Author: Stephjag
Email: Stephrabb@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG characters; they are the propriety of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario.
Classification: Romance H/M
Rating: PG
Spoilers: "Lawyers, Guns and Money"
Summary: Harm is staggered by what he just learned from Mac and makes a decision.
Author's note: This story is set in season 8. I was wondering what would have given if Harm would have said more than he did for once. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying things should have been different, though on some points it's true that. no, for me it's something that Harm could have done after Mac left. I only swear by Harm. My intention here is not to make a song-fic, but well to use the lyrics to make Harm understand something.
Thanks to Garth Brooks for singing this beautiful song.
Many thanks, to AeroGirl for beta-reading!
Feedback: Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment. If my work does not appeal to you for any reason, I have no problem with that, but please, no need to share that with me.
2305 Zulu Harm's apartment North of Union Station Washington D.C.
Harm was sitting on his couch, staring at the closed door of his apartment. Mac had left, and in a certain way he had the impression that she'd left for good this time. She had come to visit him to see how he was after all he'd been through, she said. Of course, everything was fine, for so far he wasn't accused of murder. But it felt as if he was after what Sarah Mackenzie just told him. Clayton Webb definitely had strange ways of doing things, but to drag Mac into his schemes, he was going a bit too far! Why did he choose her? Weren't there enough female CIA agents? No, apparently not!
Harmon Rabb, Jr suddenly realized that he was angry at Webb, but also at himself. Why hadn't he told Sarah what he really thought? Why? Why was it that once again that he had to say things halfway? Now she would leave for Paraguay, and she couldn't tell him exactly where or for how long. He realized that he was scared, scared of losing her. Why didn't he tell her then? He leaned back, putting his head on the back of the couch, and closed his eyes: hearing their conversation in his head again and her last words repeated like an echo. ["Your interest always fades when I might actually be in a position to return it."]
He had to admit that she wasn't entirely wrong. But he was scared to death. Scared of the day that she might be able to return it and if things would went wrong between them it would never be the same again. But what would happen if he didn't tell her? He didn't really want to think about it. But now Harm was forced to do so. While he was thinking, he listened to the background with a distracted ear to the radio. The music was beautiful, but the lyrics weren't worth a great interest. The singer was singing the song but he gave more the impression of whining. The song was finally finished; a bit of rest for my ears, Harm thought. The next song was going to change a lot of things in his life, but Harm was not aware of it yet.
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
, That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Harm carefully listened to the lyrics of the song and did not know if it was the lyrics or the voice of Garth Brooks, but while he was listening he had pictured himself in the situation. What would happen if tomorrow never came? Sarah would never know how much he loved her. He knew that she was the one who was leaving, but it didn't change anything. She had smiled when she said that was coming back, but the possibility that she wouldn't was very real. And he suddenly realized that he wanted her to know. If ever the worst would happen - he prayed for God to spare him from it - he didn't want Sarah to leave earth not knowing that he loved her.
Harm took his car keys, then the lift and climbed into his corvette, praying that Sarah Mackenzie was not yet gone. "God, make her still be in her apartment. I beg you!"
He parked his car in front of Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie's building five minutes later. He thought to himself that he had never driven so fast before. He got up, waited a few seconds before knocking, breathing deeply. He gave two knocks and waited. Harm was nervous. Mac came to open the door -- she was midway through the motion of putting her coat on.
"Thank God you're still here!"
"I was ready to leave."
"I know. But I have something to tell you."
"What, Harm -- what you want to tell me? That you don't want me to leave? You already told me that," Mac answered, exasperated.
Why did he always have to act like this when he was at the point of losing her? The same thing had happened at her engagement party on Admiral Chegwidden's porch two years ago. she sighed. She was really sick of this little game between them.
"I know what I told you, Mac. I still don't want you to go. But it won't change anything. Duty first! I'm eager to tell you something before you left the country. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before. And that scared the hell out of me. But I'm not scared anymore. I love you Sarah."
The young woman stared at him with teary eyes. She could hardly believe what she'd just heard. The man she'd loved since the first time she had laid eyes on him had just told her the three words she'd so often dreamed to hear.
["I love you too, Flyboy."]
Harm and Mac kissed each other tenderly but also with passion. It was true that she had to leave to go on the mission with Webb in Paraguay, a dangerous mission full of risks; and it was true that the possibility that tomorrow would never come still existed. but he was convinced that she'd come back to him well and safe. But if it wasn't to be, at least she knew now.
****** The End ******