In the mists of time and the endless horror of space Vegeta the prince of all Saiyans awoke thirsting for vengeance. First he destroyed the cargo robot but it was okay because he could see their parachutes. Then he blew up an alien planet but they were okay because it's sunday, too bad. Then he blew up an entire star system but they were waiting at the bus stop so they were okay.

But then daemon god Slaanesh had enough of Vegetas bullshit so he sucked him into his dimension where he, Slaanesh, is omnipotent and his word is law! Vegeta whimpered like possessed vacuum cleaner and pleaded for his life but Slaanesh would have none of that and then the dreaded daemon god turned the proud prince Vegeta into a turtle.

Noble Vegeta was desperate, lost in this strange and hellish dimension and transformed into an animal. But things were about to get worse for him as he was spotted by a lusty daemoness who wanted to eat him because he was a turtle. But in that final decisive moment he was saved by Steven Seagals new book that was flying through time and space.

Book killed the daemoness and said in the deep, smooth cool voice "There is little time you must come with me if you want to live!". Then they traveled back in time using Seagals small penis as the time machine. And after that they arrived in the ancient Game of Thrones land where they had to fight Lord of Bones riding a vacuum cleaner. "Destiny must be in ballance!" screamed proud Vegeta.

Vegeta was starting to recover and got some of his powers back so he used the energy blasts to incinerate the foul Lord of Bones, and then the book told him to build the space ship that was powered by zombies punching clones of Lord of Bones. And so he did it and they flew to the space jail to free wise lord Xenu that will help them to kill Slaanesh and transform Vegeta back to his glorious original form!

Xenu was guarded by space vampire that had cloned genes of Steven Seagal and knew kung fu. "Who dares challenge me!" gasped space vampire. "It is I proud prince Vegeta, I will be your end!" screamed Vegeta to the desolate sky. They attacked vampire but he was too strong so they decided to fuse into Stevegeta the superior life form! In this cool new form they easily annihilated the wretched space vampire! "Oh cruel fate my life is over like beautiful butterfly!" gasped the space vampire like the bird trapped in the cage. After that they rescued Xenu and then all of them fused into Stevexenugeta the supreme being!

Time was at hand to open the portal and face the dreaded Slaanesh. So they opened the portal and arrived at the palace of Slaanesh, a dark and godless place! "Who dares disturb me in my slumber!" roared Slaanesh like the lord of this world. "We have come to end your reign of terror!" answered Stevexenugeta like the voice that screams in the wilderness!

The fight began and they were soon throwing planets at each other. And in that final moment of ultimate density Vegeta used his fathers sword to behead the dark Slaanesh. "Why has god forsaken me!" screamed the head of Slaanesh in nameless terror. It was over and Vegeta returned to his glorious and MANLY original form!

"Goodbye my friends, I will never forget you!" said Vegeta with MANLY tears in his eyes. And so the fellowship was over and the seventh age of men ended. Now begins the age of garden gnomes and what a glorious age it is!

THE END... or is it?

Author's note: This story was based on the Steven Seagals bestseller book Enter the Seagal. Names were changed to protect the lives of the innocent people but the story remains largely the same.

I want to say thanks to Steven for helping me defeat AIDS. He is like the light in the end of the tunnel when the train arrives. I love you Steven, you are my hero and I will name my newborn son after you.

Also I want to say thanks to all the people that have made this story happen. May Seagal bless your hearts with eternal life.