My boss, Brendan Brady, a babe magnet, with women oozing off each arm whenever I'm around, he tash sitting comfortably above his top lip, his slick and stylish black suits catch their eyes, and make their heads turn, he orders Rhys the barman "champagne all round", he grins, the authority dripping off him, and you can see he loves every second of it

I'm stacking crates up, my puny unattractive body hardly strong enough to lifts the crates of beers., the mountain of whiskeys and malt left to the side, saving the hardest ones for last, it's a job though, I can't complain Brendan always pays me generously, I'm the only ones that bovver's to work, Rhys is busy claiming the girls that are not good enough for Brendan, he doesn't have a particular type though, I've noticed, it's just any one who's interested, he doesn't go around chatting girls up like a normal bloke would, I mean look at him, look at me, I have two kids and a skinny exterior , and him well, not exactly a wet fish like me, he's the prize cod, the one everyone wants to eat.

It's quite lonely this job, which is weird cuz I'm a barman, but the people that come in are the usual's, or the stereotypical hotties that go around the Chester bars, I like it in the cellar, I sit on the crates, I have thinking time, I think of my kids, and the places I will take them, I imagine them when I sit down in that cellar, on the hot sandy beaches, Leah making sand castles, while Lucas wants to swim with the fishes, I buy them ice creams, with a flake as well, because there special, I would do anything for them, Amy would come back from shopping and we would rub the sun cream on the kids otherwise they would burn in the Spanish sun, I tuck them into bed and read them a story about a princess longing for a prince, they fall asleep before I get to the end. This usually takes up most of the hours, the cellar is my room, the room I can escape from the world, where I think of my dream partners, I sometimes have unusual thoughts, thoughts that I have never had before, they come up suddenly what if I were gay? Of course I aint, I have two kids, but it's just a thought which is sometimes unlocked for no reason, usually in the cellar, makes me feel lonely sometimes, I haven't been out with anyone for a long time, I wish I could whisper sweet nothing into my partners ear , in my den, someone who I can share the experience with, someone that I can escape with, maybe someone who I could get off with, it's been ages since I had sex with anyone, wouldn't it be great if it was in ere, the sneaking around, the hiding, maybe that's what I need, not a serious relationship but fast and furious danger.

"Steven", I suddenly hear. I know who it is that Irish accent sends chills down my spine, and not in a good way. I walk boldly up to his office trying to look like a good employee, and as I walk through the door, I begin to wonder why he has called me in here, why does he want me?

"Steven…" I'm greeted with the warm rush of heat from the office, unlike the cold cellar I'm usually in. And there he is, I see his eyes first, like burning coal, so warm, yet so dark, then my eyes trace downwards to that tash neatly at home on those wide smiling... Wait he's smiling, he never smiles before I get a chance to ask why..

"Steven" he chuckles

"Yeh Brendan?"

"What is it ye doing in that cellar?"

"Moving crates, nuffin much..."

"Ye nothing much indeed Steven". He flicks the screen on and asks me to come around. I stand behind him, trying not to touch him. Brendan though he smells nice, reminds me of roses and whiskey, sharp but sweet. And then the screen comes up with me, on CCTV, sitting in that cellar.

"So, Steven lifting crates are we?"

"Urm well no but, sorry Bren".

There was no excuse, no words I could say, I was weak.

"Steven, I watch ye day in and day out sitting them crates, and I ain't got the faintest idea why, care to explain hm hm?"

"Well it's a tiring job you know and I just well like sitting there and thinking of ma kids...and stuff".

"And stuff, hmm and what stuff young Steven may that be now?"

"Don't matter, its private."

I was getting defensive over his questions; I couldn't tell him those thoughts I had when I was in there, he would laugh in my face.

"Guts Steven I'll tell you that now, now give me three reasons why I shouldn't sack yer?"

He could see me squirming uncomfortably next to him.

"What have you got ants in yer pants Steven?"

"No look Bren, I need this job", he shifted around and starred me straight in the face, where could look he was so close…, I could feel his breath dispersing on my face, the thoughts I had in the cellar, the gay thoughts, the ones that had no relation to me they were getting stronger, I wanted to touch his face, to stroke that tash and run my fingers through his hair, I didn't understand why I had these thoughts. I moved closer, he reached his hand up placing it on my neck, my pulse punched his hand, my breath grew unsteady, I took the opportunity I moved in quick thrashing my lips against his, he moved his hand away, the quick reflex action stopping me, my lips lingered on his wondering what to do, the electricity burned me, burned my mind, then the air went cold, he had moved away and I stood like a doughnut. My first kiss with a man was awesome, my mood fizzled away though, obviously Brendan didn't feel the same, and he held his hands to his head, shaking with anger.

"Get out Steven".

"Bren, I'm sorry I..."

"Just get out Steven".

I ran out of the office, by this time the club was buzzing and I had to sneak out before Rhys saw me. The cold air was a relief; it washed all the worry out of me, who cares, it felt right. I slide down the wall and sit on the pavement outside ChezChez, I hear the music from the club, a song called 'When we collide' comes on, it explains exactly how I feel, when Brendan and me collided it felt right, it was my first kiss with a man, I'm getting ahead of myself, I needed to go home, take a shower and go to bed. I walked along the road and that's when I heard the door open. I hide but he shouts my name.

"How'd you know I was here"?

"CCTV Steven..."

"What you want them Brendan?"

"Why did ye... Kiss. Me there?

"I don't know I'm confused ok." I felt upset; I could cry at any moment, he was pushing these feeling out from nowhere. He could see this though and it made him rethink something.

"You look shaken Steven, come back to mine have a drink".

He shifts uncomfortably and gestures his hand towards his house. I follow him god knows why. He confidently strides forwards, his hands swinging to his side, his fingers twiddling between each other, and then we were at the door. I pause and feel uneasy.

"Steven it's just a drink between mates, yeah? So.."

"Yeah alright I suppose."

I sit on the sofa, and Brendan sits next to me pouring the drinks, the magnetism is strong, it feels like I'm being pulled towards him, inch by inch, it frustrating why am I doing this? He places his drink down and I'm left wondering what next…

The conversation was flowing, I was quite surprised, and Brendan was so open about his family, about the kids and why he moved here. The conversation ended and again that force stepped up again, my body was fizzing, like pins and needles but all over, I felt sweaty even though the room was freezing.

"The heating is down" he said.

"Oh right".

"Steven you're shivering".

I didn't realise that it was externally so cold, because internally it was like a bonfire.

"I should get going, it's getting late."

I checked my pocket and the shock was evident on my face, my keys had gone, and I knew exactly where they were, at home. I couldn't wake Amy up at this time...

"What's up Steven".

"I left my keys at home; I don't wanna wake the kids."

"Ah well then ye have to stay the night, the sofa alright hm?"

"Wow, um right, thanks I guess."

Brenan set the sofa up, he got me a blanket, I lay there and he wished me goodnight and the internal fire died after that. The full effect of the cold hit me

"Steven" I heard

"Y..e.a..h" I tried to speak and was too cold… he came over and stroke my hair, that felt so good.

"Look Steven, I don't do this for all my mates but do you want to sleep in my bed?"

"Oh... Well um".

He sort of picked me up and huffed, he put one hand on my back and shoved me upstairs, his warm hand burning my back, leaving an imprint as he removed it. We walked into the bedroom, his slick black furniture shined against the lamp on his desk. He dark blue covers looked so inviting, and I shyly got in on the right side. Brendan got in the left side and our legs touched, the hairs on mine standing up on impact.

"Geez Steven your freezing".

"I know I'm sorry".

"Hey don't apologize". He opened his arms, gesturing that he wanted to keep me warm, I shifted over, wow he was nice and warm.

"Brendan why are you doing this?" I said with caution.

"Well Steven I don't want you coming into work with no toes now do I?"

I found that funny, I chuckled and he tucked my head under his chin, I felt his pulse against mine, both erratic, I found comfort in that. I slowly move my arm around his waist and lay there wanting it to last forever. I decided to play with him.

"I like this, I feel safe."

"Uhm". He replied

" Do you do this often, to Rhys?"

"Steven…"

I stopped not wanting to push him; I wondered if he felt something for me, because to be honest I felt something for him.

"Steven are ye alright now?"

"No not quite". I lied

He could tell I was lying he sighed, but wrapped his free arm over my arm which was guarding his waist. His hand crept up my arm, and slowed when it reached my hand, he intertwined our hands as we lay there.

"Bren…"

"Shh Steven rest".

My stomach was doing flips the burning sensation started up, and his thumb stroked the side of my hand soothing it, calming me. It felt great lying on him holding his hand, much greater than holding a woman's, softer surprisingly, more comforting. I slept there all night; I awoke in the same position, still hand in hand. I lifted up, carefully, not disturbing him, our hands still fixed together. I brushed my fingers through his hair, this man was beautiful, I moved my fingers down to his face freely exploring it, moving across his brow, moving down to the tash, too sensitive to touch so I moved down, tracing across his jawline I felt an urge to kiss him, his lips. So slowly I bent down, he must have felt me shift because as I moved in his eyes opened, I froze staring at him not knowing what to do…

He smiled, a beautiful transfixing smile, a happy one, he moved in and pressed his lips against mine , the chemistry exploded, my fingers tugged his hair, and he let go of our hands , moving his to my waist, I did the same , the wild kisses went on, fast and deep, his tongue against mine, exploring the different areas of our mouths, then they slowed, smoother relaxed, he paused and smirked at me, his other hand on my face, our eyes inches away from each other's. I started kissing him again; slow I wanted to enjoy this experience, all of it... All of him.

I stopped; he looked at me confused,

"Steven what's the matter"?

"I don't want this to end Bren I want you", I emphasized the you part.

"Hmm, Steven you don't want much do you?

I grinned, I know my grin won him over, he chuckled, he had laughed a lot this past night, and he was a different person.

"Gee Steven, I love your smile, you think you can win me over so easily?"

"I suppose I can try..."

I raised my hand and brushed his hair, he grabbed my hand so quick , and was passionately kissing me , quicker than before, my chest, my face , my neck. He stopped and laughed.

"Looks like Rhysie boy will be doing ye shift this afternoon".

I grinned in delight, and we explored each other for hours on end, it was magical.