Disclaimer: Do I look male to you? (if you value your health the answer better be NO)
"Luke, I am your mother."
"NO! You're lyin- wait, WHAT?" Luke said staring at Darth Vader in confusion. "MOTHER? But you're a guy, you can't be my mother, you'd be my father... Not that I'm saying I believe you."
Luke could do nothing but stare, as Darth Vader, the most feared person in the galaxy stomped his- her- foot like a angry teenager. "Why does no one believe me when I tell them I'm female? Just because I wear black instead of pink and don't go around wearing silly dresses does NOT mean that I have to be male!"
Luke stared at hi- her like she was insane, or at least more insane then he had originally thought. "Ya, but being called LORD Vader instead of LADY Vader kind of points to you being male."
"Of course I have people call me Lord Vader," h-she, wow that's confusing, said in a tone of voice that implied that h-she thought he was slow, "have you seen the people in the Navy? They are the biggest sexists that you will ever meet. I HAD to go by Lord Vader if I wanted any chance of getting them to respect me."
Luke stared, his mouth open, before he came back to his senses and snapped it shut. "Ya, sorry, but I don't believe you."
"Well, there's an easy way to prove I'm telling the truth." H-She reached up and pulled at the mask that covered her face. Luke's breath caught, no one had ever seen Vader without h-her mask on.
He expected to see a horribly scarred visage, instead... "there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."
She, because without thew mask it was obvious that Vader was in fact a girl, shock her head, "you really must work on your focus Lukie. You have to stick to one piece of conversation or you confuse people. Don't worry, we're work on it when we're back at Coruscant."
"What- I'm not going to Coruscant with you," Luke said angrily, "and don't call me Lukie!"
"Really Lukie, I am your mother-"
"I'm twenty years old!" Luke exclaimed looking furious.
"Exactly! Far too old to be going through a rebellious stage. Now, I understand I wasn't there as much as I would have liked when you were younger-"
"As much as you would have liked? You were never there.! I thought that you were dead!"
"Well I can't control what you think," she said angrily before narrowing her eyes, "why are you being so difficult about this Lukie? We're family, we belong together. It's that bitch Organa isn't it? OH MY LUCUS! YOU GOT HER PREGNANT DIDN'T YOU AND NOW YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT EVER SHE TELLS YOU TO, DON'T YOU? Lukie, don't you understand how much trouble this will cause? Now I can't kill her and I'll have to convince the Emperor to pardon her! How could you do this to me? And why didn't you use birth control? Didn't your uncle ever give you the talk? WHY IS EVERYONE BUT ME AN IDOT?"
Luke starred at her with his mouth on the floor. How the HELL had they gone from fighting to her talking about him getting Leia pregnant? He starred at her for another minute before deciding to do the only sane thing he could in this situation. He turned to his side and jumped into the big, gaping hole.
AN: Yaaaaaa, so if this is what happens when I read those '5 things that could have happened' stories, then I don't see many in my future, I'm already crazy enough.
