The OCs

It was a lovely clear day on the Disney end of Jamaica, and at a large and tasteful estate a sumptuous party was being thrown to celebrate a certain Commodore's transfer to Port Royal. The drinks were fair, the food was fine, the furrow followed free..wait. no. ..dammit! must finish line! Argh! Hmm. Better start the dialogue someplace.

            "And so you see amigo, we were the first that ever burst into that silent sea." The woman speaking smiled a sly smile at her masterful use of poetry a hundred years after her time.

            "How perfectly anachronistic of you," her companion purred, sipping at his wine and looking around to see if there were any canonicals to corrupt. "Although I daresay you should leave out that bit about the albatross."

            "What?" she nearly spat out her Bacardi. "But that's where all the best religious imagery is! Next you'll be telling me to leave out the resurrection of the crew! Stupido." Calidori, for that was who the angry woman was, glared at the officer. "Go have an opium hallucination, why don't you. I think the world is too much with you, late and soon."

            "Franny darling, your name dropping is terrible." Moncrieff emphasized this statement with a flamboyant hand gesture. Not as flamboyant as Jack Sparrow, but you get the idea. But just then the snarky French Lieutenant was made aware by the powers that be that his love interest was not present at the party. "Merde!" he whispered. "Have I been so beguiled as to be blind to my most grievous loss!?" and continuing in this manner he sauntered off to find his CO.

            "Don't call me 'Franny'!" Calidori yelled, making a rude gesture with the stump of her right hand. "Stupid French bastard." Her nationalistic tirade however was stopped by the appearance of a distraught-looking society lady.

            "Oh I'm dreadfully sorry to have interrupted," the girl began. She was astonishingly pretty and still managed to seem human. "But I can't seem to find my dear brother or his cute Lieutenant. Have you seen them?"

            "Was the cute Lieutenant snarky and French?"

            "Yes! And he's wounded!" the girl looked quite hopeful now, her eyes shining.

            "Sorry, I must have met some other snarky French Lieutenant then, señora." Calidori snagged a glass of brandy from a passing servant.

            "My apologies then. My name is Katherine, by the way. Katherine Norrington." She smiled in a charming manner that on any other girl would have caused all the party guests to spontaneously vomit. "And you are?"

            "A Stern Daughter of the Voice of God, miss." She paused. "Madre de Dios, I am trapped in a never-ending cycle of poetry from the future!!" Katherine tactfully wandered away, leaving the female pirate captain to her fit of rage. She passed by a girl slightly older than herself, sulking at the edge of the crowd.

            "Have you seen my Matthieu, Hope?" Katherine asked, *snicker* hopefully.

            "Father made me come to this absurd party, you know." Hope glared at the ground, and picked a bit of lint off her dress, which was black. All black. "Where's the Commodore? I need to resolve my irrational dislike of him."

            "I don't know," Katherine sighed. "It's terribly unseemly for our host to simply vanish like this."

            "Vanished, did you say?" asked a handsome (if emaciated) officer, joining in the conversation. "Yes, I believe you're right, Miss Norrington. It's almost as if he has dark supernatural powers."

            "Lieutenant Pearce, what on earth are you doing here?" Hope asked. "Aren't you…deceased?"

            "No, I received an invitation, same as you lovely ladies. It's got to be the best party I've ever seen." He frowned slightly. "Although I do wish that Moncrieff would have refrained from groping me by the refreshments table."

Katherine paled, as this was far too much information for a lady of her standing. Hope as well looked suitably scandalized.

            As the party drew on, all the irritating socialite gossip centered on the host's mysterious absence. The new Mrs. Captain Boone was quite animated about it.

            "And so I said to William," Kitty began saying to her audience of vulture-like single women and their mothers. "I was so hoping to see the Commodore before we have to go back to India. It's a dreadful place, you know." There was much fluttering of fans in agreement. "Oh, isn't this just a lovely ring! ...I don't think I miss being called 'Miss Franklin' at all. Heehee."

Meanwhile in the stately and decadently furnished mansion, sordid naval affairs were taking place. Because that's just what happens at these sorts of parties.

"I cannot believe you stole my lovely billowing cloak, you bastard." The mysterious host said in an incredibly stuffy manner. His adversary was taken aback, so haughty and repressed was his tone.

"It was mine to begin with, if you remember," he sneered evilly, and twirled his Snidely Whiplash mustache.

"You weren't even invited! How terribly improper. You know, if your sister ever ran off with a gambling drunkard, I would absolutely refuse to pay for her wedding. You-you canonical!"

"Gasp!" the evil dark puppy-kicking figure gasped. "That's hardly the way to speak to your inspiration, now is it? Now I'll be forced to rape you."

"Not if I rape you first, Norrington!" the Commodore spat.

"Oh do shut up, Bennett. You disgust me with your terribly...alluring…stuffiness…" SEMPOTO Norrington's eyes glazed over. But then a puppy ran through the room and he kicked it, and felt much better. "At any rate, I must away. Young Turner is still chained to my bed, and I'd hate for him to starve to death before I'm finished with him."

"Oh, I understand completely," Bennett replied genially. "We'll continue this argument later, then?"

"But of course, darling." And with a swoop and a swell of the orchestra, the bastardized canonical vanished in a billow of cape.