One cloudy, yet hot, summer day in Hazzard County, Georgia, Bo and Luke Duke were driving their orange, 1969, Dodge Charger, that they called, The General Lee, down an old, deserted, dirt road out in the country, when all of a sudden the air conditioner decided to conk out.
"Well, isn't that just peachy," said Bo, the youngest Duke cousin, who sat behind the wheel of The General. Bo was lean and tan, with a baby face, feathery blonde hair, and big, blue, puppy-dog eyes. His cousin Luke, on the other hand, who sat beside him, was stocky and muscular, with dark hair, but with blue eyes also, which he now squinted as he furrowed his brow.
"As if it wasn't already hot and muggy enough," he said to Bo, and then wiped some sweat off his forehead with his arm. The cousins looked at each other and frowned. Bo banged on the dashboard once, then twice, but it did no good. They'd have to take the car to Cooter's Garage as soon as possible and have it looked at. Til then they'd just have to grin and bear it.
They continued driving for a quarter mile down the same old road, in the oppressive heat, when they suddenly passed by a small, secluded pond. Bo stopped the car and looked at his cousin.
"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" he asked.
It was a well worn pastime of the duke boys to cool off on hot summer days by going skinny dipping. They'd been doing it since they were little kids and seeing as how this was a private spot and all, it seemed like a perfect opportunity for them to beat the heat.
"Yeah, I s'pose," said Luke.
After pulling The General off to the side of the road and parking it under the shade of some oak trees, the boys went behind a shrub and disrobed. Then they headed, buck naked, towards the water. No sooner had they jumped in and begun to swim around in the refreshing, cool water, then they heard a woman's voice coming from behind some reeds on the shore at the far end of the pond. The boys gave each other curious looks.
"Who else would be all the way out here?" asked Bo.
"The only place around for miles is the old Pringle house, and that's been abandoned for decades," said Luke.
The cousins decided to investigate, even in their current condition. They swam towards the side of the pond they had heard the voice from and as they approached, they heard it again. They also heard the low growl of a dog.
"What is your problem?" said the woman's voice, most likely to the dog.
The Duke boys snuck quietly out of the water and through the reeds until they could just see the source of the sounds. A beautiful, pale woman with long legs and huge... sunglasses lay in the sand on a black beach towel. She was wearing a black bikini and a large, floppy hat that was also black, but with two white stripes across the crown. From beneath her hat, long, silky black hair cascaded down around her milky shoulders. Next to her was a picnic basket, a glass of lemonade, and a small poodle with a pink mohawk and studded leather collar on.
"Well don't that beat all," Bo whispered to Luke.
The dog heard Bo and barked.
The woman sat up and took her sunglasses off angrily.
"Gonk, I swear, if you don't stop yapping at the turtles, I'm gonna sell you to a sausage factory-" she said, but then she stopped upon noticing the Dukes who were not terribly well hidden in the thin reeds.
"Oh. Now that's a big turtle," said the woman.
Bo and Luke quickly put their hands over their privates.
"Sorry to surprise you, ma'am," said Luke, blushing, "But we just heard your voice and thought we'd investigate."
"Please," said the woman, enthusiastically, "Come investigate."
"It's just that we thought we were all alone out here is all," said Bo, also blushing.
"Welp, here I am," said the woman, making a grand gesture with her hands, "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark." Then she nodded to her dog. "And this is Gonk," she said, making a face.
"Pleasure, Ma'am," said Luke. "I'm Luke Duke, and this here's my cousin, Bo."
"You'll excuse us if we don't shake your hand," said Bo.
"Will I?" asked Elvira, with a wink.
The boys chuckled, nervously.
"Ya know, if you guys are trying to cool off, you're more than welcome to come back to my place with me and I'll get you some nice big glasses of lemonade." She raised her own glass to her full red lips. "There's more where this came from," she said, taking a drink.
The Dukes looked at each other.
"Sure," said Bo. "Let us just go get our clothes back on."
"If you must" said Elvira.
"Where exactly is your place?" asked Luke, looking around.
"The old Pringle house," said Elvira. "Just across the way. Ya know it?"
"Sure do," said the boys.
