Chapter One: Don't Want What You Can't Have
Dusk Malveya's POV
Autumn – 6th of November
I had been looking for a job ever since I was fourteen.
I had always been determined to make money and help my parents who were recently broke. I just had no idea I'd get myself pulled into this kind of job. I'd always been good with kids; I had always cherished their young faces, innocent smiles and youthful souls. Though, I had no idea I'd actually end up finding myself accepting a job as a...nanny.
I would've never guessed myself to move all the way to the city of Gunnison in Colorado, all the way from my home and my family, just to take a job as a governess! I don't do things like this, I don't move away from my beloved family. But in order to keep my loving family together, I must make this sacrifice and be away from them. The mortgages for their house, cars and businesses were too great and the only way to help them was by taking this high salary job in Colorado and sending them my earnings.
As I seeled the envelope, the sacrifice I made was also seeled. I took a deep breath and slid it into the post-box. I felt my mother's warm skinned hand cupping my shoulder. "Oh, you're so young, Dusk," My mother's rich voice whispered from behind me. "Are you sure you want to do this, sweetheart?"
I stared at the post-box, suddenly wanting to reach in and take my letter of acceptance out again. I bit my lip, fighting back the tears, hearing my mother's voice was going to make it harder to leave it. I nodded, turning around. "Yes...yes I'm sure, mum."
My mother's baby-blue eyes stared into my ordinary brown ones, which were framed by my thick glasses. My mother encased me with her arms, kissing me on the forehead. "Looking at you now, I remember why I christened you Dusk. The first moment your father saw you; he swore he could see a beautiful light the colour of dusk in your eyes. From then one, I couldn't have wanted any other name for my first angel."
I chuckled, thinking of my other unusually named siblings. "Then, when I was six, Aria came along – on Christmas Eve. And you swore, as you rode in the ambulance, you could hear carollers singing a beautiful harmonic aria on the streets in the snow. From then one, you knew your second child would have to be blessed with the name of Aria."
My mother laughed musically, reminding me of that aria I had heard on Christmas Eve when my sister was born. "When your twin brothers came along, pushing two heads through me at nearly the same time was too tiring to think of anything creative!"
"I think Nathanael and Matthew were perfect names for those rascals," I stated sarcastically, beginning to walk back home in the snow with my mother's arms around me. "Only the angels of the family got beautiful names."
Musing for a moment, mother added with a smile: "To think you were eleven when I gave birth to them makes me look old. Look at you; I was your age when I gave birth to you – twenty-one-years-old. Gosh, that's scary!"
I smiled, looking at a mother's beautiful features – chocolate skin, blue eyes, tight curls and a slender figure. She was actually Jamaican, she moved to Washington when she was twelve with her parents. She still has her Jamaican accent...but unfortunately, it's getting fainter. She's actually been a volunteer English teacher on the reservation of La Push for over twenty years now. That was where she met my father – he was the school janitor.
That was also where I got my inspiration to become a teacher from. I wanted to teach children, I wanted to see them learn and grow and form into the people they want to be. But I didn't want that anymore, not now that I was a nanny. Of course, I still aspired to fulfilling my career. But I learnt something a very long time ago that's helped me let go of my dream – don't want what you can't have.
Of course, my parents would think that's the stupidest saying on the face of the earth...so that's why I never repeated it. They would say having dreams is what keeps a human being going – having chances and opportunities is what gives them support. But what they'd say is not what they're doing. They're not doing what they want to do.
My mother wishes to become a university professor while my father dreams of becoming an architect. But instead they're stuck with massive mortgages, four kids, a hometown in the middle of nowhere and no prospects – no opportunities. My mother is forty-two and my father is forty-four, still in love but hanging by a thread.
I'm they're only hope.
As that last pressuring thought laced into my mind, my mother whispered, "You're such a brave girl, Dusk."
I sniffled, hugging mum again. "No, mum. I'm just giving back what you gave me..." I pulled back, staring into my mother's eyes once more. "Courage."
30th of November
Washington is a beautiful state (Forks is not as pretty) and I knew I would miss it dearly. I had been told Colorado was a stunning place as well though, but that didn't make me anymore excited about my new job and new home. My employer had sent me a letter in return to my acceptance notice. I was not thrilled to hear that I would have until autumn ended to pack my things and move into that enormous mansion with empty space and cavernous echoes where my pupil, known as Sarah-Isabelle, would be awaiting.
As I reread my employer's letter into my mind, I could only imagine how dull my new life would be. But as I thought, I guessed I would really fit into my new environment. I was always a plain child, seeing as I was the eldest of four, I concentrated on my siblings' welfare more than my own. I saw appearances as no qualification for my job so I decided to put no pressure on that area.
I was still that brown shirt, black pants and muddy sneakers girl I always was.
I was actually training to be a high school teacher in Seattle while my parents stayed in my small hometown of Forks and worked hard, as they usually did. But as soon as I heard that my parents had lost their house to the bank and had moved in with my grandparents, I left college and came straight back home. Deciding to work full-time in my parents' small grocery store and look after my family again was easy because I knew it was the right thing to do. But leaving my life as a (nearly there) teacher was hard, selfish I must admit.
Though, my father couldn't stand me wasting my education on serving customers and cleaning floors. So I took a chance and sent an application into a local Nanny Agency – hoping they'd give a twenty-one-year-old woman, who had not finished her teaching degree or even moved out of her grandparents' home, a mere opening.
Well, it seemed luck had been on my side that day because the moment I opened that letter addressed to Miss Dusk Malveya was the moment I realised my family were saved. A live-in, high paying job in a mansion with only one pupil to tutor, cook for and entertain was actually quite a rare find for a nanny. On the surface, I was happy to see myself getting a job that could help my education and my family.
But underneath...something wasn't right. Some deep, selfish part of me was still trying to find herself and doing so would mean trying to find a person I could share my life with. But I knew who I was, yet I wanted to know someone else on the same level I knew myself. I sighed, rereading the letter to myself for what seemed like the millionth time:
To Miss Dusk Malveya
I have been informed about your education and experience,
I was disappointed to find you had not finished college or received your degree in teaching.
Yet, my ward has demanded a nanny by winter and I am fairly certain I can trust your intelligence and mothering instincts.
So I have decided to appoint you as my daughter, Sarah-Isabelle Black's nanny
– for now.
I expect you to arrive at Gunnison Country Airport on the 1st of December, 2020, in Colorado.
Then, you will be escorted to where I, my servants and my daughter live on Blackswan Estate.
There, I anticipate you to tutor and nurse my daughter.
My estate is large but my location is secluded, that being the reason for my daughter's homeschooling.
Sarah-Isabelle must be tended to at all times, sufficiently and professionally.
I shall be on business for most of your stay at Blackswan Estate.
But I will return for Christmas, New Year, Thanks Giving and other family occasions.
On those days, you will be sent back home for your break. Other than that, your residence will be at my home.
I only accept the best for my daughter.
So, as young as you are, I expect you to create activities fit for an eleven-year-old.
I hope that your stay shall be pleasant, Miss Malveya, no matter how oblivious I may be to it.
Yours sincerely
J.E. Black
I closed the letter and placed it onto my bedside table, taking a deep and shaky breath. Turning off my lamp, I snuggled down under my covers for the last time in a very long time. Tomorrow would be the first day of my new life in Gunnison (a city consisting of 5,409 people), Colorado. The day I began my job under the service of a man I only knew as J.E. Black and the moment I became the carer of an eleven-year-old girl by the name of Sarah-Isabelle.
Tomorrow would be the 1st of December – the day that deep feeling in my heart would finally get the taming it deserved.
This is how I started my other story – No Dawn, No Day. I just got a random idea and started to write it down. But do you think I should carry on? If I do not receive any reviews, I shall not commence. But if I do, I will be extremely thankful and might continue!
