BELLA P.O.V

It has been 1 year exactly since Edward left. About 1 month after he left I started dating Mike Newton. And about 3 weeks later he started abusing me. All the time I left to go to the library I had been going on Google to find quick and painless ways to die. Then one day he made assumptions and thought I had been going out on dates so that night he claimed me as his by raping me.

I got in my car and drove to Walgreens to buy a pregnancy test. When I put the box on the counter the sales lady looked at me. "Aren't you to young to be having kids?" She asked. "Well, miss mabye it isn't as it seems. Some people get raped and get pregnant, some people plan it, some condoms break. So instead of making conclusions about me I think you would like to know that I was one of the unlucky ones on this wretched planet that gets raped." I replied angrily grabbing my purchase and leaving the store. When I got back to my car I got in and went to Mike and I's home/apartment. When I walked through the door I was attacked by Mike. "Where have you been? " Mike demanded. "I-I-I-I was out" I stuttered. "Sure you were you little slut." Mike replied and slapped me across the cheek. I didn't cry, didn't scream. Just waited for him to leave the room so I could take the test. When he left I ran for the bathroom, I got in there locked the door and took the test. Now I wait.

* 5 minutes later*

I walked back into the bathroom and my worst fears were confirmed. I was pregnant with Mike's child. 'What do I tell him?' I thought to myself 'will he believe me?' Just then he walked through the door "Mike?" I asked "What Bella?" He replied "Can you come here for a minute?" He walked into the room I took a deep breath "Mike I'm pregnant." I told him. He laughed "Bella the kids not mine now you have two days to get you're ugly ass out of my house." And with that he left the room. I started crying as I got my suitcase out of the closet and started packing my things. 'Hmm…whats this letter doing in here?' I thought It's from Esme, I opened it.

Dearest Bella,

By the time you read this we'll be gone but I wanted to give you my email address. .Cullen .

Love, Esme

Why would Mike hide this from me? I got out my laptop and emailed her

Dear Esme,

It's Bella I was wondering if you all would be so generous as to let me move in with you? I'm pregnant with Mike's child because he-he raped me. And he's kicking me out in 2 days. Please reply soon thank you

Sincerely, Isabella Swan

I hit send and decided to take a nap.

When I woke up in the morning I put on my 'What is there left to live for?' Shirt on and my old blue jeans. I also saw I had a email. It said 'of course Bella our address is 450 woodcroft ave.' I packed up the rest of my things and got in my car and drove over there. When I got there I parked my car and got my things. I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell Esme answered it. "Oh Bella hello!" She exclaimed "Esme!" I replied giving her a hug. "So does anyone know I'm here?" I asked her. "No Bella." She whispered. I nodded my head. She picked up half of my bags and I picked up the other half and we walked into the house together. "Bella? What are you doing here?" Emmett asked "You know what I don't care!" He answered himself and walked over to me picked me up and hugged me "Oh it's been to long" I told him returning the hug then added " EM-EM CAN'T-CAN'T BREATH!" That brought back some baaaad memories. Mike pushing me against the wall and choking me. Me actually trying to kill myself. Mike throwing me into the glass table and me not being able to breath. Emmett let go of me "Sorry B" he told me sympathetically. "It's ok Em, it just brought back some bad memories." I explained to him "Bella? What type of memories?" Esme asked worried "Well my ex-Mike was abusive. The memories it brought back was Mike pushing me against a wall and choking me, then there was me trying to hang myself because I was sick of it-hence the shirt I'm wearing- and then there is Mike pushing me into our glass table and me not being able to breath. So annnyyways how's Edward doing?" I replied and asked a question of my own. "Oh Edward … umm well hefoundanewgirlfriend" Esme replied rushed. Jelousey flooded through me followed by hurt. "Oh…well…I'm happy for them." I told them. "Oh how rude of me let me show you to your room." Esme told me leading me up the stairs.

When we got up the stairs she lead me to a white door. I opened the door and the carpet was red and the walls were white. There was French doors that lead to a balcony. "I left the room blank because I thought you might like to paint and furnish it." Esme explained I nodded. We put my bags next to the door. "Esme can I go shopping for my room now?" I asked. She nodded her head. I walked down the stairs to my car and drove to home depot®

When I got to home depot® I walked to the paint section and picked out a red that matches my carpet and a really dark black. Then I went to Rooms To Go and found this bed with a metal frame that was black a red sheet/comfeter set and a white thing that wraps around the bed. Then I got a red desk. After that I got a red bookshelf. Then I went to best buy and got a notebook (it's a mini laptop) and a T.V. and as a present for them letting me move in I got Emmett a X-box kinect, I got Esme a kitchen aid, I got Carlisle a #1 doctor pin,I got Rosaile a new hair brush with her name written in cursive engraved in it, I got Alice a Fashionistia pin, I got Jasper a civil war book, and I got Edward a book of songs to play on his piano. I made my purchases and got in my car and drove back to my new house.

When I got there I walked throught the door. "Umm… I'm gonna need some help getting everything in." I told them. Emmett jumped up "Super Emmett to the rescue!" He exclaimed. I giggled, he walked out the door and grabbed my bed. He carried it in the house and up the stairs to my room. I followed him to tell him I wanted it in the middle of the room. "Em can you put it in the middle of the room?" I asked him "Sure thing Bells." He replied when he was done with that he got my desk and put it in the corner of the room. "Thanks Emmett I got it from here." I told him. He nodded and I gave him a hug. I got the rest of my things and walked up to my room. I put my mini-laptop on the desk, I got my T.V on a stand and moved it in front of the bed. I painted my walls 1 wall red, 1 black repeat. "Can everyone get downstairs?" I asked. "YEAH!" They all replied. I gathered all of their presents and walked downstairs.

When I got their everyone was sitting down. "I got you all presents." I told them. I gave Em his X-box and his face lit up. "THANKS BELL! I LOVE IT!" he exclaimed. I gave Rose her engraved hair brush "Um not to be rude but I already have a brush." She stated "Yeah well does it have your name engraved on it?" I asked. She looked confused and then flipped it over. She looked sad with happiness. "What's wrong?" I asked "Nothing it's just nobody has ever done this for me before thank you Bella." She explained "Your welcome." I replied and she hugged me. I gave Alice her pin "EEP!" She exclaimed "Your welcome Ali" I said. She gave me a hug. "I love it." She whispered in my ear. I gave Jasper his book "Thank you Bella. I always wanted to read this book." He told me. I gave Esme her kitchen aid. "I thought this might help you start your kitchen." I explained. She nodded I gave her a hug. Next I gave Carlisle his pin "Thank you Bella." He told me. I gave Edward his book of songs. "There's some blank sheet music in there for you." I explained. He just smiled, his girlfriend was blonde; tall; and looked like a freaking g-cup. Ok that makes me feel GREAT! I'm a brunette, petiete, and a c-cup cool. They all thanked me "Where's my present?" She asked "Oh I didn't know you lived here until today. And I don't know what you like." I explained."Whatever, listin I know you and Edward used to have a 'thing' but listen here HE'S MINE so don't talk to him, don't think about him, don't look at him, and don't be in the same room as him. Or face the consequences!" She threatened. I just nodded and since Edward was in the room I had to leave.

I walked upstairs and got my blue bikini on then got my bright green cover up and walked to the room with the indoor pool. When I found it, I took off my cover up then dived in the water. When I was in the water I swam around for about 10 seconds before my tail appeared. Hm yeah I'm a mermaid. I've been a mermaid since I was 10 years old. I giggled and swam around. My bikini top was still on, so I'm glad. I stuck my head up for air and moved my hand like I was opening a big can of pickles and a bubble came up out of the water I shaped it like Miranda's head and froze it untill it broke into a bunch of pieces. It was after this that I noticed I was crying. I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. I heard a cough and I looked in the direction it came from and saw Edward. Oh snap I'm still a mermaid! "What do you want?" I asked as I pulled myself out of the water. When I got out of the water I made a fist and I dried off and my legs reappeared. "Nothing Bella I came to swim." He told me. "Oh well I guess I'll leave." I replied. "No Bella you can stay." He begged "Actually I can't. Miranda threatened me I can't talk to you, be in the same room or anything." I stated walking out of the room.

I found Edward's music room. I saw a piano and decided to write a song I started playing

"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way she felt it everyday. And I couldn't help her I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

[chorus]

what's wrong what's wrong now too many to many problems don't know where she belongs where she belongs she wants to go home but nobody's home that's where she lies broken inside. no place to go no place to go dry her eyes broken inside.

open your eyes and look outside find the reason why you've been rejected and now you can't find what you've left behind. Be strong be strong now.

repeat chorus

And her feelings she hides her dreams she can't find she's losing her mind she's falling behind she can't find her place she's losing her faith she's falling from grace she's all over the place. Yeah oh she wants to go home but nobody's home its where she lies. broken inside no place to go no place to go that's where she lies broken inside she's lost inside lost inside yeah she's lost inside lost inside oh oh yeah.

When I finished I heard my new family applauding and cheering. I bowed, smiled and curtsyed. But that all went away when Miranda started glaring at me. I ducked my head "Excuse me." I whispered walking out of the room upstairs to my room. When I got up there I sat down on my bed brought my knees up to my chest and laid my head down on them. 'Ok not such a good idea still got brusies' I thought. 'Ugh…what did I do to Miranda to make her hate me? Oh I know I dated her boyfriend. Fell in love with him just to find out he didn't feel the same about me.' I argued with myself. I went over to the electric piano I had and sung 'Another you, another me, another now.' By Kate Alexa. When I got done Miranda was there "What did I do to ever make you hate me?" I demanded. "Well, let's see, you're trying to take my boyfriend, and 2 you're ugly as hell so I don't know what he ever saw in you. And 3 I don't like you." She replied. "OK bitch 1) I don't like Edward anymore he broke my heart, 2) I know I'm ugly I've known it since I was 8, 3) I'm sorry will it make you feel better to watch me as I bleed?" I replied. "Well it depends would you be bleeding to death?'' She retorted. "Yeah, it would I've been thinking about it for awhile." I replied walking out of the room up to my room.

When I got up there I wrote in my journal.

Dear journal, well I'm pregnant with Mike's kid. He kicked me out, I moved in with the Cullen's. Edward's new girlfriend hates me! I'm getting worse, I've been planning different suicides for me all day again. But I think I'm going to try it again because now I really have nothing to live for. My parents stopped loving me after Tyler died, the Cullen's never loved me and well Mike was a asshole. So until we meet again. -Bella Swan, age 18 1/2, at 12:20 am.

And with that I fell asleep crying holding my chest. *DREAM*

I was in front of Miranda and I had a knife then slit my throat, she was smiling? Then it went to my funeral and nobody showed up but Mike he grabbed my pregnant stomach and ripped the baby out of me "Now not even your child can love you!" He sneered.

*END DREAM*

I woke with a scream muffled by my pillow. I grabbed my journal

Dear journal, I just had a nightmare...again. Why does God repeatedly have to remind me that nobody loves me? I get it, I understand that's why I have depression medicine and the reason I'm suicidal! Why can't God stop it? Why does he make me suffer day after day?

Bella Swan, age 18 1/2, at 2:21 am.

I closed my journal and sighed, then walked over to the computer and waited for it to load so I could set it up. When it loaded 'Please choose a screen name' a little box said ' 4ever Unloved' I chose then I set up a password 'Superman' after I was done I got my old camera and hooked it up to the USB port. I got all of the pictures off of it then I saved them to the computer. I looked through them. There was one of Edward and I in the meadow, there was a picture of me on Tyler's back laughing. I took my fingers and pressed them up to my lips then to Tyler. I noticed that my eyes lit up when I smiled back then now the smile is forced and my eyes don't light up at all. Next was a picture of all the Cullens minus Miranda plus I. I turned off the computer I couldn't stand to look at this stuff anymore. I walked over to my dresser and got my jeans on with my haunted shirt and got some flip flops and walked over to the balcony. When I got there I opened the doors stepped out and jumped down. When I got on the ground I took off towards the woods to my little willow tree. When I found my willow tree I spread the leafs and walked through to Tyler and I's hideout. I walked over to the chair next to his old chair and sat down. "Why'd you have to leave me? Why'd you have to go I was counting on forever now I'll never know! Oh, I can't even breathe. I hope this is just a dream!" I whispered to his chair. 'That's weird. There's a fresh glass of water.' I thought to myself and only Ty and I know what's back here. "Hello, who's there?" I asked. I saw a shape come out of the tree's. "Bellsie?" They asked only 1 person calls me that. "Tyler?" I replied walking to them. It was Tyler "YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I HAD TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE YOU DIED?" I demanded "What stuff Bells?" He replied "MOM AND DAD FUCKING NEGLECTED AND ABUSED ME THEN THEY DIED. THE DAY AFTER YOU DIED, I GOT RAPED ON A DAILY BASIS BY MIKE, EDWARD BROKE UP WITH ME MAKING ME GO OUT WITH MIKE, I SPIRALED INTO SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION, AND NOW I'M LIVING WITH MY EX, GETTING THREATENED BY HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND, AND I'M PREGNANT FROM A GODDAMN ABUSIVE RAPIST! " I yelled at him by now I had ran over to him and was hitting his chest with the side of my fists. He grabbed me and just held me and let me sob into his chest. "Bella I'm so sorry." He told me "yeah and sometimes sorry doesn't make up for anything." I retorted. "Look me up if your ever in the neighborhood." I told him as I walked back to my new house.

when I got there all the Cullen's were there exept Miranda. "What?" I asked scared "Bella we know what happened after Tyler died and we left." Alice said to me. "Oh y'all heard that?" I answered playing with a scar on my arm. "Bell, you've never tried to k-i-kill yourself have you?" Esme asked this is hard to answer. "Since I was 12" I admitted my voice cracking. Then walked to my room. I just lied there on my bed 'Why God I know nobody loves me. I know you hate me but why do you make me suffer?' I thought. I grabbed my journal

Dear journal, well Tyler has been alive this whole time! Why does God hate me and not let me be normal? I want normal parents! Is that so much to ask for?

Bella Swan, age 18, 12:38 pm

ugg…sometimes I wonder if god hates me. I got on my computer and typed in the password. After I was done I watched all of the videos. I clicked me and Tyler

'"Hey guys it's Ty and B here and its like 9:30ish and we're gonna take you through a day in our life. Y'all ready?" We talked to both of our cameras. We did this for MTV because our Mom was famous she was Brittany Murphy. So we had made a video about a day in our life's. "Hey we're walking downstairs now for breakfast. Now mom doesn't know we're doing this I hope she doesn't get mad!" Tyler said to the camera. We made it to the kitchen. "Hey mom" we said walking in the room "hey kids. Who wants pancakes and Bacon before I go to work?" She asked us. "I do!" We exclaimed at the exact same time. "JINKZ. DOUBLE JINKS GAGOOGIL JINKS!" we busted out laughing. Mom was looking at us like we were crazy. Then dad came downstairs. "Daddy!" I yelled then turned the Camera towards him, he's Steve Jobs. "Hey, pumpkin. What you you doing?" He asked. I just went over and hugged him. Then I told momma and daddy to go hug each other they did then Tyler and I put our cameras down and "GROUP HUG!" We yelled. Oh snap if this is the day I think it is then 3…2…1… CRASH! "Get down everybody" he yelled then he saw me 'Hey, look at the hottie over there." He whispered to the guy next to him. They looked at me "Get up and bring us to your room." They demanded while picking me up and making me walk to my room. When we got there I was violated for the first time.'

I shut the computer off and spun around to see Alice. "How long have you been standing there?" I whispered. "Long enough to hear and see that video." She replied. "Oh GREAT JUST GREAT my entire life is coming unfolded!" I exclaimed "Now I wish I succeeded when I tried to kill myself." I murmured under my breath crossing my arms and pulling my knees under my chin. Alice came up next to me "Bella don't you EVER talk like that again!" She commanded. "NO I WILL CONTINUE TO TALK LIKE THAT IF YOU WANT A GOOD EXCUSE THEN READ THIS!" I yelled shoving the journal in her face. As she read it her eyes went from curious to shocked to angry to disgusted. "UGH Bella he actually did this to you on a daily basis?" She yelled/asked. "Yea Alice. Oh my god he was right I am nothing but a big slutty whore." I cried sliding down to the floor and bringing my knees up to my chest. Miranda walked in the room "No duh god it took you forever to figure that out!" She exclaimed. Alice glared at her "Alice don't do anything I can take care of my own problems." I told her. I reached in my pocket for my knife. My hand wrapped around it and pulled out the blade. I smiled at Miranda "Alice tell Edward I never stopped loving him please and I dont blame Jasper." I put the knife up to my throat and slit it. The last thing I remember is Alice screaming "BELLA NO!"