Okay, let me get one thing out there… this story was written out of complete boredom. You might not even consider it an actual story since it's all script form… buuuuut it ended up being hilarious.
If you haven't played Mother 3, this will likely make no sense in some places. But then again, I've never played any of the Kid Icarus games, and Pit and Fallen are in this, so things happen…?
Also, yes. Fair warning, so certain people don't get on my back about this (since apparently it isn't obvious enough), this is contains RELATIONSHIPS and characters with queer sexual orientations.
If you have a problem with this, skip along your merry way and don't complain, because it's not my business. Thank you.
Additional notes include:
• Claus is basically the main character of the story.
• Because this was written over such a long period of time, the development of persisting coherence in dialogue and character personalities takes a little while. It starts out… a little less so.
Smashbound
Chapter 1: Crazy Reunion
Lucas: Ness, t-that's enough…!
Claus: LUCAS! I'M BACK FROM THE… dead… (stares at Ness and Lucas, and Ness has Lucas pinned down on the floor while sitting on him) WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?! (smashes Ness into the wall)
Ness: OW! What's your problem?!
Lucas: Claus, it's not-
Claus: (points) This one is GUILTY! I command you to LEAVE immediately!
Ness: Why do I have to listen to you?!
Lucas: Ness, I need to talk to him for a bit, will you please leave…?
Ness: Fine! But that still FREAKING HURT! (stomps out, goes across the hall, and then into his room)
(Lucas pauses and looks at the door that's lying on the ground with a hole in it)
Lucas: … Um…
Claus: Huh… (looks at cannon arm) Guess I came back from the dead with all my mechanical parts still here.
Lucas: You blew up my door!
Claus: Sorry. I'll make sure that gets replaced. Now what the heck was that?!
Lucas: Ness and I were trying out some karate move we learned, and I was getting really tired, so I was trying to get him to stop…
Claus: What kind of karate move looks like THAT?!
Lucas: One that exists…? (is massaging his wrist)
Claus: What happened?
Lucas: Um, Ness hurt it while-
Claus: HE HURT YOU?! THIS IS MADNESS! (walks out the door and blasts Ness's door down)
Ness: HEY!
Claus: Now that I did on purpose! (walks back into Lucas's room)
Ness: What's wrong with you?!
Lucas: Claus…
(Pit walks in)
Pit: RANDOM INTRUSION!
Claus: That only works if you're going to kick down the door!
Pit: Yeah, but it's already broken.
Lucas: So it's a good thing that it's not fixed yet, because Pit would break it again?
Pit: Kicking open doors doesn't break them, Lucas.
Lucas: It can break the latch!
(Ness stomps in)
Ness: FIX MY STUPID DOOR, ROBOT BOY!
Claus: IT'S JUST A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU DESERVE!
Lucas: Guys, please stop, you might break more things!
Ness and Claus: STAY OUT OF THIS!
Lucas: It's my room!
Pit: Did something happen?
Lucas: NOPE! Be on your way! (pushes him into the hall and puts the broken door into the frame. It falls over again)
Pit: Really?
Lucas: Everything is perfectly fine! There's no need for you to tell anyone about this!
Pit: All right then…? (leaves)
(LATER…)
Pit: And then he told me everything was perfectly fine!
Link: So…?
Pit: Something is definitely wrong here. Just think about it! Lucas's twin brother suddenly came back to life! And Lucas never told me that his brother was robotic!
Link: Why should he? It doesn't have to do with you. I'm surprised he told you he even has a brother.
Pit: You don't seem to care about anything!
Link: You care about everything too much. I'm sure he was just telling you to go away because you would tell everybody about his personal life.
(Suddenly they hear a crash. Ness and Claus roll down a set of nearby stairs leading to the Mother rooms, both of them covered with injuries)
Link: (slowly takes off sunglasses) Sweet mother of Nayru…
Peach: (skips up) All right, boys, no fighting in the lobby!
Claus: THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH YOU!
(Ness smacks Claus in the head with a yo-yo)
Claus: Oh, so now we're bringing out weapons?! BRING IT ON, PUNK! (arm turns into cannon) I would use my lightning sword, but I forgot where I put it!
Lucas: (runs down the stairs) This has been going on for fifteen minutes now, please stop!
Luigi: MAMA-MIA! HE'S GOT A CANNON ARM! RETREAT! (runs into a wall)
Claus: O_o
Lucas: Guys, there's definitely a better way to settle this!
Ness: Yeah, but if one of us gets a game over, we'll just come back to life no matter how hurt we are!
Lucas: All right, look! If people fight in the arena, no one actually ends up getting hurt in the end! But if people fight outside the arena, real injury or death is possible!
(Ness and Claus pause)
Link: Oh, well that just makes it sound like they were fighting for fun.
Claus: You're talking about this building's arenas, right…?
Pit: Hold on a second, so is that why he came back to life?!
(Everybody looks at him)
Pit: Since they were on the battle screen…?
Claus: You mean me?
Pit: Yeah! You died in a battle screen, so you just got a game over screen and came back to life after pressing continue.
Link: Doesn't that only happen for the protagonist?
Lucas: But… he sort of… killed himself… (Even if that made sense, why would he come back to life and accept himself still being mechanical?)
Claus: Lucas, I thought I was being so terrible… But I realized that you would be completely hopeless without me.
Pit: So non-protagonists can come back to life after getting a game over?!
Claus: I don't know! I just kind of came back!
Ness: OUR BATTLE HASN'T ENDED YET!
Lucas: SHUT UP NESS!
(Ness freezes)
Lucas: GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Ness: But the robot kid blew up my door!
Lucas: GO TO YOUR ROOM ANYWAY!
Ness: Okay, geez… (leaves)
Peach: Goodness! I was worried they might tear apart the building! Thank you, Lucas!
Lucas: Whatever…
(Claus hugs him)
Claus: I realize what I did was really stupid, so I'm not going to leave you again.
(Half the people in the room "awww"d)
Link: Wait a second, but he can't stay here, he's not a playable character! Heck, he's not even in SSBB!
Zelda: (she's been here for a while) Give him a break, Link. You don't know what those two have been through.
Link: But if he were allowed to stay, Roy wouldn't have ever left, right?
Zelda: I said be quiet!
Link: But Roy was one of my friends!
Zelda: Shouldn't Marth be the one complaning about this?
Link: UH… I'm gonna go read that story I found earlier. (runs off cartoon style)
(The Crazy Hand and the Master Hand enter the room)
Master Hand: All right, what's going on here?
Crazy Hand: I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION! The orange-haired kid has been granted permisson to stay here even though I don't know what just happened!
Master Hand: Shut up, Crazy! You don't even pay attention to anything half the time!
Crazy Hand: Carl! I told you my name was Major Monogram!
Master Hand: And I didn't listen to you! Now go watch My Little Pony or something!
Major Monogram: I shall! (leaves)
(Everybody in the room is quiet)
Master Hand: Ahem! Anyway, this is a very complicated situation! If I allowed the boy to stay, it would bring up much contention and complaining!
Lucas: (puppy eyes) Please…? He's my brother…
(The Master Hand stares at Lucas's adorable face)
Master Hand: … All right, fine!
Lucas and Claus: YES!
(They quickly run away before the hand can change his mind)
Marth: HEY!
Master Hand: You're not related to Roy, Marth!
Marth: Oh, so siblings have a right to stay, but not close friends?!
Master Hand: I know what Lucas's game is about, I know what he's been through!
Marth: Then why don't you tell us?!
Master Hand: I cried even though I'm a hand! If you really want to know, take this book that was conveniently written but doesn't actually exist in real life! (throws a book at Marth)
(One hour later…)
Marth: I HAD NO IDEA! (buries face in hands crying)