Rachel Berry was never very good at taking advice from others.
They had told her this would happen, but she just wouldn't listen. And look where it got her; lying on the living room floor, sobbing, with her heart shattered into a million little pieces.
Apparently Noah Puckerman thought it was perfectly fine to waste twelve years of her life.
But really, what did she expect? Hadn't she always known he was emotionally stunted? He was never able to really understand her. They were just too different. Don't get her wrong, she knew she played a huge role in destroying their relationship. In fact, she was now mature enough to admit that she was more to blame for it than he was. Yes, he didn't get why she felt the way she did, but she didn't even try to deal with his feelings on the subject. It was her body so she felt it was her right to get an abortion. She didn't care that he didn't want to lose another child. It was her body. Not his.
That being said, she didn't expect him to call her a "fucking bitch" and leave. It wasn't like she actually got the abortion yet. Even at this very moment, the baby was still growing inside her.
She just didn't see how she could have a baby right now. She was twenty, living in New York, never went to college and had just landed the lead role in a new musical on Broadway. If she had the baby there was no way she could do it. If she wasn't on Broadway she would have to get a normal job, but without a degree she wouldn't get a job that would cover the bills and a child. It wasn't like Noah could really help her with that ether. He had, by some miracle, gotten into NYU as a full time student majoring in music comp. The only way for them to keep the baby would be for Noah to drop out and get a full time job. There was no way in hell she was taking that away from him after watching him get his act together and bust his ass senior year. Just the image of his ecstatic face when he showed her his acceptance letter was enough to make the entire decision for her. She was just being logical. It wasn't like she got off on killing babies, this was hard for her too. She would ultimately be killing her child. A life that she created… something that was half her. But she knew there was no way for her to turn this situation into anything good. The way she seen it was that in a few years, after he had graduated and gotten a good job and she was an established actress, they could always try again. But he just didn't get that.
So there she was, lying on the floor, trying to figure out how to get out of this mess she had created.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't even realize someone had been calling her until she heard her father on the answering machine.
"Rachel, sweetie, I don't know what exactly is going on but Kurt called me and said that you and Noah broke up yesterday," had she really been on the floor for a whole day? And how did Kurt know? Did he see Noah? Did Noah tell him about what she wanted to do? Kurt probably hated her now too. "Really Rach, you should call Kurt back. He's really worried about you. And you know what? I'm sure we can find you a hobby now that he's gone."
And that was why she never took peoples advice. Really? The love of her life had just left her (apparently a day ago) and her dad's advice was to get a hobby? She knew that her dads didn't particularly like Noah, but was it too much to ask for just a little sympathy?
She pulled herself up onto her hands and knees before standing completely upright just as a wave of nausea overtook her. She ran to the bathroom and practically threw herself at the toilet before emptying what little she had in her stomach. After everything was out she continued dry heaving for what felt like forever. She just couldn't stop. Hot tears were streaming down her face as she tried to breathe through it but it only came out as small gasps. At some point she wondered if she could throw up the baby, but she quickly dismissed the thought as her dry heaving/sobbing turned into a full fledged panic attack. She fell to the floor (she was well acquainted with the floor at this point) gasping for air that never seemed to come.
Hours (or was it minutes? Seconds?) later she finally got her breathing under control.
Alone.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
That word seemed to be on repeat in her head. Noah was gone and she was all alone. All because he got her pregnant and she wanted an abortion. But she hadn't gotten it yet so why was he gone? The baby was still there. Did that mean that she wasn't really alone? She had the baby… but the baby would be gone soon. Just like Noah… and then she really would be all alone.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.
She didn't want that. Maybe she could keep the baby somehow? Then she wouldn't really be alone at all. And if she kept the baby maybe Noah would come back…?
Because really, what was her dream of being on Broadway worth if she didn't have Noah? Everything seemed pointless without him, even breathing no longer held value. Having a baby didn't necessarily mean the end of her dreams. She could still find her way back to Broadway, right? It didn't have to be over. And who was she to tell Noah he couldn't drop out and get a job? He was a big boy, he could make his own decisions. If he was ready to be a parent why couldn't she?
A/N So, this little fic is biased off of Meg & Dia's lovely song "Halloween". It probably doesn't really make sense how its all connected at the moment, because my brain works in odd ways, but that is the song that inspired me to write this. So, I had planned for this to be a couple chapters long, but if nobody likes it I'm not going to waist my time, so, let me know what you think of it and if I should finish.
