Welcome to my super-random parody of Halo! This is an idea I had in my head for a while, and now here it is. Enjoy!
Master Chef: Cooking Evolved
A large, yellow piece of cheese floated through the darkness of space, which actually was a spaceship. The UNSC (United Nations Space Cooks) emblem ornated it's side, close to the giant hole in the front of the ship... Uh, cheese which acted as it's MAC (Mustard Accelerating Cannon). The ship 's name?
Pillar of Stilton.
Aboard the yellow observation deck, several technicians clad in cereal cardboard boxes were working on vendor screens, while an old man dressed in the same uniform and a pipe in his hand looked out of the tinfoil window. He spoke to seemingly nobody:
"Cortana, all I want to know is did we lose them?"
"I think we both know the answer to that Captain," a female voice appeared out of nowhere.
The one to answer appeared on a yellow holopad. It was a human AI, dressed in a big radish suit.
"How did they-"
"Get here first?" Cortana interrupted. "They Covenant ships have always been faster."
The Captain looked out the window; several gigantic aubergines were headed towards them, and fast.
"Captain, they have sent boarding crafts towards us!"
"Spin up the MAC! Target the closest ship!"
As the potato sacks loaded with Covenant troops closed in on the Pillar of Stilton, the Mustard Accelerating Cannon fired, spraying several dropships with high-powered, rotten Dijon mustard, the strongest of it's kind. Several potato sacks had their circuits (er... spaghetti wires) fried like boiling oil, the systems unable to contain against such a terrible food taste. They all blew up, sending potato crisps flying in space.
"Fry Missiles, now!"
This time, the Pillar launched a volley of hundreds of pommes frites covered in mayonnaise against the Covenant Aubergine class cruisers, the dressing failing to stick itself to the ships and impeding their movement because of the Covenant Shields (made of caviar).
"Captain, several boarding crafts have managed to attach themselves to the ship's hull!"
"Guess it's time to wake..." The Captain made a dramatic stare before turning to Cortana: "The Master Chef."
Down in the Cryo Bay, Master Chef was being unthawed from one of the fridges by placing him in the oven. After he had started moving himself, he stepped out, revealing an 8 foot tall green giant (not the same brand selling peas), clad in armor and dressed with a Chef's hat, a recognition symbol for all of those wearing his rank.
The Chef moved up to the fridge (haha, fridge, bridge, get it? Never mind...) And presented himself to the Captain.
"Captain Crunch..."
This is so stupid, but I'm enjoying myself. This is just a test chapter, but more are upcoming!