Welcome!

This story will be multiple chapters even though this seems like a one shot; don't be fooled.

There will be slash later on and you might be able to see the beginnings of it in this chapter.

This story will follow the aftereffects of the fall, so Sherlock will be back and no, I don't know how i'm to explain how he survived.

There is no beta, if you want to, let me know through FF or through Tumblr(my page is StayPuft)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock but i often imagine what I would do if I did. And I don't own the quotation in the beginning which is from Oedipus Rex

Enjoy!


My destiny, my dark power, what a leap you made!


The first sensation John H. Watson remembered feeling was pain or, at least, that was the feeling that dominated his entire childhood. His father was to blame for that. John was repeatedly told by the family how good a man his father used to be. That's all he ever heard. 'Oh I wish you could have met him before the war. He was the most charming man. This one time…' It was always the same, only with a different anecdote about his father's 'good days'. It was like they, the whole family, were trying to convince themselves that if they talked about the past enough it would become true in the future. Well, it didn't. And if anyone bothered to ask John what his opinion was he state, without wavering, that his father was anything but a 'good man' or a 'charming man', or a 'funny man'. His father was a horrible man. But no one ever bothered to ask John.

The first emotion that John H. Watson remembered feeling was love. This was due to his mother. If his father was the demon, then his mother was the angel. Whatever amount of pain his father would cause, his mother would make up for it tenfold with love. The family spoke about his mother in the past tense as well. It was always, 'Oh, you should have seen her before she met your father. She was so carefree…' He would always hear how quiet and meek she was now. The family didn't speak too much about the change in his mother and even when they did it would be followed by a story about how 'lovely' father was.

The second emotion that John H. Watson remembered feeling was hate. This was directed to his father who felt the need to drink and hit every living thing. This was directed at his mother who never did anything to try to change their situation. This was directed at his entire family who refused to notice anything that didn't comply with their set beliefs. The true hatred manifested at the world though when Clara was born. He couldn't believe past that date that there was a god because why would a god allow another child to be brought into his household.

The first vow John H. Watson made was to never, ever turn out like his father. But life it cruel, as john found out, and he did, in part, turn out like his father. He abandoned his mother and sister after he graduated high school, and just like his old man, he joined the army at the age of 18. But, realizing the path he was one, he became the one thing his father wasn't, a healer. If was going to join the army, he was going to at least save people as well.

The only noises John H. Watson remembers hearing is gun fire…

…and screams.

The smell John H. Watson remembers smelling is smoke.

The emotion he can remember now is fear.

When he came back from the war, none of these changed…

…Until he met Sherlock Holmes.

Well, it wasn't so much that things changed. He still felt the anger, the hatred, the fear and he could still smell the smoke, and hear the gun fire, but next to Sherlock Holmes, it wasn't all that strange. With Sherlock, is wasn't strange to view modern London as a battlefield, because that's what it was (the only John will give Mycroft credit for getting right about him).

So when Sherlock asked him that first time to a crime scene he didn't hesitate. He didn't want to end up settling like his mother or becoming angry and vengeful against humanity like his father or a drinker like his sister. When his first saw the lady in pink lying on the ground he felt sadden that she lost her life, but excited as well, knowing, that there was still a battle to be fought.

First battle: The Lady in Pink- won.

After the end of the case John felt fear. He was afraid that this was a onetime deal that after the case was solved, he would be back alone. But apparently, as John would learn, Sherlock isn't so easily shaken off of someone once he gets attached, like a barnacle.

The next case involved banks, codes, and a Chinese gang. John felt like he was in a really bad action movie starring Van Diesel or something. It didn't seem ridiculous when he was actively chasing these gangs around London but he couldn't help but laugh as he typed it up on his blog.

Second battle: The Blind Banker-won.

The third case started with a bang. The news coverage he saw of their flat caused his mind to think about the houses in Afghanistan that were decimated by the bombs. He could still see the bodies of the families, or what was left of them, on the ground. And for that moment, he wasn't sitting on Sarah's uncomfortable couch, but he standing watching as the bombs sailed to the houses that only housed innocent families and the only thing he could think about was the same thing happening to Sherlock. He raced out of Sarah's house, because Sarah's house wasn't part of the war, but Sherlock and 221b, was. All he could picture was Sherlock laying somewhere under the rubble and debris, waiting for John to save him and John would because one never leaves a man behind. And this was war.

This case ended with John having a bomb strapped to his chest (which he had to admit was a new experience), standing next to a pool with a madman raving about his consulting criminal business. John didn't hesitate to sacrifice himself if it meant Sherlock could get away, because John was the one with the bomb strapped to his chest, and in that moment, John was the enemy and the danger. But Sherlock didn't leave, because this was war and no man is left behind.

Third battle: The Great Game-won?

The next two cases involved the two things that had surrounded John's entire life: love and terror. The love, for Sherlock, came in the form of Irene Adler(or as she it forever referred to as The Woman). John doubts that he will ever meet another woman like Irene Adler she, probably, is the only person in the world that had a chance of keeping up with Sherlock. John saw the twisted love forming between the two since they first met and that is why he lied to Sherlock and it is the only time he will ever lie to Sherlock(and that Sherlock will believe the lie).

The next case led to a terror John hadn't felt since the war. It wasn't due to believing in the hound either. When he saw Sherlock by the fireplace, truly afraid of the hound and truly believing that it was real, that's when John felt true terror. Terror due to the fear that Sherlock was losing his mind, the one weapon that kept the war going, the one thing that made Sherlock unique, and the one thing that made Sherlock stranger than himself. John literally couldn't imagine his life without Sherlock because without Sherlock he probably wouldn't still be alive. John couldn't have been happier when he thought he saw the hound in the lab, because it meant that Sherlock wasn't crazy. And if Sherlock was indeed going insane, then at least John was going insane with him.

Fourth battle: The Scandal in Belgravia- won.

Fifth battle: The Hounds of Baskerville- won.

And those all led to this moment.

The moment where John is standing on an ordinary London street with his phone (it could have been Sherlock's phone for all John knew since they were always switching their phones due to Sherlock's need for thievery) pressed to his ear.

The moment where John is staring up at Sherlock as Sherlock makes his way to the edge of the building. From this point of view, John can make out that Sherlock was wearing one of his shirts (John really liked that shirt too; it seemed that the fate of all his shirts were to be stretched as Sherlock slowly stole all his clothes).

The moment where Sherlock is telling him that everything was a lie. John doesn't believe it for a second, because it's all real, that's what makes it so fantastic. The battles, the war, it's all real; it's what keeps John sane. London is a battle field. So, John doesn't hesitate to deny Sherlock's words, because it has to be real.

"No one could be that clever."

"You could."

Because Sherlock is and will always be the cleverest person in the room which is why John is his best friend. If the cleverest person in the room believes that John is useful, then it has to be true. If the cleverest person in the room believes there is nothing wrong with John, then it must be true.

Then Sherlock jumps.

And John feels his world crash around him. The carefully built world of battles, wars, and friends collapses around him in a matter of seconds. John doesn't even feel in the biker hit him because all he cares about is Sherlock. Sherlock who is dying on the side walk as all the normal, dull people surround him and John can only think about how annoyed Sherlock would be.

'John there's too much stupid around me. Make them go away.'

John reaches Sherlock. People are pulling him back, telling him not to touch the body, but John is not his father. John is healer. John is not his mother. He will not give up on life. John is not his sister. He will not pretend that nothing is wrong. So John pushes through the people enough to reach Sherlock, because he won't give up.

John grabs Sherlock's wrist.

There is no pulse.

John now knows the feeling of being punched in the chest. The air leaves him ('Breathing? Breathing is dull') and the emotions take its place. He is choking on emotion and it always seemed so ridiculous is books, but it's real now. He holds onto Sherlock until someone pulls him away.

John sees Sherlock being turned and sees as his wild hair drags through the blood on the sidewalk. Whatever strength John had was gone now and he feels himself fall towards the ground. John looks at Sherlock's face one last time and he still looks alive. John can almost believe he is, but then he is being wheeled away on a gurney.

John doesn't follow, because he knows that Sherlock won't survive.

Sherlock is the cleverest person in the room, he knows how to kill himself.


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