Well, this is my first story ever. I have never written before. Please rate and review because I want to know if I should continue this. I have allready started on my second chapter.


"I've been waiting,

I've been waiting for this moment all my life.

But's it not quite right."

- The Silversun Pickups

Logan Mitchell smiled as he waved to the librarians of the Los Angeles City Public Library. After eight busy hours, his volunteer shift had ended. Today's duties consisted of archiving magazines in the "Purple Room" and cleaning DVDs in the back office. Both jobs were extremely monotonous and may have seemed boring to any other person. However, Logan loved the mindless, yet content feeling he felt whenever he volunteered at the old brick building. It always took his mind off of whatever was bothering him; lately, that seemed to be a lot.

The corners of the raven's mouth curved upward into what looked like a smile. Though, upon closer examination, one would notice the dead look in the short boys chocolate eyes. Those eyes had the look of a dog that had been kicked too many times.

Logan had the tired, pained gaze of someone who had given up on life.

In truth, the boy had. Over the past few months, he had eaten less and ran more turning into a thin shadow of what he used to be. Logan's friends had been out of town most of the summer, so they couldn't see how unhealthy the pale boy was. He had planned for this summer to be the greatest of them all. It would be James and himself to take over L.A. Now, it was just him to fend for himself in the sad, gray haze of what could have been.

Today, Logan did have one thing to be happy about after all. As he walked into the warm, dry heat L.A., one thought plagued his mind.

Today, he's leaving.

His ex-boyfriend had left for college today, and Logan couldn't be happier. Although he had cut off all contact between James Diamond and himself in late April, the hazel-eyed boy still tried to speak to his former lover and make an attempt to fix things for the past four months with the blind determination of a small child.

However, there would be no fixing because the spiky haired boy was done. Logan blocked his calls, deleted his texts, and slammed the door in the taller boy's face every single time he popped up on the Mitchell's front porch. However, there was one time when James was able to squeeze by Logan's tough and newly developed exterior.

Ring! Ring!

"Logan, you have got to answer that door, boy. I don't know what he did, but you must talk to him. He has done this every day this week. And, I swear. I will go insane if he keeps on ringin' that damned doorbell. And, I'm pretty sure your mother will, too," pleaded Lewis Mitchell to his son over the incessant ringing as he wearily eyed the door.

"But, Dad you don't understand what happened," Logan whined back, refusing to face the boy who broke his heart a month ago. "I can't talk to him."

He was tired of the athlete badgering him. James graduated from high school last month. He was about to go to college. Even if they had stayed together, it would have ended eventually. James's needed to understand that they were not getting back together, no matter how much both of them wanted to.

"No! You cannot ignore 'ur problems," Mr. Mitchell said sternly. Then, he mumbled, "And, maybe I'd understan' if you'd tell me what's wrung."

Logan sighed in defeat as and muttered, "Fine," as he walked toward the door, anxiety growing every step. The younger Mitchell did not want to argue. His father's Texan accent was starting to thicken, a sure sign that the older man was getting agitated.

As the younger Mitchell got closer to the door, he felt a knot twisting in his chest out of frustration, heartbreak, and possibly even hunger. Logan couldn't tell the difference anymore.

"Logan, please!" his father begged from the kitchen.

The pale nerd sped up, realizing he had slowed to a saunter, dreading whatever was to come.

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! When Logan opened the door, the hazel-eyed boy paused, mid-push with his finger on the doorbell. Logan could hear his father sigh, followed by a mutter of praise from inside the house at the newfound silence.

Tired and desperate hazel eyes bored into equally frustrated dark brown ones until Logan looked away. He took a deep breath in an attempt to still his frantically beating heart and stop the already tight knot in his chest from constricting even more while he shut the door behind him. One look at James was all it took to release the feelings Logan had and still tried to suppress for the tall boy that now stood before him. Yet, Logan's face showed no sign of his deeply conflicted emotions.

Brown eyes lingered again on the taller boy, as a new knot of concern and worry worked its way into the pit Logan's stomach. James looked horrible. The tan glow he once had was replaced by a dull dark beige complexion. There was also the fact that the boy looked very, very thin. Logan could see that his build was still lean under the t-shirt and jean shorts he wore, hiding a lightly toned shape. But, it still looked different from the bulky and muscular physique that Logan was used to caressing.

What was most saddening to Logan was that the previous twinkle in James's hazel eyes was gone, almost as if the light went out with their relationship. Apparently, Logan was not the only one who was taking the break up hard.

Despite it all, Logan still could not help but think James looked absolutely beautiful. It took everything he had to keep himself from reaching out to the person who had plagued his fantasies and nightmares, every night for the past month.

With a sharp inhale, the knot of sympathy the nerd had for James loosened when Logan reminded himself why the couple broke up. The once golden boy had brought it upon himself. Then, a small grin of triumph pursed Logan's lips at the athlete's current state current of agony. Now, James knew how it felt. Logan hardened his gaze as he spoke.

"W-what do you want, James?" Logan said harshly, despite the wavering in his voice. The tall boy didn't answer. He just stared at his ex-boyfriend with a look of pure longing almost as if the nerd would disappear if he even tried to look away. Logan grew nervous under his James stare, but continued, silently willing his cheeks to stop reddening.

The brunette sighed and pleaded desperately the same scripted spiel he usually gave James, "I told you that we are over. I do not want to speak to you ever again. What we had was great but it was unheal– "

"I know, I know. Sorry," the athlete said suddenly, breaking from his previous trance. His eyes grew glassier with each word. "I just came to tell you one last thing and then I will leave you alone."

The brunette's cold expression did not change nor did he speak.

"I got into Colombia for Biomedical Engineering," James continued. "I leave for New York in August to settle in. I just want to tell you that I am sorry for what I did to us and tell you goodbye."

James's words hit Logan like a slap in the face. It took everything Logan had to keep his neutral expression with the emotions that were threatening to knock him over. Most of them were hard to make out due to the shit storm that was going on inside his head, but two were easy to decipher. One was the deep love Logan was trying to get rid of.

The other was sadness. It wasn't any specific type, just a powerful California wave that encompassed his body with grief, lifting and carrying across the ocean. Then, it would sit him back down just so Logan could be overcome by another wave of sorrow. The short boy wondered if he would ever heal.

Suddenly, a feeling of heat knocked Logan out of his thoughts.

The tall boy hugged Logan, before he could even react. Despite James's loss of weight, it felt just as warm and safe as Logan remembered. The athlete held on to the nerd for a few seconds in his muscular arms that had shot many goals and thrown even more passes for the school's hockey and football team.

Logan, frozen still from shock, felt something wet on his shoulder, and then, the warmth was gone. Their eyes met one last time as they pulled away. James placed a small kiss on the nerd's forehead. Then, he turned around and walked down the Mitchell residency's steps. When James's foot hit the ground, he looked at his former lover one last time

"Goodbye Logan. I love you and I will miss you," he choked out through the tears as sobs now escaped his plump lips. "I'm sorry."

And, then James ran away, a tannish mass of copper hair fading down the street, leaving behind Logan who stood stoically on the porch.

With a deep breath, Logan opened the door and stepped inside. He walked through the kitchen, ignoring the curious glances of his father and mother, who must have walked in while he was outside. Then, as soon as he was out of sight, he ran through the house, up the stairs, and into his room, forgetting about his half eaten lunch. After he made sure the door was locked, Logan cried and screamed for the rest of the afternoon, wishing James had just stayed home.

Logan had turned his phone on since he had to cut it off at work in the library. He only had to silence it, but his phone was a peace of crap that froze almost all the time. It was never truly on silence or vibrate, and tended to just ring whenever it felt like it. What Logan loved most about the piece of weathered metal was that it called random people from his contacts. When James and Logan were together, this feature was almost appreciated because nerd would get an excuse to call the athlete. Now, it was just annoying. After three misdials to a falsely hopeful James, Logan got the motivation to delete James's number from his phone. He still remembered it though (just in case, he always told himself).

After what felt like forever, blue light blanketed Logan's hand as the phone turned on. He had a voicemail. It was probably from best friend, Camille, telling him how great Florida was. She was on a trip to Disney World. Her extended family was from the East Coast and they always had a big reunion at the amusement park every five years. Camille once tried to get them to come to Disney Land so she would not have to leave Logan, but they would not budge with tradition.

"You have one new voicemail," said the standard electronic voice that always gave Logan the creeps. Logan smiled at the thought of hearing his friend's comforting voice. It had been a week and he had not talked to her. Then, the voicemail played.

Logan's smile faded as soon as soon the person on the other line spoke.

"Hey, Logie," said the voice that still made him swoon, as it came through the cool metal of the mobile device.

"Oh, I'm not supposed to call you that. This is James. I left this morning on a six hour flight to New York. Now, I'm here at Colombia. I know you don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm staying in an apartment near the engineering campus. I sent you an e-mail with the information from my new Colombia e-mail since you blocked my old one." The boy on the phone nervously laughed before he continued.

"Logan, I really miss you. I miss what we had, but I would rather have you as my friend than nothing at all because the past few months have been hell for me. You can visit me whenever you want, and I can give you a tour of New York. I will not call you anymore. Please call me. I miss you so much and I wish you a world of happiness. Bye, Logan. I lo -. Hopefully, I will see you soon."

Click. The message ended.

"Do you want to repl-," said the electronic voice. Beep.

"Message deleted." From months of practice, Logan knew which button to press to delete a message. After taking a deep breath, Logan looked around noticing that he was still in his car, sitting in the library parking lot.

Then, he looked at his right hand. It was a deep crimson as he gripped the phone. Then, he threw the now warm, sweaty piece of metal in the passenger seat, hissing at the feel of the muscles in his hands unclenching. In his hand was an even redder mark on his tender flesh where the phone had been.

The spiky-haired teen sat there in a haze of his thoughts, letting his emotions build until the floodgates opened. Thick tears streamed down his pale cheeks and strange, almost inhuman noises erupted from his throat. He knew he should not have listened to that message as soon as he recognized the silky voice on the other end. But he did.

Logan had built his wall up high over the past few months. And, just like he had on his doorstep, James had destroyed it with his voice alone, leaving Logan distraught and defenseless. All the repressed memories of the couple came back to Logan. He remembered the happier times of cuddling on the couch along with the painful ones Logan would rather not think about. Everything rushed at him, attacking him from all sides. No matter how hard Logan tried to put his wall back up, it would not rebuild itself.

So he just sat there and cried for a few minutes until the siege had turned into a half-hearted assault on his emotions. Eventually, he drove off, wet tears drying on his cheeks, still caught under the pelting of regret, longing, betrayal, and yet still love.

When Logan arrived home, he went upstairs and went to sleep. Before, he usually stayed up and stared at the ceiling when he went to bed, enjoying the silence as he became engrossed in his thoughts about his life in general. Now, Logan could only close his eyes, and will himself to sleep without thinking of James. If the hazel-eyed boy did cross his mind, Logan would cry until he collapsed into an exhausted heap on the pillows.

When Logan wasn't crying, he was touching himself. The sexual frustration usually stemmed from an amorous dream or passionate memory. Either way, the pale boy always ended up with a large lump protruding from his lower abdomen. Sometimes, Logan would ignore it, suffering in silence and frustration as he willed his pants to loosen. Most times though, he rode the wave of false bliss his climax put him in, a whisper of "James" on his lips.

Indeed, it had been a long four months.

Tonight, Logan did not have time to cry or masturbate. He was so tired that he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Logan favored these nights the most. At these times, he would finally receive the heavy and dreamless slumber that he craved.

Today should have been one of the happiest days of Logan's summer. However, like most things that seemed to involve James over the past few months, it only ended in tears and heartbreak.


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