It's a sad thing, a break up. But it isn't the break up that hurts the most; it's the follow up. The missing piece that you spend the follow up jamming pieces in to find the right one... But you never do. It's the waking up and not knowing what to do or where to place yourself in the world that breaks your heart. It's the person who you used to see galaxies in their eyes and now all you can see is a frizzled out star. You just don't know what to do... Because not knowing what to do or how to feel is the worst pain of all.

Black is all could Rae see... Black pants, black pants and dresses and a black cloud that hung heavily above the grieving mass of people. But throughout that black wave of people she could still scope him out, that brown eyed stranger. She had noticed his hair had grew longer and his jawline deeper; but his eyes were worn and swimming in deep thought - as if he had seen thousands of things and more.

Rae hadn't seen him for three years, six months, four days and twelve hours... Not that she had been counting. Of course she hadn't. She had other things to distract her and to take up her time. But how could he have the nerve to turn up? How could he just think that this was ok? So much had been and gone in his absence;

Birthdays...

Little Sophia learning how to walk and speak, she's now almost three...

Breaks ups, make ups...

Parties...

Each part of them growing and blossoming the more time grew. He wasn't that person they knew. And they weren't the people he had left behind. They'd all give up trying to invent new ways to keep contact - even if it was just to see how he was finding life - He was just always too busy. Always. Which would explain the surprise upon his old and familiar faces when he had actually showed.

Rae felt a hand squeeze her shoulder in which she pulled away her stare away from his bowed head, luckily for her he didn't look up, and her eyes latched onto a solemn Chloe; who lowly and gently spoke, "C'mon, we're going back the pub for the wake", Rae gave a nod before returning her gaze back to him, her side grew cold as Chloe left her be and caught up with everybody else. She burned her eyes into the side of his head, but he didn't flinch. He didn't flinch when everybody had left. He didn't flinch when it began to rain. He didn't flinch when she approached him. And he didn't flinch when she asked;

"Why did you come back, Finn?" There was a long pause and he didn't move. Finn reminded her of one of those paintings she once stared at in a gallery she went to with school, she thought that the longer she stared then the power of her stare would force it to move. But it never worked and it strangely made her feel not special, bet Chloe could just blink and it'd jump through the other paintings for her she used to bitterly think.

There was final movement from him, it might have only been a shrug but it was something. But she needed more from him. She needed answers to her thousands of questions.

Why didn't you say goodbye?

Didn't I matter?

Wasn't I good enough for you?

We all needed you, why did you go?

I needed you, Finn, I needed you.

So many things she had to say. So many things she had to ask. So many that she didn't know where to start. He finally looked at her, "I needed to come home."

Before she could say anything else, he simply got up and left; hands in his suit pants and his head bowed.

Once again.

"Lovely service, wasn't it?" Rae overheard from a table behind her. She hated when people would say that at funerals, it wasn't a wedding or a Christening - fair enough it was polite but she still didn't like it. She always wondered why people would to say it; to pass time? To make up small talk? She didn't know. She just knew she hated it.

Of course it was a funeral that the gang would be reunited at for the first time in over a year. It wasn't that they had fallen out, it was just they were all too busy; just like him. Chloe was at her final year in Manchester UNI. Archie worked for The Daily Mail paper, all the way down in London. Johnny was always too busy planning for his wedding with Brogan and Izzy was a full time stay-at-home mum. Rae... Well, Rae hadn't been up to much; but she had dropped four stone, threw some colour into her wardrobe and was therapy and self-harm free and her finger was officially off the self destruct button but she was still Rae; that band top wearing, Stone Roses listening Rae.

Al had been living somewhere down in Southampton for the past two years and didn't bother showing up today.

The gang were all sat round their old table; glasses in hand and small talk passed between them. Until -

"He's here." Archie mumbled before they all turned towards the door, as did the whole pub; before everybody quickly pretended to be distracted but their eyes lingered on him for longer than he liked. He made his way to the bar in a flourish with his head down before asking for a half and half before swiping his drink and quickly scarpering back out into the beer gardens.

Nobody had seen Finn for the following four days, nobody knew why he was back and nobody knew what to say to him. Finn was like a ghost, floating through the town unseen. Truth be told Finn was scared, scared of what his friends would say. He was scared of the questioning, and scared to hear the truth. He had been living in some fantasy world for the past three years and now he couldn't find a way out. He had seen some sights in New York, had a breakdown, had a breakthrough - you name it and Finn had been living it. But now he had nothing left in him, a shell of his former self. He was a lot thinner from what people remember, rumours were spoke that he had been in rehab and that's why he had been MIA. He wish it was a drug problem. He wish it was that easy. He wish his reason for disappearing was that exciting.

But sadly, Finn was just a coward and he ran. He ran and he ran and he ran until he hit a brick wall and returned home; and stayed under the radar. So he thought, until Archie showed up at the door. Finn was reluctant but he just simply stepped aside and let Archie pass through.

The two sat in a living room Archie was unfamiliar with, turns out Finn had found himself a nice little flat above one of the shops in the high street. Two bedroomed, nice and open living room that connected to the kitchen, nice-sized bathroom, etc. Finn was doing good for himself considering he had not long came back. It made Archie wonder if Finn had really been back for as long as Finn had said, he looked awfully settled in for someone who had only been back four days.

"Nice place."

"Yeh, it's alright. Needs fixing up a bit but once am settled in better am gonna do it up."

Silence. Archie curled his fingers tighter round his mug of coffee before giving it a blow and having a sip. Archie looked around the room, taking everything in before he felt an internal happiness as he noticed Finn's infamous record and CD collection all unpacked and neatly lined up upon a shelf but what he did notice was the unpacked record player and unpacked stereo.

"I have yet to set that up... Just haven't had the time," Finn awkwardly and lowly mumbled the last part as he began to build a rollie. "'ere are I'll do it for y', won't take two minutes," Archie rose to his feet and Finn's breathing became uneasy.

"Arch, don't!" Archie gave Finn a confused frown as to why his offer was being refused, Finn began to fidget, "Just know what you're like, dead clumsy and that," Finn let out a measly laugh as he realised his pathetic attempt of a joke and excuse wasn't working.

"Still pining for her then," Archie quipped as he sat back down his seat, "Dunno what you're on about," Finn spat back as he finished his little task, not once did his stare leave that thin paper. Which was enough for Archie to see right through him.

There was a long silence between the two, in that time of silence Finn lit his toxins and sunk back into his seat, "How is she anyway?" Archie grinned, "She's not seeing anyone if that's what you mean," Finn scoffed and rolled his eyes, "I weren't sayin' tha', I mean... I mean she just looked good, and just wanted to know, tha's all," "Yeah, she should look good; she's lost four stone!" Archie giggled, Finn raised an eyebrow but didn't look amused, "Really?" "Yeah, she's lost so much weight! She looks brilliant, I mean there was nowt wrong with her before; don't get me wrong but now she just looks so much happier," Finn frowned, he didn't like the idea of Rae changing anything about herself. He liked her just the way she was, but he had to remind himself that she wasn't his anymore - his opinion about how she now looked was now completely irrelevant.

He then moved on and asked, "Does she still hate me?" Archie nodded, "Yeah,"

And all Finn could do was sigh;

The two then found themselves in another silence, the tv doing the talking for them.

Ten minutes passed... Then fifteen...

Once Finn finished his rolled up cigarette; he began picking at his nails. Archie felt a sudden sadness as he could hear Finn's voice crack as he spoke, trying to speak with as much courage he could, "Arch, tell 'er am sorry for me yeh,"

Courage, to Archie, was underrated.

Rae felt oddly empty, even in the middle of the crowded back garden at a party Chloe was hosting. Is This Love played throughout the speakers she had helped Chloe set up earlier. Rae watched as people danced and drank, little Sophia sat on her knee and clapped along to the beat; her mother's fiery red curls bounced in delight.

Sophia may have had Izzy's hair, but she had Chop's everything else - eyes, nose, even the same dopey and infectious smile.

Rae tossed a smile towards people who would throw one her way but she couldn't keep her mind focused. The song was like a little theif of joy for Rae, a little child; getting louder and louder - wanting her attention. All could she think about was his smile. The old posters and records. The stares.

She just didn't get it. Why did he do this. Why did he leave so many people behind. Why did he leave such an empty place within them all. As Rae looked around, glancing at Chloe... Then Izzy... Johnny... Brogan... And finally Archie - who had not long turned up - He had left all these people so broken hearted, his absence breaking off more pieces that Chop had already smashed a major part of.

What hurt Rae the most was that she gave her all. Was there through thick and thin. She stuck with him through the lot, no matter what. Then one day, he just gave up on her and just ran. Disappeared, living up to his nickname "The Ghost." He didn't even fight for her. The one thing she never would've done, he did with no hesitation.

She just wanted to know why.

"One day, whether you
are 14,
28
or 65

you will stumble upon

someone who will start

a fire in you that cannot die.

However, the saddest,

most awful truth

you will ever come to find––

is they are not always

with whom we spend our lives."