In the Darkness

A Mai Otome ShizNat Story

Chapter 1

Natsuki hastily walked the corridors of Garderobe with gritted teeth, tightened fists, and heated cheeks, rapidly heading to her office.

She was unable to control the blush that had appeared on her face. A blush caused by anger. Well, it was more because of jealousy and, perhaps, a little bit of anger.

"That woman" She muttered, slamming the door behind her. The slam that caused the room to echo for a few seconds.

Natsuki was usually a relatively calm, rational woman. But not right now, she was anything but calm right now.

She paced around her large office. Paced and paced and paced. She couldn't stand still, just didn't have it in her to do so. Not when her heart was beating this wildly, when her chest was heaving because of her rapid breathing and movements. She felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest any given second.

She hastily removed her long, blue jacket and angrily tossed it on the couch. She needed air, needed to breathe, the piece of clothing felt so constricting against her slim body.

Then, she hastily removed her black tie, feeling as if it was choking her. She tossed that item on the couch as well.

"She always does this!" But this was all her fault. She couldn't blame Shizuru, and she knew it.

She knew that Shizuru always behaved the way she did only to get a rise out of her. That she openly flirted with others just to get some sort of public reaction out of her.

She wanted her to express her feelings, to say them aloud, to be more open about them, and that was hard for Natsuki to do. She wasn't good with feelings, she never has been. Never has been good at expressing said feelings in public, only behind closed doors.

And has never been good at saying those three-little-words out loud either, not even behind closed doors.

She was a reserved woman, a timid woman, why couldn't Shizuru understand that?

Natsuki let out a frustrated sigh as she dropped on the couch. She quickly crossed her arms below her chest and angrily pouted. Angrily pouted as she stared head. Stared ahead at the wide, white wall.

She couldn't deny the connection she and Shizuru had. Ever since they were students in this very school, they had always had that connection, that pull. She had always felt that attraction towards her, felt drawn to her.

At first, it was because she admired the Pearl. She wanted to learn from her, wanted to be her Room Attendant to be closer to her. Wanted to be as strong and as smart and as swift as her.

But later, as time passed, as they got older, it developed into something deeper, into something more.

It developed into love.

Then, why?

Why couldn't she just tell her that she loved her? Why was it so hard for her to say those words to her?

Natsuki let out another irritated sigh and tilted her head back. A hand now massaging her furrowed brows, her Emerald eyes shut.

She knew Shizuru was aware of her feelings, just as she was aware of Shizuru's.

Shizuru herself had told her long ago, had told her that she loved her. That she was her most important person, the one she'd always protect, no matter what.

She knew that when Shizuru accepted her responsibility as a Meister Column, one of the main reasons she accepted was to be close to her, because she was aware ahead of time that the Second Column was retiring and they were thinking of offering Natsuki that position. She knew that if Natsuki accepted, that they'd work together, side by side, until the inability to do their job prevented it, or retirement came, or death separated them, death being one of the many risks of the job.

Natsuki heard the door open and then gently close. She didn't bother asking who it was or bothered facing the direction of the incoming visitor. Only one person came in without knocking or announcing themselves. And that person was the Third Column, the Bewitching Smile Amethyst, the Headmistress Deputy, Viola, Shizuru.

She heard as the woman slowly approached her. She heard as she stopped right behind her on the couch. Felt as the sides of her head moved a little downward, so she guessed the woman was probably propping herself there with both arms, staring at her in silence. She knew this for a fact, because, she could feel her wavy hair touching her cheeks.

Natsuki swallowed, and then let out another sigh. Not a frustrated one or an angry one, a soft one this time. She removed her fingers from her forehead and then opened her eyes to look up at those unaffected, Ruby ones.

Of course Shizuru was smiling. She got what she wanted, to get a rise out of her. To make her think of their unspoken relationship, to make her think of her.

"I did as I always do, so I couldn't have gone too far this time for Natsuki to have rushed out the way she had" Shizuru softly commented, staring at the beautiful woman below her.

Natsuki didn't say a word in return, just stared blankly at those Ruby eyes. After a few seconds passed, she slowly closed her Emerald ones and felt as Shizuru gave her a long kiss on the forehead, then on her nose, then a slow, tender brush of lips. A brush of lips that she did not reciprocate for she didn't move at all.

"If Natsuki doesn't want to see me behave that way anymore, she knows what she has to do, does she not?" Shizuru softly said to her, her left hand caressing the woman's left cheek.

Yes, Natsuki knew what she had to do. All she had to do was admit that they were in a relationship. Admit that she loved her. Admit those two things. That's all she had to do.

But of course Natsuki knew that they were in a relationship. For the past three and a half years, they did everything that lovers do, but behind closed doors and unseen eyes, that is.

They kissed, they caressed one another and spoke sweetly to one another, and they made sweet love when the mood was right. They also took vacations together, went out on dates, and from time to time, though it was rare, they had arguments, they fought.

It's not like the other Columns didn't know or noticed. It's not like the other Otomes and the people she worked with didn't know. They all knew. Natsuki knew that they knew.

Nao always made stupid comments to her from time to time about it, totally aggravating her. And Youko made sure to keep her informed on Shizuru's whereabouts and vital signs when she was out on missions, and always gave them their privacy whenever Shizuru walked into the room.

Natsuki knew that they knew. Absolutely, positively, definitely knew.

All Shizuru wanted was for Natsuki to at least admit it to their close friends. That way, she didn't feel like she's always hiding, like she was Natsuki's secret. It was one thing to keep their relationship private, which was understandable, but another was to keep it a secret.

She didn't like being a secret.

"If Natsuki wants to go back to being friends, she just has to say the word" Shizuru then softly said, but the smile was long gone. Her Ruby eyes did show a softness and understanding though.

Natsuki stared at those eyes of hers. She felt a pang in her chest by the sentence, always felt it when Shizuru said it. She had been saying that a lot as of late.

She knew that Shizuru didn't want to leave her. If she did, she would've done so already a long time ago. And she thought that by now, this fear of… what? She didn't know what it was. But whatever it was, she thought it would've been long gone. That by now, she would be able to admit to everyone that yes, they were together. That she was in love with the brunette.

Natsuki reached for the woman's face and gently caressed her. "You and I, we can never be just friends. You know this, I know this…" She softly told her. "We learned that the hard way long ago" And gently pulled her down into a kiss. A slowly kiss. A slow and chaste kiss. A SpiderMan - Mary Jane, 'I'm going to rock your world' upside down type of kiss.

"I know…" Shizuru whispered after their lips had parted.

They had tried it long ago, tried to ignore their feelings, to just be friends again, but it didn't work. That separation trial only lasted about five months. They ended up right back where they were. Back in each other's arms, in each other's beds.

"I love you, Natsuki" Shizuru then whispered, lips only centimeters apart. She really meant it. She meant every word. But she didn't mean to say it aloud though, didn't meant to voice it knowing what followed after that.

"I-I… I know" Natsuki replied, swallowing, and then felt as Shizuru slowly pulled away. Felt as her cheek slipped away from her fingertips.

Shizuru let out a sigh and added some distance between them. She calmly walked towards Natsuki's large, white, neat desk. The woman always had a pitcher with water there.

Shizuru was a little frustrated, that's for sure.

She knew that Natsuki loved her. She did. She could feel it when they made love, she could taste it on her lips, she could see it in her eyes, smell it on her skin. But why couldn't her voice say it? They had been together for a little over three years now and she has never said it, not even once. Not even when they were alone, or in bed. Never. She just couldn't understand it.

At first, she had been okay with it. When the first year passed them by, she had been okay with her not saying it.

But then the second year went by in the blink of an eye, and still, the woman wouldn't say the words. And now they were on their third year, and still nothing. Instead of moving forward, it felt like they were moving backwards.

Shizuru didn't think that this would bother her that much, since she did have her love, she could feel it, but it did. It really did.

And Natsuki was taking too long to realize that her issues, that her inability to show affection in public was psychological. Shizuru knew the reason, but she didn't want to bring it up. She wanted Natsuki to figure this out on her own, to surpass this on her own, or ask for help if she needed, but at least figure it out.

"At what time do you leave for Aries tomorrow?" Natsuki asked, wanting to fill the silence that had settled between them.

Shizuru poured some water into a glass. "Early morning. I'm taking public transportation, so I'd like to get an early start" She replied before bringing the cup to her lips and taking a few sips.

She motioned for the pitcher, wondering if Natsuki wanted some water as well, but Natsuki declined with a gentle shake of her head.

"Would you like to have dinner by the garden tonight?" The blunette asked, standing and heading towards the brunette. She stood next to her, leaning on her desk, her right hand reaching for the brunette's. "I can have the cooks take it to us there" Her thumb caressing the brunette's hand so lovingly.

"Actually, I have dinner plans with Arika-san tonight" Shizuru removed her hand and added some distance between them again.

"Oh…"

"She asked me to help her with some of her subjects, she's having difficulties maintaining her grades. She's falling behind" Shizuru calmly explained, placing the now empty cup on the table. "Natsuki is the headmistress, she knows this already, does she not?"

Yes, Natsuki knew. She knew that Arika was having a hard time with her studies.

Arika was a Meister Otome now, she was Queen Mashiro's Otome. It was unheard of, for someone who had yet to graduate Garderobe to be a Meister Otome. They were trying very hard to correct this, to give Arika the proper education and training so that she can finally graduate. Or at least to teach the girl proper manners. But the girl was very thick headed, the only subject she was good at was combat training.

"Can… Can I come over to your quarters after dinner?" Natsuki then softly asked.

Shizuru wasn't sure why Natsuki even asked. Why she was asking for permission all the time. They were in a relationship, if she wanted to see her, all she had to do was knock on her door, all she had to do was show up.

This just added to her irritation. Her irritation that had been building for some time now.

"If Natsuki wants to, she can" Shizuru smiled at her, but unfortunately, that smile didn't reach her eyes, not today.

And Natsuki couldn't help and frown, averting her stare, she saw right through it.

Shizuru started to head towards the door. She'd love to stay a little more, loved being in Natsuki's company, but the atmosphere at the moment just wasn't pleasant, wasn't good.

"I'll see you a little later, ne?" She told her.

"Shi- Shizuru, wait" Natsuki reached out for her hand, preventing her from leaving just yet. "I'll figure things out, I promise" She knew Shizuru was getting frustrated with this relationship that seemed to be going nowhere.

Natsuki wished that she could let her go. There were other women out there lining up to be with her, women who were less complicated, who could give Shizuru what she wanted in a partner, in a relationship.

But she couldn't let her go. She did love her even though she didn't say it, didn't express it with words.

If only she could say it.

If only she could give Shizuru the satisfaction of hearing those words, things could be a little better.

If only she could.

The brunette let out a soft sigh. She nodded to her in acknowledgement, letting her know that she had heard. Then, lifted her hand to her lover's soft cheek and truly smiled at her this time, softly caressing her there.

"I'll see you later, ne?" She softly told her, leaning forward and giving her a sweet, lingering kiss on the lips.

"Okay" Was all Natsuki could say, a frown on her lips as she watched Shizuru walk away.

Later,

That Night

Shizuru was sitting on her long sofa chair by the window. In her right hand, she held a pen. She was writing a few thoughts in a notebook, a diary.

Her feet were up, bending just the right way, using it to support the notebook as she wrote.

She had finished taking a shower not too long ago and was already in her sleepwear. She was also wearing a white robe since it was a chilly night.

Ruby eyes looked out the window for a few moments, watching the bright, full moon above, there was not a cloud in sight. She thought for a few moments as she looked at it, then looked down at the page again, writing in neat cursive a few more thoughts.

It had been a long time since she had written down anything on the diary. She had been using this notebook since her Coral days. Only writing feelings and thoughts she thought were important. A way to bent her frustrations from time to time.

- Knock -

- Knock -

She heard a couple of knocks on the door, so she finished writing her last sentence on the small book and then closed it, resting it on her lap.

"It's open" Kyoto-ben said as she looked at the moon again. And soon heard the knob twist, but the door did not open.

"It's locked, Shizuru"

She heard the muffled voice. She must've forgotten to unlock the door after she had gotten dressed.

"Ara~ I'll be right there" She stood from her chair and headed towards her nightstand, opened the drawer and placed the diary inside.

"S-Shizuru, hurry up!"

Shizuru couldn't help and chuckle in amusement as she headed towards her door, thinking that Natsuki probably didn't want to be seen coming into her bedroom this late at night. It would only add more to the suspicions and chatter circulating around the school about them.

"Kannin na, I forgot to unlock the door" Shizuru said as she let the blunette in. Then, she walked towards her vanity, sat on her chair, and grabbed her hairbrush. She hadn't brushed her brown tresses yet and she always did this before bedtime.

"Hey" Natsuki closed the door behind her, then slowly followed her there, both hands in her pockets. "I missed you at dinner" She timidly told her. She grabbed the brush from her lover's hand, then went ahead and gently brushed her long, thick hair for her.

"I missed you too" Shizuru softly gave in, always having a soft spot for her girlfriend. She could never stay mad at her for long. Natsuki was her weakness. Always has been.

"I… I have something for you" Natsuki then placed the brush on the vanity and reached for the woman's soft hand. "I know it's not exactly what you want, but hopefully it'll lead us in the right direction" Her hand went inside her robe's pocket. She and Shizuru wore the same robe, only that Natsuki's had the initials N. Kruger on the top, breast pocket, and Shizuru's had S. Viola.

"Even though I don't say it, I do feel it, Shizuru" She handed Shizuru a small piece of paper she had folded in four.

Shizuru looked at the note in her hand. When she opened it, her lips curved upward, softly smiling. The note wasn't very long, just a few simple words.

'Shizuru, please remember that I love you. Natsuki'

"Ara~ Natsuki is so sweet" Shizuru whispered, smiling at the note in her hand. "I wonder… Did Natsuki lock the door on her way in?" Then seductively asked, placing the note on the vanity. Her hands were now on Natsuki's robe and slowly loosening the tight knot.

"Um… N-No" Natsuki lightly blushed.

Shizuru then stood, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear: "Then I suggest Natsuki does so, right now" And placed a kiss on that same ear, "I'm going to make love to Natsuki all night long" Soon after capturing her earlobe with her teeth, earning her a whimper from the blushing blunette.

The Next Morning...

Shizuru sat on the almost empty bus, wearing regular clothing to blend in with the crowd.

She wore her hair up in a high ponytail, and wore tight, white jeans. She wore a purple shirt, exposing her belly button, and a black blazer. Finishing the outfit with short, black boots.

Her small, beige suitcase was next to her on the empty seat. Her trip to Aries wouldn't be long, only a few days, so she needn't pack much.

Natsuki needed a representative from Garderobe to be present in some political negotiations, and the other Columns were currently out on missions, so Natsuki had sent Shizuru since she couldn't leave Garderobe unattended.

"I'll see you soon, Natsuki..." Shizuru's line of sight was on Garderobe. She stared at it, knowing that her lover, Natsuki, was there. She stared at the building for a long time until it was no longer in her sights.

"Shizuru-san"

Came the voice from her Gem. It was Youko.

"Hai" Shizuru whispered, her left hand touching her Gem.

"I need you to make a brief detour, I'm getting some strange readings and need someone to look at it. I'm sending you the coordinates now"

"Understood" Kyoto-ben softly replied.

"Be careful, Shizuru"

She heard the woman say, and then the voice was gone.

She gracefully stood from her seat, picking up her luggage in the process, and got off the bus on the next stop, hearing some guys whistle as she did so.

She did look sexy today, Shizuru noted. The blunette herself had had a hard time taking her eyes off her or muttering a single, comprehensive word before she left Garderobe this morning.

Shizuru headed for a remote area where she could Materialize into her Robe. Once she did, she took off, flying. It took her approximately ten minutes to arrive at her destination.

Ruby eyes scanned the area in aerial view. A sea of sand below her, not single rock. The coordinates had led her to a dessert.

Shizuru went ahead and reached the ground. She put her luggage on the floor as she cautiously looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary.

She then kneeled, touching the soft, grainy sand, feeling it in her hands. She smelled the air, heard the wind. Everything seemed normal. Too normal.

"Youko?" Shizuru called, "Are you sure you sent me the right coordinates? There seems to be nothing-"

But then, she suddenly felt it. Felt the anomaly.

Her feet were suddenly paralyzed, her hands couldn't move, her eyes couldn't blink. It just appeared out of nowhere, and it was sucking her in.

"Are you sure? I'm getting some really strong readings now. Stronger than before"

Shizuru looked ahead of her, at the darkness that now loomed her. Her Robe was no longer working, she was back in her normal clothing.

"Shizuru?"

A tear escaped her left eye. The darkness was slowly surrounding her. She could feel herself leaving, disappearing, could see herself vanishing.

There was no way she could get out of this. No way she could keep her promise to Natsuki. She had promised her, that, she'd be back from her trip before she knew it. That she wouldn't notice she was gone. That she'd be back home really soon.

But now, in her current predicament, she doesn't think she can come back at all.

"Youko" Shizuru quickly said before there was no time, before it was too late, "Please take care of Natsuki" Then added, "Tell her that I love her… A-And… That I won't be able to fulfill my promise. T-That I'm sorry" And then, in the blink of an eye, in a matter of a millisecond, she was gone.

The darkness had sucked her in completely.

She was gone.

Same time,

Garderobe

Youko's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the large screen ahead, unsure of the readings she was receiving. Unsure if she wanted to believe them at all.

"Shizuru?" She called out to her, "Shizuru?" but no response.

The strong readings she had been getting all morning had suddenly vanished, disappeared. Poof, just like that.

But not only that, Shizuru's Gem no longer appeared on her screen, Shizuru's vitals neither.

"Youko" Natsuki softly said as she came into the room. "Was Shizuru able to figure out those readings of yours?" But the woman said nothing, didn't even acknowledge her presence.

After some silence,

"Youko?" She tried again, cautiously walking towards her. "Have you heard from Shizuru?"

And Youko didn't know what to say. She looked at the Headmistress next to her, unsure how to break these news to her, her mouth still agape. So, so confused.

Natsuki then looked at the screen, her eyebrows furrowing. All the other Column's vitals and Gems were there, all of them except for Shizuru's.

"What's wrong with Shizuru's Gem?" Natsuki calmly asked, she should be able to see it on the screen, along with her vitals and location, but she didn't. None of that information was there.

After more silence,

"Youko, where's Shizuru?!" Natsuki then couldn't help and yell, and panic, all calmness long gone. The woman's long silence, it was nerve-wracking.

"I... I'm sorry" Youko said, still unsure if to believe what she saw.

But, what Shizuru had just said to her a moment ago, to take care of Natsuki, it could only mean one thing. It could only mean that what she was looking at, was right. That the information displaying on her screen was not wrong.

"I'm sorry, but… she's... gone"

Natsuki wasn't following. "W-What do you mean she's gone? Where is she?"

Youko looked at Natsuki in the eyes, sorrow and confusion were her expressions, a hand now resting on Natsuki's shoulder. "Shizuru's gone, Natsuki." Then, emphasized it one more time, "She's gone"

Natsuki trembled on the spot, taking a step back. "N-No, no you're wrong" And took another and another and another, "You're wrong!" Until she ran out of the room.

She quickly Materialized into her Robe and headed towards Shizuru's last known location. She wouldn't believe it until she saw it herself. She wanted to see with her own, teary eyes that the woman she loved was really dead, was really gone.

~ 0 ~


Thanks for Reading!

I hope you guys enjoyed this.

Let me know your thoughts.

Writing "For the love of ShizNat"