Don't Let Me Get Me
Summary: Erik and Kathrine try to fix their broken bond; but Erik's insecurities and violent impulses push Kat into an abyss of mental destruction. They both know that this is their last chance to make things right; but changing is so hard. And fighting with already broken hands proves to be nearly impossible.
In the end though, they can't live without each other.
Warnings: Substance Abuse. Mental illness. Illegal fighting. Toxic relationship at the beginning. Abuse.
This part has a darker touch in general.
A/N: This is Part 2 of my Story. The first is called Two Broken Halves Can Be A Whole. I strongly advice you to read that part first if you haven't done so already because you probably won't understand what's going on otherwise.
I don't speak Spanish so I beg my Spanish-speaking readers for pardon if my sentences aren't perfect. We all know our troubles with the online translators… ^^
If anyone of you notices mistakes, feel free to let me know so that I can change them.
Of course I also appreciate any other Review :3
(I say appreciate to hide how many meters I jump into the air, giggling like a maniac each time I get a Review…)
Chapter 1 – Lost and Gone
'' I need a horse. '' Madam Giry stops as she hears Erik speaking up from the shadows. 3 months passed since Kathrine left the Opera and Erik hid away in his dungeons. The Opera was released as much as they were worried about this sudden disappearance. Kathrine's permanent departure left much deeper marks in some of them than they expected. The new production Erik demanded them to play is still being rehearsed but it is odd not to have the Opera Ghost interrupt their sessions. No critic on the actors, the musicians or the managers. Not even a letter giving new orders. It was a peace no one really could take pleasure in. Some feared there might be a bigger plot behind it, some wondered if they could still be as successful if there was no critic from the dark genius and some -even if they would never admit it out loud- some were worried. Realizing that Erik was a man who is also in love caused sympathy from a few people. The news that Kathrine left the way she did spread like a wildfire and gossiping has not since calmed down. There are many different opinions on this topic. To Madam's surprise, there are quite a lot feeling sympathy for the Opera Ghost and his lost love. Kathrine was right, there is no better way to win a crowds heart than by romance.
The Managers sometimes seem like they miss Kathrine, Carlotta has not yet attempted to win back her title as Soprano Diva which Madam interprets as a willingness to leave this post alone. Perhaps the Diva also expects young Kathrine to return. Madam Giry herself openly admits that the young, rebellious woman found a place in her heart and that she misses her. The person who mourns Kathrine the most though, must be Meg. Antoinette's daughter has not yet found a will to laugh or to attempt friendship with someone else. Madam Giry desperately hopes that her young daughter will not feel this depression for long. Right now all Antoinette can do is be there for Meg and try to cheer her up.
Madam Giry calmly continues to finish her hair but her muscles tense. Her anger at Erik has not yet begun to fade and she cannot stop her lips from pressing into a thin line full of disapproval,
'' Why? Do you want to go find another woman whose heart you can brutalize? ''
'' I need you to ready a horse for me and wait by the entrance. I will ride to the docs, there is a boat to the new world sailing off after sunrise. I will find my way on board. '' Erik smoothly continues without showing whether or not her words affected him in any way. Part of Antoinette wants to decline his request. This arrogant, stubborn man finally found love and he breaks her heart in such a vicious way. Yes, Erik has done many things she could never really approve of, but nothing of this ever caused such a passionate anger to blossom in her. Still, if Erik comes out of his hiding this suddenly and directly wishes to find Kathrine, he must have considered this carefully. The part that wants to decline is overpowered by the part that wishes for Erik and Kathrine to finally be together and live a happy life.
She sighs and turns. Erik stands by the wall, the shadows almost completely hiding him.
'' Are you certain it is sailing into the new world? '' Antoinette stands up to close the distance between them. Erik nods,
'' Very certain. '' She's suspecting that he forced that information out of someone who may or may not be dead already. But in the end none of that matters -not right now. All that matters to her, and most likely to him, is that he will find Kathrine and make things right.
'' Do you know where to find her? '' Erik's eyes swiftly avoid her gaze for a moment, a gesture that is more than enough for her to know that he is not fully aware of her whereabouts.
'' I only know that she is living right in the heart of London, close to a LGBT pub. I am most certain that she will be in that local sooner or later. If I find it, I find her as well. ''
'' Erik your plan might appear simple… but you don't know how big this city really is. Finding a local with so little information might take you weeks. You have never been to the other world, it is a dangerous plan. ''
'' Antoinette you were right. I hurt Kathrine because of my own inhibitions and issues. She deserves an apology and if she can once again bring herself to forgive me, I will never again hurt her. I am willing to work on myself. Kathrine is my life. I am willing to take whatever risk is necessary to find her. Either I am successful, or I will die trying. '' Erik looks more honest than Antoinette has ever seen it with another human being. There is a part in her aching in fear for this reckless man's life. He is clearly underestimating the dangers of the new world. But even if she wanted to, she could never prepare him for that. Erik is capable to hide in the shadows and merge with them, he is a genius who will be able to take care of himself. This is no longer the boy she saved so many years ago. She trusts his abilities.
'' Very well. I will have a horse ready for you in 10 minutes. ''
As promised, Madam waits for Erik with a horse in front of the Opera. It is already late and the darkness of the upcoming winter perfectly allows him to become invisible. Erik has spent many months suffering and blaming himself. At first he tried to make himself believe that his decision was the right one but the longer he thought about it, the more he began to hate himself. Kathrine always told him to talk to her and always again has he chosen to do it the way he is already comfortable with: Run and hide.
He hurt Kathrine so many times that he lost count of it. And this is definitely the worst of them all. He would understand if she could never forgive him. Yet a part in him hopes her kindness and her love for him are still there and she might just be willing to give him one last chance.
The time he spent in hiding are over. He will no longer run from his problems, he will stay and talk to his lovely little hurricane about it. Kathrine deserves his entire trust and he will give her right that. Then again, there is still the matter of finding her. Erik looked at several maps and the thought back to the picture of his gigantic city causes him to pale just a bit. His lead is barely a lead and his chances are low but he will either find her or die trying.
Without making sure that nobody sees him, Erik walks out of the entrance and right towards the horse and Madam Giry. Every person that is still inside the Opera already knows who and what he really is. Nobody will scream or call for help. Not that any of that would really matter. He takes the reins out of her hands and pats the horse's neck gently. There is a stabbing in his chest, his heart is beating wildly in fear and excitement at the same time.
'' Thank you Antoinette. '' She nods curtly at first but to his surprise then pulls him into a gentle embrace,
'' Good luck. And be careful, Erik. This world is nothing like our own. You will have to find something else you can wear to avoid unwanted attention. Blend in with the darkness, I know you can do this better than anybody else. '' He nods and kisses the back of her hand in respect before mounting the horse.
'' And Erik? ''
'' Yes? ''
'' Find her. '' With a last, short nod at her he animates the horse and rides off to the docs.
Reaching the docs and sneaking on board was child's play. The horse will finds its way back to Madam, it'll let her know he made it. Below deck there are many opportunities to hide between boxes, crates and bags while still being able to see through the gate and seeing the darkness. The uneasiness in him grows as the boat departs and he is sailing right towards Kathrine's world.
Kathrine…
What is he supposed to do? How can he find her? This local she mentioned is his only lead and Erik knows it is madness to go with nothing more. But his heart is aching, he needs to see her again. Needs to hold her, kiss her, beg for forgiveness and hear her sing once more. But all that is only possible if he finds her. What if he can't find her? London is a massive town and it's not like he could just ask his way around until somebody might know her or that local. Madam was right, he has to be careful. He has absolutely no experience with that world. All he knows either comes from the tales Madam Giry told him, or from Kathrine's stories. Nothing of that is really helpful. Kathrine said the boat will take about 8 hours, so it will be about 3am by the time he arrives in London. Then again, the wind is strong and Erik feels the boat moving faster than the ship Kathrine was adding to her calculation. By guessing along he'd say they'll take 2 hours less, which means it'll be 1 am. Surely Kathrine will still be awake and in this pub to that time.
Erik attempts to sleep but finds himself too excited to do so. Many thoughts rush through his head. Fears, mostly. One of those fears that leaves him restless, is the thought that Kathrine might not forgive him for what he did. Perhaps if he explains everything to her she will show that same understanding she always had. Kathrine always forgave him for his mistakes if he showed that he truly regrets it, surely she can do it again. Hopefully she can. But he will have to worry about that later. First he has to leave the boat undetected. The man he… asked… about this boat said that due to trading it will stop right in London so that he won't have to somehow find his way there from another part of England.
When the boat finally stops, Erik wakes from the faint slumber he was in and sits up straight.
As soon as he hears everything becoming silent above him, he quietly climbs the stairs until he reaches the deck. But instead of meeting the total darkness he expected, he is met with an unnatural, garish beam of light. It only takes him a few seconds until he spots the source for this. Lanterns. But not like those in his world, and they are all around him on the mainland. More light is coming from the buildings around him. At once Erik realizes that even the night will not hide him here. He has to leave and find a safe-place before somebody spots him. As fast as his legs will carry him he gets off the boat and starts running to where it looks like darkness might win its fight against this irritating, unnatural light. To him it feels like he's running for hours on end until he comes to an alley that is drowned in darkness.
The second thing he notices about this world is that everything is so loud. Music reaches his ears, people and noises he just cannot name. The loudness of this world is unbelievable. He winces as another light suddenly flickers on close to him. Quickly he hides behind a staple of wooden boxes and watches how the door below the lightened plate that says 'Exit' opens. Two men come out wearing jeans and thick sweaters. The sight of the warm clothing has Erik shuddering as he realizes that his own clothing is everything but fit for this weather. London is covered in a thin layer of snow, the air that rushes through the alley every now and then has his shuddering. He will not be able to stand this coldness for long. He has to find Kathrine, quick. Or, perhaps, at least a place where he can warm up and find cloths more appropriate.
'' You goin' back home? '' There's a heavy slur in the man's voice. Both of them look highly intoxicated, they can barely stand without swaying.
'' Yeah. You know Kimmy, she'll heave ma damn head if I'm not all dolled up and sober at the dinner with her parents tomorrow. ''
'' Sarah and me never have these problems. ''
'' Wanna know how it stays like that? ''
'' Don't marry her. '' Both begin to laugh loudly before wishing their farewell and disappearing each into the other direction. The man that passes him stops as they make eye contact. Erik feels every muscle in his back tensing in anticipation. Should the man scream, Erik is left with no other choice but to silence him. He cannot risk being arrested or chased. After a while of silent starring the man grins and points at his mask,
'' Awesome mask, mate. '' With that he turns and continues his way. Erik's tense abruptly disappears and he's starring after the man confused. Is he not even a tiny bit afraid of him? There was no fear, not even disgust in that man's eyes, only a drunken smile. Surely the alcohol is to blame for that. Erik shakes the feeling off and starts walking into the same direction as the man while still trying to hide as much as he can in the shadows.
At some point he finds a ladder attached to one of the large houses. The ladder looks like it would lead all the way up to the roof. Maybe if he reaches the roof he will have a somewhat better orientation. He passes 5 rows of windows until he finally sees the end of the ladder. It doesn't take much effort of him to reach the top, but as soon as he allows his eyes to scan the area before him, his heart sinks to his knees.
This city is not only big, it is gigantic. He cannot see the end of the many lights and buildings. How will he ever find her in this mess of a city? He tries to spot anything that could be a hint to something Kathrine might have mentioned at some point, but there simply is nothing that catches his attention. The only thing at least somewhat familiar are the docs where he came from. Was his idea to come here foolish after all? He will need months, if not even years until he finds his dear Kathrine in this sea of foreignness.
Erik shudders again, the air is even colder this far up. He has to get down before his feet freeze to the roof. Just as he reaches the last set of windows, the light behind them flickers on and he is suddenly face to face with a woman in her mid 40s who screams the moment they make eye contact. To his surprise, she does not turn to run. Instead the window opens and the woman starts tossing things at him. Blindly he tries to avoid the objects being hurled into his direction until something heavy knocks him right off the ladder.
'' Stay off that damn ladder you creepy stalker! '' Many very impolite words burn on his tongue but he swallows his rage as the window is slammed close and the light goes back out, drowning him once more into darkness. Screaming. At least something familiar to him. On the other hand he is not familiar with people tossing things at him after they scream. Not even Kathrine did that yet, and she did warn him about it.
As if he would ever stalk on such a woman like that one! As if he would ever look at any other woman than his Kathrine to-
A stab of pain runs through his back. He places his hand over the spot and rubs it with a groan.
'' You alright mate? '' Erik turns his head on the voice of a boy much younger than him. He could be in Kathrine's age, maybe even younger than that. Quickly Erik scrambles to his feet and takes a step closer but still keeps a safe distance to him, just in case. He did not run from him yet, perhaps he will be willing to help Erik.
'' Are you familiar with the city? '' The boy grins at him and nods,
'' Born and raised. You lookin' for somethin'? Late Halloween party maybe? ''
'' My fiancee. ''
'' Ah, big fight and the Lady runs off. Classic. Any clue where she might be? ''
'' An LGBT pub in the heart of the town. She mentioned that it is a place she visits most of her nights. Would you be so kind and tell me where I can find it? ''
'' An LGBT pub at the heart of the city? Any further details? Maybe something bigger close to that thing? Or the name of the bar? '' Erik thinks back to the time Kathrine excitedly told him about that location.
'' So when we're in London I show you the pub I hang in most of the time. It's not very big but it's quite popular in my area and I just love it's name. The Sugar Babes. The name's kinda naughty because usually sugar babes are women who are in a sexual -or non-sexual- relationship with sometimes a much older man who gives them one hell of a raise for their bank account. But it's also totally cute and playful because who doesn't love sweet things and I just love it there! '' Kathrine explains quickly, her hands flapping around in wild gestures. There's an excited sparkle in her eyes that make them shine beautifully. The past days she's always again told him about certain things that she loves or hates about her world. She also explained things to him he might need to know when they get there but she often broke off in that while saying that it'll be easier for him to understand when he sees it.
'' I think the name of the local is the… Sugar Babes? ''
'' Phew no idea mate… I'll Google it, just a second. '' The boy takes out a phone similar to Kathrine's and taps around on it for a moment before showing him the screen,
'' Yeah here it is. Sugar Babes, 's close to the Chinatown Market. That's a long walk, you should get a Taxi. 's not that expensive. '' His first instinct is to inform the boy that he has no idea what a Taxi is but that might just make him question Erik so he decides against it. Neither can Erik read that odd picture that must be a map.
'' I do not have any money. If you could tell me the direction, that would be very kind. ''
'' Dude I'm serious, that's at least two hours. Here I'll give you some money- ''
'' That will not be necessary. '' The boy shrugs him off and begins to dig around in the pockets of his pants,
'' Ah poppycock, don't we all know the trouble with the ladies. Here, Taxis are over there. Good luck finding your girl. ''
'' Thank you. '' Erik looks down at the money in his hand a little unsure after the boy left. Two out of the tree people that saw him yet reacted quite well to his appearance- but one of them was heavily intoxicated and the other might be mentally disturbed. On the other hand he will most likely never find this bar if he tries walking around without any real direction again. With a sigh he walks into the direction the boy told him to. Soon he spots what the boy must have been talking about. There are more of the objects that look like very deformed, odd carriages and on their top is a plate with the word Taxi. Erik saw several of those metal cuffs on wheels passing him, seemingly moving on their own. He is not sure that he is ready to step into one of these things.
After starring at the Taxis for a long while he gives in. Inside the first one he sees is a man reading newspaper. As Erik approaches him with the money in his hand the man glances up at him. As the man's eyes look him over briefly before halting on the mask,
'' Where to Casper? ''
'' You must be mistake me with somebody else, my name is not Casper. '' The man huffs,
'' Funny. You wanna get somewhere or not? ''
'' A local named Sugar Babes, close to the Chinatown Market. '' Erik holds out the money to him as it seems the right thing to do and the man takes it after looking at a display in the middle of the Taxi's front. As Erik suddenly gets several coins back he stares down at them,
'' Your change. Really mate, are you high? ''
'' No. ''
'' If you say so. -You waiting for someone? Get in. '' The man points to the back to the car. As Erik looks for anything to open the door to this damned thing, the man suddenly opens his own door and gets out before ripping Erik's door open with a handle Erik did not notice before.
'' Bloody junkies… There, open. '' Erik nods in gratitude and slides into the seat. He almost winces as the man slams the door close again and another time as the Taxi begins to rumble and to move. It would be a lie to say that he is as much nervous to be in here as he is fascinated.
'' Fascinating. '' He mutters as he watches the lights and the buildings and more Taxis without the plate on their top passing by. The lights here are much more pleasant than the ones on the docs. Erik would even call them beautiful.
'' Where are you from, 19th century France? '' The man growls and Erik looks into the small mirror attached to the Taxi's top,
'' Yes Indeed. '' The man looks back at him,
'' What, for real? ''
'' Why would I lie? '' Erik watches as the man begins to laugh,
'' And I thought you're just some junkie. Hah! Who would've thought! So what are you doin' so far away from home Mister? Girlfriend run off? '' The man's obvious talent to guess everything about Erik right is slowly but surely going on his nerves.
'' Indeed…''
'' And she's in that bar? Not for nothin' mate, but that's a gay bar. Gay people go there. If she's in there, she's tongue-deep in some other girl. '' Erik turns his attention back to what they are passing then, hoping that the man is not right with this one too…
'' Well good luck boy. '' Erik's shoulders almost twitch as the older man refers to him as 'boy'. That certainly did not happen to him before. On the other hand… nothing happening to him here ever happened before. The Taxi stopped almost right in front of the bar until Erik told the man to please not stop this close to the entrance. From his current position he can disappear into another alley where he has another ladder he can climb. This time he makes sure to not sit right in front of any window. His position allows him a perfect view on the entrance and the people going in and out.
'' Kat, going home alone again? '' Erik abruptly sits up again as he hears his beloved ones name being called by a smooth, male voice. Erik's heart beats faster as he sees her. After all that time he finally sees her again. He painted new pictures of her and tried to restore as much as he could of the items she burned. But no picture compares to really seeing her.
'' Well…- '' Kathrine grins as she straightens the collar of her black coat but breaks off as suddenly a woman walks past them. Her eyes follow the woman as she walks into the bar and slowly a grin comes to her lips. His angel opens the coat again what reveals the skin tight leather pants and a belt with rivets that surely cannot be there for any other use but to look good. Erik doubts that she will need anything to keep those pants on her hips. Kathrine wears a red shirt with a wide collar that is exposing almost all of her chest so that her black bra is visible. Erik is very sure that this is intended. The shirt is so thin that Erik sees her skin shining through the fabric. The clothing does flatter her and Erik would even say that it makes her irresistible… if it were not for the purpose to attract other people to her. If Kathrine wears things like this all of the time then he is not at all surprised that it is so easy for her to find partners for the night.
'' Maybe not…'' The man laughs as Kathrine swiftly walks back inside, her hips swinging and her steps filled with so much pride and self-assurance that Erik can taste the intention she has. It is a bitter taste.
No 10 minutes passed as Kathrine comes back out with the woman from before who is now clinging to her. Kathrine has an arm wrapped around her, a charming grin on her full lips as she says something that causes the woman to giggle. Erik's eyes narrow in jealousy. Suddenly he realizes something. He could accept the many women of Kathrine's past more easily because he never truly saw them as a threat. Not in the same way other men were a threat. But that changes the moment Kathrine pulls that woman into a kiss in the middle of the street.
Erik almost growls as the woman sighs in pure content as Kathrine slips her tongue into the woman's mouth, her hand caressing that woman's cheek gently while her other arm is around her waist to pull her closer. Everything in Erik screams for him to step between them. To pull that tart away from Kathrine and tell her to never come close to her again. He will frighten her to the bone and if he is just a little lucky she might have a heart attack and die right before his feet. It is laughable how jealous he is of that wench. It is embarrassing that Erik thought Kathrine might not have gone back to her sexual lifestyle. It is wrong how badly he wants to kill that woman that is kissing his little whore-
Erik's fist connects hard with the wall. He shakes his head. Kathrine is unhealthily open with her body, yes, and perhaps that word might even be the right one to describe her… but that does not give him the right to use it. She is his angel, the same one that pulled him out of the loneliness, that never stopped forgiving him despite what he did. She loved him with all his flaws and he hurt her. How can he think of her like this now? He feels ashamed of himself, he feels angry. All he wants is to apologize to her.
But even more he needs that woman away from Kathrine's mouth. Now.
He almost breathes out in release as a familiar song reaches Erik's ears and Kathrine pulls back to answer her phone.
'' Yeah? '' Kathrine listens to whatever the caller is saying before nodding,
'' I'm on my way. '' She puts the phone back into the pocket of her coat and turns to the woman who is giving her a questioning look,
'' Sorry beautiful, something came up. I'll give you a call. '' The woman is obviously disappointed but nods,
'' Okay. '' Kathrine winks and walks away, leaving the woman behind. Erik is quick to follow Kathrine through the darkness. His eyes narrow, the way Kathrine's stomping through the snow, the way her body is tensed. She seems angry. As soon as they come to what must be some kind of park, Kat walks around a house that surely did not have anyone living in it for a few decades.
Hiding behind the trees, Erik follows and soon sees Kathrine kneeling in front of a young girl who is sitting on the ground. Another girl in the same age stands next to them, her expression shows worry but there's a certain sway in her body and Erik's eyes narrow. Surely that girl cannot be drunk, she can't be older than 15!
'' What did you get yourself into here Clara! '' Kathrine hisses at the girl standing behind her.
'' We just wanted to try it and then she started throwing up and then she didn't respond! We didn't want to drink so much… we didn't know it'd turn out like that! I'm sorry Kat- ''
'' What were you drinking! '' The girl gives Kathrine a rather large, green bottle and Kathrine groans,
'' You couldn't possibly have picked something better than Jägermeister?! ''
'' You drink it! I saw it standing around in your flat a couple of times so I thought we could pick that! ''
'' Well I have orange juice around all the bloody time too, why didn't you go for tha'! '' As the girl doesn't respond Kathrine sighs and turns her full focus back to the unconscious girl. She pats her cheeks softly a few times and opens her eyes to shine the flashlight of her phone into them. Kathrine then nods to herself and slips out of her coat to wrap it around the girl,
'' Yer damn lucky she doesn't have an alcohol poisoning. If you already have to drink something then don't do it outside in the middle of winter dressed like two bikini models in Africa! ''
'' We didn't know where else to go…'' The girls mutters, her voice sore with regret as she watches how Kathrine lifts the girl a little so that she also sits of the coat instead of the cold ground. Then she stands and makes another call with her phone. After ordering a Taxi to them she glares at Clara. Slowly but surely Erik really wants to know who this girl is and why she called Kathrine instead of a parent or somebody else.
'' Next time you call me instead of doing something like that! ''
'' You would let us drink in your flat? ''
'' You'd do it anyway, least that way I can make sure shit like this doesn't happen. What do you think, that Holly never drank as a minor? Everyone does that and whoever says they don't 's lying. Did you at least eat before your little party? ''
'' We shared some chips. '' Kathrine throws her arms up dramatically,
'' Jesus fucking Christ! You did about everything wrong that was possible. ''
'' I'm sorry…''
'' Don't apologize to me, apologize to your sister. '' Kathrine says while glancing down at her phone again, maybe to find out what time it is. Perhaps the Taxi-man told her when he would be arriving. The girl then grabs her arm in panic,
'' No! No Kat please don't tell Holly! ''
Holly? So Clara must be Holly's younger sister.
'' You're a 14 year old kid with half a bottle of Jägermeister and an unconscious friend. You can bet your skinny white ass that I'm telling her! And Holly will tell your parents and man, I really don't wanna be in your skin when that happens! ''
'' That's not fair! ''
'' World's tough kid. Deal with it. ''
'' Please Kat, I swear I'm not doing it again. Please just don't tell Holly. Please! '' Kathrine stares at the girl for a moment and sighs then while ripping her arm from the girl's desperate clutch,
'' Only because she got enough trouble right now. And hey Clara…''
'' Yes? '' Suddenly Kathrine slaps the back of Clara's head hard,
'' That was for drinking irresponsibly and pussy-blocking me! That chick was a straight-up 9 on the chart and instead of getting her out of her cloths right now I'm standing here having to lecture the sister of my best friend! Why didn't you call Holly?! '' Erik can already imagine why Clara called Kathrine for help and not her sister. After all Kathrine's known for her own rather irresponsible alcohol use and of course she is not as strict as Holly would be.
'' You said it yourself, she's got enough trouble with finding a university and her job… And I was sure you'd understand this more than she would… Holly's just… she's always so strict. Especially when it comes to Teresa. '' Kathrine nods towards the other girl with a knowing glance,
'' She got the bottle. '' The younger girl nods and Kathrine sighs,
'' See, that's why she's like that. I was always the one getting the alcohol as we were teens too and if I had a sister hanging around with a kid like me, I'd leave the state and change my name. Then again, I always held my liquor and if I dress like a slut, it's on purpose. '' Clara looks to the ground in shame,
'' I'm so sorry…''
'' Stop apologizing already. C'mere...'' Kathrine pulls her into a firm embrace and rubs her arms over the girls back to warm her up,
'' You two need to learn how to dress properly. '' After a moment Clara pulls back just enough to give Kathrine a skeptical look,
'' What are you even wearing…''
'' Again, I was just about to take someone home and we weren't about to play monopoly. '' Suddenly the girl on the ground groans and Kathrine abruptly kneels down in front of her,
'' Rise and shine sleeping beauty. Guess who's gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. '' The girl puts her head in her hands,
'' I don't feel well…'' Kathrine cannot lack any more sympathy than she does right now. Even with the distance between them he can see the clearly displeased expression on her face,
'' Yeah, tough shit. Small advice on my side, try to keep it together in front of your parents and put a bucket next to your bed. Otherwise water and soup so that you get something warm into your stomach. '' She pats Teresa's shoulder and goes back to warming up Clara a bit.
They wait in silence for the Taxi to arrive. As soon as it stops in front of them, Kathrine helps the friend of Holly's sister inside and takes her coat back to slip into it.
'' Thank you Kat…'' Clara mutters. Kathrine nods towards the man that is driving the Taxi,
'' I give the driver enough money so that you can stop somewhere and get soup. And if your friend has cucumber, that's gonna be helpful too. Small pieces or grated. ''
'' Thanks. ''
As soon as the Taxi drives away Kathrine shakes her head,
'' Bloody teenagers. '' She then opens the lid of the bottle and takes a large gulp. Erik almost rolls his eyes at that. Of course Kathrine has to drink it. She shudders,
'' Bloody teenagers with horrible taste. Where the fuck is the sugar…'' She closes the bottle again and starts walking once more. Erik fights with himself to reveal himself to her now. But perhaps the situation will be more comfortable for her if he waits until she is in her home. So he waits and follows her in the hope she will not try to call that girl from the bar to continue their previous actions.
They arrive in front of a large building where Kathrine opens the door with help of a key. She steps inside and Erik quickly follows. Before the door can close by itself, he slips inside. He faintly sees how Kathrine climbs up a pair of stone stairs and disappears from his sight.
With a sigh Kat climbs the stairs until she arrives at the 4th and last floor. The night was a complete waste. She was ready, she was charming, she was quick. Barely 10 minutes and that woman was ready to take Kat home. That could have been the first person she takes home without being completely high on something or so pissed that she would have to worry that she might aim at the wrong hole if she was a guy. Maybe it was for the best that way. Maybe it would have been too soon.
She shakes her head and opens the door to her apartment. After kicking it close behind her she throws her keys into the bowl on her commode and shrugs out of her coat which she carelessly drops on the floor. The only good thing about the mess with Holly's sister is the fact that she got half a bottle of Jägermeister for free. Still, drinking outside without knowing how much is dangerous. They could easily have frozen to death while their little party. If Clara would have been in the same state, they would have died out there. But Kat's pretty sure that they're gonna keep their hands away from alcohol for a while now. If people enjoy the liquor and have a hangover they quickly get back on the road despite their vows to stick to juice. But if your first drinking experience sucks, you don't have a reason to give it another shot anytime soon.
It was probably for the best not to tell Holly. She's been a real pain in the ass lately because she didn't get into the university she wanted, so she's trying to find one that's as much the same as possible. Which is hard, naturally. And then she was always sitting in Kat's neck to eat healthy things and to drink less and to do less drugs and to go to Doctor Bloomfield more often. As if 3 times the week wouldn't be enough. As if Nathan wouldn't already treat her like a bloody kid. Yes she was down after Erik made his small disappearing act so suddenly… but she's gotten better. The wounds are healing, slowly but surely. She still misses him but that's okay. She can miss him as long as she can take her mind off him other than taking anything or crying her heart out until she throws up from hysteria. The past months were rough but she's getting better. She just needs to learn to not think about him anymore.
Kat almost winces as she hears her door opening slowly and the bottle stops at her lips. Maybe the thought of someone breaking in should scare her but the first apartment she moved into with 18 taught her a good lesson or two. And that gun she recently treated herself with needs to be tried out on someone at some point…
Opening the door proves to be more difficult than he thought. Erik knows how to pick locks in his world but these locks are completely different. He manages, though, after a few minutes and the door opens more loudly than he intended to. He waits a moment and tries to hear if she might have noticed but as nothing moves he slowly enters and closes the door behind him, this time without a noise. Kathrine's home looks oddly… normal. Nothing like Erik imagined. No black or red walls, no extreme colors, no unusual floor. The walls he is looking at are white and extremely clean. There is a small commode close to the door with a glass bowl on the top in which Erik sees keys, a lighter and a few coins. The floor that leads into her home is rather small which barely gives him space to really hide. It seems like the floor is what separates two larger rooms. The left looks like it is used as a bedroom and a living room, while the right provides a kitchen and probably a bathroom that is hidden by walls. He never thought her apartment would be this bright and organized. Erik can see almost all of the kitchen and the bedroom, but barely anything of the living room. Carefully he looks around the corner… only to be met with the picture of Kathrine pointing an odd looking gun at him. With his hands above his head, Erik steps into her sight slowly. There is no doubt that she would not hesitate to shoot him should he be a threat and with everything that happened in their past, Erik is not sure that she wouldn't claim he was an attacker once the police questions her about his corpse in her flat. But as she sees him, Kathrine instantly freezes and the gun slowly lowers.
''…Erik? '' The sound of his name being whispered by her voice has him forgetting the past months at once.
'' Kathrine… My Kathrine… I cannot tell you how happy I am that I found you. As I saw the true size of this city I thought I would never see you again- '' As he attempts to close the distance to her and wrap his arms around her she takes a step back and he stops. The released expression slips from his face, he opens and closes his mouth several times but he can't find the right words. Of course she is still mad at him.
'' Kathrine please- '' As he reaches out for her with one hand she takes another step away from him, shaking her head while doing so,
'' Don't touch me. '' There is pain in her voice and Erik has to look away for a moment, because for the first time he realizes how much he actually hurt her. Of course after he thought about this more reasonable he began to realize that she might be hurting, but the pain in her voice and the look in her eyes is breaking his heart. How could he do this to her?
'' Kathrine I am so sorry…'' She snorts,
'' So? That's not gonna change anything. I'm not your personal Harley Quinn that comes running back to kiss your feet every time you push me away. '' She snaps at him and Erik winces. He shakes his head,
'' I would never think that… Please just allow me to explain myself to you. '' She shakes her head, her eyes now narrowed dangerously,
'' Why? What do you want? That I forgive you? That I take you back and come back to the Opera with you? Just how meaningless do you think the life I have here is to me? I might have been hurt in the beginning, yeah, I admit that. But I'm done with that. I'm done with you! So get the hell out of my apartment and stay away from me! '' Erik feels his heart wrenching in his chest as she points towards the door in a silent command for him to get out. Erik shakes his head and attempts another step closer,
'' If you could know the pain I've felt… then you would know I had no choice… My Kathrine- '' His voice is soothing as he sings to her but the desperate tone in it changes the effect it has on her. By now he could always influence her somehow. Sometimes she seemed to be in trance as he sang to her, her love for his voice put her under his spell. But there is nothing of that in her eyes now. Instead he sees more anger flaring up in her,
'' Stop it with the singing! No more singing! Never again! Get out! '' He winces as her voice changes into a screeched scream, her hands pushing him towards the door. Suddenly something in him snaps. He went through pain and trouble to find her. How can she just send him away?! How can she not even listen to his apology?! What right does she have to take herself away from him again now that he finally found her?! What gives her the right to try and take the only thing from him that never betrayed him- his music! How can she dare to refuse her voice to him!
In one quick motion he turns and grabs her on her upper arms, his fingers digging hard enough into her flesh to leave bruises. With a growl he pulls her towards himself, her body colliding with his own while it tenses,
'' I am dying Kathrine! Suffocating in the darkness that your absence casts over me! Give me breathe! Give me life! Sing for me! Come back and stay with me for the eternity you still owe me! '' She tries to free herself but he only pulls her closer, his grip tightens, his anger grows,
'' Or I will take everything that you have ever loved! You fear your mother's death? Your fear the death of your friends?! I will be their executioner! You were right, Kathrine, there are things taking your loved ones from you that are not natural! And that will be me! If you refuse me, I will kill- '' He breaks off as the anger that was just about to bloom in her eyes is suddenly drowned in tears as they're welling up. Erik cannot remember a time where he ever saw such betrayal on her face, such pain. Such sheer panic. And he has caused it like he has so many times before. Just that it never was like this before. As her lips begin to quiver and the first tears begin to fall, his grip on her becomes softer until his hands slide off her body completely,
'' No… I… I did not mean to… Kathrine- ''
'' Get out…'' He winces at the sound of her voice. It is a broken whisper and it is breaking his heart. This time he turns and leaves her apartment, his steps slow and dragging as he walks down the stairs. He doesn't even care if somebody might spot him. He does not care for anything anymore because the only beautiful thing in his life, the only person that loved and cared for him has forgiven him for the last time. He lost his Kathrine and it physically hurts him. He can feel his heart breaking in his chest. It hurts so much that he feels like he is dying an eternal death…
