A/n: This was inspired by a beautiful game, titled "Air Pressure", and makes me believe games should be considered art. Unfortunately I don't know the link to it, but Google it for sure. I own nothing. Also, symbolism is heavy in this piece. Think about it, and you'll understand it.
Air Pressure
I met her when I was a teenager. She wrapped herself around me from our first meeting, and she's stayed there ever since.
It's been several years since that day, and she's still here with me. I used to find myself so happy to wake up and see her in the morning, but lately, I don't know how I feel having her around.
I pull myself out of bed. The world is foggy around me, but the day is nice outside. I don't feel any different than I normally do, but something triggers inside of me. It's an uncomfortable feeling, foreboding, almost.
I'll have to watch my decisions today.
Samus comes out of the bathroom, her hair wet and her dress fresh. She smiles at me. I remember how beautiful that smile used to be. I still grin back at her, though.
I need her. It's as simple as that.
"Do you know what day it is?" she asks nonchalantly, fussing over the nightstand.
I yawn. "Tuesday?"
For a minute she looks hurt. Then she appears to shake it off. "No, silly." She giggles, then comes and takes my hands. "It's the anniversary to the day we met. Would you like to do something?"
I open my mouth to speak…then hesitate. Normally, I would have let her drag me anywhere. But recently…
I remember last year, when I told her how I felt. How I wanted to be closer. And…I remember waking up the next morning, after being closer than ever to her that night. It was a reckless decision…and I still don't know if I was right in making it.
But…I was happy.
"You're lucky you didn't hit any important things," the nurse had scowled at me. I'd shrugged. And Samus was there beside me the whole time, stroking my arm. We then laughed about it when the nurse went away, and Samus told me to disregard everything the nurse said. But ever since that day, I've felt restless. I don't know how I feel about Samus anymore…
But I was happy.
Something tells me to keep going. Something tells me to say, "I'm going out today."
She looks disappointed, and I nearly want to die from it.
That's how much I need her.
…But I keep going.
"Oh…alright." She rubs her arm awkwardly. "I'll catch you later then."
When I'm finally out the door, I breathe a sigh of relief. And I can't fathom why. But there are crowds of people streaming around, and I want to lose myself amongst them. I head toward them, but already feel pressure bearing down on me, like a severe headache. That's when I hear a noise.
Should I stop or carry on?
I stop, not heeding my own warning to myself this morning.
I turn around, and there's Samus, tugging at her dress. "Hey, Marth. I wondered if you needed some company."
How does she always turn up, right when I need her?
I'm about to smile…but don't. "Sure," I agree indifferently.
She laughs, and falls into step beside me, but I know she senses something's wrong. She tries to brush it off, and says airily, "Glad you're thinking for once."
We walk a little bit longer. I start to stumble, the pressure returned to my brain, and she chuckles, "Stupid." I know I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot for being so dependent on her, for relying on her for so long.
"Let's go somewhere with less people," I say. She sees my state, then reaches out and takes my hand. So, so dependent.
And normally I would be okay with that. But today…
"The park," she agrees. We make our way there, and I think about how disappointed I am in myself. I thought I could cope without her…
"Hey," she says, looking at me. "You okay?"
We're at the park now, and we sit in the jewel-green grass. It's so bright, so cheerful. Like she is, however concerned she is about me.
Should I lie, or confess?
I hesitate, but the idea that I'm making this decision on my own supports me. "…no." I don't need to read the look on her face to continue. "I…think I need…to be alone for a while." I need to think.
She puts her hands on her hips, from where she's sitting cross-legged on the ground. "…I make an effort to cheer you up, but you don't need me?"
I look at her, the person I never knew I needed so much. And I can't find an answer.
"…not right now. I need to think."
She stands up, frowning, then gives me a look of alright, your loss, but I forgive you anyway. "Okay, I'll catch you later, then." She sashays off, uncaring, but I know I've hurt her, or at least made her anxious. And I can't decide if I like that or not.
I walk around the park for a little bit longer, until the sun reaches its highest point in the sky. The time has come to choose which side I stand on, and what I want. I need to know if I can stand without her. I need her…but I want to meet new people. The two of us spend so much time inside of our house…I wonder if I'm even ready to. But I need her…but I'm too reliant on her.
This'll be hard. I know it will.
But I have to stand on my own.
I take the lonely walk home, feeling unattached from it all. It's not an unfamiliar feeling, but it is unwelcome.
As soon as I walk in the door, she's standing in the threshold to our bedroom. It's confrontation time, and we both know that.
"We need to talk," I tell her slowly, approaching her apprehensively. She merely looks saddened, and it kills me inside. Maybe…
"Marth…Can't…can't we just carry on as always?" She looks up at me with big, innocent eyes. So trustworthy, but I don't trust her. "It's alright, isn't it?" I can't tell if she's talking about my thoughts, or this half-alive life we live together.
I suddenly realize I hate it.
I ignore her question, but don't look directly at her. "I'm sorry…I can't do this anymore."
When I finally look at her, her reaction isn't what I expected. I expected anger, resentment…not:
"I don't believe you." Cunning is her expression, then anger finally mingles in, but faint. "You're useless without me. You're boring, like everybody else. You will be just another person. Just alike."
I'm taken aback, mostly by the truthfulness I find in these words. "How – how dare – no, w-what?" I stutter uselessly, and she keeps talking.
"You don't want to be like everybody else, do you?" Then she slinks up to me, wrapping herself around my arm, like she's been my whole life. "None of them understand you like I do, Marth. Besides," she coos, lifting a hand to my cheek, "they'll hate you if they find out about me. They're cruel people, Marth."
I can't speak. I only stare at her…stuck, as always.
"What will you do when you realize that? What will you do without me?"
"Shut up!" I finally scream, pushing her away.
"If I'm not around, who's going to make all that not matter? Who's going to remind you that it doesn't matter, huh?" she cries, then approaches me again, her voice softening. "You know I'm what makes you yourself."
I sigh. "I know…" At her hopeful expression, I look away. "I hate that."
She wraps her arms around me. "It doesn't have to be all bad, you know. In fact, it isn't bad at all. It's your mind. C'mon, Marth…you know I'm not bad."
Oblivious to my feelings, as always, but I don't know if she's telling me lies. I want to believe that she is, but what if she's not?
If she's not, I'll be reliant on her as always. If she is, I'll be reliant on her as always.
"What are you going to do without me?"
We could live a comfortable life, with no answers or questions. Just comfortable. We could stay like this forever…never having to get close. Never having to get further apart. We could live like this forever…
We. We we we. Always we.
I shake my head. That "we" is what made me so dependable…but not anymore. "I've made up my mind," I say slowly, peeling her off of me, one word at a time.
She seems struck by them, but doesn't make me stop her.
"You can't do it without me. Just know that I'll always be here for you…I'll always help you, no matter how bad it seems." She sighs. "No one can help you as much as me, Marth."
I keep my face blank, but part of me agrees with her, with everything she said. And that part of me tries to keep back the words rolling off my tongue, but they slip out anyway.
"You have to leave."
I can't let myself believe her lies anymore…
And I can't let myself wonder if they are lies.
She is out of my life within a month, and I no longer rely on her. I wake up every morning, and I grin to see my bed empty, without her in it. I've gained my independence, and oh how sweet it tastes. The future isn't clear, but my mind now is, and I'm excited to be free. I'm excited to be myself.
I hope the day never comes when I want to see her again.
A/n: Hope you enjoyed, please review, and thank you for reading.
~Araceli L
