With the death of her commanding officer and fellow blonde Riza's life became still. At least, she thought it did. She didn't know. One minute she's being told she's been promoted to colonel and the next she's filling out paperwork. She no longer had it in her to draw her gun and shoot at the antics of her subordinates. She no longer had it in her to go to bed sober. Yet the pain in the morning never once matched the pain in her chest. Her meals dwindled were she was more focused on a bottle of whisky then the food the others got her.

Her tears, once spilled hourly, had stopped. Not from her not wanting to cry, every night she stared at the photo on her bedside table blankly willing the water to spill over her eyelids, yet all she felt was numbness. She knew Roy acted shallow. She knew he never returned her feelings. But to know he was no longer there, to know she no longer had anyone to protect had taken her heart and ripped it to shreds. Part of her was angry at his selfishness, to leave her alone in the world after her grandfathers death and the death of Edward, but another part of her understood. And that's what mentally killed her.

The death of Edward. She'd viewed him as a son of sorts, she had no family to speak of and he had no mother. Alphonse's death had affected both her and him. She'd seen him spiralling downwards, into the depths she was in now. She persevered, for Roy. She continued to walk alone, distancing herself from the others, from those that worked under her. Havoc had left, heading North. Fuery had moved on in life, developing and improving the army communications so it was easier to communicate with your comrades without getting shot. Falman worked in Central library, reading and often correcting most of the books. The younger state alchemists loved him since he knew the answers without even needing to find or open a book. Breda was dead, killed by Lust before she herself was killed.

Riza was the only original from their squad... heh. Their. It was never her squad. It was Roy's, she just tagged along for the ride and had gotten lost on the way. Riza had honestly considered human transmutation, the only thing stopping her was the consequences. She'd seen what happened to Ed and Alphonse. Another problem was the fact that she wasn't an alchemist and would never be one.

Riza stood on the battle field, her feet squelching on the bloody soil. She never drew her gun, even when the Drachma soldiers aimed. She merely walked forward, eyes blank. They never shot, staring into her eyes in both confusion and shock. Who was she? The Amestrian soldiers watched with batted breath but didn't stop her. She stopped in front of the enemy and smiled a bitter smile.

"I am Riza Hawkeye. I am a Colonel in the Amestrian army." She spread her arms. "Shoot me if you must, continue the bloodshed. I can't bring myself to care anymore. But remember the only thing different between you and I is the country we come from." She shut her eyes and waited. No one shot, to stunned. "Well?"

"...I can't. I refuse to shoot women." One of the Drachman soldiers muttered. Riza smiled bitterly.

"Then I'll do it for you." She drew the gun and aimed at her forehead. She smiled sweetly. "Well? Will no one shoot me? I am the enemy. The person who could have killed your comrades like you killed mine." The Amestrian's watched in growing horror. One of the Drachma soldiers stepped forward and pointed his gun at Riza's face. She never once flinched, merely lowered her own gun in acceptance. "Shoot me, send me to Roy." She silently begged, not realising she was crying. The man frowned.

"He your lover?" She blinked at the questioned but shook her head. "Then why die for him?"

"Because he died for his country." Riza replied calmly. He made a face and aimed between her eyes sadly.

"What a waste." And then he pulled the trigger.