Summary: There's only one secret Stiles has kept and will keep from Scott and that's the reason his parents got divorced and it's all Stiles fault.
Pairing: Papa McCall/Stiles
Warning: Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse/Rape of a child.
Your mom and dad got a divorce because he hit her. Your mom and dad got a divorce because of me. But while I've never told you I'm glad he's gone. He didn't just hurt your mom Scott, he hurt me too. I remember spending nights at your house, in the guest bedroom, because it was weird for us to share at the age of 9. I remember the pain of his hands and the soft kisses. I remember him telling me it was a secret and I couldn't tell anyone. I remember the words and the slurs and I remember when my mom died, while I was sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my dad and crying I begged my mom to help me, to take him away. She did. It took two long years but he left and I had never been so relieved. But I can't tell you that, he's not here to hurt me anymore so I can't tell you that.
When I see him at the hospital there's this small part of me that hates everyone for leaving me to face him alone. I hate that he judges my father, I hate that he tries to find a reason to take me away like he did last time. Where I spent two weeks in your house while you and your mom were at her sisters. I'm still glad Mama McCall never found out. I know she'd have hated herself for vouching for her husband and there's no point in telling anyone now. He can't hurt me now. He's in the FBI, he's a big player now and he can't hurt me because if he hurts me he'll get in trouble. I'd fight back and I'd actually stand a chance. Well, maybe not, not after knowing Gerard, a dying old man, could kick my ass. But I still wouldn't tell you, no, I couldn't tell you if he hurts me again.
"Did you know your dad's car is in the school parking lot and has been since last night?"
"No. What does that mean?"
"It means he's officially missing." I know he's missing and part of me wonders if your father already knew that. Part of me wonders if my dad is dead and I'll be stuck in this man's grasp because no one else would want me. I wouldn't want me.
"Stiles, why am I getting the feeling that you know something that could help us find your dad?"
"If I did why would I not tell you?"
"If it meant helping your dad, why wouldn't you?"
"So, you're asking me to tell you what I wouldn't not tell you?"
"First, I have no idea what you just said. Second, how about you just help me help you?" The conversation isn't much of a conversation as it is an interrogation and he's got those eyes on me, making my skin crawl, it takes energy to try and focus.
"Well, I don't know how to help you help me tell you something that would help you if I don't know it." There's a small part of me that wants to tell him because maybe he'd have better luck finding my dad. If he found my dad I'd be okay because there is no way your father would hurt me again if my dad was here. Without my dad now, I feel unsafe, unprotected.
"Are you doing this on purpose?" There's a look on his face and my heart pounds, it makes me want to run and crawl and hide, it makes me want to give up, it kind of makes me want to cry.
"I don't know anything, okay? Can I just go?" I want to get away, I don't want to be here but I'll pretend, I can't give him the upper hand, not again.
"Where are your other friends?" Taking a low blow I ask about you.
"You mean Scott?" There's anger in the words, a type of venom because he doesn't get to ask about you. He doesn't deserve it not after all he's done. I remember asking you when we were young if your dad ever touched you and you had giggled and said all the time. My heart had pounded but then you just described how my dad touched me and I asked if he ever touched your privates. You gasped and told me he would never. I couldn't tell you he did mine. Just like I wouldn't tell you now – couldn't tell you now.
"I mean Scott. I mean Isaac Lahey, Allison Argent, these twins Ethan and Aiden. I've been told your whole little clique didn't show up at school today."
"I don't have a clique." I bit out, because Allison and Issac were more your clique, Ethan and Aiden were certainly not anyone's friends. I had no one, I barely had you.
"Stiles, come on. There's been pretty disturbing amount of violent activity in the last few months, several murders tied to this school. I don't know what's going on here, but it's serious. And- hey. Your dad is missing. Fine. But I don't want you going home alone. Do you have someone you can stay with tonight?" I stare at him and my heart thuds in my chest. He was going to take me again and this time my father wouldn't be able to come out of no where and save me. Last time he stopped drinking and saved me, he couldn't get away from the Darach, he was probably already dead. There's a sinking feeling in my stomach as I wonder if maybe I'm next, if maybe someone would stop him. But then I remember I have no one and you can't ever know.
When your boss comes in and says I'm staying with him there's relief on my face, in my body. I want to laugh at your father, tell him he can go fuck himself but I don't. I just shuffle after Deaton. And I can tell by the look on his face that he knows what's happened between your father and I. It makes me want to cry, makes me feel like he hates me, like he's judging me. I wonder if he'd tell me to not even think about telling you because that might affect you poorly, but I'd never tell you. Maybe he knows that as well. He doesn't bring it up tells me to call Lydia and you. So I do, you're father is now the least of my concerns. My father and your mother and Allison's father first, than I can worry about your FBI agent father. Until I'm being told I'm going to die, I might not come back. I know I have to tell you before, in case I don't come back, I'd feel wrong if I didn't.
"You're father's back." I tell you and maybe it isn't exactly what I wanted to say but it's close enough. If I die and you never understand, I'm okay with that. The pain and shock is evident on your face before we get pushed under. The memory of talking to Mrs. Morrell is suddenly fresh in my brain, about drowning. How you don't open your mouth until that very last second and I wonder if she knew this was how it was going to play out all along. I wonder if I'm going to die like this, if I would be able to handle the agonizing pain that's been my life because I wouldn't be able to handle the hell that's going to come when we return but I'd fight for it. I wonder if I might die with a million secrets on my chest, secrets that no child should keep, no single human should have on their chest so as I go under I swear to myself and I feel my vision darken, I promise to confront every secret I've ever had and let it out.
The first few are easy, simple things. Like being bisexual, unsure if I really want to be a werewolf. Then they get harder. I tell my father about how I cut for a year and he cries, I tell him how I killed mom and he looks at me horrified. He makes me feel better. Then I break down and the only words I can say is I'm not a virgin. He pauses for a moment, stops on the stairs and turns back to me, his face is etched in something I can't understand.
"Why are you telling me that?"
"I don't wanna die without you knowing." I can't breath and the next thing I know I'm panicking, I'm sinking to the floor and my dads there trying to ease me out of my attack. When I'm calm he doesn't ask he just looks at me, just looks at me and blinks. "When I got taken away from you while you were drinking…Mr. McCall." I choke on the word, it actually taste bad in my mouth, I never understood how people could say words taste bad but your father's name…on my tongue…tastes like death.
"Scott's dad?" I nod. "Was that the only time?" I shook my head. "Oh, Stiles."
"It started when I was nine." And I tell him everything, the words are flowing out of me in a way I never thought possible and I'm apologizing. I know half the words are stuttered and sobbed, I can feel my fathers arms around me, trying to comfort me and I cry out the secret I've kept for so long. I miss the next day of school, my dad sitting with me and asking why I thought I couldn't tell him and I shrug. There was a million reasons why I couldn't tell anyone, but I can't give him any of those. I have a real therapist now, outside of Morrell, my dad wants to see how it goes. I don't want to relive this anymore than I have to. I know it'll last a week if that because I don't plan on talking about that. Before almost losing my dad I was able to push this problem aside now that it's off my chest I'll just push it away again. But I'm starting to think you deserve to know.
There's a rumor around town that our fathers were caught yelling at each other and fighting. Your mother asked you and you asked me, I met your eyes ready to tell you everything but you're eyes are wide and innocent and concerned. Suddenly I knew I couldn't tell you, not yet. I wanted you to have a good image of your father, or the best you could have with the given circumstances. I didn't want you to look at me differently, didn't want you to think I was lying. I'm afraid if you ever find out what happened for those years, if you ever get told why our parents were fighting that you'd leave me. It was my fault, your father made sure to remind me every night that his crumbling marriage was my fault. I know you'd leave me for this reason because you're already trying. You're already half-way gone and I've known that for a while but now, with the darkness around us…I know it even more. Either you're leaving me on purpose or I'm leaving you on accident. Guess we'll know the answer to that when we cross that path but until then I think I'm okay dying with this as the only secret between us…the only secret I'm aware of between us.
AN: This was originally intended to only be seen by a friend but with her permission(partial request) I've decided to post it on here.
The reason the pairing is between Stiles/Papa McCall is because when McCall had been introduced I knew Stiles had a past with him, I knew it wasn't a happy past but I also don't actually believe it's a dark past, it just worked.
