Hey All, this is my first shot at writing so please feel free to tell me your thoughts! Starts after season 3 finale. Thanks


"Have you ever thought about quitting?" Maura asked. She leaned her head back letting her neck rest against the arm of the chair, her feet sliding to rest on the side of Jane's thigh.

Jane shifted and lifted her feet laying them down on her lap. She sipped her beer from the bottle, slowly, delicately "The Force or Casey?"

Maura frowned. She was definitely talking about the force, especially after a day like today. Her mind drifted back to a few hours before where she watched Frost and Tommy get dragged out of a collapsing building. She thought the question was obvious, but Jane clearly had other things on her mind so she shrugged and gave Jane the choice "Answer the question you want to answer"

Jane rolled her head to the side catching Maura's eyes and just like she always did – unless talking about science – she read between the lines "I've thought about quitting the force yes. I would do anything for Casey"

And just like that, Maura's world – like the building – came crashing down. "Yes, love does that to you" she said. But what she really wanted to say was He hasn't been there for you. He always left when things got hard. He's not right for you. She finished with "It can turn your life around"

Silence engulfed the room again and Mara let her mind flash back, her stomach crunching as she remembered how terrified she was to learn that Frost, Tommy and TJ were trapped. It was, however, when she realised Jane was prepared to do anything to get them out that she threw up. Jane, who would go in and risk her life for her brother, her partner, her nephew, Jane her best friend who could have died once again, helping someone else, had set the fear lose in her body, had turned her insides out.

"Would you leave for Ian?" Jane inquired, breaking through the silence and squeezing her foot.

Maura answered without thinking. "No" she stated and shook her head but I would for you, I would do anything for you. Her mind drifted and she squinted her eyes until they shut and pressed her fingers against the side of her head. She had to stop these thoughts, right now. They only came back when something bad happened, something really bad that could endanger Jane's life. Each time they came back, each time something happened they would get stronger and pull at her chest until it physically hurt. A day like today mixed with Casey's return was sending her crazy and while she was trying to do the right thing, while she was doing the right thing, she could feel her heart breaking into pieces inside.

"You don't love Ian?"

"I" she stuttered. When she let her eyes open they found inquisitive brown ones staring right back. It made her swallow hard. "Ian's the best of a bad bunch" she answered honestly. It was true, sort of. Ian was a good guy, a nice guy and if it wasn't for the fact she had her feelings for Jane buried deep within her that popped up whenever they felt like it, Ian would have been the right guy. But she hadn't left the force or Boston to be with him. She hadn't left Jane.

Jane grinned "Maybe you just like the bad boy Maur"

"Meaning?"

"Ian" She paused then raised one eye brow "Tommy?"

Maura chucked her pillow at Jane's head and shook her own "Tommy is a nice guy" His got your eyes, your attitude, your badass-ness; you taught him to play chess and gave him a beautiful mind. But he is definitely not you.

"Yeah, he is getting soft" Jane laughed "Never thought I would see him grow up, never mind become a farther"

Not as soft as you

Maura only nodded in reply. She pulled her feet back and sat up; crossing them beneath her thigh "You're good with kids"

"You seem surprised" Jane drank from her bottle once more, finishing it completely after a couple of sips. Maura remained quiet, she knew Jane, knew there was more to that sentence and after a moment, after picking at the right hand corner of the label on her bottle she continued. "I like family; I like Tommy and Frankie, Ma and TJ. I would do anything for them. Sometimes I feel like I helped bring Tommy and Frankie up. You know" She pauses resting her bottle on the table and standing quickly, she reaches the fridge and unscrewed the cap off of a new bottle before leaning on the counter. "They learnt from me"

"They admired you" Maura clarified. She patted the sofa next to her "Come sit back down"

Jane did as she was told. Stretching her legs out over the other arm of the sofa and resting her head in Maura's lap. It was normal, natural for them to be close. They were best friends, this is what best friends did and even when Maura leaned forward brushing a piece of Jane's hair out of her face and kissed her on the forehead she told herself, It was what friends do. Jane didn't seem to mind.

"I'd do anything for you to Maur" Jane held her eyes closed and Maura was thankful she did. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide the blush that crept through her face. She made sure her fingers didn't tremble or stop their small strokes on Jane's tense shoulders as she continued "Your family too."

Would you quit for me? Maura bit her tongue to stop the words from tumbling out. Partly because the question wasn't fair, partly because she was scared the answer would be no. "Do you admire me too?" Jane asked pealing one eye open and peeking at Maura.

I love you. She swallowed, hard. "Yes" she stated, stilling her hands on Jane's shoulder before withdrawing them completely "Yes, you're an admirable person. I love you" She froze. Jane's other eye opened and a small frown appeared; she opened and closed her mouth as Maura's heart beat widely in her chest. She wondered if Jane could hear it. "I mean, I love you and your family. You're a beautiful family" she continued, pushing her slip up to one side.

Jane clamped her mouth shut, closed her eyes and smiled. "Love you too Maur" she reached out and grabbed hold of Maura's hand giving it a squeeze and dragging it down to rest on her stomach.

This is heaven Maura thought, leaning back and closing her own eyes.

Jane continued "You're family too and if you did want to date Tommy, although it would be weird. He couldn't chose anyone better than you"

This is hell Maura sighed and squeezed her hand back because even if she could find any words, they would come out broken.

They would never be enough.


Well, that's the prologue guys. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks