FRIENDS ACT 1., SC. 1
"The One With Phoebe's Secret" 66
FRIENDS
"THE ONE WITH PHOEBE'S SECRET"
ACT 2, SCENE 1
FADE IN:
INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT, THE NEXT DAY. MONICA IS ASLEEP ON THE SOFA; RACHEL IS ASLEEP ON THE CHAIR. MONICA SLOWLY ROLLS OFF THE COUCH AND AWAKENS WITH A START.)
MONICA(RUBS HER HEAD.)
Oh….
(LOOKS AROUND AT THE APARTMENT. GROANS.)
Ohhh…
(LIES BACK)
RACHEL
(JUST WAKING UP. LOOKS DOWN.)
Monica, why am I still wearing what I was wearing yesterday?
MONICA
(WITHOUT MOVING.)
For the same reason I am…
(RUBS HER EYES.)
Oh, my head…
(PAUSES A BEAT, SPEAKS VERY SLOWLY.)
Okay, do you remember anything after Joey brought over
that bottle of tequila?
RACHEL
(EYES STILL CLOSED.)
You mean what you did or what the rest of us did?
MONICA
Both.
RACHEL
The last thing I remember was you and Chandler trying to paint
Joey's toenails…
MONICA
(LOOKING AROUND.)
Oh, my God! Look at this place! I don't think we've ever let it get this bad!
RACHEL
(SLIGHTLY IRRITATED.)
Monica, just once, can we not focus on how dirty the apartment
is –
(SITS UP AND LOOKS DOWN. A DOZEN BEER BOTTLES ARE NEATLY ALIGNED IN FRONT OF MONICA.)
What did you do?
MONICA
(LOOKS DOWN.)
Oh. I think I was trying to line up the empties last night right before
I passed out…
(ENTER PHOEBE. SHE IS CARRYING A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER. MONICA AND RACHEL CRINGE.)
MONICA
Ohhh…
RACHEL
Owww…
PHOEBE
(ENERGETICALLY.)
Good morning!
(MOVES TO THE KITCHEN. RACHEL AND MONICA STIR AND GROAN.)
RACHEL
Phoebes, how can you move today? Didn't you drink as much as the rest of us?
PHOEBE
(OPENING THE BOX.)
Me? Oh, yeah…
RACHEL
(SLOWLY.)
Then, how come you're not hungover?
PHOBE
(SHRUGS)
I am.
RACHEL
But you're moving!
PHOEBE
Yeah, I know. But I'm not…you know, perky!
(TAKES OUT A DOUGHNUT.)
PHOEBE
So, who wants a doughnut?
(MONICA AND RACHEL GROAN AGAIN.)
I've got chocolate!
(MONICA AND RACHEL RAISE THEIR HANDS ENTHUSIASTICALLY.)
PHOEBE
Here!
(BRINGS BOX TO THEM. BOTH TAKE A DOUGHNUT.)
I'm going to go next door and see if the guys want any!
(HEADS FOR THE DOOR.)
MONICA
(FRIGHTENED.)
No – Phoebe – don't –
RACHEL
Don't let the –
(PHOEBE EXITS. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT. MONICA AND RACHEL CRINGE AND GROAN.)
ACT 2, SCENE 2
(INT. OF CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT. CHANDLER IS VISIBLE ON A CHAIR PASSED OUT. ENTER PHOEBE. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER. CHANDLER WAKES WITH A START AND A GROAN.)
CHANDLER
(GRABBING HIS TEMPLES.)
Ow!
PHOEBE
Good morning!
CHANDLER
(RUBBING HIS FACE.)
There's no such thing…
PHOEBE
(LOOKING AROUND.)
Wow. You know, Monica and Rachel's place is just like this right now.
CHANDLER
What do you mean?
PHOEBE
(TAKING OUT A DOUGHNUT AND OFFERING ONE TO HIM.)
Well, it's like, they're passed out over there, and you and Joey –
(LOOKS AROUND.)
Where's Joey?
(CHANDLER NODS TO THE GROUND.)
Over there…I think…
(CUT TO: JOEY UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR WITH A COWBOY HAT COVERING HIS FACE.)
PHOEBE
Does he always sleep like that?
CHANDLER
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
No. Only when the forecast calls for rain…
PHOEBE
Oh!
(TAKES A BITE OF A DOUGHNUT.)
ACT 2, SCENE 3
(INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S. BOTH ARE STILL WHERE WE SAW THEM LAST.)
MONICA
Rachel…
RACHEL
Yeah?
MONICA
Is my purse anywhere over there?
RACHEL
Um…
(PAUSES A MOMENT, THEN SLOWLY REACHES BEHIND HER BACK AND REMOVES A SMALL HANDBAG SHE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN SLEEPING ON.)
Yeah!
MONICA
Could you look inside and tell me if I have any aspirin?
RACHEL
Sure.
(STARTS TO OPEN THE PURSE.)
Wait a second, don't we have any in the bathroom?
MONICA
We did, but I think Joey borrowed it…besides, I don't have the strength to get up…
RACHEL
(LOOKING THROUGH PURSE.)
Hmm…nope. Nothing here.
MONICA
(GROANS. HER FACE BRIGHTENS.)
Hey, Rachel?
RACHEL
(LOOKING UP FROM PURSE)
Hmm?
MONICA
Do you remember last night, when we were all playing "I Never?"
RACHEL
Yeah.
MONICA
(EXCITED)
Do you remember Phoebe saying she thought about sleeping with one of the guys?
RACHEL
(BECOMING ALERT.)
No, I don't…I don't…I don't think she said…
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
…yeah.
MONICA
(ALMOST GIDDY.)
Who do you think it is?
RACHEL
(CONFUSED.)
I don't know…what makes you think she still wants to sleep with
somebody?
MONICA
(EMPHATIC)
Because she kept on drinking!
(PAUSES A BEAT. RACHEL OPENS BOTH EYES AND LOOKS AT HER.)
MONICA
If it had been a one-time thing, she'd have taken one drink and
that would have been it, but she kept going!
RACHEL
(SLOWLY BECOMING DOUBTFUL.)
So, for that, you think she still wants to sleep with Joey or Chandler?
MONICA
Or Ross!
RACHEL
(SITS UP. EYES WIDE.)
What makes you think it's Ross?
MONICA
Well…who do you think it is?
RACHEL
Oh, I don't know…probably…Chandler!
MONICA
(FROWNING)
What makes you think it's Chandler?
RACHEL
Well, because you like him!
MONICA
I don't like him!
(PAUSES)
I mean, I – I – I LIKE him, but I don't LIKE-like him!
(TURNS ON HER)
How do YOU know it's not ROSS?
RACHEL
(EYES WIDE)
Well, because…because…
MONICA
(PRESSES HER)
Why? Why? WHY?
RACHEL
(STARTING TO WORRY)
Well, because…because…because WE WENT OUT, THAT'S WHY!
MONICA
But you're not going out any more!
RACHEL
(ANGRY)
What's that supposed to mean?
MONICA
I mean, you guys aren't going out any more, so she COULD want to go out with him, you know!
RACHEL
(UPSET)
No, she couldn't!
(THEY BEGIN TO ARGUE.)
Yeah? Well, well, she could just as much want to go out with
Chandler!
MONICA
(DOUBTFUL)
Chandler?
(TURNS AWAY)
What would she ever see in Chandler?
RACHEL
(SMIRKS)
Well, I don't know. You two were pretty cozy at the beach house
last summer.
MONICA
(HORRIFIED)
We weren't cozy! We were just…friendly! He wanted to go out with me and I didn't want to go out with him!
RACHELMonica, you let him pee on you!
MONICA
Only because I was stung by a jellyfish!
(RACHEL IS UNCONVINECED)
Oh, so that's why she wants to go out with him. Because I let him PEE on ME?
RACHEL
(SINKS BACK IN HER CHAIR, COMFORTED)
No, he wanted to go out with you, but you wouldn't let him, so now Phoebe's thinks he's fair game!
(MONICA SIGHS AND DROPS BACK ON THE SOFA)
RACHEL
You're just jealous.
MONICA
(SITS UP FURIOUSLY)
I am not jealous!
RACHEL
You are too.
MONICA
(AGHAST)
I am not!
RACHEL
Are too!
MONICA
(SHOUTING)
I AM NOT!
RACHEL
ARE TOO!
ACT 2, SCENE 3
(INT. OF JOEY AND CHANDLER'S APARTMENT. JOEY AND CHANDLER ARE SITTING AT THE COUNTER. PHOEBE IS POURING THEM COFFEE.)
CHANDLER
Okay, now you're absolutely sure after my fifth cup of this I'll
be able to feel my toes again?
JOEY
(ABSENT MINDEDLY.)
Forget my toes, I just wanna be able to feel my –
(LOOKS AT PHOEBE.)
You know…stuff…
(PHOEBE FINISHES POURING COFFEE. LOOKS AT HER WATCH.)
PHOEBE
Oh! I've gotta go! I've got an appointment at eleven!
(HEADS FOR THE DOOR. LOOKS BACK AT CHANDLER AND JOEY)
PHOEBE
Don't forget to give some to Ross!
JOEY
(PUZZLED)
Ross?
PHOEBE
Yeah. You know - where you guys left him?
(CUT TO: ROSS ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR IN THE CORNER. HIS FACE IS HEAVILY MADE UP WITH LIPSTICK, BLUSH, AND EYELINER.)
PHOEBE
You know, one of these days these pranks you guys keep pulling are going to backfire.
(ROSS AND CHANDLER GROAN AND SMILE.)
No, I'm serious. I mean, is this what you guys do to each other for fun?
Make pointless jokes and - and - abuse each other like little children?
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
JOEY
Uh, yeah, basically.
CHANDLER
Yeah, pretty much.
PHOEBE
(ROLLING HER EYES)
Oh…whatever. I'm outta here.
(HEADS FOR THE DOOR.)
CHANDLER
No, Phoebes, don't -
JOEY
Yeah, watch the -
(PHOEBE EXITS AND THE DOOR SLAMS. CHANDLER AND JOEY CRINGE AND GRAB THEIR TEMPLES.)
CHANDLER
(IN OBVIOUS PAIN)
Ohhh…
JOEY
(SAME)
Ahhh…
(THEY LOOK AT ROSS.)
Did he wake up?
CHANDLER
(CHECKING.)
No, he pretty much didn't even move.
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
You realize he is going to wake up at some point and wash all that off.
JOEY
(MOVES TO KITCHEN AND OPENS DRAWER. HE REMOVES A POLAROID.)
Yep.
(LOOKS PAST CHANDLER AT ROSS.)
Got the film?
CHANDLER
(WITHOUT LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER HOLDS UP A PACK OF FILM.)
Right here.
(WALKS AROUND AND PUTS HIS HAND ON CHANDLER'S SHOULDER.)
JOEY
Let's go…
FADE OUT.
ACT 2, SCENE 4
FADE IN: EXT. OF CENTRAL PERK.
(CUT TO: INT. OF CENTRAL PERK. JOEY, CHANDLER AND ROSS ARE SITTING DOWN WITH CUPS IN THEIR HANDS. ALL ARE OBVIOUSLY STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THE NIGHT BEFORE. ROSS IS LOOKING THROUGH A STACK OF POLAROIDS)
ROSS
(WEARILY.)
I am…never…drinking…
(TURNS PICTURE UPSIDE DOWN)
…again.
JOEY
Ross, you say that every time we go drinking…
ROSS
Yeah, but this time I mean it…
JOEY
You always do…
ROSS
How many shots did we do last night?
JOEY
Six –
(ROSS SITS BACK AND SIGHS IN RELIEF.)
JOEY
teen.
(ROSS GROANS.)
ROSS
I was such a waste at the museum today…
CHANDLER
I wasn't much use to anybody at the office, either…
ROSS
Much use? Much use? I had to take a bunch of
preschoolers through the Mesozoic display…
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
Do you know what it's like having a hangover and trying to
tell thirty kids there is no such thing as a Barneysaurus?
CHANDLER
You should've just told them he was killed off by the
Snuffaluffagus.
JOEY
(THINKING.)
Hey.
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
I was just thinking…
CHANDLER
(UNCONVINCED.)
No, no, you're still drunk…
JOEY
No, no, I'm serious….
(PAUSES AGAIN.)
You guys remember how Phoebe said last night that she wanted
to sleep with one of us?
(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT EACH OTHER.)
JOEY
Well, which one of us do you guys think it was?
ROSS
Was. The question was who she ONCE wanted to sleep with…
CHANDLER
Mmm…no, I think it was who she almost…wanted to sleep with…
JOEY
(CONFUSED.)
So…it was who she…once…thought…she…almost…wanted to sleep with?
(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER.)
ROSS
Uh, yeah…
CHANDLER
Right…
JOEY
(SMUG.)
So…which one of us do you think it is?
(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AGAIN.)
CHANDLER
I don't think…
ROSS
I'm not sure…
JOEY
(DETERMINED.)
No, come on, which one of us?
ROSS
(UNEASILY.)
I don't know…I guess…maybe…Chandler!
CHANDLER
(STARTS.)
Who, me?
JOEY
(SHOCKED.)
Chandler?
CHANDLER
(OFFENDED.)
Yeah, well, what's wrong with me?
JOEY
Nothing, I - I - I just thought it'd be – why Chandler?
(THEY LOOK TO ROSS.)
ROSS
Well, I just thought…you know…Rachel and I went out, so
I thought that'd take me out, so it'd be just, you know, you
guys…
JOEY
(INDIGNANT.)
Yeah, but WHY CHANDLER?
CHANDLER
(RESENTFUL.)
Ask it one more time!
JOEY
No…I mean, really…why him and not me?
ROSS
I don't know! I just…I just…
JOEY
Yeah? Well, just for that, I think it was…was…
(LOOKS AT THE TWO OF THEM.)
JOEY
Me!
CHANDLER
(SARCASTICALLY.)
Whoa!
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
What makes you think she wants to sleep with you?
ROSS
Yeah, I thought Monica was the one who had the crush on you when
we all first started getting together.
CHANDLER
Yeah, and didn't she see you naked?
JOEY
(COCKY.)
Yeah…
ROSS
(DISGUSTED.)
Oh, God…
CHANDLER
(SHAKING HIS HEAD.)
No…no…no…
ROSS
(SHAKING HIS HEAD.)
No…no…
JOEY
Well, all right, who do you guys think it was?
CHANDLER
(LOOKS AT ROSS AND THEN JOEY.)
Me!
(JOEY AND ROSS GROAN.)
CHANDLER
Well, why not? I'm a likable guy! Veronica liked me!
ROSS
Uh, yeah, but Veronica didn't see you last night skipping around
the apartment singing the theme from the "Welcome Back, Kotter" in
your Snoopy boxer shorts…
(ROSS AND CHANDLER BEGIN TO ARGUE.)
JOEY
Hey, wait a second!
(ALL STOP.)
I just thought of something…
(PAUSES.)
CHANDLER
Well, come on, finish the synapse!
JOEY
Well, she didn't say who it was…so, how do we know
it's really one of us?
ROSS
(HESITANT.)
Because…we were…there?
JOEY
No, I mean…it could be…you know…
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
Monica or Rachel!
(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT HIM.)
CHANDLER
(INCREDULOUS)
There's a reason for helmet laws!
FADE OUT.
ACT 2, SCENE 5:
(CUT TO: INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT. RACHEL IS WIPING THE COFFEE TABLE, MONICA IS IN THE KITCHEN WIPING DOWN THE KITCHEN TABLE. SEVERAL BAGS OF TRASH ARE PILED BY THE DOOR.)
RACHEL
(LOOKING DOWN AT THE TABLE PROUDLY.)
There! Good as new!
MONICA
(SCRUBBING FURIOUSLY.)
I - can't - seem to get - this - stain…
(KEEPS SCRUBBING.)
Do we have any more polish?
RACHEL
Um, I think there's another can in the bathroom - let me check…
(GOES INTO THE BATHROOM. A KNOCK IS HEARD AT THE DOOR.)
MONICA
It's open!
(DOOR OPENS. ENTER PHOEBE. SHE IS WEARING A VEST. MONICA LOOKS UP AND SEES HER.)
PHOEBE
Hey!
MONICA
(COLDLY.)
Oh. Hi.
(PHOEBE LOOKS AT HER IN SURPRISE.)
PHOEBE
What?
MONICA
(RECOVERING.)
Oh. Oh! Nothing - nothing…
(RETURNS TO SCRUBBING.)
I'm just - struggling with this stain!
PHOEBE
(MOVES TO LIVING ROOM.)
So, what'd you guys do today?
MONICA
(STILL SCRUBBING)
Oh, not much…we spent most of it picking up stuff from the party.
PHOEBE
Did you still want to go down to the coffee shop?
MONICA
Yeah…I think if I can just finish…
(LOOKS UP AND PAUSES.)
Say, isn't that…Chandler's vest?
PHOEBE
(LOOKS DOWN AT IT.)
Oh. Yeah. He loaned it to me last week for the party and I forgot to wear it…
MONICA
(HISSING UNDER HER BREATH.)
Slut…
PHOEBE
(UNSURE WHAT SHE HEARD.)
What?
MONICA
Hmm?
(RECOVERS.)
Oh, nothing!
(MORE ENERGETICALLY.)
Nothing!
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.)
I was just looking for some more…smut!
(HOLDS UP CAN OF POLISH.)
That's what I call this…stuff - smut!
(LAUGHS AGAIN.)
I think I'll go check and see if we have any more "smut" in the bathroom…
(MOVES TO THE BATHROOM. THERE IS A PAUSE. RACHEL SUDDENLY STUMBLES OUT AS THOUGH SHE'S BEEN SHOVED. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER.)
RACHEL
(SURPRISED)
Oh. Hi, Phoebes.
PHOEBE
Hey!
(PULLS A MIRROR OUT OF HER PURSE AND BEGINS CHECKING HER MAKE-UP.)
You guys almost ready to go down to the coffee shop?
RACHEL
Coffee shop?
PHOEBE
Yeah. Ross called and said for all of us to meet the guys down at the coffee shop.
RACHEL
(SURPRISED.)
He called you?
PHOEBE
(UNAWARE.)
Yeah. He said he would've called you guys, but he was afraid that, you know, you'd answer…
RACHEL
(ANGRILY UNDER HER BREATH.)
Slut…
PHOEBE
(DIDN'T HEAR HER.)
What?
RACHEL
(RECOVERING.)
Hmm? Oh, nothing! Nothing!
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.)
I just need to freshen up first…
(MOVES INTO THE BATHROOM. MONICA STUMBLES OUT AS IF PUSHED. SHE GLARES AT PHOEBE AND THEN BACK AT THE BATHROOM.)
PHOEBE
(CONFUSED.)
Um, is everything okay?
MONICA
Hmm? Yeah! Sure! Everything's okay. I'll just be right back…
(GOES INTO BATHROOM. THERE IS ANOTHER PAUSE. MONICA AND RACHEL BOTH STORM OUT WITH HANDS ON HIPS.)
MONICA AND RACHEL
(IN UNISON.)
We want to know who you're sleeping with!
PHOEBE
(COMPLETELY OFF GUARD)
What?
RACHEL
(STOMPING HER FOOT)
You're sleeping with one of the guys and we want to know who it is!
MONICA
Yeah!
PHOEBE
(GETS UP SHAKING HER HEAD.)
Okay, this is getting just a little too weird…
MONICA
No, we know it…you said it during the party - you wanted to sleep with one of the guys.
RACHEL
Yeah!
PHOEBE
(MOVING TOWARD THE DOOR.)
Okay, you guys are really flipping out on me…
MONICA
(FOLLOWING HER.)
No…
RACHEL
(LIKEWISE.)
No…
PHOEBE
(EXITING)
No, I never said…
MONICA
Yes, you did…
RACHEL
You said…
(DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THEM. FADE OUT.)
ACT 2, SCENE 6
(FADE IN: INT. OF THE COFFEE SHOP. CHANDLER, ROSS, AND JOEY ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA WITH PADS OF PAPER AND PENS. SEVERAL CRUMPLED SHEETS ARE ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF THEM.)
ROSS
Okay, so taking into account the similarity in our Zodiac signs…
(JOEY AND CHANDLER START FLIPPING BACK THROUGH THEIR PAGES)
…and that combined with the differences in our ages…
(JOEY AND CHANDLER NOD…)
…that means it could only be…me!
(JOEY AND CHANDLER FROWN.)
CHANDLER
(FLIPS THROUGH SEVERAL MORE PAGES)
But on page four we all agreed that I'm the only one who remembered her birthday last year…
(JOEY AND ROSS FLIP THROUGH SOME PAGES)
ROSS
Yeah, but I'm the one who got her a Christmas gift…
CHANDLER
Yeah, but we split that one…
JOEY
Yeah, and I picked it out!
ROSS
Okay, but I still think…
(IN THE BACKGROUND WE SEE PHOEBE, MONICA, AND RACHEL ENTERING THE SHOP. PHOEBE IS FIRST AND IS ARGUING WITH MONICA AND RACHEL.)
PHOEBE
No, I said I don't want to talk about it!
MONICA
You've got tell us!
RACHEL
We have to know!
CHANDLER
(TO ROSS AND JOEY.)
Ooh. Hold on. Catfight in progress…
(ALL TURN. MONICA, PHOEBE, AND RACHEL CONTINUE ARGUING.)
MONICA
(WHINING.)
Come on, Phoebe!
RACHEL
You've got to tell us!
ROSS
(TRYING TO RESTORE ORDER.)
Um, okay, okay. What's going on here?
RACHEL
(POINTING AT PHOEBE.)
Phoebe won't tell us which one of you she's sleeping with!
(ROSS, JOEY, AND CHANDLER EXCHANGE GLANCES.)
MONICA
And we know it's one of you!
(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT JOEY. HE SHRUGS.)
RACHEL
And, Ross, if it's you, I am never, ever speaking to you again.
ROSS
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
Phoebe, would you please sleep with me?
PHOEBE
No!
CHANDLER
(TO JOEY.)
This is getting good…
MONICA
I was right! You are sleeping with Chandler!
(JOEY LOOKS AT CHANDLER.)
JOEY
(HURT.)
Hey, man, I thought we were friends…
CHANDLER
(SURPRISED.)
No! It's not me…
JOEY
Well, it's not me…
ROSS
And it's -
(PAUSES. LOOKS AT RACHEL.)
- not me.
PHOEBE
(ANNOYED.)
Okay, okay! I give up!
(MOVES TO CENTER.)
PHOEBE
I never should have said anything…
(PAUSES.)
Okay, I'll tell all of you who it was…
(EVERYONE LEANS FORWARD.)
PHOEBE
(PAUSES.)
Ross…
(EVERYONE STARTS. RACHEL GLARES AT ROSS. ROSS SHRUGS AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.)
You're sweet…you're kind…
(PAUSES AGAIN.)
…but it - it wasn't you…
(JOEY AND CHANDLER WAVE THEIR FISTS TRIUMPHANTLY.)
PHOEBE
Joey…
(JOEY SITS UP EXPECTANTLY.)
You're artistic…you're an actor…you really care about your friends…
(PAUSES.)
PHOEBE
…but it's not you…
(JOEY SINKS BACK IN FRUSTRATION.)
Chandler…
(CHANDLER LEANS BACK EXPECTANTLY.)
There is nothing in this world that would attract me to you…
(CHANDLER LOOKS SURPRISED.)
CHANDLER
So…it's…not me?
PHOEBE
No, it was you.
MONICA
Wait a second. Wait a second. I thought you just said there was nothing about Chandler that attracted you.
PHOEBE
There isn't.
RACHEL
So…the fact that there was nothing to attract you…
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
…attracted you?
PHOEBE
(MATTER OF FACTLY.)
Mm-hmm!
PHOEBE
(PAUSES.)
But it was just a dream!
CHANDLER
(SURPRISED.)
A…a dream?
PHOEBE
(NODDING.)
Yeah. Uh-huh!
ROSS
When…did this happen?
PHOEBE
Oh, it was right after we all met and we started hanging out together. We all got drunk one night, and I went home, and, you know, had this…
(ROLLS HER EYES.)
…really weird dream!
RACHEL
So, you…haven't been sleeping with anyone?
PHOEBE
(FROWNING.)
Oh - with Chandler? Oh, my God no!
MONICA
So, that was just a fantasy you were talking about the other night…
PHOEBE
Oh. Yeah!
(PAUSES)
And it was only for one night!
(EVERYONE SIGHS.)
MONICA
I need some coffee…
ROSS
Me too…
RACHEL
Me too…
JOEY
Me too…
(THEY HEAD FOR THE COFFEE BAR. PHOEBE TAKES A SEAT ON THE COUCH AND PICKS UP A MAGAZINE. CHANDLER SCOOTS DOWN AND SITS NEXT TO HER. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT.)
CHANDLER
So, ah, Phoebe…
PHOEBE
(LOOKS UP.)
Hmm?
CHANDLER
I was just wondering…
(PAUSES.)
Maybe…
(PAUSES.)
You know…you and I could…
(PAUSES.)
…go out for a…cup of coffee?
(PAUSES. REALIZES THEY'RE IN A COFFEE SHOP.)
That didn't come out the way I hoped at all…
PHOEBE
Um, I don't think so…
CHANDLER
(SOMEWHAT TAKEN ABACK.)
What? What? Why not?
PHOEBE
Well, a lot of things, really. I mean, we're just friends, it was just a one-time dream…
(PAUSES A BEAT.)
..and, you know, you weren't that good!
CHANDLER
(SHOCKED?)
Not that good?
FADE OUT.
