Bella gazed down at the snow covered ground outside as she pulled the comforter further around her to ward off a non-existent chill. She used to love the winter but now the glittering white reminded her of all she had lost. Scoffing she got up from the chair, keeping a grip on the soft blanket and headed towards the bed before collapsing on it with a small sigh. The room had barely changed since she had moved in, nothing to show her likes or hobbies or even her favourite colour. Frowning Bella wondered why that was, after all, she could remember the plans she had made, the designs she had dreamed up as she headed for her first day in school.
Ah that was it. Her first day at school or rather the first day she saw him. After that day every thought that wasn't about him had been wiped from her mind or pushed to the side. Rolling on to her back Bella looked up at the blank white ceiling lost in thought. All she had wanted after that first meeting was his love, nothing else had seemed to matter, and look where that had got her. All the dreams and thoughts she had about the two of them had turned into nothing, it had been as if it never existed in the first place. Ha, Bella thought, just like Edward said.
All she had left now was memories of laughter they had shared, well that and the tears that came every night. Brushing the depressing thought aside her mind turned towards that first meeting again. Would she do it different if she knew it would turn out like this? If she had known she was just a moment in his life, insignificant. Would he even remember her after a few years?
He would probably move on, as much as it pained her to admit it, she knew he wouldn't be single for long with looks like his, maybe he was with someone already, for all she knew he could be up with the Denali's, with Tanya. Despite how awful she felt Bella knew she didn't feel half as bad as Tanya would if Edward treated her the same way. Or had he already treated her like that. Maybe that's what he did? Moved on from person to person leaving them loving him and knowing he doesn't return it. Bella scowled at the devious thought, Edward would never be so hurtful, he was a gentleman and believed in love and treating people with respect.
Or did he?
After all he had claimed to love her and yet every time she asked about moving forward in the relationship all she got was uncertainty, would a gentleman string someone along? She had tried so hard to help him feel more comfortable and understand things from his point of view, and look how well that had worked, now she couldn't even go to school without remembering painful moments and hearing people whispering about her behind her back.
At least she could count on people gossiping to stay the same. She probably could have tried to explain what happened on the first day and it would have been forgotten about but all she had felt was hurt at him leaving her to face them on her own which left her reverting to Shy Bella.
Had he knew she would face all that? Did he even care about it? Had he ever cared about her at all? With this last thought she fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next day was just as cold; each breach of cold wind had Bella shaking like a house of cards about to fall. Shivering she sat down at the dresser and began brushing her hair watching her reflection in the mirror. Her dreams had been different that night, it was still memories of her and Edward but skewered, it was almost as if she was a slave worshiping a god, following his every order. She didn't have to try very hard at working out where that had came from,she had always thought Edward more worthy, not just Edward , all vampires really, they were so perfect how could anyone not be envious?
But then again hadn't she always been taught not to judge a book by its cover, after all Alice and Emmett had seemed like the most loyal of friends yet where were they now? A though Bella hadn't dared even consider was suddenly at the forefront of her mind. Had Alice seen this and hid the truth? And if she had then for what cause, so she could act out living human with me as her puppet? Or maybe she had been sheltering the truth from because by the time she found out what would happen it was already too late?
Maybe Edward was right and becoming a vampire did destroy your soul? It would explain Rosalie, ha, a small laugh escaped her mouth at the thought of the blonde witch, that was one member of the Cullens she wouldn't miss. Maybe species didn't matter at all and it was the person's heart that did. Bella look into her own eyes as if expecting to see her soul showing back, all she saw was the haunted look that seemed to constantly be present.
It was probably that look that made even Mike back off, the look that said don't get too close, it's dark inside this mind. It was probably her own fault, she mused, after all Edward had warned her off getting too close to him at the start but that was quickly forgotten every time he dazzled her and her she was at the end with nothing to show for her determination.
Bella gave her reflection one last glance before she got up and started to get ready, Edward might have been the breaking point but she had dug her own grave trying to break through his masquerade and into his life. She had got herself into this mess, finishing up changing she headed to her truck with determination in her eyes. This break up for lack of a better word could be whatever she made it, she could spend the next few months wallowing in self-pity or she could make some changes. She could shape her own fate.
Though she hated the idea Bella knew what she had to do, she needed to let him go. Slamming the door she glanced up at the rear view mirror, it may have been her imagination but her eyes looked a little bit brighter than they did before. Smiling, she placed her seat belt on and began to reverse, she wanted to keep that light in her eyes and to do that she had to escape the past.
There is a poll on my profile to vote for who you would like Bella to be with :)