Anspgelike 5

Spike's Tale

Angel and Spike are seated in the Wolfram and Hart Lobby.

Spike: Nice place you got here Angel Wings, you spruced it up nicely, like a little elegant doll.

Angel: Like the one that jumped on you.

Spike: I had almost forgotten about that until you decided to remind me.

Angel: I've been existant for so many years now and I've been so many places, that I don't know what home is.

Spike: Yep, and while you were in a demon dimension for 200 years, I was living the high life.

Angel: No you were in a state of drunkeness.

Spike: Yeh.

Angel: And you were a pathetic wimp, because Drusilla was going out with a chaos demon.

Spike: And I was shagging Buff.

Angel: In your dreams.

Spike: Yes we were both getting tortured.

Angel: But mine was far worse.

Spike: Oh as if that was bad, but you can be a bad boy when you want to be, can't you Angelus?

Angel: What is that supposed to mean?

Spike: You know, the time you killed all those people and spanked their corpses so hard that they decomposed quickly just to make you stop.

Angel: Don't forget that you joined in the fun.

Spike: And don't you forget that you spanked me.

Angel: It was more of a punch and a kick in your balls actually.

Spike: You were always a pathetic poofy.

Angel: Oh and didn't you enjoy it, what happened that night anyway?

Spike: Which night are you talking about.?

Angel: December the fourteenth 1904.

Spike: Nope doesn't ring a bell, you're a very random person, you know that?

Angel: The night that I spanked the corpses.

Spike: Wonderful, he finally admits it, I do know what you're on about sweet heart, I just needed a little confession to spark the old noggin here.

Angel: Well now I've sparked it will you tell me what happened? I just can't seem to remember things these days?

Spike: You'll be losing your looks next. You'll look like the master.

Angel: I do not look like I've been subjected to countless horror movie conventions.

Spike: Nah just Collectomania.

Angel: When you wear the Trekkie masks so much they stick to your face.

Spike: You don't look like a Klingon

Angel: Neither do you look like Billy Idol.

Spike: I do too

Angel: No you don't, you don't look anything like Harry Enfield, that's why

Spike: Remember those disguises we wore to fool the women. Dru couldn't stop trying to bite me all night. Darla she wouldn't touch you with a walking stick.

Angel: I don't remember

Spike: Oh we got up to some stuff that night, you were all poofy as usual. So old fashioned.

Angel: I still don't remember.

Spike sighs

Spike: I suppose I will have to use flashbacks.

Angel and Spike are standing in the middle of a deserted street in London, England. The surroundings are dated and beginning to show signs of wear. There are the odd faces of dirty children peeping out from the houses. Angel is wearing a smart overcoat, shirt, waistcoat, breeches and knee high stockings, reminiscent of nineteenth century urban Britain, Spike is wearing a filthy workshirt, tweed waistcoat with several tears and a missing button, plain trousers and a flat cap. The date is December 14th 1904.

Angel: Did you enjoy the ride?

Spike: Nope

Angel: I did

Spike: Well you didn't travel in the cargo hold.

Angel: That's gratitude for you, I give you a first class ticket and you spend it in the cargo hold.

Spike: Well they didn't have a brig as usual and they wouldn't let me go into steerage, they said "Sir, yer too fine and mighty to be a travelling' wit all them folk downs there, you go righ'd up to your room now Mr Spike an' I'll fix yer some oh my mamma's speshul pie"