FRIENDS PROL. SC. 1
"The One With Phoebe's Secret" 1
FRIENDS
"THE ONE WITH PHOEBE'S SECRET"
PROLOGUE, SCENE 1
FADE IN:
INT. JOEY AND CHANDLER'S APARTMENT, EARLY EVENING.
(CHANDLER IS SITTING AT THE COUNTER WORKING ON HIS LAPTOP. ROSS ENTERS.)
ROSS
Hey.
CHANDLER
(LOOKS UP BRIEFLY)
Hey.
ROSS
(GRABBING A GLASS FROM THE CUPBOARD.)
I've just got a few minutes. I have to help with a lecture down at the museum. Mind if I get a glass of water?
CHANDLER
(STILL FOCUSED.)
No. Knock yourself out.
ROSS
(STARTS TO TURN ON FAUCET TO FILL GLASS.)
Listen, the girls want to know what time you're coming over to the party tonight –
(TURNS ON FAUCET – WATER IMMEDIATELY SPRAYS HIS ENTIRE BODY.)
Aaah!
(SHUTS WATER OFF. STUDIES FAUCET. SLOWLY, HE ROTATES THE FAUCET HEAD DOWN.)
Uh, do you want to tell me WHY your faucet is facing UP instead of DOWN?
CHANDLER
(LOOKING UP FOR FIRST TIME.)
Oh. A certain Mr. Joey Tribiani thought it would be funny last night to coat our bathroom doorknob with Vaseline so it would be impossible to open.
ROSS
(CONFUSED.)
Okay...
CHANDLER
(SHRUGS.)
So, I figured it one good prank deserves another…
ROSS
(RESIGNED.)
I see.
(BEGINS WIPING HIMSELF WITH A TOWEL.)
Lucky for me today's lecture is on ancient sea life…
CHANDLER
I suppose the whole thing would've been funnier if we hadn't split a couple of pitchers of beer last night at that strip bar…
ROSS
(FINISHES REFILLING HIS GLASS.)
Uh-huh.
(PAUSES.)
So, did you ever make it into the bathroom?
CHANDLER
No. By the time the tide came in I had to improvise.
ROSS
(STILL PUZZLED.)
Improvise?
CHANDLER
(WORDLESSLY TURNS TO FACE FISH TANK. SEVERAL FISH ARE VISIBLE FLOATING ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER. HE TURNS BACK TO ROSS.)
Let's just say desperate times call for desperate measures.
(ROSS LAUGHS. SIPS HIS WATER.)
So now, in addition to owing him one prank, I'm also in debt for half a dozen tropical fish…
(PAUSES.)
This is my life, you see…
ROSS
You guys BOTH peed in the fish tank?
CHANDLER
(TURNING BACK TO HIS LAPTOP. ROSS CONTINUES SIPPING HIS WATER)
No, Joey didn't. I mean, you know how Joey is. Whenever he's too drunk to make it to the bathroom –
(PAUSES.)
He just uses the sink…
ROSS
(SPITS WATER ACROSS THE ROOM.)
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