I Knew It

By Erin Christie

You know…

I knew all along that something like this would happen. Of course, no one ever KNOWS what that thing is… You know? It's just kinda a feeling you get. Yes, Bova, I'd tell myself, something unexpected and potentially dangerous is going to happen to you sometime in your life that's totally gonna change things. Hey, it'll probably kill you.

That's what I told myself, every day. Every single waking moment. I probably even told it to myself while I was asleep. But that's just how things were, and after I boarded the Christa with the rest of them, I was proven right. My life definitely changed; here I was, stuck in the middle of space with five other space cadets – one of whom I can't even see anymore. Yeah, I miss Catalina. But I guess she's still here. Suzee doesn't talk to her much when we're around, but sometimes she'll chuckle or roll her eyes at a joke that none of us can see or hear.

So yeah, we know Cat's still with us.

I've said 'I knew it' more times that I can count on this trip. I knew keeping Thelma active was a bad idea. I knew boarding the Christa's sister ship was a bad idea. I knew talking about wanting to be someone else was a bad idea. Karma, man. And there's no such thing as good Karma, ever. I mean, you think there is. And scientifically, 'bad' is simply the absence of 'good.' Not true! 'Good' is the absence of 'Bad,' and I have proof.

Not one thing has gone right on this stupid trip.

Christa's gotta be out to get us, I'm convinced. Either that, or she's playin' a really interesting practical joke. Sometimes I think about asking Thelma directly whether or not there's an easy way to get home, but despite the fact that this whole voyage is a bad idea, and I really miss sleeping in on weekends, I've come to look at the rest of the crew as a family.

Harlan, my big brother. Radu, a close cousin. Suzee and Catalina, the sisters I never had. Commander Goddard and Miss Davenport, almost like parents to me.

Rosie…

Well, let's just say…

I knew it.

Something was going to go wrong, which was why I was headed to the girls' bunkroom. I didn't want to get there, actually, and no matter how much I slowed my pace, I just seemed to be going too fast. The walls! They were zipping by me even though I was only goin' about two or three steps a minute. Seriously, this was just one of those things that you never wanted to have to do. Suzee would be there, of course, and Cat. But I wasn't goin' there for them.

Things change. People change. People leave.

I had some flowers from the biosphere. They were kinda weeds, I guess, but they were good enough for me. White little rosebud-type things… They'd been growing on a vine tangled up with some of the fruit we'd taken aboard on Kareesh-9. Damn that planet. Anyway, I had three flowers. Three. That would be enough, right?

I knocked on the door. Didn't want to just barge right in. A couple seconds later, it parted. Suzee was standing there, her expression was unreadable.

"Glad you could make it," she said.

Harlan was there, too. He was sitting on Rosie's bunk. His expression was also unreadable.

"I said I'd come. I'm not about to break a promise."

Suzee smiled a little bit, stepping aside to let me in. I set the flowers on Rosie's nightstand… There was nothing left on top of it. Nothing but a teddy bear and a few rocks and shells she'd collected on our voyage. Weird… This bunkroom was a lot neater than ours.

"Bova, I'm here for you…" Harlan's feet hit the floor, gently, and he covered the few steps between us in order to lay a brotherly hand on my shoulder. "…You know. If you ever want to talk."

I looked at the floor. Right then, I didn't want to talk.

I heard the door slide open again, but I didn't turn around.

"…Bova?"

I turned around.

She was absolutely beautiful.

"Just have her back by ten, alright?" Suzee. I could hear the slight amusement in her voice. I couldn't believe it.

Rosie smiled. Yes, people change. People leave. I'd changed… A little. I was still the same Bova that everyone knew. There was no way I was gonna ever miss a chance to point out everything that could and would go wrong. But I'd left a part of myself behind when I'd decided that maybe taking Rosie on a date to the Team Room to watch a movie on the Infocore wouldn't be so bad after all.

I knew something like this would happen. Something that was beyond my control. I just didn't know it would be this.

…I knew it.