This idea just came to me! Note: deliberately has a lot of profanity.

"This is boring."

"Shut up, Sirius.

"Let's play Quidditch."

"Shut your hole, Sirius."

"Let's play Chess."

"Shut the fuck up, Sirius."

"Let's go annoy Moony."

"BLOODY FUCKING HELL, SIRIUS! SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Let's play Exploding Snap."

James groaned. Lily had just left for a girl's day out and Sirius was already annoying him. He turned for back-up. "MOONS! THIS IS A CODE VODKA! I REPEAT, THIS IS A CODE VODKA!"

"THE VODKA IS IN THE THIRD DRAWER FROM THE SINK!"

Sirius ran to the drawer as James shouted back. "NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU DUMBASS!"

"SHUT UP, PRONGS, YOU'LL UPSET HARRY!"

"TELL PADFOOT TO SHUT UP, THEN!"

"PADFOOT, SHUT UP! JAMES WILL UPSET HARRY!"

"I'M BUSY DRINKING, MOONY! ARE YOU BLIND?"

"DON'T GET DRUNK AROUND MY SON!"

Harry was quite enjoying himself, though. Fifteen minutes of shouting and a bottle of vodka later, Harry decided to use one of the words he had learned. "Pafof," he said. Everybody stopped and ran to the crib. "Say it again, Harry." Said Remus. "Pafof," said Harry happily. "Oh, my Merlin!" James said. "Harry said his first word! I better tell Lily." Lily had gone to the Three Broomsticks, so James just used floo powder. "He stepped out into the pub and looked for Lily. He saw her near the bar with Alice. He ran up and said, "Lils guess what!" Lily sighed and said, "You burned down our house?" James frowned. "No! Harry said his first word!" Lily bounced up and squealed. "What was it?" she narrowed her eyes. "Is it profanity?" "No, where would he hear that from?" "You and your mates, who no doubt shout them across the house when I'm not there." "Well, it's not. Let's go!" he dragged Lily to the fireplace. "Wait!" said Alice. "Can I come too? Neville hasn't said his first word yet." "Sure," said Lily and when they climbed out of the fire place Sirius was cheering and shouting, "Harry loves me best! Harry loves me best!" Lily scooped her son from the crib and said, "Say it again, baby." Harry looked at all the happy faces. "Pafof," he said. Sirius started cheering again. "Who is Pafof?" asked Alice. "That's Sirius' nickname. Damn," she looked at Harry. "I'd hoped his first word would be Mama." Sirius stopped and looked at Lily.

"That's not possible. He's a man, Lily. Do you know what he would be if that was his first word?"

"a mama's boy? I wouldn't mind that."

"No." said James. "That would make him a pussy. A loose, hairy, pussy."

Lily gasped as everyone else laughed. "JAMES POTTER!"

Harry decieded to speak up. "Pussy." James froze. Sirius backed away. Alice said, "Harry, one more time. What was that?" "No, NO! Don't say it Harry, or else you will be father-less!" harry frowned. "No pussy?" Sirius cracked up, followed by Remus and Alice. Lily put Harry back in the cradle and turned to her husband. "That's right, Harry. Your father will get no pussy if he's dead."