FIVE TIMES ROSE WEASLEY THREATENED TO BLOW UP HOGWARTS AND ONE TIME SHE REALLY DID
by: l00ny
The first time was a joke. A bad joke, but still a joke.
"How would you go about blowing up Hogwarts?" Scorpius mused as they ate breakfast one Sunday morning. "Dy- that thing that looks like a red candle? Or a bomb?"
"It's called dynamite," Rose said. "Well, you couldn't use a bomb with too many moving metal parts, since it would probably just go fshoom like Dina's radio. Dynamite might work. You'd need a lot, but you might be able to supplement it with spells as well so that you'd set off a chain reaction."
Scorpius stared at her. "That was a joke," he explained. "You're not supposed to think about it seriously."
"You'd probably want to start by exploding the lower levels, so the upper ones could just topple down," Rose finished.
"You're scaring me." Scorpius leaned as far away from her as possible. "It was a joke."
"I know it was a joke," Rose said irritably.
"Didn't sound like it."
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
The second time was an accident. Sort of.
"How did it go?" Scorpius asked, trying to snatch Rose's essay from her hands.
She held it out of his reach. "None of your business."
"She got an 'O'," Al guessed, appearing on her other side and taking the roll of parchment. "I was right."
"Give that back!" Rose shrieked. "Don't tear it!"
"How do you ace every single essay?" Scorpius complained, fuming at his 'A'.
"I'm smart," Rose informed him, grabbing at her essay. "Smarter than you."
"As you remind me every day..." Scorpius muttered.
"They day you beat me on an essay will be the day Hogwarts explodes," she replied superciliously.
"I'm taking that as a personal challenge," Scorpius warned.
A week later, Ravenclaw House was amused to see Rose Weasley chasing Scorpius Malfoy round and round the common room, holding one essay marked 'O' and one marked 'E' and shouting something about how Hogwarts wasn't going to remain intact much longer.
The third time was a slightly odd fit of jealousy.
"Is that Scorpius and Dina?" Alice asked, looking over her shoulder.
Rose looked up from her butterbeer and scowled.
Alice smirked a little. "Are they, you know, together?"
"They are?" Rose said. "I can't believe it," she said a little too loudly. "What does she see in him?"
"The same thing you do," Alice said.
"What - " Rose stood up and, in classic Rose fashion, started waving her cup in the air and spilling butterbeer. "I DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN HIM!"
There was silence.
Rose sank down into her seat, muttering, as everyone stared. "I'm going to kill you, then him, then her, then myself. And all the other Hogwarts students in this pub. I'll blow up Hogwarts, that's what I'll do. Easiest way."
The fourth time was a sign of insanity breaking past all normal human bounds.
"Chocolate!" Rose shouted, pointing her knife in Dina's general direction. Luckily, Dina was intelligent enough to get out of the way as fast as she could, leaving Rose an unobstructed path to her true target.
"Vanilla," Scorpius said reasonably.
"Cho-co-late-ice-cream!" she screamed.
"Vanilla," Scorpius repeated, equally adamant.
Al and Alice were slowly meandering across the Great Hall, enjoying the show, while the sane denizens of Hogwarts were getting as far away as possible.
"CHOCOLATE!" Rose stood up, her knife spearing large steak as she gestured frenziedly.
"Vanilla!" Scorpius, only now beginning to raise his voice, followed their familiar pattern and stood up as well.
"I'm going to blow up Hogwarts!" Rose shrieked suddenly.
Scorpius was utterly dumbfounded.
"I win! I WIN! Ha! HA - HA - HA!" Rose's maniacal laugh echoed over the chatter surrounding them.
Al slapped Scorpius's shoulder in a commiserating way as Alice steered a still laughing Rose away. "She's gone off her head, mate. OWLs."
The fifth time stemmed from utter and complete frustration.
"I'm going to blow up this whole school," Rose snarled vindictively, viciously stabbing the parchment. "This. Whole. School."
"Not sure that's such a good idea," Scorpius said, sauntering in to sit down beside her and her tower of books.
"It's a wonderful idea!" Rose said. "No more pain, no more suffering, no more anything. Blissful peace for everyone... no OWLs, peace..."
"You need help," Scorpius said, taking her by the arm and lifting her from her chair. "Or maybe just sleep." He steered her towards the door. "And food."
"Lemme go," she mumbled. "Go snog your girlfriend or something."
"You're clearly going mental, because I don't have a girlfriend," Scorpius replied.
"You don't?" Rose pulled away and stared at him.
"Like I said, mental." He took her arm again and half-dragged her out the door.
The sixth time, she didn't threaten. She acted.
"What in the name of Merlin is this supposed to mean?" Rose screamed at the top of her lungs, waving the slip of parchment under Scorpius's nose.
"Exactly what it says," he replied without even looking at it.
She slapped him upside the head. "You - numbskull! Moron! Idiot! Moronic, idiotic numbskull!"
"What did I do now?" Scorpius asked, fending off her repeated blows.
"You said you didn't have a girlfriend!" Rose shrieked.
"I don't!" he shouted back, trying to make himself heard over the strange squeaky noises she was beginning to make.
"Then what in the name of Merlin is this?" She hit him in the face with the piece of parchment.
He was briefly taken aback. "That? Holy - Alice is so dead."
"What does Alice have to do with anything?" Rose shouted.
"That was supposed to be for you! Only much later! Shoot, now it's all screwed up - "
"For me?" Rose was momentarily disarmed, the hand holding the parchment going limp and falling back down to her side.
There was a short silence.
"For me?" she repeated. "Really? Oh Merlin."
And then Rose Weasley kissed Scorpius Malfoy in front of the entire Great Hall.
Hogwarts exploded in a flurry of "Merlin!" and "Now I owe Alice money, darn it" and "Well, that took them long enough."
A/N: Thank you for reading my craziness. This acts as a sort of prologue to LGAT, if you want to read it that way.