely, my guy."
Brittany cuddled up to her side. "You're so cute."
"Yeah well."
Santana sighed when Brittany kissed her ear, and then her cheek, and then the side of her mouth. After a few teasing, playful moments she came to rest her head on Santana's shoulder. Kitten Lord Tubbington was at their feet, hardcore getting into that meatball, giving himself a little meat sauce mustache.
"You know I wouldn't have asked anyone else, right?" Brittany said.
"Hm?"
"To check out that dumpster with me. I wouldn't have bothered to ask anyone else. I wouldn't have wanted to."
"Why?" Santana yawned. Their adventures in dumpster diving had left her pretty exhausted.
"Because, I mean. If I was ever going to go check out a dumpster I'd only ever do it with you because I know you'd have my back, and you did. I screamed my head off and you totally jumped into that dumpster to protect me."
"You didn't need any protecting from Trashmou-I mean Lord Tubbington, unless you were afraid of being cuddled to death."
"But you didn't know that when you jumped in. You just did."
"How do you do it?"
It was Brittany's turn to yawn. "Do what?"
"Make everything feel like an adventure."
"I don't know. All I know is I only want to go on my adventures with you...and that's why I'd only ever want to jump into a dumpster with you, Santana."
"I'd only ever want to jump into a dumpster with you too, Brittany."
X
Yay. I wrote something quick. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. And if you want to come poke at me I'm yourstreetserenade on Tumblr.