When Dobby first got fired, he was extremely happy. It meant he would never have to burn his fingers for bad mouthing his horrible family and their dark habits.

"Dobby will never have to burn his fingers for badmouthing his evil family!" Dobby said to himself when he strolled out into the street. "Dobby can say anything about them! Even Lucius' obsessions with pimp canes—" he ran to the nearest fire hydrant and banged his head against it. "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"

No, Dobby, stop!

"What said that?" he asked, looking into thin air.

Why, I'm the author and I'm here to recount your wacky adventures to the Muggle public who's reading this right now.

"Dobby will have wacky adventures?"

Why, yes. And some more stupid than others…

Dobby looked inquiringly at the author.

Oh, did I say that out loud? It was a soliloquy.

The author then disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a confused Dobby on the street. The ex-house-elf stayed confused for a moment (all that banging on the noggin had finally given him brain damage; he was kinda slow) and then spotted a ghetto dance club on the other side of the street.

"Dobby will go get a job!" He cried happily, running across the street and narrowly escaping certain death by being hit by the humongous truck speeding towards him.

Meet us next time for Dobby's first wacky adventure!