Hi everyone! This is my very first Twilight fan fiction! I was going to do a long story but I figured I'd do better with just a bunch of one shots so here it is! If you have a moment, please do review! Enjoy!

Disclaimer for whole story: My first name is not Stephenie and my last name is not Meyer. If it was you would know. I don't own anything. Except the plots, I do own those.


Albertson's Adventure

"What's a Starbucks doing in a grocery store?" asked Jasper.

"Umm…actually they are in all of them now." informed Bella.

"Whoa!!!!! Look it's all modern!!!!" exclaimed Emmett while poking a spinning container that held chicken. "It spins!!! Electronically!!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Just because he haven't actually been shopping in a grocery store for a very long time doesn't mean it's the same as it used to be. Just because you don't go somewhere doesn't mean it stays the same!"

"Emmett stop opening the freezer doors and sticking your hands in it!" said Esme.

"Yeah you're scaring all the cute little kids! Ooooo pretty colors!" Alice wandered into the beverage section with all the multi-colored cans.

"Whoa cool, what's Red Bull!?!?!?!?! I want some!!!!!" Emmett grabbed it and jumped up and down. "It supposedly gives you wings!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Emmett. Calm. Down." commanded Rosalie while grabbing the Red Bull and putting it back on the shelf. "You can't drink it anyway!"

"Fine." pouted Emmett. "I didn't really want it anyway."

"You're so immature." stated Edward.

"Well you know what??" snarled Emmett.

"What?" asked Edward while flexing his muscles.

Alice, wanting to avoid the brawl that was surely going to start, grabbed Emmett's arm and yelled, "Off to the cereals!!!!!!" She grabbed Jasper with her other arm.

"Wow that doughnut looks good!" exclaimed Bella dragging Rosalie and Edward towards the bakery.

That left poor Esme and Carlisle all by themselves, looking at the notebooks and school supplies for no particular reason at all.

Meanwhile in the cereal section…

"What's Bear Naked? That not a very good name for a cereal!" stated Jasper.

"I'm sure Alice would like Bugs'n'Mud seeing as she just bugs people," joked Emmett. Alice glared at him.

"Who would have thought that there would be fifty bazillion cereals for a measly little meal like breakfast? I don't understand humans these days," said Alice.

Two people walked past and only heard "don't understand humans these days" and gave them VERY strange looks.

"Oh, now look whose scaring people!" accused Emmett.

"Hey, it isn't my fault that- "

"Look it's Rosalie and Bella and Edward ALL the way down there! Let's run to catch up with them!!" proposed Jasper while running towards them.

As the three of them slid to a stop at Bella's feet, they heard the end of a brutal fight.

"Cream Cheese is bad for you!! It makes you fat!" screamed Rosalie.

"Yeah but it tastes good!" reasoned Edward. "And it's the only way to eat a bagel."

"NO IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!! PUT BUTTER ON THE STUPID BAGEL!!!!" shrieked Rosalie.

"Rose, calm down!" soothed Emmett placing a big hand on her shoulder. "Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale."

"I DON'T HAVE TO BREATHE IF I DON'T WANT TOO!!!!!"

Some tourists walking by gave them questioning looks.

Alice, who saw the tourists out of the corner of her eye said, "Now Rosalie, did you forget to take your medicine again? What did I tell you about that? Now in with the good air and out with the bad."

Emmett and Jasper has to stuff their fists in their mouth to keep from laughing at the look on Rosalie's face. Then Bella started coughing uncontrollably.

"COUGH DROPS!!" stated Edward. "You need cough drops!!!!!!!!! To the medicine section!!!!!!"

And off they ran to the medicine section.

"Now, do you want Halls Cool Citrus, Cool Berry, Strawberry Crème, Ice Blue or Honey-Lemon?" asked Edward.

"Umm…well Co- " Bella started to say.

"Honey-Lemon it is!!! Lovely choice!!" exclaimed Alice.

"Oooo make-up!" giggled Rosalie.

"I want this and this and this and this and this and this!" stated Alice piling an assortment of nail polish, lip stick, cover up, eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara in Jasper's arms.

"Yeah you need it all to cover up that ugly face of yours." murmured Emmett.

Alice threw a tube of lipstick at his head.

"Look! It Bald Guyz Head wipes!" exclaimed Edward picking up a box. "Looks to me like you could use these Emmett,"

Emmett threw something that resembled a hair brush at his head. It missed and broke a pharmacy window. Bella groaned as the vampires swiftly ran and ducked into the shampoo aisle.

"Hmm… should I get Herbal Essences Shimmery Nights or Victoria Secret's Global Goddess or Herbal Essences Drama Clean or Victoria Secret's Sensuous Shine Shampoo or Herbal Essences Totally Twisted or Bath and Body Works Pink Grapefruit shampoo??" inquired Rosalie. She looked up at 5 totally blank stares. "What? I like my shampoo."

"I'm NEVER EVER taking you guys grocery shopping AGAIN!!!" yelled Bella at the top of her lungs.

"Why?" asked Emmett.

Bella made a sound between a scream and howl, grabbed her cough drops, and ran off to pay. She avoided the police and store mangers examining the broken pharmacy window.

Moral of the story: NEVER EVER take vampires grocery shopping. It is NOT a good idea.


And there you have it, my very first one shot. I hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to have another one up soonish...