Beep

Harry sighed, and reached for another price tag on a shirt.

Beep

14..16..18..20..

Beep

Being an auditor isn't so bad, Harry thought to himself. Tedious yes, but nothing overly taxing. And as long as it gets me out of that god-forsaken house, I'm fine with it.

As he finished the last few pieces of clothing on the rack, he stood up and stretched. He idly marked the count from his "SIDEACOMP" and went to the break room to sign out. Chatting quietly with the manager for a few minutes, Harry got his jumper and left the store.

It was about a fifteen minute walk from the store they met at to Privet Drive. God forbid they actually let me borrow the car. No, it's quite alright, the Savior of the wizarding world can fucking fight to the death numerous times with an overgrown snake, but heavens forbid he tries to borrow the car.

Harry snorted and looked wearily at the house he has known as "home" for sixteen years. He trudged up the front steps to hear Vernon bitching about something or another. He became decidedly more feeble after the heart attack, and although his size and fists could no longer hurt Harry, Vernon's tongue became quite acidic with time.

It's like having my very own fat and ugly Malfoy. Joy.

A smirk of amusement lit Harry's face as he opened the door when he attempted to picture Vernon trying to fit in with the Malfoys.

Dudley looked up from the magazine he was reading, giving Harry a lopsided smile as he pumped his arm in a steady and sure manner, using his newly bought 15 pound weights.

"You finally got up to the fifteens? Sweet deal." Harry gave him a teasing smile and continued, "Duddleykins is gonna be a beefy-cake to Sara." Dudley rolled his eyes and tried to look cross. "Jesus Harry, the second you come in you start in on me. It was a date for chrissakes. Not a marriage proposal."

"Ah but my dashing and studly Dudley, no girl can now resist your charms." Harry clasped his hands together by his cheek and batted his eyelashes in a truly amusing manner. The rumble of laughter must have alerted the old bulldog, and merely looked up from his position in the living room to scream.

"Uh oh, here comes the fun police." Was a mutter from the now subdued Dudely. "DUDLEY! FOR FUCKS SAKE, WE DIDN'T PAY ALL THAT MONEY FOR YOUR OPERATION FOR YOU TO BE SITTING AROUND ON YOUR ASS! GET OFF IT AND GO FOR A RUN!" Dudley rolled his eyes and got up to leave. He gave an amused stare to Harry and mouthed, "Give 'em hell."

When Harry let Dudley pass, he realized how far Dudley had come in his "makeover" as Petunia would have put it. When he arrived for the summer last year, sad and pensive over the loss of Sirius, he was greeted by a significantly bandaged, yet thinner Dudley. Apparently, since his departure for Hogwarts the previous year, it was decided that Dudley would undergo gastric bypass, because at that tender age he was already having heart problems. So, the date was set, and it basically changed Dudley's life. He was still a little chubby, but perfectly normal-looking. He had more confidence, he was nicer (of all things holy, I know), and he was a decent work-out partner for Harry. They actually had become quite tolerant of each other, through a long and sometimes painful process and came to terms despite the preferential treatment of one child over the other.

Harry pushed these thoughts aside as he stepped into the living room to do battle. It's not so bad now, Harry mused, because now I can easily avoid being beaten. The fat bastard doesn't leave his chair. Vernon concentrated on the telly, completely ignoring the fact that there was another human being in the room. Harry was content to stand there until the cows came home, which probably wasn't long since –

"What do you want, you disgusting little freak?" Harry merely raised his eyebrow for a moment, and handed over the seventeen pounds. "Here's my room and board for the week." Vernon snatched the money greedily and looked at Harry harshly. "I should be charging you more than that you ungrateful little guttersnipe! You had better thank me when the time comes to kick your sorry arse to the curb!" And what a happy day that will be!

Harry nodded in agreement and turned around to head up the stairs. The bedroom was the same, small room he had come to love, but he had considerably decorated more and "moved" in a bit. All of his school things were out and about, cauldron bubbling merrily over a Vixen's Hot Heat portable burner ("A portable burner that scorches when others just simmer"). Posters of Snow Patrol, Sublime, Zepplin, and a few others adorned the walls, occasionally moving their hips and jamming out on their noiseless guitars. Hedwig was preening contentedly on her new perch, stopping temporarily to greet Harry with a soft hoot.

Harry dropped exhausted to his bed, but had the distinct cheerful feeling that he would not have to put up with this shit next summer. In addition to saving up his own muggle money, he quite happily exchanged some of it for Galleons and the like. Methinks someone is becoming almost as shrewd as Snape. "Shut up." He thought about the numerous books he would need, less now that he was heading into his seventh year, plus there was the "ever looming" threat of the war breaking out completely, so the normal Hogwarts letters specified there would be more hands on defense training than per usual.

All I know is that I'd better not be bloody put in charge of this mess. The DA will continue, no doubt, but besides that, I don't know if I'm truly in the mood to take any more incompetent DADA teachers. Harry harrumphed and wondered for the billionth time why they couldn't reinstate Mooney.

He groaned rolled over, and decided to recheck that six foot essay the Greasy wonder assigned.

..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..- 8 --

Ouch! What the hell was that? Harry turned around and glared at the person who had just pinched his ass. Only to come face to face with Voldemort's lecherous leer. Holllleeeyyy Shiitttte! Harry scrambled for his wand only to be caught-off guard when his body didn't respond to his brain screaming "GET ME THE EFF OUT OF HERE!"

He could feel the revulsion coming in waves, as Voldielocks decided he liked to stroke Harry's back. Okay…He's really fucked in the head. I think this obsession with me has gone a little TOO far. He felt himself smile and reply to snakewonder, "Is there anything you wish master?" Harry leaned forward and kissed the bejeweled hand of Voldemort. Well I don't feel any different. Maybe this is some kind of new spell he concocted. It's damn good whatever it is. Waiiitt a second…

Harry thought about all those times he was under Imperious and there was not a small voice in the back of his head telling him what or what not to do. It seemed as if he did these things completely willingly, and wholeheartedly, since other than the revulsion of what he was doing was coming at him in waves he had NO idea what he was doing wasn't of his own accord. Plus, he could not actually feel what was happening to him.

Voldemort continued to caress Harry's back, slowly and gradually touching his shoulders, his arms, his legs, and although it was a very odd notion, his arch enemy touching him, he could see his body relaxing at the apparently soothing touch. Harry started (internally?) hyperventilating, because apparently his mind and his body were on different pages. Voldemort then leaned down, coming closer to Harry's face, the awareness and sickness of what was about to happen burst through his mental confusion, and he could only look on in absolute horror as he was kissed by the Dark Lord. There then was a crushing inner pain radiated to him, like someone was dying on the inside. Harry then put two and two together.

Merlin, this is someone else. I'm having a vision. Who would want to do this? Voldemort is a SICK bastard. I'm going to kill him, and then I'm going to kill him again for this poor sod. I wonder if he's a Deatheater or an innocent civilian.

Even though it was common knowledge some of the Deatheaters wanted out, in no way shape or form will they ever abandon Voldielocks because well, they would die. Simple as that. Harry knew and understood this from his point of view, because everyone had a part to play in this almost-war. No matter what side you're on, you have to pick and play wisely with what you've dealt yourself.

The kiss seemed to last forever, and all of a sudden all emotions that he was feeling from this person shuttered closed. Harry could certainly understand that phenomenon, since it had happened to him several times in the past. It's a way for the psyche to deal with the enormous onslaught of emotion, simply by cutting them completely off. Harry became distressed for this person, even though he could be a deatheater, because it was all so very wrong, it should not have to be like this. He's going to die, that fucker. I swear to Merlin.

Voldemort finally stopped and crooned, "My pet, thank you. That will suffice. You are an amazingly powerful wizard, and I would like to keep you under my personal wing a bit longer." Voldemort trailed his hand down the stomach of his victim. "Perhaps an incentive is due?" Voldemort smiled serenely as a madman could while placing the rather large trinket in a pair of small porcelain hands. "Your family will be safe a while longer. I trust you will return to me my pet in three days time. Use the diamond in the trinket as a portkey. Ah yes, be sure to send my regards to your mother. I miss those splendid banquets and company at her house. Indeed it would be almost pertinent for me to dine with them soon."

Things got hazy gray, and he was jolted awake by the crash of his heavy Potions book to the floor. He sat up in bed for a minute as his eyes widened….

"Who, in the bloody hell's mind did I just enter?"

..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-.-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..- 8 –

Disclaimer: I do not own these loverlies, and if I did I'd be a millionaire. A/n tis the first chapter of my first fanfic! Read and review please!